emperortopaz's Blog

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This is the Three-hundredth-forty-seventh week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone and-LOOK OUT!

*Houki, who is carrying Topaz, is fired at by Liliana's ship. They make a lot of evasive maneuvers as many explosions happen around them.*

: Why didn't you tell me it would be this dangerous?

I didn't realize she had gunpowder! Besides, I'm sure your stratos could take a shot or two.

: Perhaps, but with the size of those balls I'm not so sure. They're huge!

*Topaz giggles.*

: What's so- OH GROW UP!

Watch out!

*Houki narrowly avoids another blast as they get closer to the pirate ship.*

: Hey, watch we're you're holding! What do I look like, a centaur?

I can think of one place...

: Don't talk about my b-breasts! Ecchi! Baka!

I meant your ponytail. What were you thinking of?

*Houki's face flusters.*

: N-nothing at all!

WATCH IT!

*Houki was scolding Topaz so she unintentionally steers into an explosion. She makes it out safely, but her stratos seems to be smoking. Luckily they're right above the ship.*

I'm going to bail out!

: Good plan. I'll distract them.

*Houki spins into a roll and Topaz slides off her back. He lands on the main part of the ship, surrounded by skeletons in pirate-looking outfits. Seeing them approach him Houki sweeps across the ship, knocking a path for Topaz.*

: You're on your own now!

*She turns back to make sure he's able to get to the ships door. However, the skeletons aim a cannon and shoot her point blank.*

: HAAAAA!!

*She disappates.*

HOOUUUUKKIIII! Wait a minute, I only summoned her. I'm surprised she lasted this long, actually. But now to find Ririchiyo!

*He heads further down the ship.*

==Meanwhile==

*Liliana sits beside Riri in the bottom of the ship, waiting Topaz's arrival. She hears Topaz's loud cry.*

: Sounds like your "hero" has made it onto the ship. But I have quite the welcoming party left for him. OH HO HO HO!

: I hope he gets here soon...

*Topaz appears at the doorway.*

: Thank goodness!

I know, I've come to rescue you!

: That's great, but your 3DS was low on battery. Oh, and it smells like death in here.

*Liliana is dumbfounded.*

: Wait, how, huh... HEY! How did you get through all my minions so quickly?!

It's thanks to THIS!

*Topaz points to the tag that Tomoe stuck on his chest.*

It turns undead!

: Turns undead into what?

: No, silly. It's like undead repellant! If only the Cleanse Tag was this useful!

Well, since I was able to rescue Riri it's time for us to get going!

: W-wait! You're not just going to leave without doing one of those... er, what were they called... Vlogs!

: Topaz tried to use video-based blogs a while before I came. It took too much effort and he's lazy so he doesn't like it.

If you mean a regular "blog" I'll be glad to do one on you.

: R-right, let's do it on the way back up to the top of the ship! Do not worry about my undead either. Pirate's Aesthetics 34: Admire the opponent's courage, and I'll prevent them from attacking while your guard is down.

You heard it everyone, it seems that...



: That's CAPTAIN Liliana to you!

: Why, are you played by Johnny Bepp? Wait, I think I have things confused...

Sounds right to me.

*The three of them start marching up through the ship, unaffected by all the undead.*

Head
Hair: Captain Liliana has long hair that's the perfect length or so. Her hair ends jut above her hips, giving her the ability to show of her butt while still having a good length. On the left side of her head her hair is pulled back, which sadly includes her bangs on that side. The right side has a long side that goes down past her chest. Her bangs look sort of like a 70:30 ratio, where seventy percent of her bangs are there while the leftmost side is pulled back (as I just mentioned). It's a bit more effective than I've described. Her long hair also flows really nicely and looks great. The biggest problem is that her hair color is hot pink. That said it's not as bad a color as I'd usually complain about, it really fits well with her hair style I think. Her “player 2” version has blonde hair, but it looks sort of outlandish and gaudy with her red clothing. I also cannot forget Captain Liliana's great hat either. She wears a pirate bicorne (it's one of those hats pirates wear, such as a certain breakfast captain) and rather than a skull and crossbones she has a skull with two swords and a bow on the side of the skull. Captain Liliana also has a red bow on the side of her hat as well, and the hat has pink frills.
Grade: B

Eyes: For Queen's Blade Captain Liliana has some nice shaped features. More specifically her eyes are fairly nice-shaped. They have a slight tsurime but look more straight than anything. Much like her “normal” hair her eyes are pink, though they don't change between the two styles. I'll give her some leeway as she IS a supernatural creature, but I'm still not a fan of red eyes or similar colors.
Grade: C

Face: As I mentioned earlier Captain Liliana has really nice features. As a whole Rebellion is better at this, with the girls not quite looking as “man-ish”. She's still not extremely cute, but her small features and nose certainly help. Overall she has very well-shaped features for my tastes.
Grade: A-

: Eh? In your culture you make a captain hock breakfast foodstuffs to children?! Th-that's such a demoralizing career for a fierce and noble profession!

: No one uses profession, that's a waste of skillpoints-er, I mean, it's not too ridiculous. We also have VAMPIRES and GHOSTS advertise the same thing.

Also tigers!

: W-wow. Truly children of your generation are mighty if they can face such challenges even when not fully awake!

That's right! Then they spend their days MINEing for diamonds, CRAFTing geography, and defeating things including explosive vegetation, undead pigmen, humanoid abominations, and mythical dragons.

: I am amazed that youth in your time seem so adventurous!

Of course!

*Ririchiyo leans in and whispers into Topaz's ear.*

: Psst, she doesn't know that's all in a video game.

I know, that's what I was trying to keep from her.

: But what if your readers don't understand that that's a Minecraft joke?

...Well they will now.

: What are you two whispering about?

N-nothing at all! How about we get back to the blog?

: Of course, nothing suspicious about our whispering!

Body
Build: First off I'll discuss Captain Liliana's measurements. She's 161 cm tall, which is nice and average for the series (or so). Her three sizes are 85/55/84, meaning that she's quite balanced. That said she's also not too outstanding by Queen's Blade standards. Her stomach is really nice as is her waist, and I like her cute-looking belly button. Her butt is fairly round and nice-looking, but she doesn't show it too often (I'm not sure if it's shown off at all in the anime).
Grade: B

Breasts: Captain Liliana is much more of a chest character, even if she only has one centimeter of difference. I imagine it's due to her interesting clothing, but I'll get to that later. As said before, her bust size is 85 cm. She does have a pretty ample chest and it's not too bouncy either which is nice. Her nipples, when shown, aren't too bad though they are a bit bigger than my tastes. Her chest, I'd say, is the main cosmetic difference between her and a certain other character I'll talk about later.
Grade: A-

Clothes: One of Captain Liliana's main problems is that she doesn't have a varied wardrobe. Her main outfit is a long black overcoat with long sleeves and white frills. The coat does have a gothic lolita feel to it, somehow. Under that she wears a short red belly shirt with lots of cleavage and a black miniskirt. She also has a belt with a steering wheel on it, and she wears furred almost-knee boots that are the same color as her coat. She also wears a choker with a few frills and a jewel of some type. She seems to wear pink panties (she really should have fancier underwear), but more surprising is that she doesn't wear a bra. Well, not “surprising”, but instead she has well-trained starfish attached to her nipples. I don't get it either, but the series and cards take full advantage of that fact by exposing her starfish and not having to censor it. Sadly while this outfit fits Captain Liliana well she has no real other options. I guess that her “player 2” version has a different color, with the black replaced by red and her shirt instead being white, but as said before it looks a bit too gaudy to look good.
Grade: C+

So Captain Liliana, why do you have a steering wheel belt?

: Eh? Why do you ask?

: That joke won't work, Topaz. Liliana is a girl.

Aw man, you're right. Shucks!

: Can someone explain what you two are talking about?

: There's an old joke about a pirate captain who wears a steering wheel on his belt. Then a person asks him why he's wearing it, to which the pirate replies “Arr, it's driving me nuts!”.

You see, it's funny because-

: Yeah yeah. I see the immature humor. *turns to Ririchiyo* So this is what you have to put up with?

: You have no idea...

My humor is unmatched! But jokes aside let's continue with the blog!

Mind
Personality: Captain Liliana died before the series began. Her ship was attacked by the Kraken, I'm assuming the squid variety and not a sea serpent.
: Of course, the sea serpent is Leviathan. Wait, no, there's the one in Earthbound too. But either way maybe she shouldn't be exploring sunken temples.

That's a lot of references in one line, Ririchiyo.

: I blame all the games I've played since I started being your assistant...*sighs*

: Perhaps we can get back to the blog?

Sure. Anyway Captain Liliana was revived by the power of the Swamp Witch. After that she got a job flying a pirate ship all over. She's totally not Murasa from Touhou, I promise. She's a very noble pirate though and keeps her promises. In general her actions are bound by Pirate Aesthetics. There's a lot of them, probably too many to name (and the fact that some numbers are doubled for some reason doesn't help). Whenever possible she tries to quote one, such as when she wants to take care of the lolihag dwarves as she wants to take care of her elders. She's definitely not cold-hearted, despite working for the Swamp Witch. She even helps Leina out when she was in an unfair battle. She also allows an old man to make some demands, even when she was invading his ship (though that's in the game books). Captain Liliana also has a pretty epic ojou laugh. She also has an undead pirate crew. As an interesting aside she enjoys fruit but isn't able to hold her liquor. Captain Liliana's biggest flaw is that she pops up randomly and doesn't contribute too much to the plot when she does so. I hope that if we see her again she works with the heroes or at least is treated as a “boss” character. In battles she uses a rapier.
You may have noticed that I've skipped over a major coincidence thus far. Now it's time to discuss it though. Captain Liliana looks a lot like Wig Ojou-er, Hinagiku from Hayate no Gotoku. The pink hair is especially similar, for some reason. Because of this, perhaps, they got Hinagiku's VA to voice Captain Liliana. Shizuka Itou does sound fairly similar between the two roles, but both do feel like separate entities so don't worry. And I don't mean just because Captain Liliana is a bit more, well, “larger” in some areas... She also has some similarities with the Dream C Club girl Rui, but I can't comment too much as I don't know her as well. Do note that Captain Liliana's creator, Haruyuki Morisawa, also did work on that game so that may have been more intentional.
Grade: B

Libido: We come to another of Captain Liliana's weaknesses. She really doesn't seem to have any libido, and isn't shipped with any character either. Pun unintended. I will say that she fondles the chests of the lolis in the specials, but that's just because she was being kind to her elders. She also seems to be, uh, “enjoying” eating a banana in a certain card. I do suppose that she MIGHT be considered dominant with Leina due to the Vanquished Queens special, but that was more the Swamp Witch playing with Leina. And the less we talk about horrible parasites the better...
Grade: C

Age: Captain Liliana's age is unknown, but technically she was revived using the Swamp Witches magic as an undead. It hasn't been specified if she's weak to Holy-type attacks, but chances are that she is.
Grade: B-

Total Grades: 67
Average score: 7.4
Final Grade: B-

*As Topaz finishes the three of them arrive at the top of the ship.*

Wow, that took a lot more time to go up than down.

: I'm sure you purposely took longer so that you'd finish on time with the end of the blog.

: Is THAT why we circled that table three times?

No, I honestly got lost at that point. It's surprising how confusing it is in there!

: Fortunately that's the last time you're going to be confused!

: Actually he's confused a lot...

In fact, I'm confused about what you're up to.

: THIS!

*Liliana uses her sword to slice Topaz's tag off. He's unharmed, but it floats in the wind. Topaz attempts to catch it, but it falls to the clouds below.*

: Pirate's Aesthetic 21st: Don't miss a golden opportunity to defeat an opponent, and you should not have told me about the powers of that tag!

Well, this is going to be a problem... How are we going to get down now?

: I think we have another problem, a more pressing one no less!

*The skeleton horde starts to approach Topaz and Riri, who is standing next to him, against the edge of the air ship.*

: OHOHOHO! Pirate's Aesthetic 29th: Obey the winner for now, but wait for an opportunity later! Looks like I finally get to make someone walk the plank! Or will you try and defeat my invincible undead army?

UNDEAD: GWWWAAAHHHHGGG!

*They lumber closer to the two heroes.*

: Topaz! Do something!

I don't know. I don't have the time to summon! If only it was illegal under penalty of law to remove that tag!

: Well then, I hope a hero will show up!

: Oh ho ho! Giving up already?

*Riri and Topaz huddle against the edge...*

[spoiler]
*Suddenly, a black horse-sized bird flies towards the ship from under the clouds. It flies upward on the side behind Riri and Topaz, and a human figure stands up on the back of it.*

: No matter who you are, you'll never defeat my army!

???: Zombies, I see. Perhaps THIS will change your tune. Pun not intended.

*The mysterious figure pulls out a harp and plays a gentle, if solemn, tune. Upon ending, all the skeletons fall to the ship. As they hit their brittle bodies shatter into harmless dust.*

: W-wait! Who do you think you are?

*The mysterious figure takes out a hook and rope and throws it against the sails of the ship. She then swings onto the ship to beside the helm.*

???: I'll be taking over this ship!

*The mysterious figure brushes her hair out of her face, making it able to see who it is. Ririchiyo gasps and starts to bounce on Topaz's lap. She then points to the mysterious figure.*

: TOPAZ! LOOK! TOPAZ! I know who she is! This is the first time I've recognized someone from the games, but it's HER!

Who, Yukari Tamura?

: No! But it would be awesome if we could get her. I mean it's...

Wait, let's build the suspense for the reader!

: Alright then, funstealer. See who this great girl is-NEXT TIME!

: Wait, I want to know too! I'd better tune in!