Vendor's Blog

Let's see... From the time I was born to the time I entered Middle School, I was always afraid of people and what they could do. Everyone was always bigger than me and I always gave in. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, let alone my parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents would have fought tooth-and-nail to get whoever was on me kicked out of school or something like that. I didn't want to tell them because I didn't want them to think I was being bullied. I wanted them to think I was some sort of bad-ass you'd see on TV or some shit like that right? We all did at that age. We wanted to be Superman or Batman. Someone who was either popular or powerful.

My actual 'life' if you want call it started when I went into middle school. As I went from Elementary into Middle, people didn't change. There were bullies who came from broken homes and people who just wanted to fuck with you for the fun of it. Not saying everyone from broken homes are total asses.

The whole bullying thing kind of went over the top when I started to bleed. I'd come home with cuts and bruises and my parents would flip out about it. I assumed what my little brain would have thought at that time and started to think that they would hate me, so I shut myself out from the world. I went further and further away from my humanity and began to only have nothing but the most evil thoughts roll through my head. I'd imagine the people who were picking on me to get kidnapped and have all sorts of messed shit happen to them. All my head had in it were these horrid thoughts.

Finally, I think at some point I snapped. But not snapped as went berserk and Columbined everyone at the school. I think I snapped somewhere when school got out for the summer. I hit a big-ass growth-spurt and all of a sudden I was taller than nearly everyone I knew. I think THATS when I went loco. I started eating a lot to get more meat on me (I was one seriously malnourished child. I just wouldn't eat anything.) I then exercised my ass off, turning a lot of that inhaled food into muscle.

By the time school got back in, I was one beefy dude. I started getting pissed whenever anyone decided they'd fuck around with me too. Like not that "Awwwww shit, here we go again..." kind of pissed, I mean the "Fuck with me bitch! I dare you to!" kind of pissed. I started picking fights... and... winning them... I was pretty fuckin ecstatic. I finally found a way to get my revenge against the bullies! I started kicking every-bodies asses and of course, the teachers noticed.

I was hauled off to a school called Oak-Park South. Its much nicer than it sounds, it really is. They send all the misfit kids there, so I got thrown into the cesspit too. I started fighting my way to the top of the proverbial 'food-chain'. I even got into the 'shirtless fights' where it was 'cool' to rip your own shirt off and then grapple with your enemy... I got a couple of easily avoidable scars from that stupid shit, so I quit and continued with normally whooping ass, clothes and all.

I started getting the 'Hop-Cops' on me from all the attention I was attracting to myself. ('Hop-Cop': Kyler's weird-ass term for a school disciplinary officer who would come to the scene of a fight and break it up, hauling the one responsible off to student office.)

I got tired of the school fights, so I thought it would be 'bad-ass' to join a gang. I tried finding one, but I would either get a gun pointed in my face and get told to 'Get the fuck outta here, ya little bitch!' or I would refuse to do the god-forsaken, self-ridiculing 'initiation test'.

I finally found a small gang called "Eternal Bane" for which I have named many things, including the book I'm writing. As I joined, everyone was much more friendly than anyone I had ever met before. I was taken aback by their politeness and encouragement to 'Do what the fuck you wanna do bro!'

The real purpose behind the gang was something I had to figure out, and even that didn't take me long. I got into a fight with the leader, a very imposing, thick-muscled, man who was about in his thirties whose nickname and title was "Dozer". The pecking order stated him as "King".

I don't remember it all that well, but I do remember that he said something I didn't like, and of course, being like 12 at the time, I did the one thing that I knew to do... Try and fight him. Dozer didn't say a word when I was yelling at him. I finally charged him, blinded by the rage I had let consume me for the past year or two. With a quick motion, Dozer landed a thick-fisted punch in my chest. It stopped me dead man. I'd never felt anything like it before. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't the greatest feeling in the world. I landed flat on my back and all the air went straight outta me and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

He helped me up and sat me down. He looked at me with the most serious expression, I swear he was staring into my soul itself. I still remember that face to this day. He told me that, "I let my anger weigh me down." He said, "I see potential, but I also see a blind man." He told me that I couldn't make it in life, letting my anger take complete control like I did. Everyone supported me through it.

It was at that time that I figured out the gangs real purpose. It wasn't a 'gang', it was a family. Rose and Dozer were mom and dad and the rest of us were their kids. My closest brother was a guy I met named Justin. I still hang out with him too. He's about 17 or 18 now. I'm still in EB, but everything thats happened up to date is normal shit. Stuff you'd probably experience with friends and family. Jokes, pranks, video games, and a lot of "Alright, whose turn is it to get drinks?"

I got my anger under control. I know how to fight now, not how to flail around like a shark out of water and I've still got self-esteem issues. I rarely talk to anyone outside of my 'friend's circle'.

Well, thats pretty much it. Leave your comment or question on the comment section below and have a good day (or night, afternoon, whatever it may be.)