November 11th, 2011
*Jokes*
_______________~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~*JOKES*~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~______________
Wife: Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: What nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.
Three professors absorbed in their conversation didn't hear the train arrive but heard depart. Panicky and desperate, two of them managed to scramble onboard. Collie said to the one left behind: Don't feel bad, at least your friends made it. The professor sighed and said, but they were here to see me off
Wife: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Husband: No dear, it's imagination
Why are married women heavier than single women!
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Could you please tell me the condition of Mr. Ronald in room No. 605? He was operated upon last
week and I'd like to know his condition. The nurse excused herself and then returned to the phone... I have just checked Mr. Ronald's chart. His condition is excellent and he seems to be making steady improvement. Who shall I say called? This is Mr. Ronald in room No. 605... My doctors don't tell me a thing!
Wife was talking on the phone for half an hour, and then she hung up.
Husband: Wow! That was short. You usually talk for 2 hours, what happened?
Wife: wrong number.
While giving a physical, doctor noticed his patient's shins were covered with dark bruises.
Doctor: tell me, you play hockey or soccer?
Man: Neither, my wife and I play chess.
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
1- Wait a minute! If this is spleen, then what is that?
2- damn, there go the lights again
3- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out.
Wife to her husband: Yep, I'm color blind to one color.
Husband: which color?
Wife: I don't know, I have't seen it yet.
When a gives birthday present to wife. How can you tell the difference if it was a real gift or a guilty gift? Guilt gifts are nicer and more expensive.
Patient: in my dreams, rate play football every night.
Doctor: take this tablet tonight, you will be fine.
Patient: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is the final.
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
4- Oops!
5- Has anyone seen my watch?
6- Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.
7- Hold me that.... Uh... Thing!
8- I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
What should you give a man has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Teacher: what do you if you choke on an ice cube?
Student: Don't panic! Simply pour a kettle of boiling water down your threat.
Wife: Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: What nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.
Three professors absorbed in their conversation didn't hear the train arrive but heard depart. Panicky and desperate, two of them managed to scramble onboard. Collie said to the one left behind: Don't feel bad, at least your friends made it. The professor sighed and said, but they were here to see me off
Wife: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Husband: No dear, it's imagination
Why are married women heavier than single women!
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Could you please tell me the condition of Mr. Ronald in room No. 605? He was operated upon last
week and I'd like to know his condition. The nurse excused herself and then returned to the phone... I have just checked Mr. Ronald's chart. His condition is excellent and he seems to be making steady improvement. Who shall I say called? This is Mr. Ronald in room No. 605... My doctors don't tell me a thing!
Wife was talking on the phone for half an hour, and then she hung up.
Husband: Wow! That was short. You usually talk for 2 hours, what happened?
Wife: wrong number.
While giving a physical, doctor noticed his patient's shins were covered with dark bruises.
Doctor: tell me, you play hockey or soccer?
Man: Neither, my wife and I play chess.
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
1- Wait a minute! If this is spleen, then what is that?
2- damn, there go the lights again
3- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out.
Wife to her husband: Yep, I'm color blind to one color.
Husband: which color?
Wife: I don't know, I have't seen it yet.
When a gives birthday present to wife. How can you tell the difference if it was a real gift or a guilty gift? Guilt gifts are nicer and more expensive.
Patient: in my dreams, rate play football every night.
Doctor: take this tablet tonight, you will be fine.
Patient: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is the final.
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
4- Oops!
5- Has anyone seen my watch?
6- Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.
7- Hold me that.... Uh... Thing!
8- I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
What should you give a man has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Teacher: what do you if you choke on an ice cube?
Student: Don't panic! Simply pour a kettle of boiling water down your threat.
Posted by MangaFanatics | Nov 11, 2011 5:22 AM | 0 comments