Jan 28, 2013
Some people say Bakemonogatari is a big milestone in the anime history. And they're goddamn right, because before this one came to being, the anime industry hasn’t been known what the ultimate shit is. And now it knows, we all do now. This show is the very standard of ugliness, boredom, tastelessness, hackwork, the national team of all shounen cliches. From now on the lowest mark on the "Quality" scale has a material incarnation - Bakemonogatari. So, with no doubt, it is really a great milestone in anime history.
Well, i do understand that i have to be more specific. But what can write about here?
...
The plot? What plot? There is no plot. Yes. There. Is. No. Plot. Narration made of identical and disjoined arcs. Because of this Bakemonogatari has no outset, no outcome, and no common climax (only within arcs). And what the hell? The main heroine (who she pretends to be, at least), Hitagi Senjougahara, has the shortest arc and has too little screentime. Closer to the final episodes it looks like her total screentime is even less than, for example, Hanekawa's. By the way, Episode 12, a part of Hanekawa's arc, and why the hell there is no even a single mention of Hanekawa? How does this arc system work here? Dialogues are epic twaddle about literally nothing with tons of mutually exclusive conclusions and other kinds of bullshit, sometimes it is offensively obvious that the only reasons for those dialogues are screentime extension and giving a reason to underage seekers of deep meaning to think that Bakemonogatari is a highly intellectual postmodern work. "Wait, are we in anime?"-joke has nothing in common with postmodernism, it's just a motherfucking cliche that pisses the shit out of viewers since at least 1990.
The setting? There is no visible setting. Weak undeveloped universe made of second-rate fantasy, a thing everyone should be already bored with. Author fabricates rules right in the middle of narration. And again: no outset, no outcome, and no common climax. Instead of all this we’ve got many minutes of twaddle and not about the Bakemonogatari's universe, not about what's-going-on, not about what-we-have-to-do, but about panties, breasts, virginity, nekomimi and about other undoubtedly important for plot development things. Maybe we should be a little more honest and conclude that this show is about panties, breasts and other similar "pillars of the universe". Fullscreen panties at the 6'th second of episode 1 - a sprinter-like start.
The characters? Oh, cmon. “It's all the same shit”, right? Senjougahara is one of 9000 usual crappy sub-tsunderes, and i am confident that tsunderes alongside with moe are the cancer that kills anime. Araragi is a pestered for the last 5-6 years type of protagonists: "Ah, you such a worthless man but i still love you, don't know why".
An art? Oh, it's a biggest sore of Bakemonogatari. Background design and especially those slides... ugh... It's the worst thing i've ever seen in anime. It's just like Endless Eight of "Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya". A similar inferior attempt to disguise a low budget alongside with creative crisis by claiming all of this a special and original idea. And JUST like in the case of Endless Eight, crowd ate this horseshit and yelled: "How deep! Brilliant! Masterpiece!". Making lots of references for the only one sake of making a reference is a dirty trick: a reference itself doesn’t make show any better, especially when there’s no cultural background coming with it, but viewer gets a positive emotion every time he/she guesses the reference out and extrapolates this positive vibe on the show itself. It is exactly the same reason why lots of people consider Lucky Star masterpiece: familiar references get them high.
I'm in the deepest shock, one step away from having a stroke. The score "8.46" totally shreds my ass. Good God! It's even bigger than NGE's. Tons of 10/10 reviews with crap like "100021309213134214 people found this review helpful" make me cry in pain and think: "World, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Overall: -10/10, ultimate shit and the worst anime in existence.
Reviewer’s Rating: 1
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