Back to FlowersInTheRain's Blog

FlowersInTheRain's Blog

Dec 3, 2019 2:33 PM
Anime Relations: Steins;Gate

Okay so I don't really care much about labels. But here I want to discuss my sexuality and my thoughts on it.

I didn't mind people calling me bi but I think I have found a better label now. The adult sites I signed up to so that I could share my filthy and shocking PMVs and HMVs with the world gave me a few options to identify my sexual orientation. The one I picked is called Heteroflexible. I think it works well since I am not attracted to men, manliness or anything masculine.

I am only attracted to women, futa, traps, newhalf, shemale, ladyboy, transsexual and possibly extremely convincing and good looking crossdressers. (My apologies if I have caused any offense with these labels but let us continue.)
Infact, I really don't know what makes people see one guy as good looking and not another. Not counting obvious things that are not always seen as attractive such as one being overweight or short.

When people say that they are attracted to me I don't know what it is that they are attracted to me about unless they say. Is it because I am black? Is it my face? Is it how I carry myself? Is it how I dress? Is it a body part or my body shape? Is it a combination of things? Is it my personality?
When I look at myself in the mirror I don't see an attractive man or an unattractive man. I just see me. A guy who likes to keep his body and mind in shape.

If I don't know what makes a man attractive then it is no wonder that I am not attracted to men. I don't see what others see when they look at men. Although I know from MGTOW that women are attracted to the status of a man and his assets and income I don't know what they find physically and emotionally attractive in one man but not the next.

But when I look at a person who was born as a man but has made themselves look like a woman as much as possible and my eyes believe that they have done a great job with that then I am now attracted to that person. So that says to me that I am attracted to femininity and turned off to masculinity. So I can't possibly be straight and I can't possibly be bi unless you define a person by the gender that they were originally born as. In that case then I truly am a bisexual.

There is also the case of male and female genitalia. Why is it that I am attracted to fake boobs the same as real boobs? Even though I know that real boobs feel better and have the function of being able to feed the next generation? And why is it that I no longer associate the penis as being a male only body part? Perhaps my mind has truly been warped at the sight of that hermaphrodite that I saw in porn when I was only 12 or 13. Indeed this is when my curiosity began. And since then any time I heard about a person transitioning or saw a trap or futanari drawing I was interested, fascinated, aroused even.

And what about lesbians? These are women who are not interested at all in men. And yet they use dildos and strap ons. Are body parts just that? Body parts? Is it the behaviour that I am attracted to and not so much the gender specific anatomy? If I were truly straight I would be disgusted at the sight of a penis or phallic shape on anything, would I not?

These are the questions I ask myself. As a Christian it is difficult to grapple with these things. As as a black man it is difficult to grapple with these things. And yet here I am. Still living. Still getting on with life. Such is life. I can only be me. I have accepted my sexuality. This is who I am. Love me or hate me, agree or disagree this is who I am now.

Posted by FlowersInTheRain | Dec 3, 2019 2:33 PM | Add a comment