Jul 22, 2017
bmoore07 (All reviews)
“And God said, ‘Let there be Abunai Sisters’ and God saw that this anime was good,” – Genesis 4

Brothers and sisters of the Church, it is a beautiful Sunday morning and I, your good pastor, have a sermon for your eager ears. It is with the utmost pleasure that I say right now that I have unearthed an anime gem for you all, the most unique, the most dazzling, the most lustrous gem of all. Last Sunday, the Good Lord introduced me to Abunai Sisters and it has been nothing short of a blessing. I stand before you now, I who witnessed Abunai Sisters cure blindness, fix marriages, increase IQ levels, improve social standings, reduce body fat, rescue endangered animals, and resurrect the dead, all in 30 minutes. Brothers and sisters, don’t you fall victim to the lies of these heretics, these sinners, these heathens that speak blasphemies against Abunai Sisters. They claim it’s garbage. They claim it’s frustrating. They claim it’s stupid. The truth is that Abunai Sisters is by far the greatest, most profound, most multidimensional anime of all time.

Thanks be to God for bringing this revolutionary work of art to fruition but I suppose we can give a morsel of appreciation to the Kano Sisters (Kyoko Kano and Mika Kano); it was them that serve as an inspiration for the anime. It was in 1997 that the duo first strolled into prestige with a feature in a high-class fashion magazine in Japan. From there, there were TV appearances, fashion seminars, autobiographies, the works (it was all wildly successful in Japan). Of course, the Kano Sisters were also responsible for the release of Abunai Sisters, which they created with Production I.G. in 2009. For both of them, the anime was indisputably the apex of their careers.

“A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life,” – Proverbs 13:7

If there’s one thing that can be said about Abunai Sisters, it’s that the visuals don’t really bother with excessive details. It is the king of minimalism; no one accomplishes more with less quite like this anime. Most scenes unfold either inside the Sisters’ mansion or on the beach directly in front of it and yet both scenes are as realistic as possible. Never have I seen such a convincing portrayal of what our surroundings embody. In fact, it’s so realistic that you can touch every square inch of that luxurious mansion, sense the soothing breeze caress your skin, and hear the sand crunching beneath your feet as you walk. The marvelous animation in Abunai Sisters is the complete antithesis of Production I.G.’s standard style, they with their sloppy backgrounds and contemptible character designs. Abunai Sister’s visuals are undoubtedly the most stunning of them all.

“For Abunai Sisters gives wisdom; from this anime comes knowledge and understanding,” – Proverbs 2:6

May the Lord have mercy on those that claim this masterpiece is without acumen. It is Abunai Sisters that has revolutionized the very essence of understanding; it has redefined what it means to be intelligent. Those that are truly profound comprehend that flaunting your wisdom is en vogue. You must employ as much of your intricate vocabulary as possible, in such a conspicuous and ostentatious fashion that it’s inconceivable for the superfluous preponderance of the proletariat to illude you into postulating otherwise. There is nothing subtle about how Abunai Sisters displays its intellect because its overwhelming knowledge needn’t be subdued. Not only are there pop culture references galore (in particular, the homage to Spiderman’s Spidey Sense) but it’s also a deceptively simplistic satire of the modern celebrity lifestyle. “When in Rome, do what the Romans do” Abunai Sisters declares, siding with the social philosopher Theodor Adorno’s stance on enjoyment. According to Adorno (and Abunai Sisters), work and pleasure can occur at the same time. To this end, the Sisters in the anime have begun a reality TV show geared towards depicting the existence of the modern celebrity; it’s an endeavor that presumably costs them financially and yet they’re enjoying themselves while they’re filming. However, the show itself appears to be thoroughly bored by this; midway through each episode, elements of intrigue and fascination are introduced to generate entertainment value. The show not only playfully elbows the likes of the Kardashians but it’s also declaring that Hollywood’s A-listers should pursue a life of purpose and passion.

“Abunai Sisters is the same yesterday and today and forever,” – Hebrews 18:3

Contrary to common beliefs, consistency isn’t necessarily evil. There’s a sense of comfort, of familiarity, of ease that arises from the predictable. That said, the titular Sisters are models of consistency; their radiating benevolence, all-consuming charisma, and otherworldly intellect are fundamental, unchanging elements of their being. From the first episode, you can also see that Koko (the elder Sister) is assertive and extravagant while Mika (the younger one) is more innocent and subdued. Yes, the duo’s characterization is a bit static but it’s the spectacular amount of depth that redeems them. Not only do we observe the Sisters overcome obstacles with tactical brilliance that puts Sun Tzu to shame, not only do they resolve conflicts with empathy aplenty but the dialogue between the two Sisters is, by itself, worth the watch; the script writers that crafted those unforgettable exchanges are long overdue for an Emmy.

“Abunai Sisters does not stay angry forever but delights to show mercy,” – Micah 7:18

This anime not only excels in every category but it also establishes an entirely groundbreaking style while doing so. For example, Abunai Sisters completely transcends the 10-star system; its value, easily worth somewhere in the billions, far surpasses that of a measly ten. However, Abunai Sisters’ greatest quality is in its magnificent portrayal of the antagonists. Paparazzi Matsumoto, a lifelong fan of the Sisters, admired them for their poise from afar but always desired a chance to personally meet them. After embarking on a years-long journey across the globe, Paparazzi finally came across his role models at an awards show in Japan; however they, unnerved and disgusted by his unsavory appearance, scornfully rejected his offer for an interview. Infuriated by the Sisters’ blatant contempt, Paparazzi devolved into a vile misogynist, submitting to his vulgar appetites while plotting his revenge from afar. It was at this stage of his life that he encountered Madam Hokuroda. The pompous, self-absorbed stepmother of the Abunai Sisters, she was once a fabulous celebrity but her career as an actress was reduced to ashes due to her stepdaughters’ renown. By allying herself with Paparazzi (he who was as psychologically damaged by the Sisters as she was), Madam Hokuroda seeks to reclaim the prestige that was once hers while Paparazzi, fueled by revenge, longs for the return of his sanity. Over and over, they are foiled by the Sisters, humiliated and disgraced in increasingly degrading ways. And yet, what’s heartwarming about this is that, even in their circumstances, even with all of their flaws, Madam Hokuroda and Paparazzi ceaselessly march onward, continue their attempts at fulfilling their goals. What’s heartwarming is that the show admires the ambition of its antagonists, allowing them one opportunity after another to further realize their dreams. Such undeniable beauty cannot be found in any other work, animated or not.

“Turn to Abunai Sisters, so that your sins may be wiped out,” – Acts 3:19

Comparing anime titles to Abunai Sisters is an exercise in stupidity; it far outclasses the likes of Studio Ghibli’s works. Comparing “classic” films to Abunai Sisters is akin to an out-of-shape alcoholic running against Usain Bolt; do you really think Citizen Kane, Shawshank, and Pulp Fiction can even approach Abunai Sisters’ transcendence? Truly, this is an anime without equal. Friends, I was a sinner. I stole, I lied, I cheated, I plagiarized, and (worst of all) I trolled. Then, I watched Abunai Sisters and the anime cleansed my soul. Not only were all of my sins forgiven but the show opened my eyes into what true greatness is. Thanks to this anime (and its glorious OP), I am a changed man. Abunai Sisters is an enlightening experience, a colorful commentary on the human condition, an eloquent discourse on good and evil, an expert in minimalism, and a multi-genre epic, all at once. Abunai Sisters is, objectively speaking, an absolute masterpiece and it’s my job to spread the gospel of its everlasting glory. Brothers and sisters, I leave you with this:

“Come, let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before Abunai Sisters,” – Psalms 95:6