Nov 19, 2014
Dantesoblivion (All reviews)
*Contains Heavy Spoilers*

So I've been patiently watching the series mainly because I have nothing else to do, and tbh I quite enjoyed the first half of the series. And then they lost me. I mean it's a fantasy anime, so a fair bit of leeway has to be given to the plot. I can make my peace with the hidden power of fate that the MC uses. I can deal with the mana-mechanical transformer-bots in a medieval setting. Hell, I can even swallow the uber ridiculous goal of the antagonist to control fate, and in corollary, control the world. Classic Villain. Pretty easy to swallow. Then it got weird.

There are a bunch of reasons I pretty much hated the series.

1. The antagonists are a fucking joke. First there's Dornkirk who is our classic villain in the shadows, pulling the strings, laughing his evil laugh, who not surprisingly at all started out helping people. His goal is to create a world without war. Now thats very ambitious. More ambitious is his chosen method of accomplishing this goal i.e. controlling fate. You would think that he would take some kind of care in choosing his generals and inner circle.
Which brings me to Folken. Seriously dude? You joined his Hitler-esque cause because you didn't want to kill a dragon? Yeah I know, thats not what happened, but take a moment to think about his actual motivation for joining up with Dornkirk. There really isn't any. I mean I get why the fortune twins fell for Folken, they were half cat so it makes sense for them to unconditionally love the person who saved them. Folken's origin story makes me believe his Draconian mother had intimate relations with a fucking cocker spaniel, because in the end he's basically a rescue.
AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS DILANDAU CHARACTER? I mean seriously. His only motivation to do anything is "I have a boo boo on my cheek and I must destroy the one who did it and anyone in the way of accomplishing my boo boo revenge". Really man? Is that all there is to you considering how many fucking times you battled the MC?

2. Which brings me to my second point. I don't like to be masturbated without the pleasure of a climax. Van has a hard-on for murdering every minor baddie, but for whatever reason when it comes to Dilandau his sword needs Viagra to function. Not to mention Hitomi's nagging also starts ONLY when Dilandau's close to death. Why? Why is this barely one dimensional character still alive in the 3rd act of the series? Even the final plot twist with this character...WHY? And more importantly HOW? His condition just resolves itself because….profit? This character gave me the biggest murder boner simply because the writers wouldn't kill the little bitch off and kept teasing till the very end.
And after all that "cold as ice" acting , Folken's heart suddenly melts? Because his two pussy cats died? Why? Did I miss something? What was your motivation to join Dornkirk ? What was your motivation in leaving him? Were you sleeping while he slaughtered the first few million people, or did it really take your pussy dying for you to regain your empathy? WTF? THIS, if any of the characters from the antagonists should have been the final conflict. Instead, the writers pussy out and turn him into a good guy at the end. Its pathetic. I bet a nun could jerk me off better than this piece of shit anime.

3. Then there’s… Luck enhanced soldiers made by transfusing synthetic blood created from splicing the genes of the luckiest people…….
Unless you’re as nit picky as me, you probably won't notice, but the mythology and the world design is in a clash in this anime. Much of it is ok, since we waste most of our time with the bland and often interchangeable characters, but for the most part...ehhh...the world isn't believable as either fantasy or science fiction.

4. The two main characters finally fall in love. This love is strong. Its history is epic. It will become a tale retold in many forms. It had the power to overcome fate. There was nothing in the way of the two lovers making a life together. Theirs was a perfect ending. “Well, I have go back to Earth for absolutely no reason at all and pine for my lover for the rest of my life” - Hitomi.
Stupid bitch.

In conclusion, I’ve definitely seen animes with worse characters, story mechanics, mythology and plot. Credit where credit’s due. It isnt the worst thing out there, but make sure you don't watch this anime when you actually have the time to watch it. Watch it while you study for a test or something like that. Keep it in the background so you don't notice the flaws, and you only see the magical transformer robots and furries. At least that way you won't pull your hair out from the frustrating stupidity that is Escaflowne.