Jul 14, 2011
HowTragic (All reviews)
*Warning: Wall of text.

Battle Girls: Time Paradox, also called Sengoku Otome: Momoiro Paradox, is an anime based on a topic that we rarely find... history. Indeed, the entire plot is based off Japanese history during the Warring State Era. The only real noticeable difference you'll find is that your favorite long-beared old landlord geezer is replaced with well-endowed, crazy 2-D chicks swinging their bigass weapons around like a crazy yandere, who are, did I mention, big-boobed (albeit Hideyoshi, which I'll touch on later). Yeah, crazy big-boobed yanderes. Mind blowing isn't it? Correct me if I'm wrong, but this replacement of historical figures with big rack girls doesn't make an anime necessarily good or bad; it just makes it an anime and something different from your teacher's feeble attempts at teaching you Warring State Era history by showing you a slideshow of paintings of dead people for 4 hours which he/she cleverly calls a "documentary". Whether this anime is good or bad is fully up to how it organizes the effective conveyance of the 5 aspects on the right side of this screen. And before you start saying anything: Yes I have a problem with teaching history by watching a 4 hour slideshow of pictures of dead people.

Story (6/10)
Really nothing intriguing can be said about the story. This is the history related story of Hideyoshi, who Wikipedia tells me was a Warring States Era general under Nobunaga. Hideyoshi, needless to say, is not an old man. She's an annoying little loli girl with an uncanny motivation to do mushycrap things. Hideyoshi, upon visiting the shrine to pray for good test scores unrealistically and over-exaggeratedly does a bunch of dumb things that just so happens to push her into someone casting a spell taking them to the Warrings States Era. *Deep breaths with facepalm. Anyways, she meets Nobunaga-dono, a tall big boobed lady with the intent to conquer the land using the Crimson Armor, a legendary, cursed, and... (you guessed it) crimson armor that apparently dons battle prowess on the maiden who wears it, enabling her to unite Japan. She vows to help Nobunaga collect the 7 pieces of the armor and along the way they meet a bunch of other busty chicks representing old geezers who Hideyoshi notice resembles her best friends in the modern day world. The most seering flaw in the story is the predictability of the ending, looking even beyond what history says. I mean cmon, it's a girl who is sent to another dimension, how do you THINK it's going to end? Watching the entire series knowing exactly how it is going to end was a bummer for me since it deprived me of the powerful effect of plot twists and suspense. Perhaps if the producers spent more time to add something more interesting than a red armor, this series would have been less of a letdown story-wise. The only capricious event was when (Spoiler, not that it matters) the pink mahou-shoujo gets the ugly red armor to amplify her mahou-shoujonness and becomes a rampaging yandere. That I didn't expect O_O.

Art (8/10)
Realistically speaking (ironic.. since I'm grading a 2-D entity) the art was outstanding. The world of the Warring States Era is large and I would have been content watching nostalgic sunsets or magical scenes. Instead, the producers thought it would be funny to have Hideyoshi's annoying face and Mitsuhide's manly face on my screen 90% of the time. But seriously, Mitsuhide's design... do something about it... I don't like wasting time asking myself if a character is a male or a female.

Sound (10/10)
I never really considered sound until I was watching the Mitsuhide and Date-sensei swinging practice swords. The sound effects of the sword cutting the air seemed extremely realistic. It may seem weird but at that moment I realized that the sound of the sword traveling through the air sounded better and more accurate than most of the sound effects I hear in anime. This, paired up with a very VERY catchy OP and a reminiscent ED takes the top tier cake in terms of the sound aspect.

Character (4/10)
My brain kind of hurts thinking about this part. Needless to say, I disliked Hideyoshi. I feel kind of bad saying this, but I really didn't like her personality. She's directly comparable to Daphne from Scooby-Doo. Both of them worry about little things, they both get kidnapped and tied up really easily, and in both cases, people (this "people" being me) wonder if they're lacking half a brain or something. Hideyoshi, however, beats Daphne in annoyingness and whining. She seriously doesn't cut it with the "That's so mean!!!", "You can't do that!", "Save her.. you can't kill her". When a series goes 13 episodes with this crap, it becomes intolerable. (On a side note: "Hideyoshi". Get it? From baka test? Lol. Both are flat chest but BT Hideyoshi is so much more awesome and *hangs head in shame for saying this* cute) The next character of importance it Nobunaga-dono. I personally like seeing female characters (and people for that matter) voice their beliefs directly and work to achieve their goal, exhibiting intelligence, passion and independence. Although Nobunaga did satisfy most of these aspects... she was just... a bit creepy to me, for a lack of a better description. She looks creepy and she laughs a bit weird. I'm perfectly ok with psychotic yandere loli vampire girls laughing crazily when she's about to kill you in a video game, but I'm not ok with a large women laughing hysterically for no reason. Mitsuhide-skipping her. Let's just say her reasons for staying with Nobunaga makes me question her sexual alignment a little. Overall the characters were really done pretty poorly. The producers overplayed the fanservice card, and the personality of the characters suffered dramatically as a result. They exhibited poor judgment in many situations, executing retarded debacles instead of cleverly thought-out actions. But above all, watching the characters go about their intended plot niche makes you realize how shallow the characters seem. I couldn't really relate to them or their actions.

Enjoyment (5/10)
What makes up enjoyment when I watch anime is how detailed, logical and thought-out the anime is, essentially how much effort is put into making it. I can't enjoy something unless it actually makes sense to me (and many anime have failed miserably in this aspect). Battle Girl: Time Paradox seemed to do a half-assed job when it comes to logically establishing preceding plot scenes and story conveyance. Three examples come to my mind to support this claims:
First is the title. It says "Time Paradox" but there's really nothing paradoxical about it (Except maybe trying to have a cool sounding title that ended up contradicting the original intention). Reading the title makes me think it was an anime related in some way, shape or form to string theory analysis and/or the distortion rifts caused by traveling through time. Nothing of that caliber happened. It was just a girl who traveled through time. Some paradox...
Second is the effort put into battles. I'm not particularly picky about battle attacks but when all the characters only attack with ONE move in the entire series it gets on my nerves a bit. Nobunaga goes "CRUEL BLADE" "CRUEL BLADE" "CRUEL BLADE" over and over again. Others go "Fire dragon something blah", etc etc over and over again. This distaste in creativity does hurt the overall effect of the anime. I'd like my anime to be a bit more creative than watching a pokemon battle where the pokemon only has one move. "Rattata used tackle" "Rattata used tackle" "Rattata used tackle"....(doesn't that rat ever get tired?...)
Third is Hideyoshi. She gets tied to a tree and escapes. The intelligent people out there may ask "how did she escape? she isn't good at anything!" The anime answers with.. "She got hungry". I'm not kidding. She was tied to a tree. She got hungry so her stomach contracted. And she escaped. What utter laughable bull. Perhaps it was meant for humor but then I would argue that the time for that was misplaced, as it was in the middle of a very dramatic situation. Instead of thinking up something cool like having her use her secret manicure set (I swear all girls have one of those hidden somewhere on their body) get her out (I jest. It can be cooler than this), they decided to turn Hideyoshi from a Peter Griffin to a Quagmire. Yeah... wut?

Overall (7/10)
Perhaps I failed to convey the complete entity of my opinion in this review because after reading back, I feel like any reader could deduce that I hated this anime more than anything else I've watched. This is certainly not the case. Battle Girls does have many positive attributes that I neglected to mention and hopefully the intelligent people reading this review who were genuinely curious about this anime would read to this last paragraph. Why a 7/10 despite all these complaint about it? Because those complaints are simply things that could change about this. It's true that I couldn't directly relate to the character but Battle Girls: Time Paradox isn't a horrible anime. It's something that you can watch to pass time, and there's certainly rewards to be obtained from watching it; the most basic being a fundamental, albeit lacking, understand of Warring States Era. Most of the information and events in this anime are genuinely a part of Japanese history, and organizing an anime based so closely off history while making it entertaining and interesting is NOT an easy task. I understand this prospect, which is why I devoted some 3 hours of my time to write a comprehensive review on it. For an anime that I hate to the core, I wouldn't even bother wasting my time writing this. I mean, you can only say "This anime sucks" to a sucky anime so many times in so many ways, but you can certainly say a lot more if you were genuinely trying to constructively criticize an anime to improve it.

*Reviewer's note: I feel kind of bad criticizing the characters of Battle Girls like this. They were good characters and the anime did have an effect on me (albeit minor) so I kind of regret being so harsh. Of course there's always an exception to this, and one particular exception being the completely disastrous and unrelatable characters of a certain anime abbreviated to "A.H".