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WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Welcome back. Last time we fought Eagle AKA Kotori Shirakawa, leader of Dramance which is one of the Space Colonies assaulting Earth. We won but she escaped, so now it’s time to go somewhere until we stumble into some plot.

: I told you to call Old Man Ulrira!

: Can’t we call Edna for a good time?

: No...! *suddenly sees Katja’s head as that of a pink hippo* What?

(In the kitchen)

: Why is there a pink hippo swimming in my soup?

: That’s worse than finding hair!

(In the private rooms)

: ...My characters became pink hippos, but Esuna does nothing...

(In the bathroom)

: Argh, this toilet has pink hippos in it too! I want to “relieve myself” but can’t! Showing my butt to Zettai m-maybe, but not to the hippos...

: *from the next stall* How about using Zettai as a toilet?

: ...No, thanks.

(Some time later)

: It seems we have Limitation Syndrome.

: What?

: A very rare illness caused from stress and constant working. It would appear these two months of constant fighting are making us pay a toll.

: You don’t say...!

: Wait, why are us the girls who fought last week fine?

: You call your strange line from last week fine?

: I was sleepy and hungry so I hallucinated a bit. Happy? Now let’s get to the important things: Why are we fine?

: Because you didn’t smell Kuchinashi for a while...

What?

: Kuchinashi detected battling and sent a tiring smell to weaken those of us left in the Nadesico. That’s why you girls avoided it. The smell and our natural stress mixed up and lead to this... thing of an illness.

What.

: What’s the cure?

: Thankfully the cure is just resting for a while. Hopefully no enemies will attack this week... Somehow.

: Just resting?

: Well, resting, have fun, things like that.

: <We could have a beauty contest!>

Lacus!

: <That’s me!> *does Ranka’s Kira pose*

: <She’s actually right, a beauty contest in good fun could help. Though the only judge would be Zettai...>

Don’t worry, I’ll be as unfair as always!

: <All settled then. Let the contest start!>

: <Wait, I don’t think we can trust Zettai...>

(Outside)

: W-Was it necessary we all dressed like this?

: Yes. *the camera pans to show the whole female cast in a sports bra and thong combination* This is the best “neutral” swimsuit for everyone, so there will be no biases.

: I don’t mind. *poses*

: I don’t either, being seen by Zettai is like being seen by a DOG.

: Wouldn’t have said it better, girls! *laughs with Kirihime*

(Meanwhile)

Girl: (Somehow I managed to sneak into the crew and nobody noticed me... Hopefully this plan Wig came with works)

(Soon after)

: And now it’s time for the contest to start! First will be everyone’s favorite dark-skinned mecha pilot ZESSICA WONG!

: Thank you, thank you! *walks around, showing off her brown ass and legs as much as possible*

: Show-off-nano...

: No need to call her that, my commentary companion.

: That was forced-nano...

: Following her we have the Pink Demon herself, the manipulator in the shadows, the one and only mostly LACUS CLYNE!

: (Who wrote that?) *looks befuddled, but still shows off like a pro*

: (Thanks for using my intro!)

: ...And next will be... Hmmm... Was this girl in the crew before? Well, introducing...



: Thanks, everyone! *walks with the grace of an idol used to cameras*

Wait, you aren’t a crew member!

: ...Knew this plan wouldn’t work.

Plan?

: Plan. A plan Wig came with. It’s not honorable, but... Zettai, prepare yourself! *charges at Zettai, but is tackled by Takane* It hurts!

: I won’t let you lay a finger on Sir Zettai!

: Who are you?

: Takane Shijou, idol and master mecha pilot.

: Shouldn’t Idol be your kind of mecha and you a Master?

: No, that sounds ridiculous. Sakura, I challenge you to a fight Tanga Contra Tanga! And on top of that if I win you must leave without harming Zettai.

: I’ll do whatever I want if I win, then!

: Alright! No objections, right?

: As long this entertains us and gets rid of the hippos I don’t care.

Sounds AWESOME!

: Sigh... Zettai, while we set things up could you write a blog about me? To keep people’s interest piqued.

: You want one of his blogs or keeping people’s interest piqued?

Ha ha.

: Come to think of it, I wonder if it was safe to leave our house alone...

: I’m sure no one will try to assault it and steal Zettai’s Linker Core, don’t worry. Now let’s read his blog.

: That sounds awfully specific...

Head

Hair
Sakura has long black hair. It doesn’t look ENTIRELY black, but it’s clearly meant to be black. It reaches her waist which is perfect length, as it doesn’t cover her butt this way! It does cover her exposed back, but can’t win them all. She has standard but not bad bangs, as they frame her face and the typical big middle bang is there. She never has alternate hair styles like twintails to my knowledge, sadly. The most important part of Sakura’s hair, however, is she cuts it in the first episode as she has a Cabellera Contra Cabellera match and didn’t know that was Hair Vs. Hair as in hair in your head. If only she was an international idol she would’ve known! It ends shoulder length so it’s not TOO bad, but still a shame. However in an awesome twist HER HAIR GROWS BACK halfway into the anime. Screw you, Nisio Isin! Mwa ha ha! Sakura is so awesome she fought the haircut curse and won, now if only she’d Drop Kick this year’s writers.
Grade: A

Eyes
To match her hair Sakura has brown eyes, my favorite “real” eye color and a great one overall. It’s not too dark not too light, it looks fantastic. Sadly she has a tareme, but it fits her sweet and friendly personality and her “babyface” status so I guess it’s okay. Also, despite being an idol she’s never seen wearing glasses to avoid the press, boo! Admittedly the anime didn’t cover much her idol life, but still.
Grade: A-

Body

Build
Sadly Sakura only has height, which goes to show me being so excited last week had a good reason to be. Her height actually matters plotwise for once: She’s 160 cm tall, so fine for an idol but short for a wrestler. That actually leads to her not being a grappler but an agile striker with lots of aerial moves. So basically she’s Hawlucha. Only she doesn’t have Flying Press as her finisher but Double Kick. Back to her body there is only one flaw, two of them in fact: Her chest is fairly large and sometimes jiggles. Though this is a minor concern considering how SEXY she is. Seriously, she has amazing legs and bust aside great proportions all over, her butt as seen later is really sexy as well, and the series shows off ALL of it fairly! Her exposed back doesn’t hurt either. Also this is one of these series that aside from ONE scene early on never talks about breasts or other body parts; it just shows off the girls. So I can’t be too angry regarding her chest, and everything else is almost flawless so hooray transcendent cutie!
Grade: A

Butt
As said before Sakura’s butt is AMAZING. Despite her stature her ass is quite big and is featured prominently through the whole show thanks to her leotards. Not only that, but she actually uses it once for a butt attack against Jaguar! Jaguar replies with her own butt attack, but sadly she doesn’t aim to the face like Sakura. The official site actually says Hip Attacks are one of Sakura’s particular moves, so more power to her. The best instance of her butt-punching, and funny this topic has so much to talk about, is in one official image where she hip attacks Moe’s face, her butt in it is HUGE and clearly focused on which is a rarity in official art! It was my favorite official image of 2013, that’s how good it was. Sadly, the only thing withholding Sakura from having the sexiest ass in the world is she doesn’t get recognized for it by the fans. Not just her unfortunately scarce fanart focuses on her chest, or worse in her being hurt, but in Pixivpedia her page describes her as a breast character. Never mind her costume has cleavage but also shows ass plenty, both her chest and her butt are featured roughly the same, and as said she does hip attacks. Kind of lame, I tell you. Still, go her huge ass!
Grade: A-

Clothes
Sakura unfortunately doesn’t get many costumes, but the ones she have are nice. Her main outfight when battling is a white and red leotard with a “bottom” under it that has lots of cleavage and detached sleeves as well as matching boots, it looks really good on her! Her idol costume has a white jacket with matching detached sleeves, a red tie matching her shirt, a pink skirt, black thighhighs for sexy absolute territory and again white boots. When training she wears a white and red tracksuit with her Berserk logo on back. Her last known clothes in the series are her normal clothes of a white shirt and a red miniskirt. The specials add a white and black sports bra with matching panties, a white and red bikini, and matching pink bra and panties; none are amazing but at least they mean Arms put some effort in these special, unlike Xebec. All in all they aren’t an epic set-up, but they work well and it’s not like I expected a huge variety of costumes.
Grade: B

Mind

Personality
Sakura was the consistently voted leader and vocalist of Idol unit Sweet Diva, known for her incredible somersault skill named Ice Cream Salto; Salto means “jump” in Spanish. However, when another Sweet Diva member was beaten up by a female wrestler she decided to become a wrestler herself and join the Berserk gym to train there. In her first match she unknowingly bets her hair and loses, getting a haircut because Nisio Isin secretly likes female pro-wrestling. Then again Sakura at first is pretty weak, always losing to the Boston Crab which in Japan is a “newbie killer” hold. This part could’ve been a bit shorter, but even then people exaggerate when say Sakura is always losing and screaming in pain. Eventually she becomes stronger thanks to Misaki’s harsh training, learning her 48 techniques in the process. Well, just two and she came with another, but it was enough to win Sakura her first match against the very woman who made her lose her hair. Joke’s on her, Sakura’s hair grew back. After that battle Sakura found out how fun wrestling was and said the show’s title. I mean she said she’d become the strongest in the world. Ever then Sakura kept training and fighting to become stronger, putting a good show against the world champion and even wrestling her former Sweet Diva partner Elena who wanted Sakura to come back. At the end both girls became idol wrestlers because that’s a thing. And maybe more adventures come later but the anime stops here and nobody is scanlating the manga. Also I almost forgot to say this but Sakura is named after real life idol-wrestler Mimi Hagiwara, she’s even referred to by name in the manga. In fact a lot of characters have similar theme naming.

This might not sound too great but Sakura is a bit of a typical shounen lead. However, not only she’s a rare female one but also she does it AWESOMELY, starting weak but strong-willed, her will wavering until she finally trains and gets resolve, turning into a GAR hard-working brave warrior. It’s really awesome. Besides that she’s a kind and gentle girl who cares a lot for those close to her, which is the reason we have a show in the first place. As a fighter she favors strikes and aerial attacks over holds though she still uses some grabs and her own personal finisher being the Sakura Special, a double somersault kick. Guile would be proud. Sadly, while Sakura is totally sweet it seems people’s reception to her is poor: Most of her fanart is the awful horrible “Ryona” thing where a girl gets beat up by a male and, huh, that’s it. Gross. If only it was HER the one beating up the guy it’d be awesome! Hear, hear! And if people who like her show treat her poorly those who don’t are even worse, wrongly calling her weak and pathetic since it seems all these flawless LN leads like Kirito from SAO, Tatsuya from Mahouka or Akatsuki from Estetica have created some ridiculous expectations on people in spite of these same leads being hated for being grossly overpowered. Sakura isn’t weak, she just needs time for her GAR to burn, but since people have no patience they never see this it seems. Then again from hearing haters talk it seems they’ve never seen the show at all, since most people deride it as... a plotless excuse to show female bodies. WHAT. That couldn’t be any more wrong, since SekaTsuyo’s first episode already has a fair bit of plot and every episode merely ADDS to it, the early ones maybe a bit slowly but all contribute to it. Plotless would be Maken-Ki S2, which ignored entirely the fairly nice manga plot to have random nonsense. They deserve that mockery. Not SekaTsuyo, as were this a fair would it would be hailed as one of the best ecchi shows out there while Darkness would end cancelled due to readers dropping it in disgust from its slow but steady transformation into Woman Rape: The Manga. Yes, I can praise shows a lot, happens rarely but if a good show is called crap for things it DOESN’T do I must be ready to defend it, much like I defended Ume when she got called a man-hater while the actual “man-hater” of sorts was unfairly loved and sympathized with. Sakura, Sakura!
Grade: A

Libido
Unfortunately Sakura is a bit low on this, as she doesn’t show romantic interest for any character or particular perversion. Well, other than hip attacks being one of her special moves I mean. I suppose there could be a bit of argument on Moe or Elena being a bit special for her, perhaps Misaki too, but it’s hard to tell with hot-blooded series.
Grade: C

Age
Surprisingly Sakura is only 17, at least in the first chapter and episode. That said this show has some surprisingly big timeskips, so I guess she’s around 19 by the time the anime ends. Since they never bring up her age and she’s one of the youngest girls in the cast I won’t hold it too much against her.
Grade: B

Voice
Ayana Taketatsu is one of my favorite VAs and fits very well the sweet but tough Sakura. Too bad lately every other role of hers has problems, in this case Sakura being unfairly hated as mentioned. Another minor problem would be Sakura got stereotyped into saying “Itai!” or “It hurts!” a lot. Okay, so she does say it a few times when the point is she’s green yet, but after she toughens up she says it like once or twice an ep, tops. Besides, those moves gotta hurt! As a side-note Sakura is voiced by Aki Toyosaki in the Drama CDs, never heard them but if she uses her Medaka and Reiri voice great.
Grade: A-

Total: 84 (B+)

: The same score as Takane Shijou? That’s both an honor and a challenge!

Speaking of, are you ready to fight?

: We are! *both Sakura and Takane are wearing leotards, Sakura her usual white and red one while Takane has a black and carmine leotard*

: Thankfully a buff man with horns brought us a ring.

With horns? Not with sunglasses?

: Horns, and no beard.

Well, whatever... Now let’s get to it! I’ll be the referee!

: Duh.

Well, yeah. You two get ready for your entrances, and the commentary can come from Nymph and Shizuku like before. The rest of you can watch!

: Look at Zettai, all pumped up... Idiot. *everyone gets in position*

: And Sakura enters the ring as ”Beautiful Dreamer” plays!

: Thanks for coming! *despite being an enemy the girls are good sports and clap for Sakura as she enters the ring*

: Now Takane walks in with ”Kyun! Vampire Girl” as her theme!

: I’ll suck your blood! *gets claps as well while she enters*

: Are you stealing a fellow idol’s catchphrases?

: No, I’m just borrowing them. Can you fly with farts?

: I... Eh... Um... What?

: I thought that was a thing all wrestlers can do...

: ...No... It’s not...

Mind if we start the match? As much as I love the topic on hand...

: Sure, go ahead.

Great then... Fight!

: Haaah! *gives Takane an aerial kick right off the bat*

: Hmph! *is knocked back slightly* Not bad, but I’ll show you how to do it! *aerial-kicks Sakura herself, sending her to the mat*

: Aah!

: Wrestling is about HOLDS! *gets behind the lying down Sakura and lifts her up pulling the black-haired idol’s arms and legs with hers*

: It hurts!

: Wow! Right off the bat Takane has got Sakura on a Romero Special! That’s gotta hurt!

: That’s the point-nano...

Sakura, do you give up?

: NO! *squirms until Takane ends letting her go*

: Hmmm... You’ve got some guts... and butts!

: Just one, but that’s all I need! *hip attacks Takane*

: Soft! I mean, ow! *staggers back*

: I can do holds too! *quickly gets behind Takane* This one is special for me! *pushes her down with another hip attack, then while sitting on Takane’s back pulls her legs*

: Ack!

: Sakura has used the Boston Crab, the move that used to beat her! Will Takane escape from it?

: Urrrgh... *crawls towards the rope*

: Won’t let you do that! *pulls harder on Takane’s beautiful thick legs*

: Arch... Must... endure... *grabs the rope* Rope break!

.... *stares*

: Referee, the rope! I’m grabbing the rope!

Eh... Oh! Rope break! Get off Takane, Sakura!

: Hmph! *does so*

: Well, well... *gets up* Now it’s time for a little payBACK, since you made me angry!

: Eh?

: Take THIS! *hip attacks Sakura as well*

: Soft... err, owie!

: And now this! *backs Sakura on the corner*

: H-Hey! *falls on her butt*

: Have you heard of a move called... *turns around and shoves her fat ass right on Sakura’s face* ...STINKFACE? *rubs her cheeks on Sakura’s face hard*

: Mmmmph! (This is humiliating! But enjoyable...)

: And now to make the move more literal.... Hmmphh...

: (WHAT?)

: Good night. *rips a powerful fart right on Sakura’s nose*

: (This isn’t as enjoyable...) *faints*

: This isn’t a very ladylike move... But it seems Takane has found Sakura’s weak point!

: Or most people’s...

: Knew this would work! *pins Sakura* Referee, count! Not that it matters, she’ll be out for the day from my point-black blast*

Eeeeh... Ah, right! One, two...

: I’M NOT DONE YET! *opens her eyes and pushes Takane off her*

: What? Only Zettai can withstand my gas!

: Incredible! Sakura got up from Takane’s true stinkface! WHAT A MATCH!

: Calm down-nano...

: Takane, let’s put an end to this! *gets up and puts battle pose*

: Sure thing! *rushes Sakura and tries to hold her*

: My chance! *ducks and dodges the hold* SAKURA SPECIAL! *does a double somersault kick, hitting Takane twice on the chin and knocking her out* REFEREE, COUNT! *pins Takane down*

One, two.... three! Knockout!

: Oooh! After a seven minutes twenty-eight seconds match Sakura has imposed herself over Takane! This is the first time Zettai loses... or has he?

: And as a bonus, here is a... a.... a revenge for earlier! *rolls Takane face-up and crouches over her face* S-SAKURA SPECIAL 2! *rips a surprisingly loud fart*

: Hmmmphh... Smells worse than mine.... *wakes up slowly*

: Zettai, now I can do whatever I want... And I want to join you! Your passion during our match resonated with me! So from now count with me to support you, Zettai!

Sounds awesome! Welcome, Sakura!

: Seems you’ve settled this peacefully... *gets up* A promise is a promise: I lost, so here is my thong! *takes it off and flings it to Sakura*

: Thanks, I guess...?

That’s a great gift, lucky!

: You seem to really like butts... Like, REALLY like them....

: Why don’t you humor Zettai, Sakura? As proof you’re joining us.

: Of course! HIP ATTACK! *butt attacks Zettai*

SOFT! I mean, REALLY SOFT!

: Take this! *gets Zettai too in a Boston Crab and pulls his legs*

Hurts! It hurts! *loves it because it hurts*

: Hey, I’m not seeing pink hippos any more!

: Hmph, this dumb wrestling match was good for something. I dunno, something about this girl bugs me...

: Does it feel like together you could single-handedly ruin an original harem series by making it focus too much on you two being annoying beyond belief until the lead picks the absolute worst choice in the entire series by a mile?

: More or less.