Dec 21, 2018 9:06 PM
Dating in 2018 SUCKS Part 2
Anime Relations:
Bleach
Continuing on with my previous post, I recently broke things off with a guy I had been seeing off and on for a year. While we both said we liked each other, he never really took me seriously. As of late, I have noticed this with every guy I have gone out with. Usually, once we do the nasty, they seem to lose interest in me. Now, I am currently still a virgin. I have warned every single one of the guys I've dated that I lack experience in the bedroom. To be honest, I don't want to do it with someone unless I'm in a stable relationship with someone (I have my reasons). I'm guessing the fact that my lack of experience in bed throws them off. Even if that's true, it's not that hard to learn new things. :/ It's like, they don't care enough to take the time to teach me these things. Nobody can gain experience if they aren't given a chance. Just like with anything else in life. Even if I were at least decent in the bedroom, they probably still wouldn't take me seriously.
That aside, I know men find me attractive but I guess they just don't care enough to take someone like me seriously. Which is really frustrating because I don't play games, I don't hide who I am, I can support myself, I'm not a radical gold digging feminist or a feminist in general, I'm respectful, loyal, up front, honest, etc. I'm not like a lot of girls these days. I just don't get it. Lately, I feel like I'm just meant to be a forever bachelorette. I'm currently 30 years old and I've never had a serious, long-term boyfriend. That's honestly the one thing I really want most. I'm ok with being single but for once in my life, I want to know what it's like to be in a long lasting relationship with someone who actually cares and takes me seriously as I do for him.
Sigh, hopefully I'm not alone in this. I just felt the need to rant about this because I'm tired of not being taken seriously in the dating scene.
That aside, I know men find me attractive but I guess they just don't care enough to take someone like me seriously. Which is really frustrating because I don't play games, I don't hide who I am, I can support myself, I'm not a radical gold digging feminist or a feminist in general, I'm respectful, loyal, up front, honest, etc. I'm not like a lot of girls these days. I just don't get it. Lately, I feel like I'm just meant to be a forever bachelorette. I'm currently 30 years old and I've never had a serious, long-term boyfriend. That's honestly the one thing I really want most. I'm ok with being single but for once in my life, I want to know what it's like to be in a long lasting relationship with someone who actually cares and takes me seriously as I do for him.
Sigh, hopefully I'm not alone in this. I just felt the need to rant about this because I'm tired of not being taken seriously in the dating scene.
Posted by
MoonLite88
| Dec 21, 2018 9:06 PM |
10 comments
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MoonLite88 | Apr 10, 2019 5:55 PM
Ah man I miss writing letters to my friends I used to do that all the time in the 90s with my friends as a kid. It was fun. Yeah ghosting someone is pretty fucked up. My first ex did that to me before. He ghosted me for 2 years then suddenly came back into my life then disappeared again. I finally got what needed to be said to him after he came back (we broke up over text which is the worst). So I say good riddance to him. He was my first love so of course I still think about him from time to time. I mostly just miss the strong connection I felt with him. I have yet to find that with someone else. But meh, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Yeah that sucks when you pretty much have no place to meet people. You could try signing up for meetups.com and find a place to meet new people in your area. I guess our views on feminism are totally opposite. Like I said before, I’m still for equality but something about this movement doesn’t feel right to me. There’s so much negativity that I’ve seen about feminism that doesn’t sit well with me so it’ll be pretty difficult to change my mind about it but to each their own I guess haha. I always considered myself to be more of an individualist with independent views. Anyway, thanks for listening to me and hearing me out. I appreciate it. Hope you have a nice day too. ^_^ |
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pluvia33 | Apr 10, 2019 12:14 PM
I used to prefer actual phone calls with friends and would call people to chat all the time, especially while I was away at college the first time. But since 2010 I got used to texting, Facebook messenger, etc. and that's the main way I talk to friends other than face-to-face now. The only people I have real phone conversations with anymore are my mom and my best friend from high school since they live 1500+ miles away from me. I'm actually a big fan of text-based communication in general, as evident by the amount of commenting back and forth that I do with people on MAL. I like to be able to fully organize my thoughts and do my best to really get across what I want to say. I used to even do a lot of hand-written letters that I would send to some friends in the early 2000s and then sent a lot of long-winded direct emails updating them on how things were going while I was in college. I kind of regret deleting most of those now because there were some relationship-related things in there that I wanted to purge at the time (had to do with my first two almost-girlfriends; long stories there), but a lot of it would have been really nice to look back on now. I'm still not really into short-form text communication like texting and messengers, but I use them because other people do. However, even then, I could never see myself "ghosting" someone. That seems pretty fucked up.Sadly, not only do we not have a very good park, but our only big book/entertainment-goods store (a Hastings) closed down a few years ago. The "best" place to maybe meet like-interest people now is our local tabletop game store, but most of the people who frequent there focus on collectable card games which I'm not into (I prefer boxed board and card games; gave up Magic: The Gathering by the time I graduated high school). Also, it's usually more convenient to just play games at my house or at a friend's place. And online dating can work out. My ex-wife actually met her new husband from an online dating site. XD Hahaha! Yeah, looks like we just have completely opposing views and sources for what an actual feminist is. I go off of actual definitions and the views of a wide swath of reasonable people who practice feminism; you seem to go off of the views of the loudest people who talk about it on both sides of the issue. Thanks for the recommendations, but I'm not really interested in consuming that kind of content or have any need to "learn more about this stuff". I went to Turd Flinging Monkey's channel. I watched the "Trailer" video play as it started automatically then just scrolled through and looked at the titles of the videos. It all just looked pointless, ridiculously hyperbolic, stupid, excessively bias, and/or "no duh" kind of stuff. The whole "masculinity is under attack" and "feminization of men" stuff is all a load of horse shit. Masculinity itself is not under attack; people just don't like it when men use their "masculinity" as an excuse to be assholes. And there is now feminist agenda "feminize" men. Are there probably a number of women who want men to be more sensitive and in touch with their feelings? Yeah, probably, and there isn't really anything wrong with that. Are there some women out there who are twisted fucks who want to twist men into whatever image they choose? Sure, maybe. But saying that those women are a significant percentage of the population is like saying most men are totally okay with drugging or getting a girl drunk, taking advantage of her, then never contacting her again. There are fucked up people out there of all genders, but a few isolated cases doesn't mean that there is some agenda out there. And the "concern" that men aren't MEN anymore has ALWAYS been a thing and it has always been horse shit. Just listen to (or read the lyrics to) "Those Were the Days", the opening theme song for All in the Family: "Girls were girls and men were men." That's a TV show from the 1970s! And even back then they were all concerned that men weren't MEN anymore. It's all just stupid. Personally, I'm not a prideful asshat who feels the need to puff up my chest and show off how tough I am. I have absolutely no interest in sports. I'm not a fan of drinking. I cry like a baby at sad anime. I feel a lot of concern for the feelings and well being of my friends and family. I don't like ever getting angry or being around angry people. But I'm also a bit of a pervert. I have no issues with porn, "cheesecake" art, sexy depictions of the human body in general. I shamelessly log all of the hentai that I watch/read on here no matter how fucked up and depraved it is. You know, it's almost like I'm an individual human being who doesn't let the stereotypes of "manhood" dictate who I am and how I act. =P And yes, of course people are going to treat others differently based on their differences. Everyone has their biases. The "mothers get custody" thing is largely a cultural and societal issue. Yes, it has been rare that men get full custody (about 7% compared to 80% for women based on a quick search), but how much of that statistic is due to men not wanting full custody of the kids? Most "men" would likely feel that the kids are better off with the mother and not want the burden of raising the kids on their own. If true feminism occurred, the percentage of these cases would actually balance out more. The reason that there are a number of anti-feminists out there (ever since the fight for voting rights) is due to women not wanting to give up the few specific benefits that they have such as being more likely to get the kids and not having to pay for dinner when they go out on a date and shit. And as far as crime goes, women just don't commit violent crime as often as men. So yeah, in the rare cases that women DO commit horrible crimes, the court would be more inclined to be lenient due to the rarity (or perceived rarity) of the situation. It's like if there are two different cases of a dog biting a human, both of the same physical severity. If one of the dogs was a Rottweiler while the other was a Golden Retriever, they'd be more likely to order the Rottweiler to be euthanized for his bite due to the breed's reputation. Is that fair? Not really. Does this mean that women have more "rights" than men? Depends on what you're talking about. Because the cases you stated are not really "rights". They are privileges; advantages gained from the biases which people hold for their gender. If you're talking about privileges, then no, women don't really have more than men. How many more cases can you actually state in which being a women is more beneficial to being a man? Men, on the other hand, tend to be paid more for the same job, don't suffer as many sexual assault cases, don't typically suffer for participating in a promiscuous lifestyle, don't deal with the Pink Tax, aren't automatically assumed to be unknowledgeable within most geek fandoms, and I could go on.... But, if we are talking about actually Rights, then yeah, in the US women might technically have a few more Rights than men, but that's largely due to them having a more active role in the reproductive process. And with anti-abortion agendas trying to be pushed, some of those rights are trying to be stripped away.... Yeah, sorry for the wall of text and ranting back. I originally thought of just leaving it at "we have different ideas about what feminism is" and leave it at that, but then I wasn't able to respond right away and my thoughts stewed and then I had a bunch of time to kill at work. So there you go. And so you know, nothing above was meant to offend or as a personal attack; just expressing my views and such. Have a nice day. ^_^ |
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MoonLite88 | Apr 8, 2019 6:34 PM
@Pluvia33: Yep, I blame social media as well as cell phones too. Cell phones have made people become very lazy in communicating with people. There are some cases where I’ve heard that people are terrified to even talk on the phone, which is just sad. I still enjoy a good phone call. In fact, I prefer that over texting. Then again, I’m pretty old fashioned and prefer the traditional ways but sadly, it’s dying. And yeah, I've tried making suggestions on MAL to make the blog better but people were just nasty about it. I guess people don't care about it as much as you and I do.That sucks that you don’t have a good park for meeting people. I guess my only other suggestion would be to go hang out at a book store if you like to buy manga or novels or whatever. Otherwise, your best bet is to just pray for it to happen lol. I’ve tried online dating and it’s mainly catered towards people who just want to hook up and don’t want anything serious. But if that’s what you’re looking for, I won’t judge. As for feminism, I’m still all for equality but I still don’t consider myself a feminist. As a female myself, I can tell you that most feminists these days hate men (and women) and they glorify feminizing men. You should read the book, The Predatory Female, by Lawrence Shannon. It explains how women get away with what they get away these days and how they can destroy a man’s life literally over-night. I also recommend checking out Turd Flinging Monkey’s videos on youtube. I like him because he always gets straight to the point and doesn’t BS his audience. It’sAGundam is also a good channel to watch if you want to learn more about this stuff. One thing I’ve learned in all of this, men and women don’t get treated equally especially in the court room. Most of the time, if kids are involved, women will almost always win the case even if she isn’t a good fit for the kids. It’s very rare for the father to win even if he is the better choice. As if taking the kids away wasn't enough, she can also take away his house and at least half of his money. Also, there have been cases where women would commit a horrible crime and would get off way easier than a man would if he committed the same/similar crime. I’ve done a ton of research on this topic and from what I’ve found is that women actually have way more rights than men. Feminism is mainly catered towards empowering women rather than finding equality for both genders. Actually, sex dolls are doing the complete opposite of that. Turd Flinging Monkey on youtube does a great job explaining this too. Also, they’re just dolls and not real women. They’re in no way objectifying real women. If you want to see what objectifying women looks like, check out what’s going on in Muslim countries. As a woman, I could honestly care less if a man prefers to have sex with a doll. I don’t feel objectified by it one bit. If fact, I’d rather a man take out his sexual desires (or violent desires) on a doll rather than an actual person. But anyway, yeah I apologizing for ranting too. xD Can’t say I blame you if you’d rather not read all of my response haha. I’m glad you’ve been able to step back a bit and just enjoy your life. :) |
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pluvia33 | Apr 8, 2019 9:56 AM
Yeah, there are a lot of issues with the MAL blogs, but sadly it seems like the people behind the site don't care about the function since not many people seem to use it for actual blogging. I think the least they can do is make the "@" user tags actually work in the blog comments. I swear they used to work, but not anymore. I had to just check back on this post to see if you responded to me.Haha! I wouldn't put everything on our fellow millennials when it comes to a lack of social maturity. That 41-year-old guy you were talking about would technically be a Gen Xer. The deterioration of social graces seems to be something that is occurring across all generations. I'd largely blame the oversaturation of media and the overuse of digital communication for this. Yeah, I've never been a big drinker. I've almost only ever drank socially and could count the number of times I've been truly drunk on one hand. Now that my best friend is recovering alcoholic, I almost never drink, especially not enough to get drunk. And sadly, were I live doesn't really have a good park for really meeting people. It's a pretty small town and people don't hang around outside much due to the heat. And with friends, a weirdly large number of the people in my circle of friends are gay, so there aren't many opportunities to meet people that way. I mean, I do have one SUPER social gay friend who could probably find a girl for me if I asked for his help, but again, I'm not really actively searching right now. Might be something I'd consider before diving into online dating, though. =P I didn't really want to get political either, but I did think your original mention of feminism sounded pretty odd. The concept of a "gold digging feminist" seemed especially weird since the act of gold digging is kind of antithetical to the ideals of feminism. Sadly, feminism tends to get a bad image in the media, especially online. A lot of this comes from what you could call "Buzzfeed Feminism" (seriously, a lot of their "feminist" articles and videos are revolting). At its core, feminism is a good thing to strive for and support. It's just about equality between sexes/genders, preventing sex-based discrimination and victimization. But there are people who warp feminism to an extreme of female superiority, expecting something more than equality, or just having really irrational standards of how girls/women and their IMAGE should be treated, even if that image is just of a FICTIONAL female. Like, I read an article somewhat recently about female sex dolls and how their mere existence and use is automatically perpetuating sexual violence and objectification of women. It even went so far as to say ALL pornography is essentially an act of sexual victimization against women. It's rather nuts. But in reality, true rational feminism isn't really about that. Most people with feminist views that I know and have seen in media subscribe to the belief that "sex work is work" and that the sex industry should be regulated and respected as real work so the people within that industry can be properly protected and cared for. Actually, the larger message of your posts, wishing to be treated with respect and honesty is very much in line with true feminist ideals. But again, sadly, the image of what feminism is has been skewed a lot in the media by extremists and those reacting against said extremists (and actual misogynist douchebags). And while that image of feminism may be factually inaccurate as a whole, there are a lot of people, both male and female, who buy into that form of "feminism" and therefore it can still be damaging in trying to form healthy relationships. Extremism is almost never a good thing when it comes to any ideology. Blah, sorry about going on like that. But yes, definitely nothing wrong with taking a step back and letting other things fill your life. That's essentially what I've been doing for the last 2 years or so. :) |
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MoonLite88 | Apr 7, 2019 10:44 PM
@Pluvia33: Yeah that notification would definitely be nice. Also a notification that someone replied to a comment of ours in someone’s blog would be nice too. But nah you’re good man. Sometimes, it’s nice to just get this sort of thing off of our chest. That is definitely one thing I realized about people these days. The maturity of people these days is pretty bad. The other thing I learned is that even if I say to people I’m not an asshole and I don’t like to leave them hanging, you really can’t expect the same kindness in return. To me, a mature, responsible person is someone who can respond to you in a timely manner, doesn’t blow you off or bull shit you, asks you out, initiates conversation equally, etc. Communication isn’t that hard at all but apparently it is with people of the millennial generation. Being rejected is never fun. Now that I’ve been rejected twice, it’s not all that bad. At least you know you dodged a bullet with those people who didn’t want you in their life. However, it just sucks that you have to disconnect yourself with someone you felt a connection with. At least you got to experience what it’s like to be in a committed relationship. There are people, like me, who aren’t lucky enough to have that experience at least once in their life. I agree with you that there aren’t many places to meet someone naturally if you don’t like going to bars (I don’t like going to them either since I don’t drink). The places where I’ve met my romantic interests have been either at a park or through a mutual friend. Nowadays, my chances are pretty slim at another chance of being with a new guy. I hate to get political here but it’s mainly because of all these dating rules that feminists have come up with. Men are opting out of dating because of this and I can’t say I blame them. For this reason alone, it’s honestly not worth it for me to even try anymore. I’m done with being frustrated that I can’t find someone who will treat me how I treat them. I’m done with the disappointment, and I’m done with getting my hopes up. Lately, I’ve been working on rebuilding myself by focusing on only my family, friends, and hobbies. It does help fill the void. I hope the same for you too in finding someone soon. |
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pluvia33 | Apr 7, 2019 6:29 PM
Hi! So I noticed this blog post (and it's previous part) after coming to your profile from my "Friend Birthdays" notification on my Panel. I really wish there was a "Recent Friend Blogs" option for the Panel....Anyway, that's really sad to hear about your relationship issues. I hope you're able to find someone who's understanding and honest and overall just a good match for you soon. Dating does seem pretty rough these days. And sadly, the older you get, the more you start to realize that the percentage of full-fledged adults who actually have a good degree of social maturity isn't all that higher than those who are still in their late-teens/early-20s. There is a large amount of inconsiderate jerks who can't just be upfront about things no matter the age demographics. While I can't fully empathize with not ever having a long-term relationship (as I had that for 6 or so years), I definitely know what it's like to be a single 30-something nerd/geek these days. While I haven't been actively looking, it's been a little over a year since my official divorce now (about 2 years since my separation) and I've always had thoughts like, "It'd be nice if I'd meet someone...." in the back of my mind. In that time, I'd kind of asked one girl out who I was interested in, but turned out that she had a boyfriend already. Other than that, no one even remotely fitting for a possible date. As someone who isn't into bars or clubs, it just doesn't seem like there are many places to just meet people naturally where I live. Especially anyone who'd share some of my same hobbies. I feel like when I am really ready to start looking for someone, I'll probably end up getting into online dating sites and such because I just don't have many other options. Actually, now that I think about it, I essentially have the opposite issue of relationship inexperience as you. I've had two real committed partners in my life; one serious girlfriend and then my ex-wife. But I've actually never just dated. The most disappointing thing about finding out that girl had a boyfriend already wasn't that I was going to miss out on a possible opportunity for a life partner; it was that it would have been the first time I could have just "gone out for coffee" or something with a girl as a first date. Of course, I'm not getting any younger either and it would be great to find "that person" for me, but it'd also be kind of nice to experience just dating for once instead of just someone falling into become a couple with someone right away. I honestly don't know how that has happened to me twice without any real "dating" period.... Sorry to blab on like that. Again, I wish you the best in your romantic pursuits. I'm sure there are a few people out there who can be a good match for you. Hope you're able to find one soon! |
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MoonLite88 | Feb 14, 2019 9:04 PM
@Kagerui: Yes, that's what I've learned from being in the dating world 5+ years. Be prepared to wait awhile if you want to do it with someone special. I've learned that even men in their 40's still have no clue what they want. I've also learned that most men just want to is to get in your pants and they don't have any interest in taking someone seriously. I've noticed is that we live in a "all about me" kind of society and "my feelings matter more than yours" kind of thing. Honestly, I blame social media and cell phones as to why people are behaving like this nowadays. Sigh It's just all extremely frustrating. But Thank you! I hope you find your special someone too. :) |
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yuragiruria | Feb 14, 2019 6:28 PM
@MoonLite88 this is totally one of the main reason why I didn't want to get in a relationship with an opposite sex that much because many of them just wanted to do it and especially the one that only cares about losing his virginity which throws me off anyways since I'm still 20 I'll take my time finding one but for now I'll just do what I want to and I hope you find that special someone (･ω<)☆
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MoonLite88 | Dec 22, 2018 8:52 AM
@tarotist: Yes, that's what I've noticed. Whether if that's true or not, I don't know. The last guy said he didn't want to make me do anything that made me uncomfortable. Which I did refuse to do somethings with him because I didn't trust him enough yet but he still shy'd away. It's a good thing I didn't. I don't give things to people until they take me seriously. They also just seem to shy away when I want to hang out with them more. I mean, if two people like each other, shouldn't they want to see each other more? That's another thing I don't understand. But yeah, I'm not getting any younger. I just want someone to take me seriously for once in my life. I don't think that's asking for too much to be honest. Thank you. I really appreciate you reading and commenting. Maybe one day, you'll find some time to date someone too. |
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Tarotist | Dec 22, 2018 1:39 AM
So these guys you were seeing just shy away if you mention that you have no experience? That's a dumb reason. Heck if you didn't want to go through with it, then the guy should respect your decision. It's good to know that you won't be willing to go through with it unless the relationship becomes sincere which is what it should be. I can relate to your situation. Sadly for me, I'm too busy to commit to any relationship at the moment.I guess you're at that age where you really want to be with someone and experience that romantic relationship that you're looking for. I hope you find someone that can be with you and respect and love you as you are. |