ZettaiRyouiki's Blog

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WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Welcome back. Last time I reviewed Iori even though Topaz has just blogged about her anyway. Then I talked in an annoying language and confused my only reader. But now at least I know Gluttony came to this school recently and is near the mascot area. That means heading outside again.

: Don’t worry, slave, the outside won’t kill you.

Har har.

: Glad you found it funny too!

Sure I did... Well, no matter, once we go past this corridor we’ll be outsi- *a hole opens under him and falls down, then closes* DAAAAAH!

: Wait, why are you talking like Minori...? *notices Zettai’s absence* SLAVE!

(Somewhere in the school)

That could’ve hurt, thank goodness I jumped right before landing! Wait, where I am?

Voice: Welcome, Zettai! I summoned you for revenge!

Great, it must be Infamy.

Voice: No.

Sena? Nodoka? Naru? Mikoto?

Voice: Nothing.

Asuna? Kirino? Momo?

Voice: Still nothing.

Hinagiku? Kotori? Rouge? Mana? Minori?

Voice: None of these.

Some minor villain, like Chizuru?

Voice: Nope.

...Can you help a guy out? I can’t keep track of all my old villains.

Voice: Sure thing. *walks out of shadows*

YOU! ...Wait, you aren’t a villain. Not on my blog I mean.

: That’s right Zettai, I came to get revenge for my poor blog! My score should be much bigger and you rated me too low.

It was the first “proper” blog, cut me some slack...

: Hey, what about me? Thanks to your haste my blog lacks a lot of stuff.

How could I know Toei would bring you back? Wait, Toei, recycling, duh.

Girl: That’s why I got them together for fun and revenge, ahahahahah!

Wait, you are...



: That’s me, tee-hee!

: Together, we are...

: ...THE SWAMP WITCH TRIO! *the three villainesses pose together*

...Wait, I thought Paradox was part of the Praetorian Guard.

: Now Proist is good I’m out of an evil job, and Airi is missing...

Great, let’s go restore King Kong to the Empire State Building!

: Airi, not Mario!

: Less talk and more revenge! *kicks Zettai on the side*

: Agreed! *punches Zettai on the stomach, then slaps him*

: Tee-hee! *knees Zettai’s crotch*

OWWW! *secretly enjoyed every second of it*

: Time for our combination finisher! *makes Zettai sit on the ground*

: All set, Melona! *holds Zettai still from behind him along with Paradox*

: Melona Hip Bomber! *pushes her fat ass on Zettai’s face, getting rid of her skirt and thong so nothing stands between his face and her ass*

MMMMPH! *squirms slightly from Melona’s rank butt*

: Be silent! *bites Zettai’s ear*

: The real fun starts now! *stomps on Zettai’s crotch barefoot*

: Got this move from an assassin with similar powers, tee-hee! *starts inflating her already big ass*

MMMMMPH!?

: Tee-hee, surprised? This is nothing! *expands her rump more and more, until it engulfs Zettai’s head*

: This almost makes me envious...

: Yeah, if it wasn’t for the next part...

MMMMPH?

: Yep, now I’m gonna bring my ass back to normal! But since my butt is full of gas, now I have to evict it... Girls, as always you jump back on the count of three!

: We know...

: Got it!

: One... Two... *the two girls jump back right before the incoming number* ...THREE! *rips a colossal room-shaking fart on Zettai’s face, sadly her ass being normal big again from it* Aaah...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHH! *nearly passes out from the infernal stench*

: Ugh! *waves hand* You really outdid yourself here, Melona!

: If you blew one of these on a flower field it’d be a massacre... *waves hand too*

: Luckily I kept them stored for my assassination missions, they’re perfect for both escaping and for target stunning...*laughs*

: I just send mine away with Another Dimension. It also serves as a toilet in case of emergency! N-Not that I’ve done that before...

: I just make my slaves smell mine...

Best... Conversation... Ever... *slowly stands up*

: Great, we got carried away talking about gas and the gasbag got better...

: My ass is better indeed, thanks!

: I didn’t- Bah, forget it.

Anyway, if you want me to apologize about these blogs... Yeah, I’m sorry. Especially for Menace, since she would score like 5 points more at least if I rated her now.

: Five points are a lot!

Yeah, I know...

: What about me, huh?

Well, since you got a different armor and I got a bit less harsh with lack of costumes at least two more points.

: That’s not much! Wait, what about my sisterly reveals and my unexpected use of Marble Screw?

Personality and the like would still be the same, just with more words to describe the plot from the second half. And I’d joke we got Marble Screw with White and White maybe.

: Sounds reasonable...

: DRAMATIC ENTRANCE! *enters the Swamp Trio’s hideout* Slave, you better be fine or I’ll beat you up! I wasn’t worried or anything!

Don’t worry, my domdere mistress, as these girls and I have finally made peace.

: So I don’t get to beat them up? Shucks.

: Hey, how did you find us?

: Simple: I heard that giant fart and I figured it belonged to a girl near my slave.

: Makes perfect sense, tee-hee!

: Of course... Hey, mind putting your hair-hands away so I can get soma?

Don’t do it, Mistress, or you’ll burn your throat!

: Right, as I spit acid! *does so, dissolving Katja’s clothes and leaving her in her black camisole and frilly thong combo*

: Do you know how much that dress cost me? Actually nothing, since my slave bought it, but still!

: Sorry! Here, let me fix you up! *surrounds Katja and becomes her dress*

: Wow, it looks like the real deal! Only one thing... WHY THIS GIANT ASS? *touches her now huge inflated butt*

: To dominate your slave better! *voice comes from the dress*

: Good idea! *sits on Zettai, nearly crushing his upper body with her new ass*

MMMMMPPPH! *loves it*

: Not one to complain, but there should be a blog somewhere on this...

: Yes, bet Topaz is tired of your idiocy!

: You girls raise valid points! *gets off Zettai while Melona returns to normal*

Boo...

: Slave, shut up and make a blog on my new friend Melona!

Not surprised you’re friends now... On it!

: A blog on me? Sounds fun, tee-hee.

Head

Hair
Melona has pink hair. Most of her clothing is pink, what little clothing she has, and thus her hair goes well with it. Her hairstyle is BASICALLY a hime cut, but is weird: From behind her hair is wavy and really long, and from the front her sidebangs are covering her breasts because they end hand-shaped! This might be a good moment to say that technically Melona’s entire body is slime and thus her hair can take any shape she desires so, which explains the oddity. Not sure why she’d want to grope herself the whole time, but more power to her if she can do it. She also has “bunny ears” on top because. They fit her playful nature at any rate. Oh, and remember I said she was made of slime and was a shapeshifter? Well, her entire character book consists of her doing just that and cosplaying as other girls from the series or just disguising herself, which means she has A LOT of briefly-seen alternate hairstyles and hair colors. Not a huge deal or anything, but it’s pretty nice. She also turns her hair in a showerhead, hah. Or also in wings, much like Yami. Before I forget, every girl has an official palette swap and Melona’s turns her green replacing the pink, and that includes her hair. So overall she’s quite awesome and varied.
Grade: A-

: Looks like you like my bunny ears, tee-hee!

: Think “Sounds like” would’ve been better here...

Indeed I like them! They look so cute...

: You can touch them!

R-Really? Well, if you excuse my insolence... *rubs Melona’s bunny ears*

: Ooooh! *loves it*

: Ears? Now that’s a strange source of arousal.

: The things I could tell you, then.... *laughs*

Eyes
Melona has blue eyes. Not that this is surprising, as WAY TOO MANY girls from this series have them. Worse, she has blue eyes while her hair and clothes are pink, which personally looks terrible yet anime has multiple examples of. On top of that in that palette swap I mentioned her eyes are the ONLY thing that remains its color, and exactly the same thing happens with her cosplays even of girls with non-blue eyes despite changing her hair color fine. Boo ridiculous blue eyes bias! Her only saving grace is her unusual pupils, as I like that apparently. The shape isn’t too bad, a mix of tsurime and tareme that suits her really well. She also has notable eyelashes, not terrible but they exist. Melona’s eyes are not awful but clearly her worst trait, sucks.
Grade: B

Body

Build
Interestingly Melona doesn’t have official measurements, unlike the other girls. This is because she can change her body at will, an ability I adore. She’s about the same size fellow villainess Menace though, and she’s only 157 cm tall so Melona is probably inside my ideal height or close tho, unless you count the ears of course. She’s also generously-endowed, but so are most girls in the show. That said she has a scene from the first episode where her chest grows, and since it was the first ep it sadly became too attached to her. Fanart luckily ignores it, but is part of why people refuse to watch the show. I dunno, her chest blows up so I think it’s a goofy scene. She’s fine, no worries for Melona. Anyway, I don’t mind much her chest for the above reasons and she has great legs and a sexy ass anyway. And a rather nice navel, for her costume exposes it because. She can also change size at will, seeing as she pretends to be Rana at some point, let’s not think on the implications, and later she’s also Ymir. Sadly the reveal scene for the latter came as a bit of chest expansion, but also butt one. Note she can become not just child-sized, but she can be tiny or, as seen in a manga, a GIANTESS which is really amazing! Sadly she doesn’t sit on anyone with her abundant butt. Still that scene cements Melona’s ability as a wonderful trait, and overall her many positive traits outdo the few, if annoying bad ones.
Grade: A-

: Oh, let me fix that!

Fix wha- AAAH! *sees Melona become a giantess*

: Behold MY ABUNDANT BUTT! *jumps and lands butt-first on Zettai*

MMMMMPH! *loves it*

: Unfair, I can’t do that! Go search for a slave of your own!

: Don’t worry, it only lasts... *shrinks to regular size* ...a few seconds.

: It’s like Gear 3rd!

: Not surprised you’d say that...Hopefully Topaz gets it.

: Bet he’s used to Googling the weird stuff Zettai talks about. So no worries.

Butt
Melona’s ass is AMAZING! To wit: Her rump is pretty big, she shows it often included an AMAZING shot in the S2 ED, her default clothes are a transparent miniskirt really mini and a thong so her ass is always on sight, she uses a sexy hip attack in her book beautifully, and last but not least she has the power of expanding her ass! I said this before, but more series need to learn from QsB how to make butts and butt focus.
Grade: B+

Clothes
Melona’s clothing is interesting to say the least. First, her clothes are also her slime so they are only “clothes” in a metaphoric sense. Not that it matters for her score, but it bears covering. Her regular clothes are one of the most perverse costumes ever, and truly so: they consist of a pink miniskirt dress that is actually missing the chest area while most of the rest is transparent, a tiny thong, and fairy-like pink shoes. Melona really is naughty and it shows. And no, for once I’m not gonna flip out at her breasts being bare because she covers her with her hair and the show doesn’t focus on her bust any more it focus on her ass or in any other girl’s chest, so she doesn’t stand out. If this was a show where every girl dressed conservatively yet Melona had this naughty dress and the show kept bringing up her chest, then yes it would be horrible. But in a show like this it works. And this is why context matters, folks.

Besides her vaporous dress has A LOT of cosplays in her book. I’m too lazy to describe all the costumes of other characters so I’ll just say her names and you go Google them. Any way, she’s got: Ymir, Echidna, Elina but in her leopardess bikini, Leina, Nowa, Tomoe, and Risty. For non-characters she has a frilly kimono, bunnygirl, catgirl, race queen, scuba diver, Chinese dress, casino dealer, maid albeit bizarrely not like Airi, and demon girl. Official art adds a green bikini with support woes but a nice thong, and also cosplay of Alice from Queen’s Gate. Finally she wore a pink and white sailor uniform for the DVD specials, though like in her regular clothes her chest was bare and still covered by her hair. Overall her variety is amazing in a series where most girls have about one or two costumes most of the time, and the fact she can give herself literally any costume is very sexy. Sadly she’s mostly seen in her dress and that sucks, wish the anime had used the cosplays too. But Melona still ranks high, of course.
Grade: A-

Mind

Personality
Melona is one of The Swamp Witch’s followers and focuses on investigation and stealth assassinations. Yes, she’s a ninja and should face off Liliana. Jokes aside Melona was seen trying to kill main heroine Leina in the very first ep, and from there on she has faced other characters following orders or simply for fun. I like how she escapes with ease from Aldra’s powerful “trap you in a crystal” attack. In Rebellion she is around for most of the series pretending to be Ymir. Yes, the Ymir you see for most of the show is really Melona in disguise! The real Ymir rains on her parade, of course. Melona aimed for Ymir’s armor by the way, because Ymir is now an alchemist or something. Fine.

Melona has a carefree personality, being childish and mischievous. She loves playing tricks on people, be them allies or enemies, and laughing at her mischief. She’s also frank and straightforward, which only strengthens the “childish” vibe. On missions naturally she focuses on fulfilling them, but she loves surprising her opponent and scaring them rather than killing them straight. It makes her more sadistic, which is welcome! Like I’ve said all over the blog Melona is a shapeshifter, and can turn her body in pretty much anything and have its properties. So she can make, say, a sword and cut enemies with it. Or make the Aegis shield and block anything. She can become stronger by absorbing small organisms too, in theory she could reach infinite power if she had the patience. She has the time, after all. I like her kind of shapeshifting since varied powers are my thing. I also like Touma punching, punching, and then maybe punching his enemies. Jokes aside Melona is pretty fun overall, but she lacks impact when it comes to reach top scores, a shame. As a silly note her name comes from the word Meromero, meaning “lovestruck” and also Attract in Japan. But no, it’s not from her “melons” if anyone wondered.
Grade: B+

Libido
Melona is VERY perverse. She’s probably the most perverse character in the series or at least up there. She likes teasing those around her, mostly girls of course, and she comes as quite dominant at the same time. Like her costume shows she has no issues with her nudity, or with other people’s for that matter. She even attacks squeezing her chest to shoot acid out of her nipples! Personally I’d prefer Poison Gas to Acid. She needed more noteworthy epic scenes tho, Echidna she’s not. Still, Melona is a great perv.
Grade: A-

: You say I’m not a great sadist? Let me prove you wrong... *walks with confidence towards Zettai*

W-Wait...

: What’s wrong... *lolifies herself, but only from the waist up* ...Oniisama?

WHAT? *is shocked from the transformation*

: You’re going to say you don’t like now your blood imouto and mistress? That would be a shame, since I ate a lot of sweet potatoes and can’t hold in any more...

Forgive me, my imouto! Wait, why did I follow your pace?

: Knew it’d work! *laughs and restores her usual appearance*

: Hey, don’t tease MY slave! *takes note of buying sweet potato*

Age
Much like nearly everyone else in the series Melona doesn’t have an official age. She probably doesn’t age either, seeing how she’s made of slime and looks identical the brief time she appears in Rebellion. Guess that qualifies as teenhag, cool. Sadly she loses points because of the terrible scene of Ymir “growing” when she turns back into herself at the end, boo ruining lolis! Then again Rebellion ruins Ymir anyway with the utterly useless Adult Mode. You already ruined a loli, don’t ruin TWO. Or at least make some older girl a loli! Sheesh.
Grade: B+

Voice
Rie Kugimiya usually does tsundere lolis. Yeah, Melona is the exact opposite, being an amazing playful pervert and sounding incredibly sexy. She even uses “boku” for more points. The only thing I dislike is Kugimiya also voices Rana, and Kugimiya voicing boys just brings back awful Xebec-related memories. Do not want. Ikuto helps, but unfortunately he’s not enough.
Grade: A

Total: 88 (B+)

: This must be one of the highest scores all year, tee-hee! *looks proud*

Seeing as how you beat Miyuki by one point, yes it is! Congrats!

: Wait, I thought I was your favorite original QsB girl! Well, aside from Airi of course. But even with your redacted score I’m still ways off!

Part of it is I became less strict over time, but part of it is Melona has better blog traits. Her body brings more benefits than gain, her ass is featured more, she has more than two costumes, had a better voice, and some other stuff. But score isn’t everything.

: You mean my 91 doesn’t mean I’m one of your fav girls, slave?

Of course you’re one of my favorites, mistress! I’m just saying not to get hinged too much on the final score, and that goes for you two too.

: That’s true...

: We kinda got carried away...

: Tee-hee, you got scolded!

: What did you say? *glares at Melona*

: Hey, don’t glare at my friend! *hip attacks Paradox*

: Counter! *spanks Menace*

: AH! *likes it*

: Serves you- *gets spanked* -AH! *likes it too* Who did that?

: Me! *waves with her stretched arm*

: How you da- *notices something* -Wait, where did Zettai go?

: Bet he escaped as we talked...

(Elsewhere)

Phew, we’re finally out! Time to go to the mascot area!

: And since you are MY mascot, carry me in all fours!

Yes, Mistress! *gets in position*

: Thanks, slave! *sits down and both march off*

[spoiler]
Girl: So he prefers that Leopard loli to ME now? Zettai’s going to pay for this! May the light of *gets covered by a honking car* shine throughout this world! *Ranka pose*