Reviews

May 6, 2011
Preliminary (5/24 eps)
“Chrno Crusade” is the anime and video game industry’s lame attempt at tricking people who legitimately liked “Chrono Trigger” to give up their hard earned cash in return for satisfying the apparently growing nun fetish in Japan and the West. Considering that this anime has a huge following it seems to illustrate either the appeal of nun T&A to the general anime audience or Chrono Trigger fans not giving two shits about whether the show is related at all to the video game. Though both seem to share the common indifference over the misspelling of “Chrono” in the title (though I hear that it was intentional I still think it’s stupid).

It’s the roaring 1920s and in this supposedly kick-ass anime the jail-bait-D-cup nun Rosette with her younger demon assistant Chrono (hey second time’s the charm I guess) are on a quest to hunt down demons that are causing pain and suffering because of the general lack of morality in the world or some such BS.

Rosette who operates on two settings: 5-year-old and full-blown Fran Drescher is the theoretical comic relief to the series. Though she comes off as more annoying, as the writers no doubt deluded themselves into thinking they had channeled Rosette to the character of Auska Langley Soryu, but forgot to carry over the catharsis.

Chrono, the demon, who carries a laughably huge rotary phone on his back seems slightly more competent than his female counterpart but, always seems to suffer constant verbal abuse from Rosette. I can’t help but think that the only reason he sticks with her besides the contract that binds them is the hope that he’ll be able to eat her out before the series ends. However, she’ll have to start taking her crazy pills and shut up for five-fucking-seconds to make that happen.

Though there is a story-line to this show, there is a possible ninety-percent chance that you’re motivation to watch this is for the hot nuns. Yeah, they all have suspiciously huge breasts which can only mean that the Vatican is fronting the cash for the boob jobs. It kind of makes sense since the church is always hurting for more money and followers. Not that those breasts do the poor nuns any good since they’ve sworn a life of celibacy and can only wait for the return of Jesus to give him a nice tit-fuck (which gives the phrase “second coming” a whole new meaning).

In conclusion, skip this anime, watch Full Metal Alchemist instead.
Reviewer’s Rating: 1
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