Ahhh, time's change. I like reading manga more than I like watching anime.
01/12/2018 - Woahohhh, 417 profile views.
02/23/2018 - Cleaned up both my lists. Cleaning up my life. ~~~~<3
03/07/18 - As my birthday nears, I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Reading manga. Watching anime. Constantly passing the time procrastinating on my schoolwork because I'm always running away.
Why. What is the meaning of it all? What is the point of all this? To engorge myself on graphic novels, and flashy visuals that I binge, and learn nothing from?
I seek something from this Japanese medium of visual art. What do I seek? As I go through my questions, I will answer myself.
I seek.... learning. Is that what I seek? Truly, is it what I seek? Or is this another one of my many escapes? Is this another escape that I have come to enjoy, no, "enjoy"....
I lose my train of thought. The lack of my sleep. The lack of my energy. My drive. What is it that drives me to be an adult... an "adult". Why do I still consume so much media without learning anything from it? Or is it that I still learn something, and I neglect to remember it? Even then, it makes little sense. I do not feel the point of it.
I am simply running away from the troubles of my past life that have all culminated in my strong emotion up until now. My randomness. My spontaneity. My feelings. My love. My anger. My hate. My darkness.
It is so hard to be real. It is so hard to be a genuine person. What is it that I seek? Do I still wish to live? Do I still wish to love? To grow?
Why do I run away so?
1/30/20 - My life has become somewhat clearer, but at the same time, is still as dark and miserable as the dark depths that once threatened to swallow me. Hope escapes my eyes, fluttering in my poor peripheral vision as it flits away, flirting with my desire for redemption so playfully. A torturous game it plays, and I keep walking forward, in hopes of something better than what I already have without trying to proactively reach for it.
Perhaps my future will be peaceful later on, but I would not dream of it.
Life does not seem to fancy those that do nothing to pick themselves up after all.