Dec 26, 2013 1:47 AM
ZettaiBlog 50: World's Worst Imouto
Anime Relations:
Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai, Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai Specials, Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai., Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai. Specials
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
<---In the previous ZettaiBlog
Crap, the door’s locked. Last time it wasn’t.
Suzuha: Let me have a go at it. Sophie-style door-opening GO! *kicks the door open*
Good job!
Voice: Welcome to your doom! MWAHAHAHA!
Doom? I’m no FPS fan, but since I can’t see crap this looks more like Turok to me!
Voice: Aw, fine. *turns on the lights* Well?
And of course, there is…
Chiaki: Now, let us pass!
Kirino: I’m afraid I can’t… Huh… But you’re a cute little sister… I should let you go… No, calm down, Kirino!
Are you okay?
Kirino: Yes! I’m even wearing the mind control-blocking panties! *turns around and bends over to show them*
A chance! *pinches Kirino’s ass*
Kirino: Ack! *dashes off to the other side of the room* Should’ve been wary of your Harem Lead Syndrome! I’ll get my revenge for that, Zettai!
Suzuha: What do you plan to do?
Kirino: Just come here….
Sure. *walks towards Kirino with Chiaki and Suzuha*
Kirino: Hah hah! *spins a nearby mechanism and a trapdoor opens under our heroes, but thankfully it’s only ankle-deep* Huh?
This was your evil plan? Even I can get out of this!
Kirino: Ki… Kiririn is in a pickle! *dashes off to the next room*
After her! *all three follow*
Kirino: Now, won’t you go pick up the doujinshi? *points to a nearby doujinshi in the floor with Cure Sunshine on the cover* Probably filled with goodies!
Suzuha: Err…
Chiaki: Really?
Anyone can see the trap coming.
Kirino: Look, it’s not trapped! *picks up the doujinshi, only to have a cage dropped on her* Damn, I thought I could be fast enough to grab it! Could you get me out?
No, not really. *all three march off*
Kirino: Ki… Kiririn is in a jam!
Well, this was the lamest fight ever, and that counts the ones I wrote in a dazed rush.
Suzuha: Well, all the better for us, right?
Chiaki: Assuming she won’t break free…
Kirino: *appears out of a secret passage* Hah, I’m glad I put a fake bar in that cage, just in case!
You again? How persistent!
Kirino: It’s one of my many charms!
Your only charms are the ones you bought at a shrine!
Kirino: How you dare! Do you think I’m not cute?
I do!
Kirino: Then write my blog!
Head
Hair
Is obvious, but Kirino’s hair is blonde. Blonde is bad. Worse part is she dyes! Yes, she’s a freaking canned blonde; her real hair is dark brown and looks MUCH nicer than this overrated generic visage. Maybe she thought she’d be cool like Ken if she also dyed her hair, far easier than pulling a Hadouken for sure. Color woes aside Kirino’s hair is okay, being long and reaching her butt, and she also has some nice hair accessories in it. She has no hairstyle changes I can’t think of or anything else noteworthy, so fairly normal.
Grade: C-
Eyes
Stand back, for they are BLUE, a never seen before combination with blonde hair! At least she doesn’t wear contact lenses to go with her fake blonde-ness, but seriously, it’s awful and boring and generic. The blue itself is alright but nothing special, but in the novels it’s a bit darker and that’s nice. One manga chapter cover gives her glasses, but they’re the kind that has rectangular lenses and the top part lacks a frame, which isn’t bad but not my favorite. Well, the lack of a frame I mean. Otherwise she’s alright.
Grade: C
Body
Build
Not too great but not awful. At 165 cm Kirino is definitely tall for her age given the average for Japanese girls her age is 155 cm, and 45 kg feels a tad thinner than she should, but she’s a model after all. Her measurements are 82/54/81 which make her one of two top-heavy in the series, the other being the also unlikable Sena; maybe the moral of the story is busty women are bad, as I could get so behind that. Seriously, she has a D-Cup, what kind of middle schooler has that? Kirino here has a bonus advantage and that’s the manga gives to her a better body for my tastes, as she’s modestly endowed but her thighs are VERY sexy. Too bad it’s a short manga! The good and the bad eventually balance themselves for a medium score.
Grade: B-
Butt
Oh, she has a decent ass. Well, it depends, in the anime is nothing special but she has a couple shots that became memetical and that’s cool. Her manga self has once again a better derriere, but she doesn’t show it much. The second season also gives her striped panties. Overall Kirino’s butt is decent but nothing special. Also she’s an ass, har har.
Grade: C
Clothes
There is some variety, but not much. Much of the time Kirino is seen in various casual costumes, and while her tight shorts are nice overall there isn’t much to say about them. Her school uniform is a generic bland sailor uniform, no more needs to be said. She only manages to stick out in this category thanks to two costumes: her maid costume from late in the first season, which is pretty cute, and her sukumizu in some official images. You’d expect the main girl from an iconic moe series to wear more cosplays, but nope. A shame.
Grade: B+
Mind
Personality
Certainly Kirino is divisive here, but for once not the kind I defend. Kirino’s back-story is that she used to get along with her older brother Kyousuke, until she didn’t. Now she is in middle school and is a famous model, but secretly she loves moe, especially a Nanoha-esque magical girl show named Meruru, and she also enjoys little sisters and eroge. Her brother finding out is how the plot starts, and the whole thing is Kyousuke making sure no one finds out, calling out those that do, getting her otaku friends and being supportive of his little sister in general. Is she nice towards him in answer? Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no. She’s terrible towards him and treats him like crap no matter what. She does have a few nice moments, but not enough to make up for her awful behavior. It’s even mocked in-series when she derides a little sister character for being 100% tsun, but Kirino isn’t that bad; she’s only 99.95% tsun and the 0.05% left was donated to charity. Even worse, while the novel seems to be decent towards her, conflictive ending covered in Libido aside, the animes favor her big time, with the so-called “true” end actually ending with a made-up story where suddenly everyone cares about Kirino’s well-being to absurd levels. Come on, it ends with KURONEKO, Kirino and Saori jumping together glad she’s back, which is about as OoC for Kuroneko as doing an Ayase-esque anti-otaku rant. Worse, thanks to that she hijacks the second season to absurd levels. You know the part where Kuroneko and Kyousuke date but it last like less than one episode? That was TWO VOLUMES in the novel. The anime fucking loves Kirino and in turn everyone but Ayase gets screwed out, with of course her Newman Kuroneko getting the worst part. And yet with all that bias the ending was still random and came out of nowhere, which speaks volumes of how bad it was. In short Kirino is a bad, bad character. Or in shorter she’s a non-busty Sena. Except more divisive than extremely favored by the fanbase. But otherwise they’re equally bad.
Grade: D
Libido
Unknown to most Kirino plays eroges. She enjoys imouto eroges the most, which is about her one saving grace. It’s unknown whenever she enjoys them “that way” or not, however. The main problem is her relationship with her brother Kyousuke. So much fail in here. First she suddenly falls in love with him despite her awful attitude towards him for most of the series, tho the fact he returns her feelings is the true mystery even with the anime bias. Worse, she makes him promise they’ll only be together until she ends middle school! And he ACCEPTS! While ruining his chances to be with likable girls or Ayase forever, just to be for a little while with a terrible girl! It’s by far the absolute dumbest resolution to a romance show ever. A certain other harem also ends with the lead picking his little sister out of nowhere, but that little sister was actually likable and the main girl refused to give up! Also both girls wore sukumizus because that’s the fetish of the guy, go him. In short, this is one of the few cases where an ending is so terrible it drags down the entire show. The author did want to keep them together yet couldn’t, but that’s not a justification for this horror. I’ll take Yosuga no Sora for little sister wins as at least that one is actually written WELL.
Grade: D
Age
This is her best rank as she is 13-14 years old. That said enough time passes she might become 15 at some point, plus there’s the epilogue and whatnot. For the record said epilogue also shows Kuroneko’s little sisters as 10 years older, which is okay for Tamaki but NOT for Hinata; 2013 was truly the year of loli-ruining.
Grade: A
Voice
Entrancing and charming, Ayana Taketatsu’s cute voice fits Kirino well as she’s meant to appear likable except she’s not. Plus she uses “aniki” to refer to her older brother, that’s not cute al all! But alas, that’s Kirino for you.
Grade: A-
Total: 55 (C+)
Kirino: What? That score is low! Your friend not into middle school girls, imoutos and Ayana Taketatsu gave me a score 120% higher! And yet you’re insulting and flinging defamations at me the whole way! I also have the feeling you hid a bonus bash in it…
Nonsense! It’s not my fault your show should have “Warning: Sister might not actually be cute” written under the title!
Kirino: Enough! Now let’s have a real match!
I don’t wanna hit a girl, and I don’t wanna hit you either.
Kirino: No, we’re going to play MONEY-MAKING GAME! Err, I mean, Shin Imouto Taisen Siscalypse!
Curses, as much as I like them I suck at fighting games!
Suzuha: Leave this to me! My father loves that game, so I’m quite good at it!
Kirino: Perfect then! *hands Suzuha a laptop* Ready? *picks her character*
Suzuha: Always! *does the same*
Kirino: Fight! *both girls duke it out in the game*
Suzuha: IMOUTO SENPUUKYAKU!
Kirino: Argh!
Perfect… *tiptoes out of the room while Chiaki watches the two girls play* And now time to play Rod a visit! Wait, I don’t know where her room is… *starts barging in and out of door* Found the toilet, the kitchen and the gift-wrapping room, but not… A-ha, voices are coming from that room! No, wait; it’s the one I came from… But from the one over there I hear voices too! *opens the door to reveal a large bath with a woman and two men bathing and watching TV* Huh?
Voice: I told you guys, Frequency is a great movie! *notices someone has walked in* Oh, hello Zettai, I knew you’d come.
I’m glad I found you Rod, or should I say MOMO BELIA DEVILUKE? I hope I don’t have to say it again, it’s a mouthful…
Momo: So you finally found who I am…
Well, duh, it was easy. Rod in Spanish is Vara, which sounds like the Japanese word Bara, which means Rose, which is Rosa in Spanish, which also refers to Pink, which in classical Japanese is MOMO-iro!
Momo: That’s right… Excellent… *rises from the bath only for a convenient light beam to cover all of her butt, then turns around and the beam becomes smaller only to cover as required her genitals, while another tiny beam covers her nipples but leaves most of her chest untouched* Guys, get out! *the two men in the bath with Momo leave, their unappealing man-ass not censored*
Yup, a Xebec character all right. Mind dressing up?
Momo: Sure, I took Peke from my sister for moments like this! *puts Peke on and changes into her usual attire with striped thighhighs* As you might know I also sent all the plant-type Monster of the Week from October, and of course the explosive pigeon Bakubato-kun which is an invention of my sister too. Just because she’s not allowed to have screentime ever doesn’t mean her inventions can stop appearing often, right?
WRONG!
Momo: Whoa, calm down, Lex Luthor! Fine, I won’t tell you on how I got her locked in the Underworld… Why don’t you come to my office to talk?
Something tells me I shouldn’t, but I’ll accept anyways.
Momo: Great! Come in! *takes seat and waits as Zettai does the same* Now I suppose you came to talk about my world conquering, right?
Yes.
Momo: Well, then I’ll tell you: Yes, I took over the world not long ago, like on January last year. It was easy, too! After Proist died, the vacuum of power in Darius was far too large, and it was easy for me and my two allies to take over! Then we just gathered our forces and took over Earth. It was a cinch! And all thanks to you, Zettai!
Me?
Momo: Yes! I was the one who made Proist gather the Five Maidens of Ruin and fight you! The anti-Blog Legacy panties came from me too, my sister made them when trying to create a toaster dog. After all, the only one who could oppose me was you and she had the forces I needed, so either way I would benefit from your little fight! It worked, as you can see. Much better than my harem plan for sure!
To be fair your plan sucks. Make it a femdom harem and it’ll work.
Momo: Never! Anyway, Zettai, our little talk is over as I told you everything.
Great. Can I go home now?
Momo: Sure. But first… *pulls out some sort of beam gun*
Oh great, this is the part where you kill me.
Momo: Kill you? Zettai, you’re a lousy TLR fan. Can’t you tell? This is the gun that turns Rito into Riko!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Momo: Ahahahaha! I knew that if there was one way to cause you true fear was this! Now prepare to lose your masculinity, Zettai, if you ever had any!
I’m throwing the towel!
Momo: Giving up won’t help you!
No, I mean it literally! *picks his towel from three blogs ago and throws it at Momo’s face, making her miss her shot. Zettai then runs the hell away*
Momo: Agh, not a brick joke! Guards, go after the running away intruder!
What’s that sound? *looks back to see the guards* That’s bad! *runs up stairs* Argh… Stairs are… Hard to climb… And I only went one floor up…
Guards: N.O.E.S.C.A.P.E! *Zettai turns around to find a bunch of guards behind him, all in a row due to how thin the stairs corridor is*
And I’m missing my towel… If only I had a flying skateboard… Wait, I know! Hey, guards, what’s that? *points behind them*
Guards: Huh? *all guards turn around to look*
DOMINO PUSH! *pushes with all his might the guard in front, causing all of them to fall down in confusion and ridiculousness* Time to hightail!
Momo: What’s that noise? *walks in to find the stairs with all the guards lying on it* So why did I not read the Evil Overlord’s list? I’ll ask Celine about my decisions from now on! Anyway, gotta chase Zettai! *climbs the stairs, stepping on the guards if necessary* Ugh, that almost feels like femdom, icky.
Aha, here is the exit! *opens the door to enter the roof, which still looks like it did 2.5 years ago with the Zettai & Allies vs. Proist fight* Oh, man, forgot this isn’t the exit!
Momo: End of the line, Zettai! Now you lack your towel you can’t throw anything at me!
Trust me; if I could I’d rip off one of my arms to have something to throw at you!
Momo: Well, I know of something I will “rip” off you! *points the gun from before at Zettai* Any last words as a man?
No. *walks off the edge of the tower and falls*
Momo: What? Did… Did you just choose death over…? Really? *walks towards the edge when Zettai suddenly rises from under it* WHAT? *Zettai rises some more to reveal the DeLorean and Suzuha and Chiaki inside of it* But…
Suzuha: NOW! *opens the wing gulls to smash Momo on the face, making her gun fly off and break harmlessly on the floor* Get in, Zettai! *he does so*
Momo: Very clever! How did you get here, Future Girl?
Suzuha: Turns our Kirino sucks at Siscalypse and I figured Zettai would try something like this!
Momo: Is that so? Too bad you aren’t going anywhere! *uses her mobile to summon several replicas of the four plant monsters the magical girls fought in October* Get them, my pretties!
Suzuha: Is any of them called Audrey?
Momo: No!
Suzuha: Audrey? AUDREY!
Iczer-2: I’m coming, I’m coming! *warps in and kills a U-Halloween in one strike* Your reign of femsub end here, Momo!
Momo: You little hoochies! But what can you do alone against all my plants?
Iczer-2: Me? This! *calls forth Iczer-Sigma and gets inside it* HAAAAAA! *crushes an Akanbe and a Noise with a hand for each*
Momo: You shouldn’t even be able to pilot this alone!
Iczer-2: Go tell Banpresto! *grabs one Elysia and throws it at Momo* Zettai, can you hear me?
Of course, I’m right here!
Iczer-2: Good. If you want to prevent this, we need both you and Proist around!
Proist died!
Iczer-2: I know! But there’s a way to bring her back! Consult the “Machine Goddess” as she knows the answer!
Who’s that?
Iczer-2: Oh, you know who that is! *Momo summons more and more monsters* Now go, as I won’t be able to hold them down indefinitely!
Momo: Not that you should! Die, traitor! *sics more monsters at Iczer-Sigma*
Suzuha: Iczer-2… Our time together was short, but I won’t forget you… And it’s a good thing we agreed on that Audrey help call off-screen… See you! *the DeLorean flies away, then hits 88 miles per hour and disappears in a sonic boom leaving behind two trails of fire*
Momo: Good riddance, I say! Too bad you won’t make it! *Momo’s plant monsters eventually get the Iczer-Sigma in a critical state, but Iczer-2 teleports away in the last second* Curses! But I know where they went… And more importantly, WHEN!
<---In the previous ZettaiBlog
And now---->
Crap, the door’s locked. Last time it wasn’t.
Suzuha: Let me have a go at it. Sophie-style door-opening GO! *kicks the door open*
Good job!
Voice: Welcome to your doom! MWAHAHAHA!
Doom? I’m no FPS fan, but since I can’t see crap this looks more like Turok to me!
Voice: Aw, fine. *turns on the lights* Well?
And of course, there is…
Chiaki: Now, let us pass!
Kirino: I’m afraid I can’t… Huh… But you’re a cute little sister… I should let you go… No, calm down, Kirino!
Are you okay?
Kirino: Yes! I’m even wearing the mind control-blocking panties! *turns around and bends over to show them*
A chance! *pinches Kirino’s ass*
Kirino: Ack! *dashes off to the other side of the room* Should’ve been wary of your Harem Lead Syndrome! I’ll get my revenge for that, Zettai!
Suzuha: What do you plan to do?
Kirino: Just come here….
Sure. *walks towards Kirino with Chiaki and Suzuha*
Kirino: Hah hah! *spins a nearby mechanism and a trapdoor opens under our heroes, but thankfully it’s only ankle-deep* Huh?
This was your evil plan? Even I can get out of this!
Kirino: Ki… Kiririn is in a pickle! *dashes off to the next room*
After her! *all three follow*
Kirino: Now, won’t you go pick up the doujinshi? *points to a nearby doujinshi in the floor with Cure Sunshine on the cover* Probably filled with goodies!
Suzuha: Err…
Chiaki: Really?
Anyone can see the trap coming.
Kirino: Look, it’s not trapped! *picks up the doujinshi, only to have a cage dropped on her* Damn, I thought I could be fast enough to grab it! Could you get me out?
No, not really. *all three march off*
Kirino: Ki… Kiririn is in a jam!
Well, this was the lamest fight ever, and that counts the ones I wrote in a dazed rush.
Suzuha: Well, all the better for us, right?
Chiaki: Assuming she won’t break free…
Kirino: *appears out of a secret passage* Hah, I’m glad I put a fake bar in that cage, just in case!
You again? How persistent!
Kirino: It’s one of my many charms!
Your only charms are the ones you bought at a shrine!
Kirino: How you dare! Do you think I’m not cute?
I do!
Kirino: Then write my blog!
Head
Hair
Is obvious, but Kirino’s hair is blonde. Blonde is bad. Worse part is she dyes! Yes, she’s a freaking canned blonde; her real hair is dark brown and looks MUCH nicer than this overrated generic visage. Maybe she thought she’d be cool like Ken if she also dyed her hair, far easier than pulling a Hadouken for sure. Color woes aside Kirino’s hair is okay, being long and reaching her butt, and she also has some nice hair accessories in it. She has no hairstyle changes I can’t think of or anything else noteworthy, so fairly normal.
Grade: C-
Eyes
Stand back, for they are BLUE, a never seen before combination with blonde hair! At least she doesn’t wear contact lenses to go with her fake blonde-ness, but seriously, it’s awful and boring and generic. The blue itself is alright but nothing special, but in the novels it’s a bit darker and that’s nice. One manga chapter cover gives her glasses, but they’re the kind that has rectangular lenses and the top part lacks a frame, which isn’t bad but not my favorite. Well, the lack of a frame I mean. Otherwise she’s alright.
Grade: C
Body
Build
Not too great but not awful. At 165 cm Kirino is definitely tall for her age given the average for Japanese girls her age is 155 cm, and 45 kg feels a tad thinner than she should, but she’s a model after all. Her measurements are 82/54/81 which make her one of two top-heavy in the series, the other being the also unlikable Sena; maybe the moral of the story is busty women are bad, as I could get so behind that. Seriously, she has a D-Cup, what kind of middle schooler has that? Kirino here has a bonus advantage and that’s the manga gives to her a better body for my tastes, as she’s modestly endowed but her thighs are VERY sexy. Too bad it’s a short manga! The good and the bad eventually balance themselves for a medium score.
Grade: B-
Butt
Oh, she has a decent ass. Well, it depends, in the anime is nothing special but she has a couple shots that became memetical and that’s cool. Her manga self has once again a better derriere, but she doesn’t show it much. The second season also gives her striped panties. Overall Kirino’s butt is decent but nothing special. Also she’s an ass, har har.
Grade: C
Clothes
There is some variety, but not much. Much of the time Kirino is seen in various casual costumes, and while her tight shorts are nice overall there isn’t much to say about them. Her school uniform is a generic bland sailor uniform, no more needs to be said. She only manages to stick out in this category thanks to two costumes: her maid costume from late in the first season, which is pretty cute, and her sukumizu in some official images. You’d expect the main girl from an iconic moe series to wear more cosplays, but nope. A shame.
Grade: B+
Mind
Personality
Certainly Kirino is divisive here, but for once not the kind I defend. Kirino’s back-story is that she used to get along with her older brother Kyousuke, until she didn’t. Now she is in middle school and is a famous model, but secretly she loves moe, especially a Nanoha-esque magical girl show named Meruru, and she also enjoys little sisters and eroge. Her brother finding out is how the plot starts, and the whole thing is Kyousuke making sure no one finds out, calling out those that do, getting her otaku friends and being supportive of his little sister in general. Is she nice towards him in answer? Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no. She’s terrible towards him and treats him like crap no matter what. She does have a few nice moments, but not enough to make up for her awful behavior. It’s even mocked in-series when she derides a little sister character for being 100% tsun, but Kirino isn’t that bad; she’s only 99.95% tsun and the 0.05% left was donated to charity. Even worse, while the novel seems to be decent towards her, conflictive ending covered in Libido aside, the animes favor her big time, with the so-called “true” end actually ending with a made-up story where suddenly everyone cares about Kirino’s well-being to absurd levels. Come on, it ends with KURONEKO, Kirino and Saori jumping together glad she’s back, which is about as OoC for Kuroneko as doing an Ayase-esque anti-otaku rant. Worse, thanks to that she hijacks the second season to absurd levels. You know the part where Kuroneko and Kyousuke date but it last like less than one episode? That was TWO VOLUMES in the novel. The anime fucking loves Kirino and in turn everyone but Ayase gets screwed out, with of course her Newman Kuroneko getting the worst part. And yet with all that bias the ending was still random and came out of nowhere, which speaks volumes of how bad it was. In short Kirino is a bad, bad character. Or in shorter she’s a non-busty Sena. Except more divisive than extremely favored by the fanbase. But otherwise they’re equally bad.
Grade: D
Libido
Unknown to most Kirino plays eroges. She enjoys imouto eroges the most, which is about her one saving grace. It’s unknown whenever she enjoys them “that way” or not, however. The main problem is her relationship with her brother Kyousuke. So much fail in here. First she suddenly falls in love with him despite her awful attitude towards him for most of the series, tho the fact he returns her feelings is the true mystery even with the anime bias. Worse, she makes him promise they’ll only be together until she ends middle school! And he ACCEPTS! While ruining his chances to be with likable girls or Ayase forever, just to be for a little while with a terrible girl! It’s by far the absolute dumbest resolution to a romance show ever. A certain other harem also ends with the lead picking his little sister out of nowhere, but that little sister was actually likable and the main girl refused to give up! Also both girls wore sukumizus because that’s the fetish of the guy, go him. In short, this is one of the few cases where an ending is so terrible it drags down the entire show. The author did want to keep them together yet couldn’t, but that’s not a justification for this horror. I’ll take Yosuga no Sora for little sister wins as at least that one is actually written WELL.
Grade: D
Age
This is her best rank as she is 13-14 years old. That said enough time passes she might become 15 at some point, plus there’s the epilogue and whatnot. For the record said epilogue also shows Kuroneko’s little sisters as 10 years older, which is okay for Tamaki but NOT for Hinata; 2013 was truly the year of loli-ruining.
Grade: A
Voice
Entrancing and charming, Ayana Taketatsu’s cute voice fits Kirino well as she’s meant to appear likable except she’s not. Plus she uses “aniki” to refer to her older brother, that’s not cute al all! But alas, that’s Kirino for you.
Grade: A-
Total: 55 (C+)
Kirino: What? That score is low! Your friend not into middle school girls, imoutos and Ayana Taketatsu gave me a score 120% higher! And yet you’re insulting and flinging defamations at me the whole way! I also have the feeling you hid a bonus bash in it…
Nonsense! It’s not my fault your show should have “Warning: Sister might not actually be cute” written under the title!
Kirino: Enough! Now let’s have a real match!
I don’t wanna hit a girl, and I don’t wanna hit you either.
Kirino: No, we’re going to play MONEY-MAKING GAME! Err, I mean, Shin Imouto Taisen Siscalypse!
Curses, as much as I like them I suck at fighting games!
Suzuha: Leave this to me! My father loves that game, so I’m quite good at it!
Kirino: Perfect then! *hands Suzuha a laptop* Ready? *picks her character*
Suzuha: Always! *does the same*
Kirino: Fight! *both girls duke it out in the game*
Suzuha: IMOUTO SENPUUKYAKU!
Kirino: Argh!
Perfect… *tiptoes out of the room while Chiaki watches the two girls play* And now time to play Rod a visit! Wait, I don’t know where her room is… *starts barging in and out of door* Found the toilet, the kitchen and the gift-wrapping room, but not… A-ha, voices are coming from that room! No, wait; it’s the one I came from… But from the one over there I hear voices too! *opens the door to reveal a large bath with a woman and two men bathing and watching TV* Huh?
Voice: I told you guys, Frequency is a great movie! *notices someone has walked in* Oh, hello Zettai, I knew you’d come.
I’m glad I found you Rod, or should I say MOMO BELIA DEVILUKE? I hope I don’t have to say it again, it’s a mouthful…
Momo: So you finally found who I am…
Well, duh, it was easy. Rod in Spanish is Vara, which sounds like the Japanese word Bara, which means Rose, which is Rosa in Spanish, which also refers to Pink, which in classical Japanese is MOMO-iro!
Momo: That’s right… Excellent… *rises from the bath only for a convenient light beam to cover all of her butt, then turns around and the beam becomes smaller only to cover as required her genitals, while another tiny beam covers her nipples but leaves most of her chest untouched* Guys, get out! *the two men in the bath with Momo leave, their unappealing man-ass not censored*
Yup, a Xebec character all right. Mind dressing up?
Momo: Sure, I took Peke from my sister for moments like this! *puts Peke on and changes into her usual attire with striped thighhighs* As you might know I also sent all the plant-type Monster of the Week from October, and of course the explosive pigeon Bakubato-kun which is an invention of my sister too. Just because she’s not allowed to have screentime ever doesn’t mean her inventions can stop appearing often, right?
WRONG!
Momo: Whoa, calm down, Lex Luthor! Fine, I won’t tell you on how I got her locked in the Underworld… Why don’t you come to my office to talk?
Something tells me I shouldn’t, but I’ll accept anyways.
Momo: Great! Come in! *takes seat and waits as Zettai does the same* Now I suppose you came to talk about my world conquering, right?
Yes.
Momo: Well, then I’ll tell you: Yes, I took over the world not long ago, like on January last year. It was easy, too! After Proist died, the vacuum of power in Darius was far too large, and it was easy for me and my two allies to take over! Then we just gathered our forces and took over Earth. It was a cinch! And all thanks to you, Zettai!
Me?
Momo: Yes! I was the one who made Proist gather the Five Maidens of Ruin and fight you! The anti-Blog Legacy panties came from me too, my sister made them when trying to create a toaster dog. After all, the only one who could oppose me was you and she had the forces I needed, so either way I would benefit from your little fight! It worked, as you can see. Much better than my harem plan for sure!
To be fair your plan sucks. Make it a femdom harem and it’ll work.
Momo: Never! Anyway, Zettai, our little talk is over as I told you everything.
Great. Can I go home now?
Momo: Sure. But first… *pulls out some sort of beam gun*
Oh great, this is the part where you kill me.
Momo: Kill you? Zettai, you’re a lousy TLR fan. Can’t you tell? This is the gun that turns Rito into Riko!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Momo: Ahahahaha! I knew that if there was one way to cause you true fear was this! Now prepare to lose your masculinity, Zettai, if you ever had any!
I’m throwing the towel!
Momo: Giving up won’t help you!
No, I mean it literally! *picks his towel from three blogs ago and throws it at Momo’s face, making her miss her shot. Zettai then runs the hell away*
Momo: Agh, not a brick joke! Guards, go after the running away intruder!
What’s that sound? *looks back to see the guards* That’s bad! *runs up stairs* Argh… Stairs are… Hard to climb… And I only went one floor up…
Guards: N.O.E.S.C.A.P.E! *Zettai turns around to find a bunch of guards behind him, all in a row due to how thin the stairs corridor is*
And I’m missing my towel… If only I had a flying skateboard… Wait, I know! Hey, guards, what’s that? *points behind them*
Guards: Huh? *all guards turn around to look*
DOMINO PUSH! *pushes with all his might the guard in front, causing all of them to fall down in confusion and ridiculousness* Time to hightail!
Momo: What’s that noise? *walks in to find the stairs with all the guards lying on it* So why did I not read the Evil Overlord’s list? I’ll ask Celine about my decisions from now on! Anyway, gotta chase Zettai! *climbs the stairs, stepping on the guards if necessary* Ugh, that almost feels like femdom, icky.
Aha, here is the exit! *opens the door to enter the roof, which still looks like it did 2.5 years ago with the Zettai & Allies vs. Proist fight* Oh, man, forgot this isn’t the exit!
Momo: End of the line, Zettai! Now you lack your towel you can’t throw anything at me!
Trust me; if I could I’d rip off one of my arms to have something to throw at you!
Momo: Well, I know of something I will “rip” off you! *points the gun from before at Zettai* Any last words as a man?
No. *walks off the edge of the tower and falls*
Momo: What? Did… Did you just choose death over…? Really? *walks towards the edge when Zettai suddenly rises from under it* WHAT? *Zettai rises some more to reveal the DeLorean and Suzuha and Chiaki inside of it* But…
Suzuha: NOW! *opens the wing gulls to smash Momo on the face, making her gun fly off and break harmlessly on the floor* Get in, Zettai! *he does so*
Momo: Very clever! How did you get here, Future Girl?
Suzuha: Turns our Kirino sucks at Siscalypse and I figured Zettai would try something like this!
Momo: Is that so? Too bad you aren’t going anywhere! *uses her mobile to summon several replicas of the four plant monsters the magical girls fought in October* Get them, my pretties!
Suzuha: Is any of them called Audrey?
Momo: No!
Suzuha: Audrey? AUDREY!
Iczer-2: I’m coming, I’m coming! *warps in and kills a U-Halloween in one strike* Your reign of femsub end here, Momo!
Momo: You little hoochies! But what can you do alone against all my plants?
Iczer-2: Me? This! *calls forth Iczer-Sigma and gets inside it* HAAAAAA! *crushes an Akanbe and a Noise with a hand for each*
Momo: You shouldn’t even be able to pilot this alone!
Iczer-2: Go tell Banpresto! *grabs one Elysia and throws it at Momo* Zettai, can you hear me?
Of course, I’m right here!
Iczer-2: Good. If you want to prevent this, we need both you and Proist around!
Proist died!
Iczer-2: I know! But there’s a way to bring her back! Consult the “Machine Goddess” as she knows the answer!
Who’s that?
Iczer-2: Oh, you know who that is! *Momo summons more and more monsters* Now go, as I won’t be able to hold them down indefinitely!
Momo: Not that you should! Die, traitor! *sics more monsters at Iczer-Sigma*
Suzuha: Iczer-2… Our time together was short, but I won’t forget you… And it’s a good thing we agreed on that Audrey help call off-screen… See you! *the DeLorean flies away, then hits 88 miles per hour and disappears in a sonic boom leaving behind two trails of fire*
Momo: Good riddance, I say! Too bad you won’t make it! *Momo’s plant monsters eventually get the Iczer-Sigma in a critical state, but Iczer-2 teleports away in the last second* Curses! But I know where they went… And more importantly, WHEN!
Posted by
ZettaiRyouiki
| Dec 26, 2013 1:47 AM |
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