.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. therapy sessions .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

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Dec 2016

Hi, so I will try to explain the thing that bothers me for about past 3 years and I know it might sound stupid but just bear with me. So always when I say more than 1 or 2 sentences I get extreamly paranoid that other people around me think I should just shut up and it extreamly nerve wrecking during everyday interactions with friends and especialy when I meet new people, even now I feel like I shouldn't write that. But my question is if any of you felt something like that or you have situation when you would like someone to silence but you are too polite or scared to say that you don't wona hear them. I hope I explained this feeling well :/

Dec 4, 2020 9:36 PM

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Jul 2018

564488

Sorcou said:
Hi, so I will try to explain the thing that bothers me for about past 3 years and I know it might sound stupid but just bear with me. So always when I say more than 1 or 2 sentences I get extreamly paranoid that other people around me think I should just shut up and it extreamly nerve wrecking during everyday interactions with friends and especialy when I meet new people, even now I feel like I shouldn't write that. But my question is if any of you felt something like that or you have situation when you would like someone to silence but you are too polite or scared to say that you don't wona hear them. I hope I explained this feeling well :/

i'm sorry you feel that way! first of all, just know that this is a safe space, so you have nothing to worry about! i'm not sure how much it's worth, but i feel the same exact way sometimes and i know it can really ruin things :( if you're around people who are pessimistic like that, then it's not your fault for feeling this way. If you find it hard to shake this paranoia, maybe bring it up to your closest friends and family and i'm sure they will help/understand! :) -j

Dec 5, 2020 10:30 AM

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Dec 2016

floralvases said:

i'm sorry you feel that way! first of all, just know that this is a safe space, so you have nothing to worry about! i'm not sure how much it's worth, but i feel the same exact way sometimes and i know it can really ruin things :( if you're around people who are pessimistic like that, then it's not your fault for feeling this way. If you find it hard to shake this paranoia, maybe bring it up to your closest friends and family and i'm sure they will help/understand! :) -j

Thx but that advice won't realy work for me. 1st thing is that I don't wonna burden my friends with more of my problems, especialy when I think they might be upset that I think that way. 2nd thing is that I'm on terrible terms with my parents and my sister wouldn't help becouse she said sometimes that she wouldn't be of any help in that sense. Anyway it makes me feel better just to ttalk about it so thanks for listening.

Dec 5, 2020 10:54 AM

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Jul 2018

564488

Sorcou said:

You need to find people who you can comfortably talk with and lean on. If my friends were like that, i would've dump their ass and find new ones. Making new friends can be hard but you need to get out of your comfort zone. Find new people that has the same interests as you. The other option i have is to try to fix your friendship. Also im sorry to hear that you're on terrible terms with your parents. :( Sometimes asking your parents for help can be annoying because they don't fully understand what we're feeling and tells us to brush it off (them telling us that can even hurt us more) :(

and don't forget that everyone here is your friend <3 don't suffer alone okay? let it all out.

p.s. sorry if i sound super aggressive...im really nice i promise

removed-userDec 6, 2020 7:26 AM

Dec 5, 2020 11:37 AM

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Dec 2016

Well the friends aren't the problem. I have actualy quite a few of them, all of them a great people and I know I can trust them with anything, but on the other hand I have many other problems that I talk about with them and I just don't wanna make them listen to this thing becouse it kind of implies I don't realy trust them so it is hard to talk about it

Dec 5, 2020 12:52 PM

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Jul 2018

564488

Sorcou said:
Well the friends aren't the problem. I have actualy quite a few of them, all of them a great people and I know I can trust them with anything, but on the other hand I have many other problems that I talk about with them and I just don't wanna make them listen to this thing becouse it kind of implies I don't realy trust them so it is hard to talk about it

we’re all here to listen to what you have to say! don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind :) it’s not a problem if you want to keep your friends close, but if you want to talk about something deeper or more internal then don’t be afraid to share here! just don’t be shy to share what’s on your mind :) j

Dec 5, 2020 4:08 PM

seijunnnnn

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Apr 2020

Haaaai, we are here for youuu 💕

Dec 6, 2020 10:51 AM

Rxbens

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Apr 2020

Hi, I honestly feel you.

For me this always happened because of a lack in confidence towards myself.
However if you start thinking about this too much you will automatically start trying to control the things you say and life doesn't work that way.

You are who you are.
The bottomline being. Yes one person might not like what you have to say whilst the other does. I don't see this ever going away. All you can do is have the confidence to be yourself and no one else. (This also goes for the person you're talking to. Just let them be theirselves and you'll find out soon enough if it's someone you could keep talking to)

My advice:

Talk to your friends about it, tell them how you feel and they should see it not as distrust towards them but as something you are dealing with yourself and who knows, there might be more of them who feel this way meaning you would be able to help each other in this. Remember stay honest and true to yourself

Now I'm not saying it's easy. But without moving forward change will never arrive. And if you ever need to talk like floral said, the people in this group are here for you.

Dec 7, 2020 6:45 PM

#10

Quixotic_

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Sep 2017

Hey, I feel like this has hit home so hard.

I also feel pretty anxious whenever I'm speaking aloud because of the same concerns that you've raised. I lived the majority of the childhood in the US but spent most of my teenage years in a country where English isn't the official language. I'm back in the US for college but I feel like I've somehow "forgotten" how to speak without consciously thinking about what I'm saying as I'm saying it. I stutter sometimes and it's so annoying because, in my head, everything is all grammatically correct and natural but the moment I start talking, I seem to jumble all the words and make it weird. I don't have an accent or anything but it's still pretty draining to make an effort at a verbal conversation.

Dec 7, 2020 11:45 PM

#11

Ab3ster

Offline

Apr 2020

Sorcou said:
Hi, so I will try to explain the thing that bothers me for about past 3 years and I know it might sound stupid but just bear with me. So always when I say more than 1 or 2 sentences I get extremely paranoid that other people around me think I should just shut up and it extreamly nerve wrecking during everyday interactions with friends and especially when I meet new people, even now I feel like I shouldn't write that. But my question is if any of you felt something like that or you have a situation when you would like someone to silence but you are too polite or scared to say that you don't wanna hear them. I hope I explained this feeling well :/

Hey mate, I hope you're doing fine. I can certainly to what you're going through. It is difficult when you're unable to express yourself the way you want to and it can lead to a lot of social anxiety and insecurity. I remember when I was in sixth grade, I had a Goku complex: I always wanted to do what's fair for everybody, help everybody, etc. Of course, everybody started to grow up and so did their mentalities and interests. I kind of got stuck in the past which led me to be isolated and ostracized from the rest of the class. from there on, it became really fucking difficult to mutter a single word because I feared I was going to say something stupid or childish. I had that problem all the way to the beginning of 8th grade where I continued to be treated poorly.

So at some point, I decided not to give a damn and when people asked for my opinion, advice, or help I just decided to do it in a way where I felt comfortable with myself (regardless of what others thought). Of course, I'm not telling you to go full anime delinquent kind of classmate, because that would very cringe-worthy. But it is essential that you start to feel comfortable with who you are. People who already had something against you (assuming of course that sadly there is one, hopefully, there is not) will keep on saying dumb shit about you. But to those that don't know you, they will get to see who you are. That is important because the more out there you are, the more you get to meet people, and the more your confidence grows. Changes will not be overnight but you will eventually feel more comfortable and will start identifying certain social cues that will help you communicate better in the future. That certainly did it for me and I ended up loving highschool.

There is a channel I would like to recommend which is called charisma on demand. I watch their videos to help me grow in my professional field, but goddamn I wish I could have access to that type of knowledge in my younger years.

In the end bud, it will be hard as hell to come out of that shell and fight that paranoia of "what people might think of me". Slowly but surely you'll get there. And remember, you'll always have our support bro!

Ab3sterDec 8, 2020 12:04 AM

Dec 9, 2020 4:26 AM

#12

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Dec 2016

Ok so I wanted to write it for past few days. After all the suupport I got I decidet to go all out and tell everything I have to say. I don't know if it'll help me, I don't know if any of you will read the whole thing, I just hope that it may encourage other that may be scared to tell about their problems.

P.S. Since english isn't my first language this may be hard to understand or read.

I didn't know where I want start so I'll start from beginnig. I went to elementary school in small city. My mother was working at that school and she wanted me to be the best at eveerything just like my sisters so she forced me to take parts in every contest I could so I didn't get much time to meet with other kids. In 4th and 5th grade I quickly realised I have different interests than others especialy meaning games, me not liking football and music this meant I was a bit alienated by my class.
From the things I remember was one contest where we were working in groups as always my mother made me do almost everything and we got like 9th place but I couldn't care less about it, all I remember where my friends who asked me "why I did everything" and "We didn't get to do anything". The class knew that my mother was friend with all the teacher so they implyed unfairness in the way we get scored.
Now I think my fear of expressing my self started there in the group of kids who didn't understand my interests.

Anyway I went to middle school in other city. I was realy nervous about how am I gonna talk to other kids. But it teand out to be the best 3 years of my life. I'm frend with fem people from middle school. During this years I dropped drawing, just didn't see the point o trying when I had to extreamly good and talented people, but it didn't bother me. As always my mother was crazy about my grades, the thing I hated most was when She tryed to compare me to my friends who had better marks. I wasn't angry about comparing but about the fact she couldn't know them so she had no ideae what was she talking about at least in my mind.
In my country you can get to any highschool/technical school by veing prize winner in one of the contest. I took part in in geography contest, I missed the mark by 1 point out of 60 I was devastated since I studied for six months, three days after that I had another contest, Iwas in no shape to even try and study so it didn't go well. Reaction of my mother was interesting, she was furious about the fact, she didn't even try to understand how I felt about results of the first contest.
Over all I have mostly good memories about midleschool, I became even more serious becouse I felt comfortable in the official style.

I got into best technicalschool in area I sturted studieng IT since I had affinity for more mathematical subjects and I was quite interested about IT. My class was completely different than me. I was serious on the outside but a child on the inside but most of my class was childish but realy mature on the inside. I didn't get along with most of them and on my 2nd year I developed imposter syndrome. I wasn't interested in IT as much as rest of my class and felt completely out of place in class so I felt guilty that I stole someones place in school.
During that time my mother gave up on me, she knew I could't be as good as my sisters so she stoped carring. Talking about my sister at the time she was finishing her medical studies and was mostly away. My mother didn't like that so they argued almost every day, at the same time we had a bit of financial problems so my choleric mother and alcocholic father were arguing as well. The thing I hated most was that my sister was taliking bad about the other depending which one was home. I was actualy digusted by that and I would try to be quiet about people behind their backs.
after this episode I came back to drawing, I made great progress but after a month the progres stopped and I became frustrated by that to the point I was rather melancholic since drawing wasn't any fun I had noothing more to do. My family wanted me to find hobby so I started looking and decidet that something about sport would be the best. The first thing I decided was "No team sports" I just didn't want to be problem for anyone like I was in elementary school. Then I found my new hobby which I practice till this day, Iaiido.
When I joined the dojo I was realy scared but the will to learn about something I only read in books and I watched in anime (I wasn't thinking it was even close to real thing, I'm not that stupid) was strong enough that I persevered. This place was great it let me escape from problems of everydaylife, the group was three people, me sensei and one woman. So I trained and got better apparently I was actualy talented so it made me work harder. I wen't with my sensei for first group training in other city with better teachers. This destroyed my whole confidence about my abilities and I stopped progressing but I knew if I take a break now I'll never comeback so I foced myself for few weeks.
After that the woman gifted me her sword since I wasn't rich enough to buy one, it is probably the best memory from the past. But it became burden later since first doubpts in my self I had about three or four more episode and I had voice in my head that now I have to go 110%, she gifted me something I could't get myself so again I persevered. I had ups and downs but when I hadtest exams in dojo after one and a half year of trainnig I got stressed and Fucked up the simplest things, after I finnished I run to dressing room and cried feeling unworthy of the time my sensei wasted me and a sword my friend gifted. I wan'ted to quit then but I felt that it would also be disrespectfull toward other people at the dojo.

During that time I had my 18th birthday so I started going to pubs with my friends it was mostly fun but I was ver anxious when drinking I just feared that I would become like my father since we are rather similar. At the end of my 3rd year at technical school I was at the verge of staing next year in 3rd grade. I was panicked about it, my mother didn't care but something like this would definetly make her furious. I became furious at myself that I never learn from my mistakes and I'm to childish for my age and since it was at the same time as my problems at the dojo I was actualy angry at the fact that I'm to scared to fisnnish it all, I was to scared of pain and potential disability if something went wrong.
I somehow got over it but it wasn't by therapy or letting out but by closing even more. It made me realy scared of parties since when I get drunk I always start thinking making it come out again. During next months I met another friends by discord and my previous friend, we were all playing league and 1 year ago decided to start playing amatour tournaments, we weren't great but it was enough to win some of them and we had lots of fun from trainning and planning strategies. I was clearly the strongest player and the most motivated one. I played my heart out every time. One of people wasn't happy with his performance and the thing that I never felt ready for the games, so I said I'm sorry for that and decidet to leave. I didn't want them to lose fun becouse of me.
Then one other person decidet to behind my back start to complain about me and my drive to play perfect and my critique about his gameplay. I wouldn't know anything about that if my friends didn't tell me about it. It made me even more motivated and angry it was probably the first time I didn't escape but decided to fight back I wanted to prove that I'm better than him and played in few next tournaments winning most of them. After that my I played with my friends more but I got much better and the stood still, this meant that playing with them was hard for all they were bodied every time and I had to play to the max just to have a chance of winning so I stopped paying a bit becouse I didn't want them to feel bad since they knew how much I worked to progress and they probably felt like I was angry at them for stoping me from getting better.
The friends I met at discord are great thanks to them I opened up a little, started playing guitar started a bit of story telling but I kindof felt lonely after all most of them had girlfriends and I was completely alone.

Not long after I finnished my school and started to look for univercity. I was done with IT so I looked for something new, decided to go for landscape gardening. First thing I needed was a lot of art related tools so I started talking with one of my friends from middleschool. I even tried to meet with her more I kind of felt something towards her. Nothing to serious just small thing like going out for coffee or tea in our case, but she turned me down so I stopped it then I haven't spoke to her since. My group at unvercity is great, I am about to finnish first semester I sometimes feel I rely on others to much by that I mean that I always ask what do we do exactly, and I still get pannick attacks each time I see a lot of asingments at the same time.

Anyway my story ends in me finding this club and courage to talk about my feelings. If you read whole thing I applaud you, to be honest I feel like I did realy bad job writing it and it's very confusing and hard to understand. I also know I missed some situations but I don't have enough energy to go back and write it. I feel depleted and kind of empty at the moment but I hope I'll feel better in a future by throwing all this out.

SorcouDec 9, 2020 5:45 AM

Dec 10, 2020 1:26 AM

#13

Ab3ster

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Apr 2020

well my dude, I certainly wasn't expecting this essay XD But I congratulate you on your bravery for opening up and venting your feelings. It often helps to talk about one's issues since it helps one feel calmer and more relaxed. My greatest advice would be to seek professional help from a psychologist. With this, I'm not implying that you are crazy (Because if my assumption is correct, your culture, like mine, might have a stigma against seeking psychological help), the reason I mention it is because my psychologist has greatly helped to improve personally and professionally as well. So their advice is often REALLY good.

From my part, and from what I can see from your story is that you fear that you're not good enough. The fact that your mom forced you into these talent or academic endeavors really didn't help because you were mostly doing it for her, not for yourself. Therefore if you're not comfortable or enjoying doing an activity, most of the time the final result won't be perfect. But you don't have to feel disappointed about that since you're not perfect, nobody is. Imagine how fucked up life would be if everybody would turn out to be perfect... That's just boring. Dude, the fact you graduated HS and that you're already in Uni is a huge achievement. Feel proud about it and keep working hard!

Regarding your dojo experiences, Ill link this video over here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG0S2AuOsv4&ab_channel=EmmanuelFernandez
Super corny, I know XD But I think that illustrates my point that you shouldn't be ashamed of failing bro. Sure, having the sensation that you might be disappointing your sensei must be terrible. But I am sure that your sensei is proud of the hard work and serious work you've put in the dojo. In the end, there is nothing more enriching than hard, honest work.

Regarding your league story. Maybe am a bit of a boomer in this regard, but it is a rule of thumb for me to never get super upset while playing video games. Sure, I've cursed my heart out when things are not going my way while playing FIFA, but it generally just ends after the game is over. If somebody is shit-talking you just because you're serious about winning in a game where that is the main objective, then just ignore it. It is not worth your time to feel bad about the comments of some sore loser. And that goes for almost everything: If you hear not so nice comments about yourself (Hopefully not the case) just IGNORE them. It is extremely effective and while it may take some time to get used to, it does absolutely work.

And regarding love life, well my best advice is to never fear rejection. My dude when you feel confident about taking a shot just do it, don't overthink it. Some will say yes and some will say no. It is important to never take it personally because it kinda never is. Don't feel down if you get turned down, it just means it wasn't meant to be. Just remember to be yourself around the person you have an interest in and to feel as comfortable as possible, the rest will come by itself.

Well, I think this is it on my part. I hope I could've helped a bit. Whatever you need man, we'll be here for you.

Dec 16, 2020 7:26 AM

#14

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May 2020

145

Hi there, I recently joined this place so yeah, I just wanted to say that it really is a small problem but it keeps bothering me everyday and I just don't know what to do. So the thing is whenever I try to talk about something almost every time somebody interrupts me and I feel like I just do not exist in this world and I really am not needed by anybody and then when I stop talking to the people around they just get really angry about it and say that I have a bad attitude and that I think that I am more supreme than them, while I am on the verge of crying myself and then I just don't know what to do. I just feel like dying and ending it all. It just feels like nobody really understands me and never will because maybe, I like to keep things to myself and I like to isolate myself from everything and everybody around me. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is it really my fault?

Dec 16, 2020 8:00 AM

#15

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Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
Hi there, I recently joined this place so yeah, I just wanted to say that it really is a small problem but it keeps bothering me everyday and I just don't know what to do. So the thing is whenever I try to talk about something almost every time somebody interrupts me and I feel like I just do not exist in this world and I really am not needed by anybody and then when I stop talking to the people around they just get really angry about it and say that I have a bad attitude and that I think that I am more supreme than them, while I am on the verge of crying myself and then I just don't know what to do. I just feel like dying and ending it all. It just feels like nobody really understands me and never will because maybe, I like to keep things to myself and I like to isolate myself from everything and everybody around me. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is it really my fault?

pls dont blame it on yourself. i really don't think it's your fault but the people around you. to be more clear, are these people your friends or strangers?

Dec 16, 2020 8:33 AM

#16

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May 2020

145

They are actually family. To be honest my Mom. You know thanks for helping me out I am really grateful

Dec 16, 2020 9:02 AM

#17

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Dec 2016

cake_samurai said:
They are actually family. To be honest my Mom. You know thanks for helping me out I am really grateful

hyh problems with family? Probably can't help you with that just to let you know I also have problems with my parents so I realy understand your strugle, feel free to talk about it :)

Dec 16, 2020 9:07 AM

#18

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May 2020

145

You know if it is issues with family at the end you are the one who always feels guilty even though it was not your fault.

Dec 16, 2020 2:59 PM

#19

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Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
They are actually family. To be honest my Mom. You know thanks for helping me out I am really grateful

like i said before it's NOT your fault but your parents. i can connect with you on a spiritual level. you don't deserve to be treated this way :( i hope you have a cousin or friend to rant and cry on :( if not you also have our club members :3

Dec 16, 2020 9:55 PM

#20

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May 2020

145

I really feel bad now that I know that you have been through the same thing as well since I really do know how bad it feels to be the ignored one at all times, I hope you get it sorted out too. Sometimes it's really hard to even forget about it since it hurts so bad and on top of that I have like weird anxiety and stuff which just rubs the wound and it just gets really bad and I just start thinking about where did it actually go wrong in the first place and it just keep getting worse and then BAM! the next thing I know is that I am having a panic attack in the bathroom while trying to suppress any sort of sobbing sounds. To be honest I like never had friends to begin with since our family is transferred to new places in like every couple of years so even if I make friends I always end up losing them and it was really hard to make friends in the first place since at most of the places I was treated like an outsider and was quiet often made fun of too since I was different from the average kids around me and to be frank, I really am not comfortable about talking to people about such things since I always end up feeling like a burden and then I just start thinking that maybe I am doing all this just for sympathy and stuff, for me it really is hard for me to open up to the people I know since I think they are always judging me and it just is my fault for being the burden since I am the one who is acknowledging these things and that I should just move on. I really will be always grateful for this club and its members for being there for me and listening to me.

Dec 16, 2020 10:31 PM

#21

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Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
I really feel bad now that I know that you have been through the same thing as well since I really do know how bad it feels to be the ignored one at all times, I hope you get it sorted out too. Sometimes it's really hard to even forget about it since it hurts so bad and on top of that I have like weird anxiety and stuff which just rubs the wound and it just gets really bad and I just start thinking about where did it actually go wrong in the first place and it just keep getting worse and then BAM! the next thing I know is that I am having a panic attack in the bathroom while trying to suppress any sort of sobbing sounds. To be honest I like never had friends to begin with since our family is transferred to new places in like every couple of years so even if I make friends I always end up losing them and it was really hard to make friends in the first place since at most of the places I was treated like an outsider and was quiet often made fun of too since I was different from the average kids around me and to be frank, I really am not comfortable about talking to people about such things since I always end up feeling like a burden and then I just start thinking that maybe I am doing all this just for sympathy and stuff, for me it really is hard for me to open up to the people I know since I think they are always judging me and it just is my fault for being the burden since I am the one who is acknowledging these things and that I should just move on. I really will be always grateful for this club and its members for being there for me and listening to me.

I don't know if this would help you or not but here we go. Tbh, I kinda used to be in a position where you've been and it's not pretty. How I cope with my family problems is constantly reminding myself that i'm going to turn 18 soon and hopefully move out of the house lol. Be confident and remove yourself from their negativity. I would recommend talking it out with your parents but I feel like they might take it the wrong way and start an argument with you. Arguing and talking back with them (parent) can become useless b/c they NEVER listen and shift the topic to some stupid shh or try to make about them istg. I also find reading empowering random quotes, going on tiktok, reading manhwas help boost my positive energy. Pls pls plssss don't feel bad or pity me.. lol. I'm sorry if my advice didn't help you :( thanks for being brave and sharing out your story! everyone here will make you feel like home :3

Dec 17, 2020 1:21 AM

#22

Offline

Dec 2016

So just to let you know I can relate to all of that, I kind of feel the same with panick attacks and so on, (my last one was week ago) but just know that even if I don't know how to deal with a problem.
It doesn't mean I don't sympathise or support you on your way to getting better. You can share when ever you need I'll be here waiting. I hope you can get better C:

Dec 17, 2020 3:45 AM

#23

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May 2020

145

You know that is a good way to cope with the problem in your case, but in my case I would say that my mom is not that bad half the time too it feels like i am talking to two different people according to her mood like sometimes she can be really really mean like for example there was this one time when I was 12yrs old, I told my mom that I have been exhausted from school so let's go to our relatives house for a change she was not even in a bad mood but then she suddenly got really mad and just said that I should just commit suicide and die which hit me really bad because after saying that she seemed satisfied as if she was trying to get it off her chest for a while and it just scarred me for life and I never ever even tried to bring it up in a conversation since I knew that if I told her she would just say that she never said so and I am just saying all this for sympathy but never mind that after this incident happened I was devastated and just of course I then proceeded to cry myself to sleep but then the next day things went back to normal as if nothing happened at all in the first place and I was just shook because she was treating me all well and ten I just felt guilty about hating her in the first place at all. That is why I just can't use your coping mechanism, to be honest I just don't want to hurt her or anybody else but even if I try to do that I just end up hurting them even more and myself. It feels like I am running away from all the responsibilities which just makes me feel like a coward.

Dec 17, 2020 3:54 AM

#24

Offline

May 2020

145

Thank you for the support, I really mean it. I really hope that you can also overcome whatever you are going through, these are hard times but we all will get through it.

Dec 17, 2020 8:15 AM

#25

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Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
You know that is a good way to cope with the problem in your case, but in my case I would say that my mom is not that bad half the time too it feels like i am talking to two different people according to her mood like sometimes she can be really really mean like for example there was this one time when I was 12yrs old, I told my mom that I have been exhausted from school so let's go to our relatives house for a change she was not even in a bad mood but then she suddenly got really mad and just said that I should just commit suicide and die which hit me really bad because after saying that she seemed satisfied as if she was trying to get it off her chest for a while and it just scarred me for life and I never ever even tried to bring it up in a conversation since I knew that if I told her she would just say that she never said so and I am just saying all this for sympathy but never mind that after this incident happened I was devastated and just of course I then proceeded to cry myself to sleep but then the next day things went back to normal as if nothing happened at all in the first place and I was just shook because she was treating me all well and ten I just felt guilty about hating her in the first place at all. That is why I just can't use your coping mechanism, to be honest I just don't want to hurt her or anybody else but even if I try to do that I just end up hurting them even more and myself. It feels like I am running away from all the responsibilities which just makes me feel like a coward.

oh.. im sorry to hear that :( after i get into arguments with my parents, they always apologize after everything settles down or the next morning. but i still get emotionally strained from dealing with them. how about you get on her good side and try to please her more? maybe she's stressed out or has a lot of things on her mind. help her with chores and stuff. do you perhaps have an asian parent? lol cause same. also there's nothing wrong with being a coward. again try removing yourself from their toxic presences and focus on the good things in life or focus on making your relationship w/ your parents better. i have this relative that's currently living with me rn and she and i used to get into fights 24/7. she and me had different beliefs in everything (i mean EVERYTHING). i had to deal with her b.s for about 8 years now... (thank goodness she's moving out next year) i had to please her and force myself not to get onto her negative side. (ik... im a coward.. but my relationship with her is getting slightly better)

you dont have to use my advice if you dont want too..i hope this comforted you at least. <3 you are not alone.

Dec 17, 2020 10:00 AM

#26

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May 2020

145

You know your advice has really helped me, after hearing this I fell ten times better and really feel like I can do this. Oh my god, how in the name of Zura did you know that I am Asian, can you read minds and stuff? Wow I am so impressed.
I just wanted to know about how do you actually control you emotions and stuff like when you get into a fight and get mad and stuff, how do you control all that. When I get mad I just tend to lose it and I just start saying things I am not supposed I don't even realize it.
The thing is my Mom wants me to be happy, but I am going from a certain phase in life through which I just can't be happy even if I try and even she knows about it and I too wanna be happy I mostly am too but there has been this drastic change in my personality ever since this one problem has begun, sometimes she tends to get mad on the fact that I am not smiling and laughing all day like I used too and sometimes she loses it and just starts yelling at me, which I totally understand and then again the whole cycle of being mad at each other starts again. The fact that I might not ne able to go back to being who I was scares me since my Mom might get sad and everything might get ruined, I maybe just having a very minute teenage problem but this one just does not go away.

Dec 17, 2020 11:39 AM

#27

Offline

Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
You know your advice has really helped me, after hearing this I fell ten times better and really feel like I can do this. Oh my god, how in the name of Zura did you know that I am Asian, can you read minds and stuff? Wow I am so impressed.
I just wanted to know about how do you actually control you emotions and stuff like when you get into a fight and get mad and stuff, how do you control all that. When I get mad I just tend to lose it and I just start saying things I am not supposed I don't even realize it.
The thing is my Mom wants me to be happy, but I am going from a certain phase in life through which I just can't be happy even if I try and even she knows about it and I too wanna be happy I mostly am too but there has been this drastic change in my personality ever since this one problem has begun, sometimes she tends to get mad on the fact that I am not smiling and laughing all day like I used too and sometimes she loses it and just starts yelling at me, which I totally understand and then again the whole cycle of being mad at each other starts again. The fact that I might not ne able to go back to being who I was scares me since my Mom might get sad and everything might get ruined, I maybe just having a very minute teenage problem but this one just does not go away.

i also want my parents to be happy but once they cross the line i won't hold back. instead of holding my anger in, i tell them directly. i tell them how i'm feeling and why it hurts me. one of my biggest fears is everyone in my family ganging up and disowning me. (fyi my gparents, and relatives currently lives w/ me) it's also scary when the argument turns into a physical fight (i better start running and dodging lmao). tbh i have trouble holding in my emotions and always end up crying lol. Wow your mom seems controlling af. She needs to learn how to control her anger issues. Remember when i said to talk it out with her? pls don't... you're gonna get hurt even more. I really don't have any advice left.. im sorry. But just remember than your life is precious and don't let anyone take it away from you <3

Dec 17, 2020 10:08 PM

#28

Offline

May 2020

145

I think I've been through the same thing, you know the whole family ganging up on me a lot of times and it just gets super hard for a while because every time anyone in my family gets in a fight we just stop talking to each other for like a week and then one of the people( Mostly in all cases, whoever is younger) has to apologize to the the other person whether it's their fault or not and since I never really had friends or anyone else to talk to so I had to be the one who had to apologize to make things right and have at least some basic sort of human contact with others. My Mom does not really get along with my Dad so every time we get into a fight she just says that I am just like my dad since I have his blood running through my veins and I don't even know what to do then, I just feel like crying at most times by even I know that if I start crying in front of my family it'll just make it worse for me. In my case, whenever things get physical from my parental side I just tend to run to another room( mostly the bathroom) and lock myself and then just cry as much as I can to let it all out. To be honest even I can't control my emotions at all, like even a little and then I just always end up crying in the bathroom, it's like a coping mechanism now. Yes, my Mom can be controlling at times and she has anger issues too, but then again I can't really do anything about it. I did not even have the guts to talk to her about it anyways since I knew what would happen so that's totally cool. It's okay if you don't have anymore advice for me, you guys, all of you did your best and even helped me a lot. Thanks for that though. Thanks for the advice too.

Dec 18, 2020 12:26 AM

#29

Jahsemari

Offline

Dec 2020

Hey guys, I'm new at this website and this the first time in my life i've ever reached out for help. The past 3 years i've been flunking school and I feel like i'm at the lowest point in my life and i'm so scared for the future after just doing so bad in school the past few years. The me from the beginning of high school would have never admitted that since i've always ignored my mental state, Thinking it would never get bad enough for me to feel this depressed. Having an argument with my mother a few weeks ago made me realized I truly do need someone to talk to so that I can dig myself out of the hole i've been digging the last few years, So any help would be appreciated.

Dec 18, 2020 7:18 AM

#30

Offline

Jul 2018

564488

cake_samurai said:
I think I've been through the same thing, you know the whole family ganging up on me a lot of times and it just gets super hard for a while because every time anyone in my family gets in a fight we just stop talking to each other for like a week and then one of the people( Mostly in all cases, whoever is younger) has to apologize to the the other person whether it's their fault or not and since I never really had friends or anyone else to talk to so I had to be the one who had to apologize to make things right and have at least some basic sort of human contact with others. My Mom does not really get along with my Dad so every time we get into a fight she just says that I am just like my dad since I have his blood running through my veins and I don't even know what to do then, I just feel like crying at most times by even I know that if I start crying in front of my family it'll just make it worse for me. In my case, whenever things get physical from my parental side I just tend to run to another room( mostly the bathroom) and lock myself and then just cry as much as I can to let it all out. To be honest even I can't control my emotions at all, like even a little and then I just always end up crying in the bathroom, it's like a coping mechanism now. Yes, my Mom can be controlling at times and she has anger issues too, but then again I can't really do anything about it. I did not even have the guts to talk to her about it anyways since I knew what would happen so that's totally cool. It's okay if you don't have anymore advice for me, you guys, all of you did your best and even helped me a lot. Thanks for that though. Thanks for the advice too.

your parents would ignore you for a whole week? wow i'm really speechless..."she just says that I am just like my dad since I have his blood running through my veins" i hate this sentence a lot. one of aunts always say this to her child everytime they get in a fight and it drives her insane. (it hurts a lot) i feel like there's nothing you can do unless your mom changes her attitude. just remember that it's not your fault okay? don't pay attention to what she says b/c that would hurt you even more. don't forget that everyone in this club is here to help you okay?

Dec 18, 2020 10:53 PM

#31

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May 2020

145

I really try not to pay attention since after a point I just go numb and just don't even care about anything at all, I just try to sit it out and then I don't talk to anyone and nobody talks to me for like a long time and then, you know what happens. It's like this never ending loop if I were to say, like automatically after a couple of days we get into some fight and again the same things happen all over again. There is actually no end to it, now I've just shut all doors to any sort of contact with just anyone, this is the only place where I am me, it's like I've crafted this different person within me now that is for other people to see and on the inside I just am a whole different person, maybe this is what was supposed to happen at the end after all, maybe it was fate, I always thought about the other person and their feelings every time we got into a fight and I just blamed myself for being such a twisted person but now I don't even care what's right or wrong, some things just happen and you just can't do anything about it, you can't change things, you can just make them worse so it is just better to fake it maybe even if only the other person is satisfied, so as to avoid any sort of conflict. To be honest I really don't even remember when I talked this much to anyone about my real self or as my real self, it just felt nice talking to all of you
Thank you for even helping me out just a little, I'll never forget you guys :)

Dec 31, 2020 3:16 PM

#32

gloomypanties

Offline

Apr 2020

341

Okay, uh I hate to kinda ruin this yay happy new year fun atmosphere for everyone but, I feel like I need too write this all out before I massacre my entire family. I think for a week now I’ve been having this strong feeling of wanting to take out my veins. Like, cut them out, rip them out just- anything to get them out of my body. And, I can’t sleep at night because all I see when I close my eyes is me killing myself or ripping my arm open. I’m also hearing voices all the time. It’s always someone yelling my name. Whenever I’m in my room I can hear the door open, the light switch flipping, and footsteps. I always feel like someone is standing with me. Telling me to harm myself, and if I don’t I’m a coward and stupid. I don’t even think about it anymore, I just hit myself all the time because, I feel like I deserve it. I’ll cut because I’m failing school. I’ll pull my hair because someone said it’s an ugly color. I hate being told what to do but, if someone isn’t I feel like I’m useless, like there’s nothing I’m worth until I’m doing something to please another person. I’d tell a family member but they’d tell my mother, and if she knows about ANY of this she’ll send me away. I’d tell some friends but, I don’t have any left. This feeling of wanting to take my veins out and feeling of some one always judging and the feeling of just wanting to die is tearing me apart. I talked too loud and fast and now I get trouble because I’m too quiet or not speaking enough. I was bullied for my clothes so I threw them out and got knew ones of a style that I liked and thought was pretty, but now other kids tell me I’m trying to hard. My friends called me a fake friend because I was too honest or insensitive. I told them I sometimes don’t think about my words and if I ever said something hurtful or they didn’t like, to tell me away so I could apologize. This vent is all over the place, I’m talking about one thing then another. I’m sorry about that. Hopefully 2021 isn’t worse yeah? Yeah.

Dec 31, 2020 5:44 PM

#33

Offline

Dec 2016

Hi, I just read the vent first of all it's good you shared with us, remember we are here yo listen, support and help if we can. This sounds realy serious so it's hard for me to tell anything constructive. So I'll just go on a bit longer to explain what I think.
Firstly I relate to your feeling about suicide espetialy about feeling of being a cowerd. Each time I think about ending it I end up hating myself even more for being to scared to do it. I also know two people who made an atempt and they shared their feelings about it with me on many ocasions.
It might sound clishe but as someone said the suicide is permanent solution for temporary problems. Don't hate yourself for being a cowerd it's your natural instinct protecting you from doing somethin stupid.
Also don't forget that life is full of second chances. You can try again in school, you can find new friends (just saying we are here and the discord is now open) I cannot help you with family because I don't know it but feel free to vent out anytime it can help you find an answer. Also don't forget you are yourself and you can't please everyone so don't try to change for others it's most important if you feel good with the way you act and look.
All I want to say is you can take as many shots at anything as you like and don't be afraid to fail it's natural but remember that I'll support your efforts and help if I can and most importantly you can't get other chance for life.

P.S.
Sorry if it sounds realy clishe. It sounds serious and I don't know what more can I tell since I don't have much information that is why I would recomend seeing a profesional but If you want to give more information then feel free I'll be waiting to read. I hope 2021 will be better for you and again happy new year :)

Dec 31, 2020 9:53 PM

#34