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No, seriously. Star Wars narrator is NOT the way to go either.

: Looks like you’ll have to fire this one too.

So it seems…

Mysterious Voice: Hello, Zettai. Let’s fight!

Whoa! No epic speech?

Mysterious Voice: Sorry, I was in a bit of a hurry. But villains must do these things, so let me try again.

Sure, knock yourself off.

Mysterious Voice: Thanks. *clears throat* I am the one who made Hasta part of the main harem! I made Momo the lead heroine in place of the lead heroine! I am the cause Kirino came back! I am…

Oh, I know! You are Hinagiku Katsura!

Mysterious Voice: Nooooo! Listen! I am Soyar, or…



Wait, what. The whole thing this week was girls from shows with traps that hog the praise, so I expected a girl from a show that did just that! Your show lacks traps!

: And that’s the real trap.

: *Muttley laugh*

So what’s your gimmick? Is it related to hime cuts?

: Spotlight hogs.

That makes no sense, your team is about spotlight hogs! Basically you’re all “Yo, dawg, I heard you like spotlight hogs, so I put a pro-spotlight hogs in your pro-spotlight hogs team so they can hog spotlight while hogging spotlight!” by the looks of it.

: VOLTEKKA! *fires an Electric-elemental beam at Zettai from her shoulders*

Aaaaaaah! *gets fried*

: That’s for the meme.

In her defense, I deserved it. Anyway, by this point we all know how this goes, so girls, appear and roll out!

: Eh? When I did come here?

: I brought you, as well as the others.

: …Hey, I was studying for a test.

: And?

Uhhh, Matsurika, sorry to break this for you, but that’s Dianna, not Kihel.

: No, I’m Kihel, I switched places with Dianna earlier. Not sure how this maid found out…

: I can even figure the kind of underwear all the girls have. I spy white panties, black panties, and what appears to be a fundoshi.

: *flusters*

: …Hurry up and finish this.

Right, right. Soo, what is the challenge this time? Make it something simple like pulling straws, please…

: I’ll tell you later. First, write my blog, that’s what people are here for.

I thought people liked my gripping tales!

: Nobody reads them, idiot.


Head

Hair
Brown hair is nice, not as good as black but as far “realistic” colors go is good. I prefer darker shades but Mikoto’s isn’t bad either, plus it matches her eyes! Sadly it’s rather short, but at least not overly so as to be terrible. Obviously she doesn’t really put her hair up, but she wears some hair accessories that are kind of cute, I like the flower decs the best; there’s an image where all 4 Railgun girls wear hair “crowns” like Uiharu’s and they look absolutely adorable!
Grade: B-

Eyes
While brown hair might not be all that special, brown eyes ARE nice and easily my fav eye color out of all “realistic” ones. As said they also match her hair color for bonus moe points don’t ask me why I like this, I just find it cute. The only “real” flaw for her eyes, other than no cute glasses even in some random official pic, is the shape being kind of a weird mix of tsurime and tareme. Fine, that’s how Index eyes look in general, but it’s not particularly outstanding. Nothing bad either, just kinda “standard” so to say.
Grade: A-

Body

Build
Mikoto has a very nice slender body, as you expect from a middle school girl in an action series. Her breasts are fairly small, except when J-Cup Staff feels like being funny, and her upper body is flat and lovely. Her lower body is nothing special, but not bad for her age either. If this one official pic is any indication, she has cute feet as well. Her only flaw is being 161 cm tall, which isn’t that much but it’s a little bigger than you expect a middle school girl to be, even if you can blame her being a fighter for this.
Grade: A-

Butt
Surprisingly we see Mikoto’s butt a lot. We get to see her BARE ass in the first Railgun manga chapter, though it’s not very impressive. Not that I expected otherwise from a girl her age. While SHE doesn’t show her bare ass again, her clones do in Index, the Railgun manga AND a Railgun novel spinoff thing. They look a tad better, but not much. Finally, there are several official anime images, both Index and Failgun, that have her showing her bum to camera in swimsuits, gym clothes or some sort of tight outfit in general; in one of these has ass actually looks sorta nice! Overall Mikoto doesn’t have an amazing butt, but she shows it so much she deserves props.
Grade: C

Clothes
Mikoto’s main clothes aren’t very good, sadly. She wears normally the summer version of her school uniform, a brown sleeveless sweater over a white shirt and a blue pleated miniskirt. Nothing on this set-up caters to me, like, at all. Her winter uniform is better as she dons a brown blazer instead and wears a red bowtie, but sadly we don’t see much of it in Index-anime and nothing in Failgun so far. On top of that, she wears ugly denim shorts under her skirt, which denies panties and is not sexy like Hinagiku’s tight and sexy spats. However, Mikoto is a classic example of temporal outfits improving this score tenfold. First and perhaps best for me is the COMPETITION SWIMSUIT she wears during the Failgun beach episode, she actually looks stunning in it! Sadly fans rarely draw her in it and instead go with the less sexy polkadot frilly bikini she wanted to wear instead and did wear for all for 15 seconds. Great. Besides that she has some nice outfits, like classical maid clothes or gym uniform. Granted, she ruins the appeal of the former by wearing her shorts under the skirt, but the latter gives her non-denim tight white shorts that look much better! Once official art comes in the equation you can add a school swimsuit, miko clothes, a pink and frilly gothloli dress, a bunch of swimsuits, bunny girl, Santa girl, yukata and more awesomeness. Amusingly, despite Index herself being a nun and several girls in Index being nuns, there are no pics of her as a nun. In short, other than her “default” clothes she does amazingly well at this.
Grade: A-

Mind

Personality
The simplest way to define Mikoto is saying she’s a rather normal rival. In Index her role is basically showing up every now and then to lose horribly against Touma and not much else. Sadly, her fans didn’t get it and insist she’s a super-important main character when she is not. This is ultimately Mikoto’s main issue: Her fans are stupid. Sure, most characters have idiotic fanboys, but Mikoto has probably the worst ones from characters whose names do not start with S and end with ena Kashiwazaki. To wit: As said they claim Mikoto is a main character and even the “true” heroine, when she’s mostly a bit role and even her arc has her play second banana to her freaking CLONE. Still, they claim so loudly she is a main MAL actually lists her as one, when by that logic Yamcha is a main character in DBZ. In fact, they even managed to get Mikoto her own spin-off, which amusingly has her actually pushed to the side constantly in some way or another; Mikoto is such a minor character that she can’t even hold the spotlight for a long time in her own freaking series. And yet she has way more fanboys than any other character to the point of hogging fanart and official art alike. Official art in general has a bad habit of making her look more important than she really is, often putting Mikoto to the level of true leads Touma and Index, a level she certainly is not at.

Well, after ranting a lot on how much her fanboys love her and how they are constantly catered to, back to her. She certainly is a rival character all right, and as such she sometimes helps Touma when in need and Touma does likewise and they’re kinda bros aside from the gender thing but that’s okay because Mikoto wears shorts and is flat. She’s not all that tomboyish tho; she has a cute side and likes cute things even if she hides it. And of course there is her ability to control electricity; while she does some really neat tricks with it, she never really wins an important fight unless she gets some outside help. She does cool stuff while losing at least. This is getting kind of long, so to summarize Mikoto is a decent character dragged down by an obnoxious fanbase that makes her better than she is.
Grade: C-

Libido
Typical tsundere. She has feelings for Touma but refuses to spit them up and blahblah. We’ve seen this a dozen times and she brings nothing new to the table, in fact she stole the table. Wait, that made no sense. Anyway, JC Staff decided that her being a normal tsundere wasn’t good for them and in the second season and Failgun OVA made her go generic flustered moeblob whenever Touma showed up, which not only is even more overused but it was completely out-of-character and contradictory for her to do. Sure, it WAS cute, but still really out of place! Oh yeah, she has a yuri stalker in Kuroko, but she does not reciprocate. There IS one official image of the novel artist of Mikoto and Kuroko in a yuri situation and Mikoto IS in the lead, but that’s likely just yuri fan bait.
Grade: C-

Age
Being a middle school girl Mikoto is 13-14 and thus in my ideal age range. About time one of those showed up, anime sure loves its high school girls!
Grade: A+

Voice
Rina Satou has a nice voice and suits Mikoto well. Sadly Mikoto lacks any special verbal tics or accents or speech patterns or whatever, but at least she’s not rude either. As a half-related tidbit, Rina Satou is rather infamous among my friends because many of her girls I dislike or at least are overshadowed by the rest of her cast. Sure, there are great exceptions like Ange, but that’s just how fame goes.
Grade: B+

Total: 71 (B-)

: Oh, I got a decent score!

Yeah. For all I complain, you aren’t that bad.

: Thanks, but I’m not going easy on you! Now listen, girls! This time the trial is Sugoroku! *a board game-like field emerges* We’re short on budget tho, so it only has 10 squares… Why did we build that Mazinkaiser…

Well, that makes it easier to beat! Now, girls, anyone got a die?

: I brought my special die! *makes a comically large die show up* Whoever makes it to the goal first wins! And look, I go first! *rolls a 6* Ha!

Totally not cheating.

: THUNDAGA! *bolts fall on top of Zettai* I don’t cheat! *skips to the 6th square* Look, now there’s a trial. I got lucky, so my trial is waving. *does so* Hooray!

What if you don’t pass the trial?

: A bomb blows up and you die.

: WHAT?

: Sheesh, that was a joke. You just lose next turn.

Well, now the nonsense is clear, time for the girls to play. So who goes first?

: I don’t care, you settle it on whatever order.

Fine, fine. Then you girls go in review order. Isumi, you’re first!

: Y-Yes! *rolls the die and gets a 1* No way…

CHEATER!

: I am NOT! LUMINAIRE! *Zettai is surrounded by a blast of light* There!

: W-Well.. *skips to the 1st square* Alright, so… *Isumi’s clothes suddenly become a gym uniform with red bloomers* What?

Hmmm, a text box appeared in front of us… It says you’re meant to do 50 sit-downs.

: O-Okay then… *does so. She has lots of difficulty as she’s not used to so much physical prowess like this, but she pulls it. However, because of the exercise she ends all sweaty and her buruma is wedged deep in her ass* Phew… Do I look bad?

You look splendid! *gets Fujioka’d* Hey!

: You shame me, idiot!

: Phew… *clothes go back to normal* Seems I passed it…

: …Next is me then. *rolls a 2* …I agree with Zettai, this is rigged.

: INDIGNATION! *white lightning explodes around Zettai* Is not!

I hadn’t said a thing!

: I can tell you agreed!

: *skips to the 2nd square* …Alright, tell me.

Well, it says you’re meant to… To…

: …Yes?

…To mop the floor.

: …That’s a dumb trial. *Shouko’s clothes become just an apron and nothing else* …Oh?

NIIICE! *nosebleeds*

: …Idiot… *mops the floor while feeling shameful, and because of the way she mops, she ends shaking her ass a lot* …Well, all clean. Now you don’t step on it. …And this lets me pass, hooray *clothes go back to normal* …Much better.

She’s a cheerful girl. Kihel?

: Yes! *rolls a 3* Got it! *skips to the 3rd square* Here!

: PRECURE PEACE THUNDER! *shocks Zettai, and a bit herself* Ow!

GREAT SCOTT! I wasn’t thinking anything this time!

: Just in case!

: So my trial is…*clothes change into a miko outfit* Oh, this is an interesting costume! I think it’s from Esia, right?

It’s a nice fit, Kihel! And apparently you need to exorcise a demon. WHAT?

: Sit-downs, mop, and then an exorcism? This makes no sense.

: Oh, I think I studied this… You used these little pieces of paper… And threw them to the demon… *scans around until she sees a silhouette* There! *flings the ofuda or “piece of paper” to the demon, burning it instantly* Success! *suddenly her skirt drops, showing her butt in a fundoshi* Oops. Oh, the underwear is from Esia too! *clothes change back to normal anyhow* Shame, I wanted to check it…

And a great one at that! Well, Matsurika, you’re last but not least.

: Sure. *rolls a 4* Well, at least that sets me in the next roll. *skips to the 4th square and ends in a school swimsuit, white of course* Somehow I expected this.

Yeah. It says you need to retrieve a pearl… Who the hell wrote this?

: Alright. *takes a deep breath and dives down. About 15 minutes later, she comes back with the pearl* Here.

How… How did you endure so much underwater? Are you a star blitzball player? And why did it take so long?

: I had to fight a crocodile and a hippo.

Deep underwater.

: Yes.

A croc and a hippo.

: That’s what I said.

Alright, carry on.

: One more thing *comes out fully to reveal her sukumizu bottom is missing* The hippo ate it.

Oooohh… No idea how that happened. But no matter!

: Pervert. *clothes change back to normal* Anyway, first turn is done.

Right. What now, Mikoto?

: Now it’s reverse-blog order! Me first! *rolls another 6* Ha! I WIN!

No, you don’t. This has 10 squares, so you “bounce” and go back the 8th square.

: What? This makes no sense!

Hey, that’s how we play at home.

: But… But… Fine! *skips to the 8th square* And my trial is… Damn, this is the Death Square. You lose a turn and get humilliatEEEED *her clothes suddenly turn into a string bikini* Don’t look at me!

I can’t help it! *nosebleeds* Uranus is showing!

: And after this astronomy lesson, I roll the die. *rolls the dice in a rather unique manner, so it spins on a corner* Now, watch.

Um, do I have to? I’m busy looking at the almost-naked middle school ass.

: Do it.

Fine…

: Now... *her die stops in precisely a 6* See? *skips into the Final Square* Victory!

Hooray! We won!

: No, you don’t! I should’ve won! I rigged that die and would’ve won if it wasn’t for your stupid house rules!

Hey, don’t blame the rules!

: I blame you! I BLAME ALL OF YOU! AAAAAAH! *fires lightning in all directions* I MUST WIIIIIN!

H-Hey, she went nuts! Do something!

: Huh… *hides under the table* This will help no doubt.

: Mikoto… You just made a fatal mistake.

: WHAT?

: People think I’m Dianna Soreil. Releasing all those bolts made people aware of where I am. Well… *the Dianna Counter as a whole shows up* …Yes.

: OH S- *gets blasted by lots of lasers and spacey stuff* -HUCKS!

Well, that takes care of that.

: As a parting gift, learn the Elegy of Emptiness… No, wait; better learn the origin of our nicknames. They’re Spanish backwards! How did you not notice this? Hahahaha! *faints*

I did.

: Well, I’ll get her checked with Moon technology. Hopefully we’ll find something about her crazy behavior.

Thanks, girls. What about you?

: I have a test.

: I have a job.

: Isumi left a while ago.

Great…