Moimy's Blog

Jul 12, 2013 1:48 AM
Anime Relations: Kidou Senshi Zeta Gundam

Chapter 2: Now you're playing with White Base Power

As long as mankind had been amongst the stars, there had always been bands of roaming Space Pirates pillaging and plundering. Infamous examples include Galatic Pretty Pirate Kei, Jim and his band of Korean Popstars and traed. But none were as notorious and destructive as Space Pirate Alex. If there was one name in the universe that commanded utmost fear, it was Space Pirate Alex. She left nothing behind, total scorched earth mother fucker.

But perhaps, her reign of destruction had spread too far, as forces worked to bring her down, one such force being Moemy, a young turnip farmer driven solely by revenge. At the current moment he is being stared down by Drill Sargent Trenten, who is a massive hardass.

"WHERE YOU FROM MAGGOT?"

"Dickbuster 7 sir!"

"DICKBUSTER 7? NOTHIN BUT STEERS AND QUEERS FROM DICKBUSTER 7 AND YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A STEER!"

"I was a Turnip farmer"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, GET DOWN AND GIVE ME TWENTY!"

"Twenty what?"

"I'D SAY BLOWJOBS, BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE, WOULDN'T YOU QUEER? PUSHUPS!"

Moemy hits the floor and starts doing the pushups. Of course, they're incredibly easy in the low gravity of the spaceship but Moemy doesn't think Sargent Trenten knows this and doesn't say anything. He'll do anything to get to pilot a Gundam and get his revenge.

Zippy and Captain Macha are watching through the one-way mirror into the training room. Macha knew it would make for a useful installation.
"Man, dat Trenten nigga be a real harsh dawg yo" exclaimed Zippy.
Macha took no notice. He was more interested in the other new recruit that was lined up next to Moemy.

"AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MAGGOT?"

"JPEM, SIR!"

"AND WHAT ARE YOU HERE DO TO, MAGGOT?"

"TO KILL PIRATES, SIR!"

"AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT JUST STANDING THERE LIKE A LIMP DICK PIECE OF SHIT?"

"Well, I was hoping you'd give some more instruction on that, sir"

It all happened in a blur. Sargent Trenten reached out to strike jpem around the head, when jpem snatched his hand down and brought his sargent's head to floor and held him there.

"Okay, that's enough"

Captain Macha had entered the room followed by Zippy. jpem quickly let go of the struggling sargent and stood to attention.

"What are you here for, newbie?"

"To kill pirates"

"Any particular ones?"

"Well, I was lead to believe that we would be killing pirates under the flag of Space Pirate Alex"

Macha narrowed his eyes and staring intensely into jpem's eyes.

"Reason?"

"Pirates are ripe for the killin"

"Even though you are one?"

The moment of stunned surprise was just enough for Macha to quickly grab jpem's wrist and pull back his sleeve. Sure enough, on jpem's wrist was the brand of a captured pirate.

"How? How did you know?"

"You fight like a Space Pirate. And there's also this."

Macha pulled his own sleeve up and on his own wrist, was a brand similar to jpem's.

"You are free to kill away. Just don't touch the top dog. That's my kill"

"I can't agree with that"

Moemy had stood up from his pushups and stared down his Captain.

"I have to be the one to kill Alex. For my revenge"

Macha calmy rolled down his sleeve and turned to better look at Moemy.

"Even if I said I don't care for your revenge? Even if I say I'm going to kill her before you'll ever get the chance to? Even if I say I'll throw you out into the vaccum of space if you disobey me?"

The answer was incredibly clear to Moemy.

"Yes."

"Hmph. Well, good luck faggot".

Macha turned and made for the exit. He was always one for dramatic exits, he was so damn dashing he was fucking running.

"Sir Macha has entrusted me with da duty of showing you around the Black Base" said Zippy, talking to the two new recruits.

"I thought it was called the White Base" enquired jpem.

Zippy's also narrowed his eyes and stared at jpem. "You really wanna start dis shit?"

"Not really, but if we're going to do this, please show us to the good neighbourhoods"

Zippy's tour was boring as hell, but pretty damn necessary, as you don't want to get lost on a spaceship.

"Dat there is da hanger where we keep all the Gundams. Over there is the animal husbandry unit and library, both run by Starry"

"Wait. Animal Husbandry I can understand, but why do we need a library in space?" questioned Moemy.

A voice squeaked out from the library, "Because shut the fuck up, you fucking newfag!". A solid arguement that quickly brought silence to Moemy's mouth.

"Over dere is old man Kimura's workshop where he tinkers about with things"

Moemy peeped his head in. 'Old man Kimura's workshop' was fucking huge and contained structures and machines of gigantic size and complexity. And yet, there was a tiny old man, sitting at a desk, tinkering with a small little metal object.

"Neat".

"And dis is the kitchen and eating area, complete with a maid"

"Just one?"

"All we need is this one"

Moemy peeped inside and there was Shauney in a maid costume, looking very displeased with her situation.

"Yup, Homo's moe-meter went wild while we was goin over a planet called 'Scotland'. So we investigated and we found her fighting with some other woman, so we saved her and maided her"

"No! That was just my sister! We fight all the time! I hate this! Send me back!"

"Awww, she is quite moe"
"I know right?"

The three continued walking throughout the ship, making their way to the bridge.
"And what do you do on this ship, Zippy?" asked Moemy.

"Oh, I'm the black guy"

"What?"

"Galactic Federation code dictates that every spaceship must have at least one black member on board, just incase some dangerous shit needs to be done, or someone needs to die, or cannon fodder or some shit"

"Oh my! That's terrible! I don't like that at all! You shouldn't be treated any different just because of the colour of your skin! I think you should be treated the same as everyone else!"

"Wow. Thanks for that"

"But I'm still glad that you sleep on the other side of the ship away from everyone else"

"Fucking honkies"

The trio had reached the bridge, where Macha was slouching in his captain's chair. Homo, in his beautiful, handsome Puerto Rican form, was playing ARR on what looked like incredibly expensive and powerful machinery. His eyes were glazed over and he was totally enthused in the screen.

Macha piped up from his captain's chair
"It's amazing that in the future, we still playing MMO's"

"What do you mean the future?"

"I mean the present. So you're the little faggot who thinks he can take on Alex huh?"

"Yes. That's my life mission as of 3 days ago"

"Well forget it. I'm the only one who has any chance of taking her down. Everyone on this ship is part of a secret taskforce dedicated to destroying the Space Pirate Fleet under Alex"

"For a secret taskforce, you sure talk about it a lot"

"Shutup. All other non-secret taskforces are pretty much destroyed the moment they're formed. Alex is good. But we're not any nancy boy task force. We're the best of the best. Or the best of what's left. We're the only ones who have any chance now that Webe has died"

"Webe? Who was that? What happened?"

Homo's eyes slid into focus and turned around.
"Webe was a legendary Gundam pilot with the Galactic Federation. He was good. The best. Some say even Alex quaked in her space boots at the thought of him. But he was cocky. Too cocky."

"How? What happened to him?"

"Well, he was out on a mission with his crew, a pretty standard one, killing space pirates, when he looked outside his ship and said "Well I'm off. I'm going out there". His entire crew responded with a collective "what?". His first mate reminded him that there was no air in outer space. You know what he responded with?"

"What?"

"No, not what. He responded with "I don't need it". Then he stepped off the ship, into space"

"What happened next?"

"He died of course. There's no air in space and the pressure simply made him explode. In one final act of defiance, his organs managed to clog the enemy engines and the mission was a sucess"

"That's pretty badass"

"Yes, but that act of badassery left the rest of us in a pretty bad spot. That Webe, he never thought about the rest of us" said Macha, slipping himself into the conversation, as manly tears ran down his face in remebrance of a friend.
"That's the kind of shit you'll have to do to take down Space Pirate Alex. Are you prepared to do that?"

"Yes. And thensome. But I plan on staying alive until I can kill dat bitch"

Macha looked at the new recruit then into space. He fucking smirked.
"Good".


------Elsewhere, in SPACE------

Alex sat in her own captain's chair, wearing fine furs and swirling a brandy glass, surrounded by her hardworking imouto crew members.
Her number one imouto/first mate Shay stood by her side.

"What are we gonna do in space, oneesama?" quiried Shay, wide eyes full of delight staring at her captain.

"The same thing we do every night my dear Shay" smirked Alex.
"We try to become King of the Space Pirates!"

The imouto in charge of laundry on Space Pirate Alex's spaceships felt a disturbance in the force. Every single panty in the fleet had gotten wet and dirty. Not a single imouto minded.

Posted by Moimy | Jul 12, 2013 1:48 AM | 1 comments
what_sthat | Jul 12, 2013 9:11 AM
Makes no sense.
 
It’s time to ditch the text file.
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