"I like big butts and I cannot lie. My other brothers can't deny." -Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1992
SJW's beware! The booty has called! Alright men (and ladies, if you're into that sort of thing), let's jump in to this pool of ass-ridden glory!
*...I need a thesaurus*
Well, the season is coming to an end soon, and so is this crazy ass year. We had our first orange president, the internet collectively got more PC than ever before, and best of all, we got Rogue One, the best movie of the year. So, what better way to end it than with the Jojo's Bizzzare Adventure of sports anime...but with loads of crazy ass fan service. I may have a little but of bias towards this show. I AM just a filthy male! So, did this booty-licious romp pay off? Well, let's find out, shall we?
Basically, this is an underdog sports story about 4 girls training to be accepted as elites and eventually, being true pride to their school: a school that teaches KEIJO!!!!!!!! You need a lot to truly make this kind of story stand out, and unfortunately, this is Keijo's (not very) fatal flaw. Despite all of the amounts of tits and ass in full, glorious display here, the story beats present don't necessarily come off as new, and since some things (like ass pull power-ups, how after almost a year in which part of the training regimen is sit-ups, very few of them have ass, the way our final opponent changes hair due to personality change despite that that's now how that works, how in the finale, Nozomi spams a dangerous attack multiple times but feels no pain, how they often forget that they can use their boobs to attack since the only two things you're allowed to use are the tits and dah bootay, etc) make no sense, even for the show's logic, I gotta put aside my manly urges and knock this story down a peg.
That being said, some of the things that happen here are...unique. No only does this show have some puny ass arcs, but the powers can definitely be creative. I mean, Gate of Bootylan? Butt-tack on Titan ? This show makes more bouts of bad puns than Yang from RWBY, and that is saying a lot. Also, sometimes, just to mix things up, they make one of our protagonists lose in a way that feels downright unfair (Aoba in episode 10). Plus, the major tone-shift in the first half of episode 12 can give such a whiplash, that if it was directed at my ass, that booty would be red as hell. I also wish that there would've been some buildup to the Ease and West War tournament that takes up the last 1/3 of the series. However, let it not be said that I like the sheer escalation of events. With each arc, the protagonists make it by the skin of their teeth, but each arc's obstacles are much more kickass and brutal than that of the previous one. Plus, as the series goes on, the absurdity of these crazy ass moves increases exponentially, and to glorious results in each of the battles in the last 4 episodes. It's ridiculous. It's absurd. It's...not enough to save the story all things considered, despite how tragic some of the characters' pasts (like Maya) can be, and how nice the ending is. Now, off with that boring ass thing we call: reasonable criticism. This is KEIJO!!!!!!!!
Nozomi is a hot-blooded protagonist that ends up having to work her butt off just to keep up with each new groundbreaking opponent, ad she is a total romp! I especially love the fact that instead of the classic protagonist motivations (I wanna be stronger, I wanna be the best), she just wants to be rich. Sayaka is a rival of hers who wants approval of her father while keeping up with her peers, no matter how much stress and offense she takes in the process. Aoba starts off really shy, but though her effed up powers and acceptance by her peers, she becomes much more confident. Plus, the lucky sod gets all the ass! Non is your cutely and clumsy big tittied gal, but instead of just hurting herself with her clumsiness, she puts everyone through hell, both through near-death accidents, or knocking coffee on a white bed. Then, she has the nerve to make all sorts of excuses justifications in an attempt at bravado. My favorite thing about these girls is the fact that they actually have dialects! How many times have you seen an anime that does that with its MCs. It does this with Maya as well, but we'll get to that lovely lady in a bit.
Mio is probably my favorite character. She is a total lech (have you SEEN how she gets around cute girls?!), more so than most men of this archethype, but she is also one of the ultimate badasses this this show. She is the crux of some pf the funniest moments of the show (like her few second of punishment in episode 5). Not to mention, that she is the most beautiful, and fight me IRL if you disagree! I would definitely want a piece of her ass in bed! Well, not really, but she is my favorite here. Then we have a few quirky characters like Kawai (sinister in battle, but a total romantic dork), Kotone (lover of gay hentai), Saya (swordsman-like beauty who shows up in episode 11 for a badass moment of awesome) Usagi (fangirl of Mio, and possibly lesbo for her), Yuko ( who, along with Aoba, has the curse of just never being able to win) Nagisa (our coach who was once a pro at this sport, as well as Nozomi's predator of the Butt Vacuum Wave technique), Kyoko (badass teacher and Kyoto's butt missile lady), and Rin (overconfident, but, umm, she doesn't have any real quirks). Some are more interesting than others, but (and they all have big butts) they are generally a very endearing cast with plenty of life in them.
Maya is an interesting one. Undoubtedly the second most beautiful mistress here, she is originally mysterious (not without accidentally revealing her crazy dialect that pops up on occasion), and with a rushed yet harsh past. She fights for her mama (who coaches a rival school) due to said mama being the first to accept her, and she even has a harsher alternate personality hell-bent on protecting her and her ass, while being a bit more violent, shall we say. Unfortunately, none of her peers are nearly as interesting aside from their powers. Well, let it not be said that they made for some epic fights.
Xebec is famous for their work on the tit and ass filled romp known as To Love-RU. Well, they definitely brought their expertise to this show. It is loaded with that stuff! Plus, the action is pretty cool to look at, and the rough outlines make this show's look stick out, like a competitor's ass while wearing one of these swimsuits. It makes sure that the hits that connect are all hard-hitting, and full of impact. Unfortunately, the CGI in some moments (like the KEIJO lands in the first few episodes) is utter ass! That being said, this show truly embraces its insanity, with the art being no exception.
The OP, "DREAM x SCRAMBLE" by AIRI is energetic as hell, and with the proper amount of T&A to really set the tone for this series. We can't forget the song that takes up the rump of each episode, the ED. Today, we have "Fantas/HIP Girlfriends!" by the VA's of our main 4 ladies, and it is a delightfully cheery song to cool us off after the as(s)inine experience we just went through. Too bad literally none of the background OST was remotely memorable! Such a shame, too. The dub is pretty good here. The kept the dialect of these kooky characters, and with some mostly well-casted fresh new talent to take up the mains while standout veterans like Monica Rial (who plays Hitomi) pepper some of the supporting roles to help out with the quality just in case. It's a pretty solid dub, which is an absolute necessity for us foreigners who wanna hear our lovely ladies in a less foreign language.
Some of the jokes got a bit old, and I did have a few big questions, but, as I said, this show busted its rump to bring us a fun ol' time here. It was a blast to see just how crazy each new event would get, reminding me of my time with Gurren Lagann, which is a good thing to be reminded of. The fights could get really freakin' fun, and I found myself laughing my ass off at some of the jokes and weird sh*t that went on here (not always for the right reasons, but hey, it worked). Sure, it wasn't truly epic for me, and I could've covered its ground a bit better so assholes like me would stop asking questions, but it was still a good time. Plus, the second half of the ending really put an endeared smile on my face. Then again, I am just a filthy male :P
Nozomi, Mio ,and Maya alone brought this up to a 10. Their legendary selves are just, well, legendary. Kawai and Kyoko being up high up as well. Plus, each girl uses their tits and asses in creative ways and to crazy effects. It's captivating how well this anime mastered this art. Then again, this anime IS the pinnacle of class.
OVERALL: 7/10 RAW SCORE: 72/100
This anime is truly a romp of 2016 that will be remember for a long time. With its crazy moves, its absurd fan service, and its sheer tenASSity, all our gripes with the Fall 2016 season have been rendered superfluous. Besides, as Suave from AnimeAbandon puts it: "The 13 year-old in me thinks this is hilarious and dumb, and at the end of the day, that's all we really asked for." Well, with all that said, with this final word count, I bid you adieu.
Word Count: I don't know. Somebody please be a diligent guy and deliver the number to my lazy ass, please?
ASS Count (all synonyms included, not including the word in this count): 50
Booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere, booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere, booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere, body booty-" -Barney Stinson's booty call phone, 2012.