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Aug 7, 2020
This is basically the original Terminator with twice the robots and half the runtime. It’s awesome.

Black Magic is/was a collection of short stories by the Appleseed & Ghost in the Shell guy. This particular story, M-66, is about two military robots who get loose and the military/journalist lady trying to shut them down before anyone gets hurt. That’s about it, not a lot of intricate detail in the plot because it’s about the action. There’s only about ten minutes of character introduction and exposition before the action train hits full speed. And get this, the characters are actually likable read more
Aug 6, 2020
Handsome is one of the worst things you can call a woman. I know this because I constantly do it.

Handsome Girl is the story of a young actor slash model girl. She gets offered a role in a film by a guy who thinks she’s a terrible actor. She falls in love with him because he’s super focused on directing his weird and confusing movie that makes no sense. Because drama has to happen, her best friend is also in love with director boy except this is largely ignored. They are all in high school. This should be the read more
Jun 27, 2020
“Parade” de Satie is a surrealist animation based on the ballet of the same name. It’s more of a circus than a parade. There are acrobats, weird horses, and a guy who turns into a pear. You know, circus things.

If you’re already familiar with the original play, all you need to know is that this is a faithful adaptation. For those who aren’t, all you need to know is that this is an animated version of a really weird ballet. Basically 15 minutes of people/things doing dances/movements with a bit of narration/text by Sadie/the director. It’s often described as read more
Jun 19, 2020
Hells (Anime) add (All reviews)
On three separate occasions I yelled “How is this movie still going?” out loud. This is a two hour movie that could barely make it as a 90 minute one.

The plot is simple, girl dies and goes to hell and wants to get out because she doesn’t want to be in hell and school hijinks because anime. Oh wait, no it isn’t. It’s Cain and Abel with even more incestuous overtones. And the cast is horribly misused. Here you have Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School just begging to be ripped off and instead it’s embarrassing “hey people you should, like, read more
Jun 12, 2020
Akisutozeneko is a terrible CGI music video for some not-quite eurobeat song. After realizing that their ridiculous facial expressions were never going to change about 20 seconds into the video, I simply could not stop laughing. It’s just absolute garbage and it made me so happy. I mean these faces are just so dumb and they stay dumb the entire time. Then I watched it again. It’s not quite as good as the first time. It’s actually not good at all.

Despite my low score, I’m probably the only human being who has ever enjoyed this on some level. read more
May 26, 2020
Kumo to Yuurei is about a ghost boy who walks past postcards for five whole minutes. I used those five minutes to weigh the pros and cons of suicide.

This music video is horrible. First off, the song is two minutes longer than it should be. It’s also very annoying with its random sound effects that I assume are supposed to be “charming.” They aren’t. Secondably, the art, while technically good, is soulless as hell. It would actually be better if the art was worse because then it might be marginally more interesting to look at. I know I read more
May 20, 2020
I don’t know what the thought process behind Ice Fist was and I’m not sure if I want to know. It seems like the product of someone checking off everything on a “how to be black metal” list. Basically five minutes of things getting mutilated with a gorilla having a seizure right in the middle of it. Lots of upside down crosses too because an upside jew star is still a normal jew star. Also pointy chins.

This is one of those life extenders, as in it makes five minutes feel like fifteen. The song is something that would be praised read more
May 20, 2020
Ruru-chan no Jisatsu Haishin translates to Ruru's Suicide Show on a Livestream, which is an exceptionally intriguing title. Prepare to be disappointed.

Ruru-chan is a girl who uses a phone as an eyepatch. I’m assuming she’s the “singer” for this annoying song. I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I assume it’s about being bi-polar, crazy, depressed, or whatever other flavors of trendy mental illness are out there. Basically she goes around leading the life that art thots wish they lead.

Yeah this whole thing just seems like an attempt to kickstart a mascot and based on the synopsis I’m definitely leaning read more
May 20, 2020
I love the color palette and I love the art style, even if the mermaid is a bit on the ugly side. But I don’t love the lack of animation going on. Most of this is just the mermaid riding around on her fish/bicycle companion in a straight line through various psychedelic backgrounds while some boring song plays. I mean come on, it’s the ocean. There’s a lot happening in there. Why have these static kaleidoscope-esque backgrounds when you could have ocean things? Oh wait, it’s because ocean things might require actual effort. This could’ve been the one read more
May 16, 2020
“I think, therefore I am.” - Desk Cart

Kangaeru Jikan is about a thinking man who does thinking things. For those who don’t think, thinking things are constantly touching your face and pacing around aimlessly. To be more specific, Kangaeru Jikan is about a watercolor man who does thinking things while colorgasming to ambient music sounds. I don’t know how to make it sound interesting, but I was fairly interested in it. It’s three minutes long and those were an exceptionally fast three minutes.

As a man of exceptional intellectual prowess, I heavily related to this video about thinking. It stimulated the read more