Reviews

Apr 21, 2016
literaturenerd (All reviews)
Overview:

The closest thing that the anime community has to the infallibility of the Papacy is the animation studio Madhouse! It doesn't matter what the anime is about or who directed it. It doesn't matter how irrelevant the manga or previous version of the anime was. It doesn't matter if the anime only has one joke! If studio Madhouse animates it, that project WILL have at the very least decent ratings!

Has there ever been an anime SO terrible that even being animated by Studio Madhouse couldn't save it? Well...it turns out that there is such an anime, but you need to travel back 30 years into the past. This is the 1987 atrocity known as "Junk Boy".


Story and characters (or lack thereof):

Junk Boy tells the tale of an incredibly obnoxious pervert named Ryohei Yamazaki. This asshole runs around harassing women and trying to be as obnoxious as possible. That's it. That's literally ALL he does! There are plenty of perverted anime characters that are actually funny and enjoyable from Master Roshi in DBZ to Kentaro Oe in Golden Boy or even Issei in Highschool DxD. The titular "Junk Boy" Yamazaki doesn't generate a single laugh in this 45 minute piece of shit! He NEVER stops talking rapidly in a voice that is simply ear grating in both English and Japanese. He has absolutely zero redeeming qualities or character moments that make him likeable. Finally, his supposed "inspirational" speech that is supposed to win the audience over to his side, is when he compliments a pop singer by saying he would have become a rapist if he didn't have her to jerk off to as a kid.

Now that I'm done describing our "hero", let's get to the sad excuse for a plot. Yamazaki decides that he wants to work for a porno magazine and shows up for a job interview. He gets a massive erection in the middle of the job interview and is hired as the magazine's "seal of quality". He is shown dirty pictures all day and if he gets an erection, that picture is selected for print. One of Yamazaki's female co-workers decides for some reason to go out on a fake date with him and write an article about how bad he sucks at sex! After reading the article, he decides to convince her to go out on another date and give him a second chance. For the sake of keeping the plot moving, she accepts for no reason and almost instantly falls in love with the annoying cretin! The next day, Yamazaki goes over to his boss's apartment to brag, but actually just wanted to steal her panties. The boss throws him out the window, but VERY unfortunately the fucker survives! It then reveals that he managed to remove her bra while she was throwing him and the anime just ends! This might be the most abrupt and inept ending I've seen since Monster a GoGo!

Art:

Despite the fact that Madhouse had great animation even in the 1980s, this 1 episode OVA still looks like dog shit. The character art is hideous and the animation is rather sub-par even for its time period. Madhouse doesn't have this series listed on their Wikipedia page and they have Reign the FUCKING Conqueror, listed on their page. Of all the anime they probably regret making, this one is the king!

Overall:

I've seen bad comedies before. As a movie masochist I've sat through films like Car 54 Where Are You?, Movie 43, and 2 Madea films! This 45 minute OVA is actually worse than any of those. This an anime that not only doesn't make you laugh, it just annoys you every fucking second that you watch it. The scene that comes closest to actually being funny is when our "hero" randomly humps a hole into a Colonel Sanders statue for no reason! This OVA actually had me BEGGING for the comedic talent of Eli Roth! "Oh yeah, he's a professor...OF BEING A DOG! OOH FACED!" I did the calculations and that is approximately 5,000 times funnier than anything that happens in Junk Boy. If you ever see a copy of this at a comic or anime store, smash it into tiny pieces! You are doing that store a HUGE favor!