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This is the Two-hundred-and-fifty-eighth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

???: Your time has finally come, Topaz! *Hensihin pose*

That's great! I was wondering if that watch I ordered got lost in the mail or what.

???: No no no, I mean that I'll defeat you! *Another Henshin pose*

Not my feet! I wouldn't be able to stand for that!

???: Er, time for you to meet your maker *a third Henshin pose*

My parents are very well.

Emi: That's enough jokes for one blog, Topaz.

Haqua: You knew fully well what she was getting at.

I know, I was trying to make her exhaust herself with all the poses.

???: Nyahaha! That would be a silly and anticlimatic victory. You already had one of those last week. However, I won't be that easily beaten! I'm the Chaos that always crawls up to you with an smile, Nyarlathotep! *Poses so hard the background changes into a dramatic shot of awesomeness*

Haqua: W-W- HOW? How did that happen?

Nyarlko: Nyahaha! I'm a cosmic horror and thus the rules of reality bend slightly around me! At least if it'll turn out awesome or comedic.

That sounds perfect for this blog, we could always use more awesomeness or comedy!

Emi: Of course, because Topaz can't write any for himself.

HEY! That's only slightly true!

Nyarlko: Th-that snark... Mahiro... *Nyarlko puts her hand on her chest and takes a deep breath. She shakes though, as if something hit her with electricity.*

You alright, Nyarlko?

Nyarlko: *eyes seem dead and speaks mechanically* Why-Yes-Topaz. I-Am-Fine,-Like-All-Space-Police-Officers-Are. However-You-Shall-N,N,N,Not-Be-Fine-For-Long.

*Nyarlko springs into action, charging Topaz. Haqua and Emi attempt to intercept her, but with a single swing the two fly into the walls.*

Nyarlko: You-Are-No-Match-For-Me. Nya-Ha-Ha-Ha.

Emi! Haqua! Are you alright!

*No response. It must be a corpse.*

NOOOOO!!!!

Emi: HEY! Don't write us off as dead so soon!

Haqua: Yeah, you'd better apologize you stupid narrator!

*Sorry. Also Haqua and Emi stand, but both are very battered and injured*

Haqua: Ouch. Ah ah ah *holds back as she stands* At least that much is true. Sorry Topaz, it looks like it's up to you.

But I'm unarmed! Unless... Maou, do you have any weapons handy?

Maou: Oh, er... *looks around and picks up the first thing that she can find.* Here! *hands it to Topaz.*

*Takes it* Oh, thank you-*looks at it* Maou this is a fork.

Maou: (I can't tell him that's from me eating in the throne room.) Y-yes it is. It's the fabled Fork of, er... Horripilation.

That's a random name. But still, I don't think that this is going to be that effective in battle. It's not like Nyarlko is a Bull Netch or something!

Nyarlko: Ma... Hiro... No, not the forks! KYAAAAHH! *Smoke starts to come out of her chest as she falls on her knees. However, she soon stands back up, eyes still glazed over.*

Nyarlko: Nya-Ha-Ha. You-Think-You-Can-Break-This-Brainwashing-That-Easily?

Brainwashing! That's why Nyarlko is fighting me! I was wondering as otherwise the imprinting should have worked.

Maou: That's the same thing that happened to me, no less. Quick, shove your face into her cleavage!

I wish that was the solution to all the problems. But unfortunately I don't think that she's as open to me diving into the PLOT hole as you were.

Maou: Eh?

...Nevermind. But I do have an idea...

*Topaz walks up to Nyarlko and gives her a huge hug.*

Nyarlko: Eh? This-Is-Your-Big-Plan?

Nyarlko, you are beautiful and I love you.

Nyarlko: Enough-Of-This-Foolishness!

*She swings her crowbar and flings Topaz across the room, dealing 40 damage. He staggers to his feet though.*

Nyarlko, don't do this! Remember your true self!

Nyarlko: My... True... Self? YES! I'll defeat me! *Falls to the floor and rolls slightly, as if she's fighting with herself. She eventually pulls out a machine of sorts similar to Maou's from her torso and then breaks it with her crowbar. She then reverts to her normal form.*

Nyarlko: My Hero Mahiro! You've saved me from a horrible fate! *Throws arms around Topaz for a tight hug.*

Gyak. I-I'm glad to see you back to "normal". But... Crushing.. windpipe....

*Nyarlko loosens her grip but continues hugging.*

Nyarlko: Quickly, we must consummate our mutual love. *puckers lips.*

Er, I'm not so comfortable with so many watchers.

*Maou, Haqua, and Emi all stare at Topaz under Nyarlko's body.*

Emi: Oh, don't let us stop you. Pervert.

Haqua: Harumph! Like I care, you perverted idiot!

Maou: Au au, someones beating me in hero advances. W-what should I do?

*Topaz holds Nyarlko's face back.* Hey, I'm not fond of girls who think it's the guy's fault when the girl is making advances on him!

Nyarlko: Mahiro, what are you doing with these girls. Are you... HAREMING me?!

No I'm not.... Hareming?

Nyarlko: Making me challenge a group of girls like those three for your affections. Though I already know Mahiro loves ME the mostest as I heard him through the brainwashing. Thanks to his heartfelt words and feelings I came back.

Wait, do you think that my harem are these three girls?

Nyarlko: Well, plus or minus the two girls outside. Maybe they're off-supporting characters or something but getting back to the big picture it should be obvious that these three archetypes are. Let's see... *points to Maou.* You're the most obvious one, being the busty PLOT-heavy ditzy older sister-type whose only good aspect are her huge breasts.

Maou: Au au! I'm not an idiot and I don't think many people will like my useless meat *fondles own chest while Haqua and Emi glare in jealousy.*

Nyarlko: You'd be surprised then. In fact I can probably find some fan art fairly quickly using my phone *starts to tap it, but Topaz quickly slaps her phone out of her hand. It hits the floor and cracks.*

Whoa whoa whoa. This is mostly an all-ages blog. We can't have perverse images like that on the show.

Nyarlko: Shoot then. Oh well, next up is you *points to Emi.* You're obviously the flat tsundere and rival, probably a childhood friend as well.

That's actually pretty close, minus the childhood friend part.

Emi: Harumph!

Haqua: What about me?

Nyarlko: Well, from your personality I'd say that you're a second tsundere but we don't want to double up on stereotypes this quickly so let's call you the trap and-

Haqua: Wait, what's a trap?

It's a crossdressing boy.

Haqua: I see-HEY! I AM NOT A CROSSDRESSING BOY!

Nyarlko: Sorry, I'm probably biased as Mahiro also had a certain other trap in his harem before. Plus you wear a thong.

What does that have to do with anything?

Nyarlko: Nyahaha! Everyone knows girls can't get fanservice of their butts. Only guys can!

*Karate chops Nyarlko.* Sorry, but I can't let that one slide.

Nyarlko: Tsukkomi as always. But I was going to make a joke about Xebec and how 2012 was trash and such.

I don't think a reader would enjoy that very much.

Nyarlko: That one that's talking about me on Sunday or some such? I don't think he'll get the jokes or even read the non-blog proper. As long as it doesn't kill the writer I don't mind getting blogged again either.

I'd suggest stopping there, the fourth wall has taken enough damage! Plus it's the other one I was talking about!

Nyarlko: Oh, the one who gets girls to sit on him and stuff. That's easily helped at least, I'll just moon him a few times and he'll get over it. *waves hand over face*

Though talking about blogs has made me realize that we haven't started the blog proper!

Nyarlko: That is a problem! You'd better start it right now!

Don't worry, I plan to. And, if it's not obvious enough...



Nyarlko: Technically my name is unable to be said by humans or even in front of humans it would lead to mass hysteria. I tell you, cats and dogs living together-levels of insanity. My proper name is Nyarlathotep though.

As you can tell, I'm using the nickname of "Nyarlko" for this as it seems more like a shortened term for Nyarlathotep. So which name would you prefer?

Nyarlko: It doesn't matter. You could call me Mudd if you chose, my eternal love Mahiro!

Hmmm, but there MUST be a better way of figuring out what name you prefer... Hold on a minute.

*A montage of Topaz doing various sciency things including mixing Chemicals (with Nyarlko in safety goggles), looking through a microscope, and asking a super computer. The super computer responds by flooding out papers which Topaz carries back to the throne room.*

Haqua: So were you able to figure anything out?

*Topaz throws the papers in disgust.* Not at all!

Emi: Honestly, did you just do all that for the reaction joke?

...Yes... But anyway, it's been long enough so let's get on with the blog!

Head
Hair: First off, Nyarlko's hair is long and goes about to her hips. It's a bit wavy but not in an obvious way (it's just spread rather than a straight line down). Color-wise her hair seems to be grey-ish. Might be silver but still. It's a bit light for my tastes, but I don't mind grey hair (though I would like white or black more). And by all means, we can't forget her ahoge! It's one of her most defining features! I'm probably exaggerating but I'd even say it's as long as her arm! It's expressive as well, which is always a plus for ahoges (it even creates letters or such!). Overall I applaud her hair.
Grade: A

Eyes: Nyarlko has cute green eyes. Or at least cutesy, as she has a tarame. Her eyes are rounded overall and seem like she's in an eternal state of curiosity. She does have corners still though, and since they're in the upper half I don't mind them as much. She's a very wide-eyed person, at least most of the time. I also find that I'm not a big fan of her eyelashes, though they're probably harder to see in the anime proper. Also, to specify on her color slightly it's more of a sea green or similar color, but one I'm a fan of.
Also important to note is that Nyarlko does wear GLASSES on occasion! Okay, so there's only a few scenes with them, but I still appreciate it. The first scene involves them at a glasses shop and all the characters wear a nice-looking pair once or so. Then there's a moment of parody of Keima from The World God Only Knows (though that one was just for the joke). Finally, there's an official image of her getting molested by Cthuko while both are wearing glasses. Nyarlko in particular has a nice pair of red under-frames.
Grade: B

Face: Nyarlko's face is a very bright one. She's often cheerful and has a great smile on her face. On occasion she'll even get a cat-like upper lip expression! As far as her actual facial features go, she's fairly simple. She has a small nose and her face is arranged well on her face too. Her cheeks do seem a little plump and off in some images, but that's fine as I have a thing for plumper girls (just mentioning the fact that some might not like it).
Grade: B

Body
Build: Nyarlko's body, at least the one we know about and not the cosmic horror version, appears to be an average high school girl's body. She does have somewhat of an hourglass body, but it's not that exaggerated and her hips are wider than her chest. Unfortunately there aren't measurements so I can't say for sure. I will say that her waist is nice, and the few images we get of her butt make it seem nice as well (there's even official art of her behind raised up in a cat outfit). She also shows off her legs which are shapely as well (she has knees! xD). She's also slender, and even to the point of having her ribcage show on the bottom part. It's sort of surprising how delicate her body is considering that she's thin yet fights so well.
There are two odd occurrences I'd like to mention though. For one, because Nyaruko-san aired at the same time as Mouretsu Pirates (which has a shot in the OP of a meganekko's legs) I always thought that the moment in the OP showing Nyarlko's legs was LUHY, the resident meganekko. Just a mix up I had that I found interesting. The last occurrence is that there's an official art image of Nyarlko in a naked apron. Now, it would make sense that her bare butt would be showing. However, despite what the thumbnail makes it seem that's her foot up by her butt instead. Boo Xebec! Also I should mention that in the "Nyaruani" shows she's portrayed by a cut out most of the time. I blame budgets.
Grade: B+

Breasts: Essentially Nyarlko has breasts but they're not huge. A good way of looking at it would be that she's fair-sized. In the anime she seems bustier in general. She might be the bustiest non-adult in the series as well, though it wouldn't be that hard of a battle. There are two important features of her breasts though. For one, her lack of being flat or busty means that people have the ability to draw her in either extreme and it doesn't look too bad. More importantly (as it applies to the series), she also uses her breasts to appeal to Mahiro. She rubs them in the shower, bounces them, and even rubs them ON him when she can. Though I should probably wait until libido or more information about that.
Grade: C+

Clothes: Nyarlko wears a wide variety of outfits. Her original outfit is a black and white outfit that, well, is most likely a maid uniform. The only exceptions are that her apron is black and her ribbon and skirt are both checkered pattern. She also wears thigh-highs and heels, which look good with her legs (they squeeze her slightly on top even, meaning they have to be TIGHT!). Another common outfit is her school uniform. It consists of a dulled blue-ish blazer, a white shirt, a red bow tie, a grey and black plaid skirt, and, once again, thigh-highs. Finally, the last outfit she commonly wears is her Kamen Rider-like outfit. I don't know much about the series sadly so I don't know what she's parodying, but it's a black body suit with red lines of lights at various points. It appears to be a breastplate (plus pauldrons) as well as a red frayed scarf.
As far as other outfits go, due to the show being a parody there's a lot of outfits. There's an episode where she dresses as a waitress (with references to Working!, another show that Kana Asumi had a lead role in). There's also a red bikini, though it is a tied together one (luckily for her it never became untied). She also wears a nearly-naked apron outfit, though I think she had underwear on under it. In official art she also wears a sexy police uniform, a catsuit, and a competition swimsuit. The last one in particular is great for points.
Grade: A-

Mind
Personality: As said previously, Nyarlko is a Nyarlathotep. For those who don't know what that is, it means that she's a cosmic horror or eldritch abomination (basically something so weird that your mind would go insane just looking at her normal form). Unlike Lovecraft's work though, the show is more comedic than dark. As such Nyarlko is a more likable and energetic character. She's the type of girl that is always hyper and in a good mood, with a bright personality. She's also smart as well, not to mention strong. She's a vicious fighter with her crowbar, moreso when she tries to be a magical girl in the OVA. An advantage is that she's very pragmatic and would use anything as "space close quarters combat" including a crowbar or chainsaw.
Don't let this fool you though, Nyarlko is NOT a Mary Sue. She's clingy, hypocritical at times, and, if you can't tell, she's constantly in overdrive mode. She'll talk quickly about the things that she enjoys and slacks off on work if it means she'll get to spend more time with Mahiro. She loves anime and manga as well as superhero shows (well, Henshin shows but still). She's also good at card games, at least in the second season. She's also hammy in the amusing way (at least for me) and is the very definition of a "Maniac Pixie girl". Effectively she falls into Mahiro's boring life and brings him on crazy adventures, even against his will (though he does come to appreciate her). Finally, Kana Asumi does the voice for Nyarlko and she does a good job of it. I do have to wonder if she ever had trouble talking as long and fast as Nyarlko does on occasion.
Overall my thoughts on Nyarlko are good. She's a bit hyper for my tastes, but in a comedy series that's slightly understandable. I do enjoy her hamminess and love of anime and manga as well.
Grade: B+

Libido: Nyarlko's libido is one of the best parts of her, at least in my opinion. It's extremely high but also centered on a single person (Mahiro). Nyarlko tries a lot to try to appeal to him. One thing that stuck in my mind is that she took a bath with him, which is one of my favorite things that a girl can do (I can't say why but it's a beautiful thing). She even goes to her female friends to ask for advice on how to win him over. However he's so shy that she tries too hard most of the time, usually clinging on him and getting forked as a result. There are cute moments between the two of them though, which always helps. Also, the first thing that Nyarlko did during the body swap is "use" Mahiro's equipment. You can imagine how that went...
Grade: A

Age: Nyarlko's actual age is unknown. She's portrayed as a high school girl, but her actual age is much older. All I can say is that she threatened to hurt people if they looked harder about her actual age and she's a cosmic horror...
Grade: B

Total Grades: 80
Average score: 8.9
Final Grade: B+

Nyarlko: Nyahaha! Look at all those points!

Right, you've done better than all the other girls in this room.

*Haqua, Emi, and Maou all glare at Topaz once again.*

Er, not that you're better than them or anything. Just personal opinion and-

Nyarlko: Nonsense Mahiro, I know you love me. You've said it earlier! *rubs head against Topaz's chest.*

Maou: Ah-HEM! Well, now that we've finished the blog for today, why don't we go up and face Techie once and for all?

Great idea, I'll head up there right this instant. *Topaz starts getting into a transportation capsule*.

Nyarlko: WAIT! I have one more message, if you remember! The message is that, if you don't go down to the dungeons upon defeating me Techie will fill them with poison so that all the prisoners will die!

That's horrible, how dare she take hostages!

Emi: Truly she's the fiend among fiends! If this wasn't your battle I'd love to sharpen my sword on Techie.

Haqua: I remember where the dungeons are, follow me!

Er, I'd rather not... Plus I remember hearing that there's guards there.

Maou: If they're Techie's troops my Demon King powers won't allow us passage either.

Nyarlko: Nyahaha! Luckily you have me, Mahiro! I was previously at the dungeon and defeated them all. Look! *Holds up keys*

Well, it looks like I'll be following Nyarlko down to the dungeons next week. Who knows what kind of girl we'll find there...

Nyarlko: Ohhhhh... Mahiro and I will be ALL alone there. All those chains and bindings *licks lips*.

*cough* Emi, would you like to come with us and keep Nyarlko from violating me.

Emi: I'll bring forks. Apparently.

Thanks. And thank you all my readers!