Dec 25, 2016
TXTSVO (All reviews)
They removed my review for some bullshit reason so here it is again.

One thing I can't understand for the life of me is why so many people enjoy Yuri on Ice. I understand. Art is subjective. But so many of the comments talk about how "great the animation is!" or "how great the characters are!" Bullshit. I feel like Digibro with Re:zero. I feel like everyone else just fast-forwarded through time and is on a completely new level of meta. Shit.

First off, the story and the writing. Garbage. Experiencing the comedy in this show is like having a warm bucket of expired milk thrust unto my face. The three kids are so out of place in every scene they're in and do nothing that any other character could have done in a less cringeworthy way. What's even worse is how the anime fails to build up tension. It's like, they don't even attempt. The show, instead of at least attempting one of its quadruple salchow axel toe shitters and landing flat on its ass, just cruises on the smooth ice as if that's satisfactory. There's no slow motion or increasing music intensity to hype us up. On episode 6, there's so many skating matches in one fucking episode I just get desensitized to them. And on top of that, there's some skating routines that actually look so repetitive and mundane and forgettable, they could fall into a background of a white wall and I still wouldn't notice them. Also, the gay moments are so high key and try-hard that it's more cringey than sexual or funny. Most sports anime with good-looking guys have very low key gay moments that don't get in the way of whatever is actually happening. Look at Haikyuu or Free Iwatobi Swim Club. Haikyuu had some overly bromance moments, and Free capitalized on shirtless guys. This anime could have capitalized on beautiful looking men, and it did with Christoph, but it looks like their only desire with the gay moments is to punch you in the face.

Next, the animation. Supposedly the best part of this show, but it's not nearly as good as a show that depends around good animation should be. The vast majority of the good animation is during the skating matches, and even then it's not good. You'd expect a lot of fucking sakuga moments from these scenes but the only thing moving is the skater. There's not enough colours or background movement to keep me entertained. The background just zooms in and out as if that's a substitute for actual dynamics. This makes what would otherwise be an amazingly animated scene into an awkward looking movement of character designs. It's like watching a gif move on top of an image that someone is vehemently zooming in and out of. And also, a point to note here between the animation and the dialogue. The show tries to make most of its points with dialogue and internal monologue as opposed to showing us with visuals. This is fine for the educational parts of the show where they explain the technicalities of skating, but when they want to tell us that Akatsuki is struggling or that he's tired, they make Victor have an internal monologue, as opposed to showing us visuals of him wearing out and getting tired. This makes the dialogue kind of heavy-handed (for lack of a better word).

Now on to the characters. I'm sorry, but good character designs do not make up for a lack of consistency in the characters. The cheap comedy they try to use with the characters gets in the way of their development and, personally, my connection with them. Victor looks like the kind of character I would connect with on a personal level, but the way they write comedy in random spurts gets in the way of me taking him seriously when I'm supposed to. It makes him seem less sincere. You can't just alternate between comedy and sincerity like that. Akatsuki is probably the only well written character. I feel his pain and I like the way he develops and I'm going to continue watching the show for the sole purpose of watching him develop. The Russian Yuri, however, is like Shadow the Hedgehog but far less interesting and with no superpowers whatsoever. It's like they felt the need to make one of the other main characters an edgy shitlord, and based his whole personality around that. This makes him an incredibly shallow character. You'd think we'd have more background on one of our MAIN FUCKING CHARACTERS, but nah we're good. His angst and rebellious nature are used primarily for comedic nature, so when they try to pass it off in a serious moment, it is cringe at its finest. Oh, did I mention, Akatsuki and Victor are the only real "main characters." Even the Russian Yuri, at this point, is a side character who was only main for the first few episodes. I hope he never comes back.

Now, finally, the music. Obviously shit. The OP is an EDM track that sounds like an aspiring teenage DJ tried to be Calvin Harris. The ED is another EDM track with garbage autotune, and this is coming from a Future and Chief Keef fan who also adored 808's and Heartbreak by Kanye West. The music they play during the skating scenes is so underproduced it sounds like I could have made them from Garageband loops alone. Some are alright, I guess, like Minami's, but I could have made a better soundtrack throwing filters on masturbation noises.

If I could sum up this show in one word, it would probably be "cringe." Maybe "lackluster," would also come up.