| I decided to completely rework this forum post since so much has changed since I started my story. I got an editor, I wrote the chapters, I finished the first book. Now I have my daydreams and visions of an awesome story all written. If you can overlook a few grammatical errors (my editor focused on flow of story with me more than grammar) I have an artist that should hopefully start on my illustrations soon, and I will get a line editor as well. But I have finally crossed the line of competing my first ever book. While I have not posted up all the chapters quite yet... I do have my story up on several sights if you wish to read it. I would love some feedback if you care to take the time to enjoy my book. I'll have the rest of the chapters up before long! Here is the intro to my LN: And links to my story from various sources: https://www.fictionpress.com/story/story_edit_property.php?storyid=3206847 http://www.wattpad.com/story/19178160-piercing-the-shroud-of-strength http://sparkatale.com/books/details/2171#.VAXs5GRdUuj http://whatamafu.deviantart.com/gallery/51016374/Piercing-the-Shroud-of-Strength http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/whatamafu/1383443/ |
whatamafuSep 2, 2014 9:12 AM
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whatamafu said: How I can relate to you! I made my "LN" public because it's my best shot at trying to become a pro. If it's worth getting published, I may add extra content later as an incentive to make fans want to buy it. Or I may just write another one as I have ideas for a lot of different plots.As i have this farfetched hope of this maybe getting published one day, I don't want to just outright post it. But so far, it's not going so well. Even for free, people are not willing to waste their time with some unknown writer, unfortunately. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
Shiratori-san said: whatamafu said: How I can relate to you! I made my "LN" public because it's my best shot at trying to become a pro. If it's worth getting published, I may add extra content later as an incentive to make fans want to buy it. Or I may just write another one as I have ideas for a lot of different plots.As i have this farfetched hope of this maybe getting published one day, I don't want to just outright post it. But so far, it's not going so well. Even for free, people are not willing to waste their time with some unknown writer, unfortunately. You have an excellent point Shiratori-san. Perhaps it would be best to take it public. However, like i said earlier, it is in it's infancy still... 8000ish words. I guess it would be best to see if it is going in a good direction now, rather than 100k words from now XD. |
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whatamafu said: Yes, if you do it now you can still change things based on the feedback you receive.You have an excellent point Shiratori-san. Perhaps it would be best to take it public. However, like i said earlier, it is in it's infancy still... 8000ish words. I guess it would be best to see if it is going in a good direction now, rather than 100k words from now XD. However, I did it differently, because as a reader I wouldn't like if the story changed after I read it. So I only showed my LN to people after I wrote everything and was 100% satisfied with it. And I can tell you that I made a lot of changes in the initial chapters as I advanced in the narrative. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
Shiratori-san said: whatamafu said: Yes, if you do it now you can still change things based on the feedback you receive.You have an excellent point Shiratori-san. Perhaps it would be best to take it public. However, like i said earlier, it is in it's infancy still... 8000ish words. I guess it would be best to see if it is going in a good direction now, rather than 100k words from now XD. However, I did it differently, because as a reader I wouldn't like if the story changed after I read it. So I only showed my LN to people after I wrote everything and was 100% satisfied with it. And I can tell you that I made a lot of changes in the initial chapters as I advanced in the narrative. Oh, I know that feel. I was writing my story in outline form first knowing that would happen. Then when I had the whole thing planned out, and put fingers to keyboard, I discovered that it still was not good enough. I have revisited the first chapter so many times already, and I'm only 10000 words in at this point. However, I think it is safe to say at this point, that other than minor edits, my story thus far is concrete. |
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| Alright, I put the link to my story at the top of my original post. Hope you guys read it, and provide me with feedback. Even if it is nothing but bad, I can take your criticisms. I want to grow as an author you know :p |
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| I've already downloaded it :D It'll take time to give my feedback.. I don't really have time to read anything now... :( |
J-Aruki said: I've already downloaded it :D It'll take time to give my feedback.. I don't really have time to read anything now... :( I am in no rush. The more time you take, the better the feedback. (or just more time for me to continue critical thinking on the future of my story.) |
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| Also, I was considering posting my story on wattpad and fictionpress at some point. Once it is no longer a rough draft, but finished chapters and whatnot. Do you guys think those are good places to post? |
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| Yo, I am not that good in english but I didn't understood some parts. The victor of said battle determines the way of life. It is a nice plot but I am missing some background info. What was the weather when they fought? Was it a rainy day? The wet brown earth was about the only thing you could see (chapter 1) If the wind starts blowing or if I fall, (chapter 3) So there is wind and the ground is wet. You see there are some details that are nice but not providing enough to start the readers imagination. they will just read it and get over with it. You provided the info after 2 chapters. I based my opinions only after the story. note: It was dark out when Hiro reached his dorm again This info is provided nicely! |
[center] |
The victor of said battle determines the way of life. Here is a clearer version of what i meant. I will update my rough draft with it. "The one who achieves victory over all the rest in battle is the one who determines the way of life." "It is a nice plot but I am missing some background info. What was the weather when they fought? Was it a rainy day?" (For some reason, your quote here is not coming up in the box like normal, so i am putting it in quotation marks) Not rainy, Hiro was simply knocked into a mud pit. The wet brown earth was about the only thing you could see (chapter 1) If the wind starts blowing or if I fall, (chapter 3) "So there is wind and the ground is wet." (same problem as above, i am new to these forums) well this is a different day all together. they are in a desert biome. The ground is sandy here, and at the time, the wind was not blowing. The character was simply thinking of the possibility of wind. |
whatamafuJul 10, 2014 1:16 PM
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| Ill give feedback as soon as Ive read it The title seems kinda depressing... |
| I've been here way too long... |
| I am pushing forward with publishing my story on Wattpad for now. I only have the first 3 chapters done compared to the 6 in the rough draft, however they are more refined chapters that will read smoother I hope. Link to story here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/19178160-end-war-working-title |
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| I read the wattpad version It might work better as a manga/comic as for the characters and plot its....."meh" I need to read more in order to improve my criticism |
| I've been here way too long... |
TheConquerer said: I read the wattpad version It might work better as a manga/comic as for the characters and plot its....."meh" I need to read more in order to improve my criticism I will have the rest of the story up on wattpad by the end of today. |
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| And now we are up to date on the story with chapter 6 up on wattpad and fictionpress. http://www.wattpad.com/story/19178160-end-war-working-title https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3206847/1/End-War |
whatamafuJul 11, 2014 10:56 AM
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| So I don't know if this every happens to anyone, but I got no sleep last night. It is not from lack of trying, but the way my mind works is that it is most creative just before bed. My best ideas just come to me as I am about to fall into slumber. with this in mind, my thoughts last night where towards my story, and time and time again, I was forced to get up, open my laptop, look at the bright screen, and then jot down the ideas... After about 5 or six times though, I have been able to neatly plot out the rest of my story! All that is left is to write it out in full length chapters. I am exited about this. |
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| Just make sure it hasn't already been done :D |
| I've been here way too long... |
whatamafu said: Just like me. But I didn't write during the night because it's not good for my health. I had a notebook and pencil in my bedside table and just noted my ideas down on paper so I wouldn't forget them. Next morning, I'd be fresh and would work on them, also very excitedly (^_^)So I don't know if this every happens to anyone, but I got no sleep last night. It is not from lack of trying, but the way my mind works is that it is most creative just before bed. My best ideas just come to me as I am about to fall into slumber. with this in mind, my thoughts last night where towards my story, and time and time again, I was forced to get up, open my laptop, look at the bright screen, and then jot down the ideas... After about 5 or six times though, I have been able to neatly plot out the rest of my story! All that is left is to write it out in full length chapters. I am exited about this. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
Shiratori-san said: whatamafu said: Just like me. But I didn't write during the night because it's not good for my health. I had a notebook and pencil in my bedside table and just noted my ideas down on paper so I wouldn't forget them. Next morning, I'd be fresh and would work on them, also very excitedly (^_^)So I don't know if this every happens to anyone, but I got no sleep last night. It is not from lack of trying, but the way my mind works is that it is most creative just before bed. My best ideas just come to me as I am about to fall into slumber. with this in mind, my thoughts last night where towards my story, and time and time again, I was forced to get up, open my laptop, look at the bright screen, and then jot down the ideas... After about 5 or six times though, I have been able to neatly plot out the rest of my story! All that is left is to write it out in full length chapters. I am exited about this. My problem now is putting my inspirations into the right words and context... i have been writing for the past 2 hours with only 500 words... o well, I did get my 7th chapter up... the real plot finally begins! |
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| My story is 15k words and 9 chapters in. If fantasy/romance/comedy/fighting/superpower books sound appealing to you, then maybe check out my story? Piercing the Shroud of Strength: Sazakira, a magical country of this world ruled by one thing. Strength. All else is cast to the wayside. The system of governance is battle. The one who achieves victory over all the rest is the one who determines the way of life. To change the world, you must be the strongest. In an effort to produce stronger and stronger warriors, schools of battle where established. They were places where the young would be raised in the art of war. Taught to harness their unique skills and abilities. The system would crush the weak, and raise up the strong. It would provide the fuel that makes the fire rage on. There is one such school named Uzario that unknowingly is in the process of brining about an end to this. http://www.wattpad.com/story/19178160-piercing-the-shroud-of-strength https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3206847/9/Piercing-the-Shroud-of-Strength |
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| I read the first chapter of it, and honestly I am amazed. You wrote it so well, the way you tell the little details made me clearly imagined the scenario. I wish i could write like you.. |
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nume-chan said: I read the first chapter of it, and honestly I am amazed. You wrote it so well, the way you tell the little details made me clearly imagined the scenario. I wish i could write like you.. Well thank you! Although, I like to think my writing gets better late on in the novel! |
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| and also I just want to suggest that if u don't mind, how about changing the title of ur LN? make it just simple, but enough to grab one's attention or curiosity.? (well its just my opinion, because for some reason I find ur title a bit too serious..) |
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nume-chan said: and also I just want to suggest that if u don't mind, how about changing the title of ur LN? make it just simple, but enough to grab one's attention or curiosity.? (well its just my opinion, because for some reason I find ur title a bit too serious..) Well. I was trying to be original, and use language that stands out, avoid generalities and cliches, and have it match the theme of my story. I may change it, but for now that is my title |
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| I just finished reading all of your chapters. And I'm now so intrigued to the story. Looking forward to your next chapter. |
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nume-chan said: I just finished reading all of your chapters. And I'm now so intrigued to the story. Looking forward to your next chapter. Well thank you! I'll try to post as frequently as I find myself able. 2x a week should be the norm from here on. (Don't hold me to that though, as I don't force content. Forcing yourself to write always leads to a downfall of quality with me.) But I have been having a blast with this work so I would not expect it to slow much past that! Also, it makes me glad to hear that you are enjoying it :P |
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| Chapter 10 is up! hope you like fighting. |
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| though I need to reread it for a couple of times for me to fully understand who's attacking or who's kicking who (because i sometimes easily get confuse when it comes to fight scenes in novels), well thankfully I somewhat managed to picture the fighting scenes well. And wow at last Hiro got serious in his opponent if it wasn't for the distraction, he could had... haha |
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nume-chan said: though I need to reread it for a couple of times for me to fully understand who's attacking or who's kicking who (because i sometimes easily get confuse when it comes to fight scenes in novels), well thankfully I somewhat managed to picture the fighting scenes well. And wow at last Hiro got serious in his opponent if it wasn't for the distraction, he could had... haha I apologize if the combat was confusing.. it is quite hard for me to depict combat and avoid redundancies at the same time. If it were an anime.... or even a manga.... well you get the point. Thanks for the feedback! |
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| Chapter 11 is up. Let me know if you like my story! (I'll give you a cookie for feedback) |
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| I think there's not enough background... I only skimmed really fast(like ~5 min) through 4 chapters so maybe you shouldn't trust my opinion too much. I'm not really too sure what's the role of a 'light novel' when you are writing it in English because afaik they are definitely not as popular as in Japan..? But I suppose it would be kind of close to fantasy. At first glance it seems like you jumped straight into some fights and stuff which is kinda alright to get the action started but I can't really relate that much to the characters nor do I know nearly enough about the setting except there's this 'fighting school' which really seems kind of generic. There's got to be some kind of stand-out factor or rationale. Like what is the reason for this system to exist? Let's look at a few examples. 1. Japan's samurai era. Fighting/martial prowess was held in high regard and the existence of a class system allows samurai to have special niche in society. 2. More anime-related. In railgun Academy city was the unique vision realized by one of the strongest Mage and had academies to train ESPers for research purposes. 3. HxH. Hunter system as a realistic practical profession which fits well into the world as there seems to be hunter for each area, like rare beast hunter, gourmet hunter etc. So I would like to see something more interesting than merely 'strongest win; school exist to make people stronger'. |
| There's two kinds of people you can't win an argument against: One - Too dumb to tell right from wrong. Two - Too stubborn to admit they are wrong. |
| As an editor, I cannot agree more with the fact that authors should NOT release their story until a significant, if not all of their story has been completed. Not only can the editor QC the work and correct as needed (I already spied a couple errors on the very first page!), but also your story will not be subject to readers who believe YOUR story should head in a direction THEY LIKE. Authors should very very rarely bend to the will of readers. After all, whose story is it afterword? This is your story! An editor might suggest a path that might increase the longevity of the story, or perhaps shorten it as needed, but in the end the author controls his own work. If you intend to release monthly or weekly, do so but promise yourself first to write for yourself, not your readers. It is good to know your target audience, but if an author is not even working for himself, it is bound to be no good. As for your story, an interesting concept. I can't say unique because in this day and age almost nothing is. Your work is too young to judge at the moment, but I believe with time I can tell more accurately. Any questions, comments or concerns? Please message me or contact me on my profile or something. I would be glad to assist you or offer you pointers. I'm sure most editors who have a spare moment on their hands would )) -Jayex |
I stand with Freedom, no matter the cost, no matter the price. |
Jayex said: I totally agree with you. I myself wrote my story until the end and then re-read it many times and changed things a lot before releasing it. If I had released it as I wrote it, it would have been a mistake, because I wouldn’t be able to change it afterwards. And you can’t believe how changing or adding a single line or piece of information can make your story much better (or much worse).As an editor, I cannot agree more with the fact that authors should NOT release their story until a significant, if not all of their story has been completed. Not only can the editor QC the work and correct as needed (I already spied a couple errors on the very first page!), but also your story will not be subject to readers who believe YOUR story should head in a direction THEY LIKE. Authors should very very rarely bend to the will of readers. After all, whose story is it afterword? This is your story! An editor might suggest a path that might increase the longevity of the story, or perhaps shorten it as needed, but in the end the author controls his own work. If you intend to release monthly or weekly, do so but promise yourself first to write for yourself, not your readers. It is good to know your target audience, but if an author is not even working for himself, it is bound to be no good. As for your story, an interesting concept. I can't say unique because in this day and age almost nothing is. Your work is too young to judge at the moment, but I believe with time I can tell more accurately. Any questions, comments or concerns? Please message me or contact me on my profile or something. I would be glad to assist you or offer you pointers. I'm sure most editors who have a spare moment on their hands would )) -Jayex And I also wrote it for myself and how I felt it was best. I know it’s not a popular story by default, but I refuse following rules and trends just to make my work popular. Even if it’s bad, I’m in love with my story. But from what I’ve read from whatamafu, I believe he is the same and is enjoy what he’s doing a lot. |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
| I have a contract in progress with an artist! They are booked for the next month... maybe two. So that gives me time to hammer out a lot of my story. Most of the drawings are already planned... My novel is slowly coming to fruition! |
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whatamafu said: It's very good that you're giving it your all. Keep it up.I have a contract in progress with an artist! They are booked for the next month... maybe two. So that gives me time to hammer out a lot of my story. Most of the drawings are already planned... My novel is slowly coming to fruition! |
| The writer who penned Clashing Feelings. You can buy the light novel on Amazon. |
| Well, I just kicked out my 12th chapter. However, I will be leaving it there for a while. You see, I got an editor yesterday, so now I will be overhauling my story. As well as I am working on a contract with an artist who will start for me in about 2 months... Yesterday was my birthday, and yesterday is when i got my artist and editor. Best present ever! I can actually start to realize my novel! It is no longer just a hope, but will actually be happening! |
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| wow, congrats to u! |
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nume-chan said: Thank you kindly :Dwow, congrats to u! |
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| Updated OP now that my first book is done! |
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nume-chan said: I just finished reading all of your chapters. And I'm now so intrigued to the story. Looking forward to your next chapter. well now I finished book 1... All my chapters original 12 chapters I have been vastly improved. And I have my 13th posted... I'll post the other chapters at decent intervals... But the point is... my story is complete other than getting my artist to actually start on the illustrations, and getting a line editor. |
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