Reviews

May 3, 2023
Mixed Feelings
FunnyFunny
Preliminary (4/12 eps)
The Unessential Quintuplets.

Listen, if you've read my reviews you know that I love ecchi nonsense. If the anime titties, ass and thighs are good, then I can get through even the stinkiest of garbage harem anime. I’m a simple man. So when I see an anime which could be summed up as “What if The Quintessential Quintuplets but ecchi?” I was all in. Unfortunately, where The Café Terrace and Its Goddesses differs from the Quintessential Quintuplets is in its completely insufferable cast.

When Kasukabe visits his dead grandmother's beach café to prepare it for sale he finds five of the hottest squatters you could imagine. Convinced not to turn the café into a beach car park by the walking talking blowup dolls, he now has to find to make the café profitable whilst living with basically the Nakano sisters but worse.

There’s Hououji, a laid-back hipster and a struggling artist, but also weirdly passive-aggressive. There’s Tsukishima, who's a massive tsundere boarding yandere. She won’t put drugs in your drink, but she will take advantage of the Miku equivalent by getting her drunk, sending her into the room of a man they just met and hoping he will try to have sex with her so she can take pictures of them for blackmail. That’s pretty fucked up! What a twat.
There’s Ono, who is shy and nice. Also, big boobs and a smell fetish when she's drunk. Great.
There’s Tsuruga, she's basically Yotsuba, but worse.
Finally, there’s Makuzawa, she's is also a tsundere. That’s it.
If you like classic 2006 harem anime jokes such as, MC getting punched in the face because Tsundere walks in only covered by a towel whilst he's having a bath, Tsundere falls downstairs and kicks MC in the face for seeing her panties, Girls shout at him for folding up their laundry because he’s an adult and isn’t bothered by women's underwear, and sports girl beats the shit out of MC for being involved in a wardrobe malfunction or a classic ‘woman/man fall on man/woman’ situation at the wrong place at the time, then you might be someone who’ll enjoy Love Hina.

The animation is fine and Tezuka Productions sure can animate a nice pair of anime tits, but the ecchi elements aren’t frequent enough to offset the rest of the show's flaws.

I probably would’ve enjoyed The Café Terrace and Its Goddesses more if the characters weren't so deranged. You’d think in the year 2023 current-year argument we’d be past the ecchi-harem gags that weren’t funny back in 2006, but couple that with a very basic plot that goes at a snail's pace, I guess there are still some stragglers.

4/10 Disappointment.
Reviewer’s Rating: 4
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