Forum Settings
Forums
New
Reply Disabled for Non-Club Members
Jul 14, 2009 11:35 AM
Offline
May 2009
814
Well I'll explain it in chapter 6
And quay don't you understand?
Jul 14, 2009 2:13 PM

Offline
Dec 2008
1651
sakurei is right how does chapter 6 relate to haruhi?... besides that though good job :)

~Signature made by Dea37s~

Night Academy I.D.
Jul 14, 2009 3:26 PM

Offline
Jul 2009
541
I would suggest slowing the story down so that you can explain it a bit more because I found it a bit confusing. Other than the story line going too fast, your line of thought on how you were going to write it was good!
Jul 14, 2009 5:40 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
@devil thanks and you know how she escaped well she's going to show up in the story and I need to explain her character before she just pops up.

@asianvamp yah I wasn't all there web I wrote this chapter I was a little distracted. I started by writing it down on paper and I didn't even understand it so the story is a little confusing but Ryuota is a specialist at anything brain/mind related so he forced korugo to black out by "controling" his mind. I will explain the rest in chapter 7 probably.
Jul 19, 2009 12:46 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
I'm finally posting chapter 6

Chapter 6: haruhi

Haruhi jumped down from her cell and landed outside on the ground. It was a foggy, dark night. The fog was thick and you couldn't see a thing.

"there she is, get her!" a guard yelled. The guards rushed at her.

Haruhi's hands began to glow and in her left hand a light sword appeared and in her right hand a shadow sword appeared, and with one swift movement she cut threw the 3 guards.

The fourth guard drew a giant axe. "so you seem strong, but you aren't strong enough." the guard smashed his axe into the ground.

The earth around Haruhi began to rise and circle around in a vortex surrounding her.

"hahaha your finished!!" the guard laughed.

Shadows began to fly into the swirling rocks. Shadows then errupted from haruhi. Her pink hair was waving around and her eyes were blood red. She approached the guard threateningly. "is that so?"

The guard had a scared and fritened look as he stepped back. "how did you survive?!?!"

"I am not human. FUSION!!" the shadows fromed into her right hand "DIE!!!" she lifted her shadow sword and stabbed the guard. A large explosion of shadows errupted. When it subsided the guard was gone and haruhi stood there with her hair waving and eyes red. "now I finaly will leave this place."


Haruhi was running and an extremely fast speed. "I've got to get to the forrest in time."

Haruhi noticed a village in the distance. I should stay there tonight, she thought.

She arrived at the village a few minutes later. "Where is everyone?" haruhi asked herself.

The town was dark and each building was trashed and had holes, broken windows and rotting wood.

"what happened here?" she asked herself again as she walked into a house.
The stench of rotting and burning flesh filled the room. There were many decapitated and mutilated bodies that blead freshly.

"yet another weakling." a creature jumped down pushing haruhi back.

He was wearing a black cloak and dark grey armor. He had orange eyes. He was holding a very large sword that sparked with fire.

Haruhi summoned her swords. "what is your name?"

"call me Amatsu Mikaboshi. Or the Augest star of heavens, what can I call you?"

"so your the august star of heavens, I'm Haruhi Samu, master light and darkness"

"ah well then this fight should be interesting." he swung his blade launching a large disk of fire at Haruhi.

Haruhi swung both of her blades launching 2 disks which collided with the fire disk and created a large explosion that hit Haruhi and Amatsu and sent them flying across the room.

"impressive moves you have there" he pointed his sword at haruhi and it glowed red and flames shot out of it.

"FUSION!!" Haruhi yelled. Haruhi collided the flames with a ball of light. Another explosion filled the room.

Haruhi charged forward "it's over."

A small demon jumped forward and smacked haruhi with a large hammer.

"what the, who are you?"

"he is my fellow servant, Motsu." Amatsu said while laughing.

"FUSION PHASE 2!!!" haruhi yelled as she raised her hand and launched waves of darkness at the 2 of them. As the darkness collided with the light that was recently inserted into Amatsu's body a large explosion exploded within Amatsu sending him into the wall.

Motsu jumped forward stabbing Haruhi with a large knife.

A bullet ripped through motsu's head and he fell to the floor and layer there lifelessly.

"who else is with you? Nevermind I'm going to end this now. DANCING FLAME SPIRIT!!!" he raised his sword and swung it down, flammes errupted around haruhi. "FUSION PHASE 3!!"

The flames subsided and reavealed Haruhi burnt. Her swords fused and looked like a shadow version of Amatsu's sword. She swung it down releasing firey shadows ripped through Amatsu and sent him flying through the wall and into the forest behind the house.

Haruhi's vision began to blur. She collapsed into a mans arms. "you did good Haruhi." he carried haruhi into the forest and into a cabin. He set her down on a table.

"you will wake soon my daughter" said another mans voice.

Next chapter: chapter 7: secret army orca corrum
Jul 19, 2009 12:50 PM

Offline
Dec 2008
1651
a few spelling mistakes and a few missed words like master light and darkness would be master of light and darkness but other than that good job :)

~Signature made by Dea37s~

Night Academy I.D.
Jul 19, 2009 12:53 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Thanks, I was a bit distracted when I was writing it. But it's better than the first I think
Jul 19, 2009 2:59 PM

Offline
Jul 2009
541
There were a few mistakes but other than that it was really good. I can't wait to hear what happens to Haruhi or Koguro!!
Jul 19, 2009 3:05 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Thanks :3
Jul 20, 2009 4:20 PM

Offline
May 2009
171
its a very good story :)
i am a very bad speller =_=
Jul 20, 2009 4:38 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Thank you. :3
Sep 2, 2009 8:52 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Alright imfinally adding chapter 7 and here it is, sorry v.v

Chapter 7
Scret army orca corrum

"foolish mortal, you think you can beat me!" shiva said as he laughed evily.

"NO!!" I shouted coughing up blood and struggling to stand up "you won't win, I won't let you!"

Shiva approached me and struck me with his sharp claws that dug into my stomach.

"aaaaggggghhhhh!!!" I screamed as I woke up.

"are you ok?" haruhi said as she jumped to the side of my bed.

"haruhi is that you?" I asked as my vishion became less blurry.

"of course it's me, who else would it be?" haruhi looked very sad but relieved that I was there. Tears were running down her face.

"how did you get here? I thought you were dead" I sat up and noticed ryouta and figo sitting in the corner of the room.

"long story short they healed me and delivered me to a prison were I escaped so I could find you" she reached over and hugged me tightly, I had never felt this kind of feeling before, I had never been hugged, and it... It felt very warm as if all it problems were solved.

"well we seem to have an odd way of meeting don't we?" ryouta's happy face suddenly became serious "koguro I'd like you to see your arm"

I stared at my arm and thought "wait, why is my arm back?" I had a confused look, with a slight touch of anger in my eyes.

"I'm sure you were aware your arm was ripped off, and we replaced it with a special arm only given to the orcas" figo explained.

"what are the orcas?" I asked curiously.

"please follow me" ryouta stood up and headed to what looked like the kitchen he lifted a broken moss covered board up and revealed a handle which he lifted it to reveal a staircase.

I peered down the staircase and saw a faint glow. Ryouta began to head down the stairs and haruhi signalled to me to follow.

I followed them to the bottom were I saw 2 mean and a women sitting at a table.

Haruhi sat down next to the woman. "hey koru come on, sit next to me"

I approached haruhi and sat close to her, I had a look of fear in it eyes.

One of the men asked a question "so your korugo saturo right?"

"um, yah, who are you?" I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm takano kawa, I'm a water type user. This here is daisuke hachiro, he hasn't ever said more than he needed so I don't really know" daisuke glarred at him. His eyes flared red and a dark cloak flower behind him as a he took a drink from his glass. Takano pointed at the women "and this is our own sexy mama" takano winked at her "amaterasu chiasa"

Amaterasu reached over and smacked him. I mean she was pretty but I had already decided that takano was a perverted guy, he looked around 25, she looked about 30. She was wearing a long black dress.

"what's the point of this place anyways?" I asked still looking a bit scared.

"well you know how you have that machine demon monster thing inside you?" I nodded "good, cause everyone here has the same thing, there all different tho. So as I was saying your the 7th member and the last person with those abilities. So were the orca corrums or orcas for short" takano responded.

"it's getting late I think we should get to bed now and rest up for tomorrow" figo announced.

"one more thing, you haven't told me what the point of being here is!" I looked a bit irritated.

I got a look of sadness mixed with danger from everyone.

"we are here to discuss, master and find out the secret behind the creatures within" daisuke replied.

"we can continue this talk in the morning!" figo growled.

Everyone stood up and I watched them head to there seperate rooms. I headed to my room.

"goodnight koguro!" haruhi said lovingly.

I sat down in my bed and thought to myself "is this were I belong? But why was I created?"

I thought for a minute then layer down and fell asleep thinking about what would happen tomorrow

Chapter 7 end

I expect chapter 8 to come out within the next 3 days, gotta keep the club active XD

Chapter 8
The kings assasin

Coming soon to a club near you XDXD (joke)
Sep 3, 2009 4:18 PM

Offline
Dec 2008
1651
lol I liked that coming soon to a club near you. good chapter though there were a few spelling mistakes. All in all though your getting better.

~Signature made by Dea37s~

Night Academy I.D.
Sep 3, 2009 4:20 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Yayz! Also we need to get this club up and running again. Sadly the next chapter will be somewhat sad v.v
Sep 3, 2009 4:26 PM

Offline
Dec 2008
1651
my next chapter is going to be cool... you ever wonder what a boy in a bear cage with 3 angry mother bears ends up looking like? that's all I'll say I don't want to give it away.

~Signature made by Dea37s~

Night Academy I.D.
Sep 3, 2009 4:34 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
You lost me XD I didn't understand a thing you said
Sep 3, 2009 4:52 PM

Offline
Jul 2009
541
Ooh!!! That good zandrei!! I wonder if Koguro and Haruhi will fall in love XD
Sep 3, 2009 4:55 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Hahaha, idk yet there's quite an age difference like 10 years or something XD
Sep 12, 2009 7:46 PM

Offline
Dec 2008
1651
so? they're both demons right? wouldn't that make them immortal or at least they'd probably live longer than humans right? so wouldn't that make a 10 year age difference kinda minuscule?

~Signature made by Dea37s~

Night Academy I.D.
Sep 13, 2009 9:36 PM
Offline
May 2009
814
Actually to me only vampires and maybe wearwolves are immortal, but demons are just like humans they just have unarural tallents like in my story so 10 years is about the same. Oh and they live a bit longer like maybe another 10-20 years more than a human
Nov 3, 2009 9:05 AM

Offline
Mar 2009
8706
ONG I read the whole thing ITS DAMN COL AND AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:3
Reply Disabled for Non-Club Members

More topics from this board

» For Those Who Don't Believe in God (Part 3 posted)

FALLEN101 - Sep 14, 2009

6 by FALLEN101 »»
Nov 4, 2010 9:18 AM

» Practicing Roleplaying, Feedback is welcome.

BlackOperations - May 5, 2010

1 by BlackOperations »»
May 5, 2010 8:27 PM

» Gekokujou~

annabloem - Apr 8, 2010

1 by georgi »»
Apr 9, 2010 6:33 PM

» Define 'Criminal' (3rd Chapter Up)

FALLEN101 - Feb 17, 2010

7 by georgi »»
Apr 9, 2010 3:37 PM

» Member cards ( 1 2 )

BlazingDevil - Jul 19, 2009

87 by Kanra_Orihara »»
Apr 8, 2010 7:59 AM
It’s time to ditch the text file.
Keep track of your anime easily by creating your own list.
Sign Up Login