| These poor souls |
 |
| were doomed to |
 |
| a life of |
|
| loneliness and suffering |
|
| while being forced |
|
| to carry a |
|
| sickly old man |
|
| through cold and |
|
| snowy mountains while |
|
| being butt naked. |
|
| Completing this task |
|
| would require a |
|
| large amount of |
|
| hot chocolate and |
|
| cream cheese danishes |
|
| with onion sprinkles |
|
| and a drizzle |
|
| of deodorant. But |
|
| to their surprise |
|
| inside these danishes |
|
| was a mysterious |
|
| little gnome called |
|
| upon by the |
|
| great lords of |
|
| the northern reach |
| Legend has it |
|
| that these lords |
|
| can cast powerful |
|
| spells to call |
|
| upon the creatures |
|
| of the ocean |
|
| to destroy those |
|
| who did not |
|
| bow down before |
|
| these great lords. |
|
| The rumors say |
|
| that one of |
|
| these lords has |
|
| eyes as big |
|
| as grapefruits and |
|
| hands cold as |
|
| Jack Frost's nipples. |
|
| With these hands |
|
| the lords could |
|
| pleasure themselves while |
|
| eating the finest |
|
| cheeseburger with fries |
|
| This cheeseburger was |
|
| made by the |
|
| one and only |
|
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