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Seriously, all of my narrators are terrible. Shouldn’t have saved money in a cheap one still…

: Serves you right, idiot.

Wait, are you going to fight me, Chiaki?

: No, I just wanted to re-establish I’m around. I think that figure over here is your monthly enemy.

Mysterious Figure: And now you ruined my entrance.

Sorry.

Mysterious Figure: Eh, matters not. Let’s get to it. *clears throat* I am the one that makes lolis suddenly turn into busty older girls! I am the one who invented using hair to cover nipples so breasts are never censored! I made Tenzou go from liking Mary’s ass to like only her chest! I am…



…Wait. Sena last month claimed doing the Tenzou thing!

Such an evil act required the power of two!

Your claims are also general otherwise, instead of the specific stuff Sena and Naru said.

Those acts are too commonplace. I could not claim to have done just one of them when they are all me.

You… You are evil!

: Hold down, Zettai. You cannot face her.

: *warps alongside Suzuka* Leave this to us!

: Art thou ready, evildoer!?

Hm, so you all came… *smirks* Fine then! I shall do fight with you! But first, we need what 50% of our readers only check: a blog!

On it!

Head

Hair
Surprisingly we’re off to a good start. Pink hair is not my top favorite but is pretty high overall in my preferences, being one of the few “light” colors I enjoy, even if not as much as red or white. Furthermore Nodoka puts it up on twintails with RED ribbons. As a kid she used white ribbons instead so they matched her cute clothes. Of course we see with her hair down a couple of times and it’s pretty nice, she has all her bases covered.
Grade: B

Eyes
This, in the other hand, is bad. BLUE eyes are bad, and blue eyes with pink hair clash horribly, this is Cure Melody all over again. At least her show is nice and fair in that regard and has a variety of eye colors, with two leads having RED eyes, but that doesn’t make Nodoka’s eyes look any less terrible!
Grade: C

Body

Build
COW. FREAKING. UDDERS. By far Nodoka’s most evident body part and easily the main issue with her are her breasts, which are ridiculously oversized to a disgusting level. Even worse, the show bends over ass-backwards to show her chest as much as possible in random and contrived ways, as well as having it be mentioned in dialogue in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, and generally the mentions are solely in a positive way. The worst part is her show isn’t very fanservicey otherwise, so this random worship of her chest tumors sticks out like a sore thumb and is utterly grating. Moving along, the rest of her body isn’t bad as she has sexy legs and she’s described as being below average in height, both good factors. Yeah, this series doesn’t have measurements in the standard numerical fashion, just approximations. Naturally Nodoka is listed as having gigantic breasts and an “average” butt, in fact that’s an awful thing this show does: ALL busty girls are described as having average butts, except Mihoko who has “plump” for both her chest and butt and is the only girl with an above-average ass. Japan and their sheer hatred of women with actual buttocks strikes again. Oh, yeah, we do get to see her as a “loli” in Achiga-hen. A busty loli. A woman stuck to breasts, ladies and gentlemen.
Grade: C-

Butt
Guess what, the first Picture Drama shows Nodoka’s bare ass and despite the already mentioned claims of being “average” is a SEXY one, actually looking quite plump and meaty and delicious! Shame that’s the only time she shows it, as that butt could go places if it got half the focus her chest did. Oh yeah, there is this one official art where she shows her bikini-clad bottom, it’s not that great but it’s there I guess.
Grade: C+

Clothes
Believe it or not, Nodoka has a good choice of outfits. Her “default” one is her school uniform, and being a generic sailor uniform it sucks. She wears white thighhighs and those make it a little better, but not by much. Her OTHER outfits are nice tho, like the white gothloli angel one from her internet avatar, her Japanese clothes when staying at the ryokan for training, a cute waitress outfit from one episode, her frilly clothes from her kid years in Achiga-hen, and with official art you can even add a school swimsuit, of all things, to the mix as well as some other costumes. Her problem, tho, is the same one Sena had: Most of her costumes seem to be designed to emphasize her chest as much as possible, even when it makes no sense, and that takes a heavy toll on her score.
Grade: B-

Mind

Personality
She lacks one.









…Okay, I’ll go in more detail. Nodoka is basically a nice girl, with some moments she can get serious or angry, but not much. So yeah, pretty normal.












…Fine, I’ll talk some more. Her father doesn’t approve of her playing mahjong, so she usually plays it on her computer, where she is a super duper player better than the pros. She’s not as awesome playing normally and thus is made to carry her plush penguin so her chest is even more accentuated. Despite having a perfect set-up for doing so, she never is forced to play without the thing when other characters do get handicaps. She also never loses except when the author wants to try to make it look like she’s not as super-kickass, which makes her rather dull. Hell, they introduce a girl with an awesome skill just to make it not work on Nodoka to further tell us how good she is. By this point it should be clear Nodoka is the author’s pet and the show spins around her, which is believable considering the absurd mass in her chest. Hell, most of the early Achiga-hen spinoff is based around everyone kissing the ground she steps on and the MAIN GIRLS playing mahjong solely to meet her again because the time they spent with was so good and they love her so much and AGFSHAJDGHSFGH. Sorry, I ate a fly. Seriously, the bias is so thick it can be cut with a knife. The worst part is that despite being such a terrible, poorly-written character she is absurdly popular, has nearly half the fanart of her series despite the character count being over HALF A HUNDRED and managed to reach the semifinals of the SaiMoe THREE times, the last one being particularly insulting since she entered because of Achiga-hen, where she is a bit character that only exists to get more praise and be the inspiration of the lead girls. Ugh.
Grade: C-

Libido
Like in most animes nowadays, Nodoka has no male love interests whatsoever. Instead she has some yuri going on with Saki, but it’s not overly so as that’d ruin the dreams of fanboys and zzzzz. Also Saki would totally be the seme and that costs Nodoka points.
Grade: C-

Age
Nodoka is a first year high school student, making her 15-16, so almost DASA. At the beginning of Achiga-hen we see her as a sixth year elementary school student, making her about 11-12; sadly we don’t see much of her like that so it’s not a big factor.
Grade: B+

Voice
Ami Koshimizu gives Nodoka a nice cute voice that goes well with her intended image, and look, another similarity with Cure Melody! She also speaks politely, which is nice. Sadly for me most girls voiced by Miss Koshimizu are busty, but I know some like that!
Grade: B

Total: 55 (C+)

Well, I did better than Sena at least. Now time for the battle.

What will it be this time?

Well, coming from me there is only one thing: Mahjong!

NOOOOO! I don’t know how to play this! This fight will be a mess!

It will be STRIP mahjong, to be exact!

Huh!?

: Wait, what?

: What dost thou mean?

: I refuse!

Well, you can’t. By the power of the Chuca project, I HAVE THE POWER! *a mahjong table with four seats rises from the ground* If you beat me, I’ll even tell you what Chuca means!

: Why would you do that? It doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.

But it gives you a reason to fight harder!

: Ic wage war for the well-being of mine allies, and Zettai is amongst them! Thine reason is hogwash.

Fine, I do it for the sake of the plot. Happy? Now sit down and play some goddamn Mahjong. *blinks* Oh, sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken in such a manner…

So… What’s the deal with this “Strip Mahjong” thingamajig? *the girls sit down, with Nodoka, Chiaki, Louise and Suzuka in a clock-wise fashion*

The same as mahjong, only instead of subtracting points you lose clothes. Now let’s draw winds.

: That’s what Zettai would like, the idiot.

: I’m not doing that! It wouldn’t be proper for a lady to draw her wind in front of others.

: Thou hath silly taboos, Louise! *lifts one buttcheek and lets out a fart*

Eww, why did you do that?

: Thou orderedst us to draw our winds, so Ic drew mine. Maybe thou shouldst draw thy wind too.

No, that means deciding who goes first, basically.

: Then speak clearer next time. Ugh, smells worse than Kana’s…

…Come to think of it, Chiaki, do you know how to play Mahjong?

: Not much, no.

: I haven’t seen this game before, either.

I’m boned…

: Oh, Ic knoweth the rules! Ic most skilled at this, actually…

Then why did you… do that… thing… before?

: Ic wantedst to tease Zettai with mine odors, ohohoho.

Ehm… *looks aside*

Look, can we just play the thing? It’s clear we’re stalling by time, but this is starting to reach Namek’s Last Five Minutes levels.

: Alright…

I’m first! *draws* Tsumo!

Wait, already?

Yes! You all lose two pieces of clothing!

: Ngggh… *takes off her cape and tries to take one thighhigh*

NOOO, DON’T DO THAT!

: Idiot dog! You dirty thighhigh fetishist! *explodes Zettai* Fine! *takes off her shirt, showing her pink bra* Better?

YES!

: Idiot! *takes off her hat and blazer*

: Ufufu… *removes her jacket and skirt, showing off a black thong*

W-Whoa! *nosebleeds*

: *throws Fujioka at Zettai, aiming at his stomach as to not dirty it with blood* I dunno what to do… I’ll pass, then! *discards one tile*

: Same here! *ditches another tile*

: Most glad! *takes the tile Louise just ditched* SANRENKOU!

Zuh?

: Now thou remove two pieces of thine garments too!

Great… *takes off her white thighhighs*

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY, OH, WHY? *whimpers*

Hmph… Can we just skip ahead a little? I don’t think anybody wants to see this play-by-play.

Sure, we can do this Achiga-hen style. SHAZAM! *time skips to several draws later. Louise and Chiaki are in a corner trying to cover their privates with their hands and Fujioka respectively* Looks like it worked! *meanwhile Nodoka only wears a bra and panties and Suzuka just her tubetop and thong* Whoa! The beauty and the beast!

Hah-hah… Tan’yao! Now take off one of your clothes left!

: Thou art lucky we art sitting down, so Ic can do… *slides off her thong, then flings it to Zettai’s face* this! Thou can keepeth it *winks*

I-I’ll treasure it!

: Well, Ic shouldeth finish this, for mine bottom feels breezy…

: What, it didn’t before in that thong?

: *laughs and tries to cover her mouth, but remembers her lack of clothing, so ends doing a weird dance until falling face-down*

: Your butt isn’t much bigger than mine…

: Now, looketh and cry! RISING SUN!

No! No way I can lose! I must win! I have to! I.. have… to… *Nodoka is flung away from the table as her underwear vanishes without a trace, then lands on the ground chest-first and thus mostly unhurt* Owie…

Now, talk! What is the Chuca project all about?

Flower… I mean… It stands for “Spotlight Hog” in a foreign language shortened… But you haven’t heard this from me… And know this… There are still two Maidens of Ruin left… And one of them is our leader, whose power of ruin is strong enough to make my feet shake! *cough* Suzuka… You defeated me fair and square… So I wanna fight you… once more… in the future… *faints, as she was actually hurt*

Well, this was helpful. NOT!

: If thou excuse mine interference, Ic will taketh her to Doctor Marion for some checks. If Ic find something about her behavior Ic will inform thyself.*rides off with Nodoka in Jaki-GUN-oh*

: So two more… Well, hopefully you can defeat them, Zettai! Bye! *takes her clothes and warps off*

: Do I get some privacy to dress myself, idiot?

Sure, sure! *leaves* Man, the Chuca project… two Maidens of Ruin… I wonder…