Alvida's Blog

Sometimes I am sorry of being weak womanl. I have many fears and I need the strong shoulder of a man. If I could be a man.....

I feel emptiness in my soul. I want cry and scream. It seems that I lost something important. Maybe, it si s, because I have not someone, that may comfort me, say that all will be ok. I feel lost myself. I have friends, but I am so lonely. My depression begins again. "Help me someone" - I write here, but in the real life I am so proud and so false. Skip beat, Alvida, skip beat...

Crying....It is so usual for me, I can't imagine my life if I shouldn't cry. My arms trembl. Mental anguish... While I am crying my soul becomes less scream and I have a chance don't explode. My mom loves me that no me. She believes that I am the same sa few years ago. I, "true I' , get lost in the human's delusions. Do they always see that they want to see. Maybe, one day I'll meet HIM. Someday.... Someone....

I don't unerstand the life, and it hurts me. Sometimes I want to scream. And sometimes I even want to end my life. I am so alone and seems that it will be so forever. I cry and pray to the God. Especially in the night. I want some warm, soul warm. But I don't allow pepople to know "really me". I wear the mask. Evem my parents don't know me as I am. It is scary. I want someone helps me. But this someone doesn't know that I need help...