July 14th, 2009
Gay Film Reviews by Grisha
Strakarnir Okkar 2005. The story of a footballer who comes out to his family and club, and the various problems that occur as everyone comes or don't come to terms with it.
This film had to grow on me a bit, as from the beginning it seemed rather impersonal and lacking in emotion. The touches of humour through out were a welcome change despite their subtleness, and by the end you see more of Oáttar's heart and soul as he tries to help his son understand the changes in his father's life while the ex-wife and mother struggles with alcoholism.
Not especially heavy in the drama department, its worth a viewing at least. The strong language, gay sex scenes both clothed and unclothed, and nudity would give this film a mature rating. If you get offended by the use of derogatory terms for gays it can get under your skin the pervasive use of.
For young people who view this film, I think the most interesting character is Maggi, Oattar's 13 year old son, who is angry and confused by his father's way of "coming out".
End message of the film: "That's football!"
This is what I got out of it: Doesn't matter if you gay or not, BLT whatever, you can still share love of sports or anything else in the world. Sexuality of either or all ways is totally naturally, and not to make too big a deal out of it. Just be yourself! C++
Coming Out 1989. A German film set in Berlin (my favourite city :-) Is about a teacher who lived "in the closet" dating a female colleague to keep his secret from getting out. He eventually crosses paths with a young gay who struggles coming to terms with his sexuality (the film opens with a graphic stomach pumping for this guy who has attempted suicide with an overdose of meds), for them, it is truly "Love at First Sight."
The conflicts in the drama develop as pieces of Phillipe's sometimes gay life surface, pressure from his family to do the "right" thing: marry, have children, etc. and his heart and soul is full of hidden desires. When he meets a male lover from his youth who happens to be a friend of his fianceé, all his secret fires are reignited. Life's course forces hard decisions as he struggles to get beyond the lies he is telling everyone and himself.
Discreet gay sex scenes, nudity.
Touching, painful, poignant.
This is a film which addresses what I have not directly experienced but only viewed in another: the ability to have hetero sex and a relationship, but also desiring same sex partners also. Bisexuality. I can understand the physical dynamics of it, but maybe being gay since I first knew my own name, I still seek to understand the inability of some to not be honest with themselves and others. It can hurt everyone involved. Is it better to pretend? To lie to oneself? Aim for a goal one can never reach?
What I got from the film: "Do we not all have the right to live as nature intended?"
Some tough times in the old DDR, cruising, gay bars with a secret entry, location changing week by week, park sex, out in the dangers of the night. Silent. The secret signals. Ein fick? echoes and echoes, empty. Do you say yes or no? Here or someplace else?
Good lessons in this film for the homophobes. Not every gay man who tries to help someone is making a "pass". Be honest with yourself. Don't assume being GBLT is easy. Be thankful for what you do have that's good, it has been harder for others in the past, death and torture involved, and for many in other countries it is the same now.
This film made me cry for the truths in it we all know. For lost love...B-
Go West 2005. The story of a Serbian and a Muslim cellist who love during the horrible warring years as Yugoslavia divided. Chilling the deliberateness of the hate and violence, but their love transcends their environment even when it turns against them. This is part of our world's unfortunate history and hateful patterns.
This is a heavy drama, yet a slice of reality from so many peoples lives, both alive and now dead. The fatalist and pragmatic humour throughout is a welcome mitigating factor, that makes you smile many times.
Again, its no matter if you are gay, lesbian, bi or trans, survival and keeping your humanity was the most important thing. A very good film, and not what I expected to see, yet it was as I have experienced life. You are what you are. You don't have to be anything but that, whatever it is, however it is. There are often hard things, and you have to do stuff you might not have ordinarily have done, and endured suffering in hopes to finally find a kind of peace. The climax of the film is shocking, and the message and characters will stay a long time in your thoughts after this one.
Nudity, non-com sex hetero sex scene, suggested castration. No gay sex scenes, only moderate kisses. One perceives it is the modesty of the east Europe, but for me, it was OUTSTANDINGLY necessary because of the progress of the story. The gay relationship was shown as loving, normal as breathing, a solid relationship of relieved companionship. Too often gay relationships are shown or by the close-minded or ignorant as uneven, unbalanced or emotionally unhealthy, just as the majority of media spew: film, music, or whatever. A++++++
This one truly appealed to a secret desire of mine. Tender tragedy. I found it online and bought it the same day I viewed it. That's how much this film spoke me. How much I needed to have it as my own. GO WEST Official Website
This film had to grow on me a bit, as from the beginning it seemed rather impersonal and lacking in emotion. The touches of humour through out were a welcome change despite their subtleness, and by the end you see more of Oáttar's heart and soul as he tries to help his son understand the changes in his father's life while the ex-wife and mother struggles with alcoholism.
Not especially heavy in the drama department, its worth a viewing at least. The strong language, gay sex scenes both clothed and unclothed, and nudity would give this film a mature rating. If you get offended by the use of derogatory terms for gays it can get under your skin the pervasive use of.
For young people who view this film, I think the most interesting character is Maggi, Oattar's 13 year old son, who is angry and confused by his father's way of "coming out".
End message of the film: "That's football!"
This is what I got out of it: Doesn't matter if you gay or not, BLT whatever, you can still share love of sports or anything else in the world. Sexuality of either or all ways is totally naturally, and not to make too big a deal out of it. Just be yourself! C++
Coming Out 1989. A German film set in Berlin (my favourite city :-) Is about a teacher who lived "in the closet" dating a female colleague to keep his secret from getting out. He eventually crosses paths with a young gay who struggles coming to terms with his sexuality (the film opens with a graphic stomach pumping for this guy who has attempted suicide with an overdose of meds), for them, it is truly "Love at First Sight."
The conflicts in the drama develop as pieces of Phillipe's sometimes gay life surface, pressure from his family to do the "right" thing: marry, have children, etc. and his heart and soul is full of hidden desires. When he meets a male lover from his youth who happens to be a friend of his fianceé, all his secret fires are reignited. Life's course forces hard decisions as he struggles to get beyond the lies he is telling everyone and himself.
Discreet gay sex scenes, nudity.
Touching, painful, poignant.
This is a film which addresses what I have not directly experienced but only viewed in another: the ability to have hetero sex and a relationship, but also desiring same sex partners also. Bisexuality. I can understand the physical dynamics of it, but maybe being gay since I first knew my own name, I still seek to understand the inability of some to not be honest with themselves and others. It can hurt everyone involved. Is it better to pretend? To lie to oneself? Aim for a goal one can never reach?
What I got from the film: "Do we not all have the right to live as nature intended?"
Some tough times in the old DDR, cruising, gay bars with a secret entry, location changing week by week, park sex, out in the dangers of the night. Silent. The secret signals. Ein fick? echoes and echoes, empty. Do you say yes or no? Here or someplace else?
Good lessons in this film for the homophobes. Not every gay man who tries to help someone is making a "pass". Be honest with yourself. Don't assume being GBLT is easy. Be thankful for what you do have that's good, it has been harder for others in the past, death and torture involved, and for many in other countries it is the same now.
This film made me cry for the truths in it we all know. For lost love...B-
Go West 2005. The story of a Serbian and a Muslim cellist who love during the horrible warring years as Yugoslavia divided. Chilling the deliberateness of the hate and violence, but their love transcends their environment even when it turns against them. This is part of our world's unfortunate history and hateful patterns.
This is a heavy drama, yet a slice of reality from so many peoples lives, both alive and now dead. The fatalist and pragmatic humour throughout is a welcome mitigating factor, that makes you smile many times.
Again, its no matter if you are gay, lesbian, bi or trans, survival and keeping your humanity was the most important thing. A very good film, and not what I expected to see, yet it was as I have experienced life. You are what you are. You don't have to be anything but that, whatever it is, however it is. There are often hard things, and you have to do stuff you might not have ordinarily have done, and endured suffering in hopes to finally find a kind of peace. The climax of the film is shocking, and the message and characters will stay a long time in your thoughts after this one.
Nudity, non-com sex hetero sex scene, suggested castration. No gay sex scenes, only moderate kisses. One perceives it is the modesty of the east Europe, but for me, it was OUTSTANDINGLY necessary because of the progress of the story. The gay relationship was shown as loving, normal as breathing, a solid relationship of relieved companionship. Too often gay relationships are shown or by the close-minded or ignorant as uneven, unbalanced or emotionally unhealthy, just as the majority of media spew: film, music, or whatever. A++++++
This one truly appealed to a secret desire of mine. Tender tragedy. I found it online and bought it the same day I viewed it. That's how much this film spoke me. How much I needed to have it as my own. GO WEST Official Website
Posted by ShySorrow | Jul 14, 2009 9:32 AM | 0 comments
Private Entry
April 8th, 2009
Dreams of Lee and Rhinoceros!
I dreamt of Lee Williams last night. Odd mostly because I very, very seldom dream because I have sleep problems...so never reach REM to get to dream....but last night I took a sleeping pill (which only sometimes work on me anyway) and after exhaustion for a couple of days, it did work. I slept very deep.
In the dream, I was at a hotel at night, and all its doors and windows were open, and lots of people all around and people I knew from before. I don't know why I was there as I didn't need a room, so I was about to leave. As I was getting into a car I saw Lee sitting at a patio tables with some friends listening to what one was telling him. One of also had a keyboard upon the table. Greatly daring, I went up to him, and said, "I am sorry I don't mean to interrupt," he then looked up at me just eyebrows kind of raised, "but could I please have your autograph." My heart was beating so hard I was afraid he would be angry or say no, but he just smiled looking pleased and said, "Certainly!" And began to write. As he did so, I apologized again asking if I could run and get another card so he could also sign for a friend who would be terribly disappointing if I didn't get one for him too. Lee laughed a bit and said yes, and began with that one. I then began to get somewhat nervous and stupid, not sure of what to say, so I stammered, who my friend was, and he asked if they were available with a laugh. I thanked him again and again, and he and his friends rose then to leave. My cue to go away!
I noticed they walked to a car which Lee sat upon while they gathered up gear to put in the trunk. He looked bored but beautiful, I noticed his hair was like Prince Valiant and its colour, I wanted to say more but decided no, that would be really, really stupid and far too much. I didn't want to leave from seeing him but did. I got in the car to drive away but the hotel parking lot had changed and it was now dangerous, gangs looked like they were fighting, and I hurried through them trying not to hit anyone. I rounded a corner to find a Australian aborigine riding a rhinoceros, both all covered with painted symbols it began to run down on me and I veered away. I thought I would be safe in the car, but suddenly found myself on a rather small pony and just when the rhinoceros and screaming Aborigine was just about to run us over I woke up!
Strange dream...wow!
In the dream, I was at a hotel at night, and all its doors and windows were open, and lots of people all around and people I knew from before. I don't know why I was there as I didn't need a room, so I was about to leave. As I was getting into a car I saw Lee sitting at a patio tables with some friends listening to what one was telling him. One of also had a keyboard upon the table. Greatly daring, I went up to him, and said, "I am sorry I don't mean to interrupt," he then looked up at me just eyebrows kind of raised, "but could I please have your autograph." My heart was beating so hard I was afraid he would be angry or say no, but he just smiled looking pleased and said, "Certainly!" And began to write. As he did so, I apologized again asking if I could run and get another card so he could also sign for a friend who would be terribly disappointing if I didn't get one for him too. Lee laughed a bit and said yes, and began with that one. I then began to get somewhat nervous and stupid, not sure of what to say, so I stammered, who my friend was, and he asked if they were available with a laugh. I thanked him again and again, and he and his friends rose then to leave. My cue to go away!
I noticed they walked to a car which Lee sat upon while they gathered up gear to put in the trunk. He looked bored but beautiful, I noticed his hair was like Prince Valiant and its colour, I wanted to say more but decided no, that would be really, really stupid and far too much. I didn't want to leave from seeing him but did. I got in the car to drive away but the hotel parking lot had changed and it was now dangerous, gangs looked like they were fighting, and I hurried through them trying not to hit anyone. I rounded a corner to find a Australian aborigine riding a rhinoceros, both all covered with painted symbols it began to run down on me and I veered away. I thought I would be safe in the car, but suddenly found myself on a rather small pony and just when the rhinoceros and screaming Aborigine was just about to run us over I woke up!
Strange dream...wow!
Posted by ShySorrow | Apr 8, 2009 7:58 AM | 0 comments
March 30th, 2009
Mirages of Passing Emotion
Anime Relations: Honoo no Mirage
Maybe my heart sensed everything was coming to a head.
Maybe I had simply reached the point where not knowing anything really and receiving short messages from a third person about the situation had stressed me to the point I simply couldn't go on...
Maybe the invisible cords which kept he and I bound together somehow tightened convulsively and suffocated my hope...
In any case, almost as if by magical, once I reached the point where I was grieving and crazy, he reappeared. More or less. Then I get the messages again about what's going on with him, that he's moved to another hospital in the countryside and health is a bit better. Then I receive the messages again: "I love you, I miss you, I miss the sound of your exhaling..."
What torment! I feel like raging somehow. He apologizes, he says, "sorry, I should have told you sooner, I should have answered sooner. I should have messaged and visit when I could have. Sorry I didn't."
It's almost as if he were watching me to see when I collapsed and simply felt no longer again to go on...to finally contact me himself again. Capitulation to turn away the slap he knows he deserves. He doesn't have so much time left? Why does he do this to me? But yes, I again have to realize that such a condition gives him depression and problems also (many besides the mental/emo stuff) and that he makes reluctant choices also. Mirage of Blaze! You can't be truly together, but you can't be truly apart either!
Maybe I had simply reached the point where not knowing anything really and receiving short messages from a third person about the situation had stressed me to the point I simply couldn't go on...
Maybe the invisible cords which kept he and I bound together somehow tightened convulsively and suffocated my hope...
In any case, almost as if by magical, once I reached the point where I was grieving and crazy, he reappeared. More or less. Then I get the messages again about what's going on with him, that he's moved to another hospital in the countryside and health is a bit better. Then I receive the messages again: "I love you, I miss you, I miss the sound of your exhaling..."
What torment! I feel like raging somehow. He apologizes, he says, "sorry, I should have told you sooner, I should have answered sooner. I should have messaged and visit when I could have. Sorry I didn't."
It's almost as if he were watching me to see when I collapsed and simply felt no longer again to go on...to finally contact me himself again. Capitulation to turn away the slap he knows he deserves. He doesn't have so much time left? Why does he do this to me? But yes, I again have to realize that such a condition gives him depression and problems also (many besides the mental/emo stuff) and that he makes reluctant choices also. Mirage of Blaze! You can't be truly together, but you can't be truly apart either!
Posted by ShySorrow | Mar 30, 2009 7:34 AM | 0 comments
Private Entry
March 16th, 2009
I think mostly Offline
Probably will be offline here for a while, or very rarely on. I do appreciate the friends who have chat with me here, thanks, but overall, I'm sorry....but at this time the mean and hateful people combined with my own heartbreak right now...just not a happy place for me here. So I guess some of those who just wanted me to go away have succeeded, but it's not really because of you though. Know that. But the heartbreak...my friend is dying of leukemia also, so it is not only loss now but loss eternal in grief that hurts so much right now.
If anyone wants to contact me outside, you can, am shylovegrisha@yahoo.com (PLEASE note, the suffix is .COM, it is NOT .de. If you get a mail from this same name at .de....it is not me), though I do get the auto messages when I receive a comment or PM here can't reliably say you'll get a response quickly sent through MAL.
How to go and Forget
by Edwin Markham
I know how to hold,
As the lovers of old --
How to cling to you, sing to you,
Let all the world know the song that I bring to you.
But I do not know yet,
How to go and forget!
I know how to call
To the God over all --
How to sigh for you, cry for you,
Fight down the terrible dark till I die for you.
But I do not know yet,
How to go and forget!
To Earthward
by Robert Frost
Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air
That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of - was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Down hill at dusk?
I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.
I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.
Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain
Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.
When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,
The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.
Grisha
If anyone wants to contact me outside, you can, am shylovegrisha@yahoo.com (PLEASE note, the suffix is .COM, it is NOT .de. If you get a mail from this same name at .de....it is not me), though I do get the auto messages when I receive a comment or PM here can't reliably say you'll get a response quickly sent through MAL.
How to go and Forget
by Edwin Markham
I know how to hold,
As the lovers of old --
How to cling to you, sing to you,
Let all the world know the song that I bring to you.
But I do not know yet,
How to go and forget!
I know how to call
To the God over all --
How to sigh for you, cry for you,
Fight down the terrible dark till I die for you.
But I do not know yet,
How to go and forget!
To Earthward
by Robert Frost
Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air
That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of - was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Down hill at dusk?
I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.
I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.
Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain
Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.
When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,
The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.
Grisha
Posted by ShySorrow | Mar 16, 2009 9:47 AM | 0 comments