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ty!!

sounds like you're in a difficult position w ur ex ahhhggg. this year seemed really terrible for you, i hope 2021 can bring you the happiness u deserve :< books and movies are definitely a lot different from the reality of relationships. i wish i could give u better relationship advice but i would say im just starting my first more serious relationship and am also trying to figure things out T-T

im glad you could learn smth out of all that mess, now hopefully you can tell more about what you need, want, and deserve in a relationship so that the next one can be better for you. and yeah i gotchu, just wanted to make sure u felt comfortable w it

Corpse is the best,,,, i think i've only watched 1 live, but i always see clips and stuff when i'm bored and scrolling through youtube or tiktok. those games always seem so fun and nice, and corpse is also super great so yeee i can definitely see why it's fun watching them play. all of those players are so different and unique so its def enjoyable to watch. what other kinda things do you like to watch? on youtube i mostly watch a lot of animations and animatics by cool artists. idk if you've ever watched or heard any of e ve's music videos, but they all are super cool.

honestly i read a lot of stuff for the angst factor. idk a lot of the time i feel like my feelings when dealing w my own life are really muted and hard to figure out but when i read really sad or really happy content it makes me like ~feel~. that probably doesn't make sense and is unnecessarily dramatic but yeahhhh. i more have issues with like leaving characters and fandoms and stuff behind?? like i will get to like a last episode or last few minutes of a game and just,,,, won't watch/read/play it because i don't want to be done (probs why i like fanfic so much too XD). i grow really attached to characters and don't like leaving them behind.

i feel like i definitely would be reading more actual books if libraries were open and easy to get to near me. i guess i'm a little picky on how i choose my reads, i always use so many filters and such to find the perfect fanfic, and it's a lot harder to find exactly what i want in an actual book and a lot harder for me to connect as much with the characters (rather than characters i already know and love). do you prefer to go to the library, get your own books, or get digital copies? i like getting books from the library cuz i like the feeling of books but also don't have the motivation to buy them unless i really love the book.

WAIT I LOVE CATCHER IN THE RYE I WAS GONNA MENTION IT BUT TOTALLY FORGOT. i read it first for school but now it's really smth of a comfort book for me?? like idk, holden is just really dear to me. i related so much w him when i initially read it, probs lesser so now, but definitely still there. that was probably one of the only school books i actually ~enjoyed~

i feel like i must have read fahrenheit 451 for school but i also have no remembrance of it so i don't think that one really stuck as much with me.
have you ever read classics from other places than America and Germany? that seems so cool. i've read popular books by authors in other places but i don't think i've ever read like "classics" per say.

thanks for the response, ttyl :p

i get it, life is really busy and a lot for me as well rn, esp since its finals week for me and im also working a lot.
i don't really know if i have any favorite books rn other than the stuff we already talked about hahahahah. im reading song of achilles rn since i've heard good things and ppl keep mentioning it on tiktok. i mostly just read fanfic these days tbh, esp since most of the libraries near my house are closed for covid -///-.

who are your favorite amoung us livestreamers? i don't really watch too much, but i watch corpse occasionally. will probably start watching more after my finals are over.

your life sounds really stressful rn ;~; i wish i could help more, but i guess just definitely take time for yourself to rest and recuperate. try your best to get 3 good meals and 8+ hours of sleep, stay hydrated...mental health breaks are so necessary. don't feel obligated to message me or anything!! i like talking to you but of course, your wellbeing comes first. i understand the sickness thing, idk why that always happens more with stress. if you can and feel comfortable doing so, reach out to closer people who are able to help more, i always find talking problems out always helps a lot (even if it's hard). mental illness is a bitch :( my sister also took a few semesters off of university for mental health reasons and i think that really helped her in the long run, she's doing a lot better now, much happier and healthier. i'm really glad you are still here. everyone's journey is different, so don't feel bad about doing what's best for you!!

you are definitely not to blame. from what i can tell, i don't think you're being dumb at all. it's really hard seeing the bigger picture of things when you are living in the moment, and the solutions seem so obvious and easy when we look back. it's really hard when you get stuck in your mind regretting the past. the best we can do is just keep taking the next best step and hoping for the best. i probably sound like some annoying school motivational speaker but it's the best advice i can provide.

things will get better, i promise. you deserve happiness, rest, and time to heal. there will be a day when you look back and are glad you made it through all the bullshit. you got this!!

relationships are weird, im also still trying to figure it all out. it's hard. platonic/romantic/everything else?? agh. it's hard.

don't apologize,,,, it's good being able to talk with others and connect. u didn't scare me off, it takes a lot more than that. feel free to dm me too if that's better for you(just cuz idk how you feel about others possibly seeing your comments). ily, take care of yourself

ooo i have carry on!! i actually preordered it when it first came out im pretty sure? i liked it a lot. i kinda wish i got the newer version cuz i prefer that cover but yeah. i read it in one sitting and remember probably about 10% of it. i remember the romance and that's it. something about a doldrum????? idek. i remember they were like kissing and there was smth on fire???? that book was a fever dream XD will probably reread it when i get a chance.

i relate on the Magnus Chase books. i just didnt connect as much with asgardian gods. even before percy jackson i LOVED greek mythology so it was easier to get into.

will def check out more bastille stuff ahhhh, i feel like their songs always fit so well in playlists.

here's the link to the quiz for characters. it's pretty neat and seems pretty accurate:
https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/characters/1.php

also omg the draco and neville crush!!! i get it. draco is such a fun and interesting character. i wish he got more of a redemption arc,,,he deserved better ;-; i can really say nothing cuz teenager tom riddle was just gorgeous to me. don't really think that counts as a crush tho??? had a ron obsession for awhile. idk man. dark times. other than that i loved luna SO much. i bought her glasses and everything.

honestly i love hearing about gossip cuz i never really have much of your own. im glad youre out of your unhealthy relationship. i have a lot of respect for u working to still have a relationship with your ex, def don't feel obligated too if it gets you down tho :/ relationships are hard. honestly i end up just ghosting ppl cuz i suck at confrontation. not a great trait of mine -.-

hahha i love your long messages it's fun!!

fave bands?? i'm glad your internet seems more sorted, that kind of thing always stresses me out

i will check out your spotify omgg i don't go on too much cuz i don't have premium lol. i usually just use youtube or amazon music. some of your playlist titles r such moods tbh. currently listening to nico's and vibing hard :P

i need to check out bastille i've listened to a few of their songs and always bop along but i never actually bothered listening to the rest of their stuff.

i started the apollo series but i didn't finish the first book. i left it at home when i went to uni so yeahhhh... i def want to get caught up tho, might try to during winter break!! i read the original percy jackson books, the kane chronicles, and the heroes of olympus. didn't really read past those. i bought the books for magnus chase but always get sidetracked. riordan seems like such a sweet guy!! when im not in uni i actually live pretty close to boston so it's really weird thinking about how close ive probably been to him before ????

omg you are introducing him to the good books !!! a true icon. that's so cool that u guys r still friends. harry potter is like my comfort series. i used to read it at least 1-2 times a year but haven't much as of late. still read fanfics tho lol. i took that one character statistical personality quiz the other day and it said i was most like remus lupin and i was just like,,, yeah,,,, i feel that. do you have any fave charas?

don't apologize for the long message!! i love talking to ppl about stuff like this ehhehe

yea Christmas is one of my favorite holiday.

Getting ready for Christmas.

Hey there how are you doing?

WAIT I WANNA SEE THE PERCY JACKSON PLAYLISTS OMG I LOVE PERCY JACKSON

omg my music taste is kinda random idek. i listen to a little bit of everything but other than the stuff we talked about some of my faves are cavetown, lemon demon, penelope scott, ricky montgomery, mitski, jack stauber, bo en, mindless self indulgence, the orion experience, beach bunny, etc. etc. ig i like a lot of bedroom pop?? but also,,, not bedroom pop. idek i have just a bunch of random songs too i like. as for japanese artists i like king gnu, goose house, e ve, kikuo, and frederic

let me know some of your favorite bands and songs!! i'd love to hear it.

yeah i would not want to watch banana fish if i wasn't in an okay place, that show brings me THROUGH it. sometimes i just think about it randomly and tear up. i rewatch haikyuu all the time for my soul's happiness,,,, i need it after banana fish.

yeah the first few times i had my hair professionally bleached and then would later dye it when it got crusty but it was so expensive ahhhh. then i bleached my friend's hair and didn't really find it that difficult so they did mine. i think if you watch a lot of videos and generally know how to bleach it shouldn't turn out too bad(as long as you are watching and making sure the hair is in okay condition). i also am pretty laid back about my hair so would be fine getting it cut really short if i messed up

i get the lonely boys with sad backstory thing. those are often the characters i love right after the bro characters (like zuko?? the todorokis??? rei kiriyama from march comes in like a lion). i love most shows and/or books for the angst factor so i get that(hence banana fish big oof). my music taste is still going through its teenage emo phase idek what to say. MCR continues to slap.

bro characters are top tier. all the respect for my no brains only vibes characters. they just seem so nice and like safe ????? idk. do you have a favorite "type" of character?

ooo dark purple and red are cool!! my hair is also pretty dark, probably 1-2 shades lighter than black....
tbh my hair is definitely damaged, but it's not as bad as it could be. i stop from bleaching more than 1-2 times and not dyeing it too too much but it's definitely taken a toll :// not too bad though, it's just a little dry. i've been oil and lighter shampoo/conditioners, no heat products, drying w shirt to try and be more gentle with it but its definitely less healthy than my natural hair. my hair is super faded rn because im gonna take a break from dyeing until i come back to school (probably around January). pink hair just makes my heart go <3<3<3 nice.

i find green hair super cool on other ppl but i don't think i really have the vibes(?) for it??? like ppl with green hair always have like witchy or goth-ish or fun alien-ish vibes imo (i mean this with all the love, they're great), but i am very much soft pastels. maybe one dayyyyy :0

im actually dyeing a lot of my friends' hair who are also more nervous about damaging the hair. i dyed the bottom half of one friend's hair black, and am planning on just dyeing the tips of another friend's hair. i've seen people online only do certain sections like bangs and nearby sections, so i definitely think there are more options if you don't want to damage too much hair!! if you stick with darker colors you won't have to bleach as much as well, and your hair will stay healthier(but obv hair dyeing a lot still isn't great and isn't for everyone).

i've had dark red, bright red, 2x mixture of green/purple/blue/pink, greyish blue, grey, lavender, and pink multiple times. might be forgetting smth??? idk

yeah!! i watched hxh in middle school so i don't have the best memory of it but i def remember how crappy of a person ging was ;-;

bwhaahahahhahah kenma does have the best vibes. he's def something of a comfort character for me. kuroo do be fine tho :o
but bokuto owns my heart. himbo rights 100%. im so happy nekoma is getting their time to shine rn in haikyuu!!

aHHHH ive met so many cool ppl cuz of my header!! mother mother is the best. verbatim is also one of my big faves, along with burning pile and wrecking ball. when im upset alone and sublime, oh ana, or body hit tho. what color hair did u have? i've been through a few colors but my fave has been light pink so far. i love pastels so yeahhh...i also love dark green but idk if i would like green hair or not. would probably look like izuku ahahahahaah

aHHHHhhhhhh favorite haikyuu characters??? probably bokuto but i also vibe with oikawa alot. fave teams are def fukurodani and nekoma tho :o

what about you? who are your faves from haikyuu?

yeah gsnk makes fun of a lot of shoujo tropes which is really fun. kashima reminds me a lot of my friend so im biased towards her. and yeah that scene is a fave of mine, im pretty sure that was actually why i started watching. now i wanna know ur top 10 anime moments ahahahahah >.<

sorry for the late reply ive been so caught up in school work ;-;

yeee i like figurines but i don't want to save up that much hahahaha. what characters would you want to get figurines of?

i have some of the horimiya manga, gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, neon genesis evangelion, and a bunch of manga in different languages(mostly haikyuu) cuz when my friends and family travel they get me manga in that language ehehehhe. i don't have too too much, but i have a fair amount :D mostly a lot of shoujo stuff cuz i personally like the shoujo art style more.

ahHHHH favorite mangas,,,, idek i can't ever remember other than the ones on my favorites list...

yeah i feel that! manga always goes by so quickly, so i often usually get manga as gifts or just my faves that i reread a lot. the hanako kun manga is so beautiful so its def worth it >.<

do you have any anime merch? i got a bunch of anime posters from anime conventions hahahah. everyone is always so nice and i always want to support the artists, theyre so sweet.