Apr 20, 2017
GingerCritic (All reviews)
Ok, so...uh, remember "Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls"? Or just any cringe-worthy video of someone making their own anime with only MS Paint? Hell, I made one of those shows in eighth grade. Oh, god, I'm cringing. But just imagine if someone made a show with those set of skills and they somehow had a budget other than zero dollars.

Everything about this show just seems incomprehensible to me. The humor, the pacing, the writing, that animation...was this actually made by humans, or was this programmed by a computer program who you just described anime to for the first time?

Episodes are extremely short, clocking in at about two minutes if you cut out the opening and ending song. However, it's not worth it. Even with such a short span, you feel every single second scrape past. It's like "Pupa", but at the VERY least, "Pupa" had some potential to be a somewhat creative story (it wasn't). However, "Vampire Holmes" has nothing. There is nothing in this that screams potential.

The animation genuinely confuses me. Is this a NewGrounds flash cartoon or an anime? Did my fourth grade anime drawings come to life? I was more fascinated by the art in those "Legend of Zelda" CD-I games than this.

The story? Pfft. Haha. That's a good one. Rolie Polie Olie had a damn better story.

I have no idea why I decided to waste my time with this show. I guess I was bored and wanted to be amused by content so horrendous I could laugh at it, give it a 4/10 (my "so bad it's good" score) and move on to something more worth my time. But it wasn't even worth that. While I was baffled, it was not in an entertained way. I was greatly entertained by how awful something like "Mars of Destruction" was, because it screams "so bad, it's good". It was a rolling stone of suck that made me laugh from start to finish, the same way "The Room" or "Cool Cat Saves the Kids" did. But "Vampire Holmes" did not have that same effect at all. I went in KNOWING it was going to suck and was still let down. Now, that's bad.

I do genuinely find bad anime interesting in the same way I find bad films interesting. They're kind of like case studies of what NOT to do. As a writer, it's kind of a cool learning experience to see how NOT to do something. It's like film editors watching "Suicide Squad" to see how not to edit a film, or having film directors watch something like "Son of the Mask" to see how not to make a film. I sometimes do the same with books, so I notice the errors in storytelling, grammar, prose, and development, and make a mental note to not do the same. However, I don't get that same effect at all from "Vampire Holmes". There's nothing to learn from it. Because it exudes nothing. It teaches you nothing, you gain nothing, you learn nothing. It is nothing.