Report Mushmallow's Profile


Anime Stats
Days: 51.8
Mean Score: 5.60
  • Total Entries232
  • Rewatched7
  • Episodes3,091
Anime History Last Anime Updates
Shoujo Kakumei Utena
Shoujo Kakumei Utena
Oct 19, 2017 8:08 PM
Completed 39/39 · Scored 10
Apr 3, 2017 9:22 PM
Completed 12/12 · Scored 7
Haikyuu!!: Karasuno Koukou VS Shiratorizawa Gakuen Koukou
Haikyuu!!: Karasuno Koukou VS Shiratorizawa Gakuen Koukou
Mar 9, 2017 5:03 AM
Completed 10/10 · Scored 8
Manga Stats
Days: 60.8
Mean Score: 5.67
  • Total Entries300
  • Reread0
  • Chapters10,943
  • Volumes873
Manga History Last Manga Updates
Yagate Kimi ni Naru
Yagate Kimi ni Naru
Mar 9, 2017 5:06 AM
Reading 20/? · Scored -
Oyasumi Punpun
Oyasumi Punpun
Nov 17, 2016 11:15 PM
Re-reading 23/147 · Scored -
Nijigahara Holograph
Nijigahara Holograph
Sep 14, 2016 8:55 PM
Re-reading 15/15 · Scored 9


All Comments (2018) Comments

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hotstud6969 Aug 4, 2017 10:34 AM
kiss Jun 19, 2017 5:15 AM
whered' everyone go :x
cruzateu Apr 11, 2017 8:32 PM
ChangeItSelf Mar 25, 2017 10:31 PM
Rejected from boston college, which is good. I came to realize the less options I have, the less I have to think about. I got accepted to 11.5 out of 15 applications which means I spent over 1k on applications for colleges that are more or less the same.
I guess I will just go here. If you somehow come online before may 1st, do you have any friends going to california colleges?

He said happy birthday twice, and you never thanked himV
LoneWolf Feb 19, 2017 11:17 AM
Happy Birthday!
ChangeItSelf Dec 9, 2016 6:25 PM
Who could ever thought that postponing would make finding all these recs and doing applications such a hassle. I did not listen to your advice at all 5 months ago, but so much on my mind bleh. Anyway, I got permissions for recommendations, although I feel like I annoyed my counselor by being so late. I am curious what kind of letter they would write out my flimsy naviance brag sheet haha. I felt like I would betraying my promise or conviction if I don't try for at least one of those colleges that require recommendation. All that ostentatious talk about UChicago would be for naught otherwise. Additionally, Boston college is the perfect target since I feel like I would disappoint all the help you tried to to give me. The only thing I learned this year was that I need better foresight and I need better emotional control when that foresight goes completely wrong. To this day I still expect too much when most of life is unexpected, for better or worse.

In case you are wondering, I applied as English for everything. May go pre-med, teacher, or just write a damn story if I ever get true confidence.
ChangeItSelf Nov 25, 2016 7:44 PM
I am pretty every sure all early deadlines have passed by now.
Hanging in there is going to be complicated. My emotions have gone more awry this year than I have every experienced, but at least I am experiencing them. However, as a consequence, I forgot why I am living and I don't think college is going to help with that. After taking a tour of UCSD, I just hate this pathetic college atmosphere and I doubt I am yet ready for it. I had the intention of becoming a doctor or English teacher, with English or Philosophy being my undergrad major, but after repeating my rehearsed line over 100 times to people at events, I became disgusted at the thought of being a doctor or a teacher. My reason was that I wanted to provide hope to kids who may have never had support beforehand, just like I never did. It sounded fine as a motivator in my head, but when you reiterate out loud to people, it just makes me sick to think of doing that for my whole life. I love stories and storytelling, let us see where that takes me, since I am not sure if I am good at anything or enjoy anything else.

I finished all the state California college apps, but I find them too uninteresting now, that I don't think I will even submit. I read over my application and essays, and despite all the embellishments, I find myself to be so boring to the point where I don't want to be accepted. I figured that small liberal arts schools are probably better for my mindset, but they're either impossible to get into or the deadline already passed lol.

Anyway, I will just try Boston College because a girl I love (extreme verb, even if she is not interested in me ever) randomly mentioned it and you randomly mentioned it, so I might as well try one college because of this funny coincidence. I am surprised I like anyone considering my absurdly pretentious standards and values. One of the factors as why my emotions have gone so chaotic recently.
Anyway, it will be the only college I try so I can see what teachers say of me. I had a very limited time to make connections but I think I got many of the staff to like me, for some reason. One of them was even surprised when I said I didn't have friends because she considers me very outgoing. Awkward. Anyway, I know the right teacher to do it, but I need to find another one.
I will go to community college, even though I hate the idea of things being slow, but I need to get my emotions and thoughts in order first, as well as find an actual motivator to live rather than the constant lies I have told myself.

My work ethic is also terrible since I still do work 4:00 in the morning, last day, despite the fact that all I do at is home is stare at the ceiling talking to myself for hours.
ChangeItSelf Nov 22, 2016 12:42 PM
On 2nd thought, I will keep these replies until next year.

For the boston college application, what did you have your teachers and counselors write about.
ChangeItSelf Sep 14, 2016 10:54 PM

ChangeItSelf Aug 29, 2016 5:52 AM
Since I think you are busy from starting school, I bolded the things I care about.

V Sugar makes it nice.
SparkleBunnies Aug 27, 2016 1:59 PM
why are you dropping salt in my comments?!!? >:C
ChangeItSelf Aug 26, 2016 8:10 PM
Only by a few months, man. I am 18 in September. I can't wait to officially look down on children.

Not just obnoxious in posts, but also obnoxious in behavior and reasons for doing things. I bloated up my list with shows I didn't even watch or saw in 4x speed, rated low, conformed hard and tried to be proactive as possible to get attention because I was super lonely. In the end, it did lead to interesting internet people, but my reasoning back then was so pathetic. I focused so much on the internet that I did nothing to improve my situation. Although, since it worked and I did get shallow attention, I must be a genius manipulator or the people I met had bad priorities.
Cringey would be the word I would have used if it was a reminder of stupid children in youtube comment sections or my high school who overuse the word unironically. However it is really amusing now to see 20+ year olds still be cringey af everywhere even though they don't have the excuse of being a pubescent teen with mixed priorities :^). At least, they are not plagued by constant doubt and self-awareness which means they are more active and happy.

How is boston college better? I am not sure if I would apply out of state since expenses. Not that I care about expenses (as I bought a 1000 dollar phone impulsive because I wanted a bigger screen), but I don't know what to do as a major so I don't want to burden my dad even more since he worked so hard to maintain security for his parents and our family. All he wants is for me to be happy (which I overthink), but I don't want him to feel at fault if I were to waste and "fail." Although, I am willing to take up loans to go to these money-grubbing colleges.
Don't private religion universities require recommendation talking about your religion devotion or something? I like the Gothic architecture, and I would probably have tried for duke/yale for the architecture, if I actually tried.
I guess I will put Boston university and college, but I prefer NY and CA because they seem like more interesting states (or the only interesting states). Actually, I probably should work on applications right now, yet i still have bad priorities. Any tips for the essay or in general?

I was thinking of medical (neurosurgeon or family doctor) for the job security and money, but I don't have the passion to be dedicated for 10 years for now. I like the idea behinds neurons because it is a fun word. I am not that interested in money besides survival as I don't know what else to do with except maybe support art.
How do you even get internship tho, that is what i need to know.
I love information, especially useless info, that you can call me a quasi-addict, so all subjects interested me but my favorite was English.

GPA is annoying to think about, because my school is so easy even the AP classes, but since I never payed attention or chose hard classes, my gpa only ended up as 4.1. I don't care about grades, but the 5.0 valedictiorian seems simple-minded that my personality right now would have preferred to beat her if I could =C.
I don't know what to write for my essay as I didn't improve my mood until may of this year which meant I never did extracurricular. I didn't even do anything this summer, because I realized I still hadn't accepted myself until now (hopefully). I can talk about my introspections and my schizophrenia mom, but I assume colleges want someone who overcame troubles and did something unique.

Oh right, Law should be on my radar, but I put it low since it is too serious for my personality. I don't care about Law or the legal system, but like psychology, it utilizes my decent skills at being analytic, reading, and writing. I also wanted to yell at people, but I assume it is more tedious paperwork than that. Also, 7 years of expensive school...ew.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to take philosophy classes unless I am majoring in it. Honestly, I don't want to be among wannabe philosophers. I am hard enough to handle. And it is probably more useful to take classes of subjects that I normally wouldn't pursue as I already read up on philosophy at my leisure, as well as lit (although I don't read as much literature as I should).

That is not pessimism, that is cynicism. I am one of the most optimistic people you will ever meet, but I tend to have grandiose remarks like that. Thought it was a negative trait, but I love my humor so fuck other people.
I have been a shut-in and my voice didn't work for 17 years, yet I did all this:
"I talked with my chem teacher about her major, my comp sci teacher about divorce, my math teacher about lawyers, my history teacher about germany/lawyers and my psy teacher about suicide/poverty. My psy teacher even got paranoid that he might be in trouble for keeping me after school for an hour talking about stuff. I even got my English teacher to say she wouldn't mind me helping out with summer school grading (I have not gotten an email back, but hey, the thought that counts...well, not really). It sucks that all this occurred literally on the last day, and I didn't attempt to gradually build up these relationships and open teachers up. However, that is probably my proudest moment that I am sure anyone can do, but they didn't and I did. I don't have any other accomplishments, so I will take it. They all said they would write recommendations for me even though I have done nothing besides talk to them. Damn, I made more friendship with them than my peers."

....on the last day. (I work under pressure which is why I will do applications on the last day :^)).

I know I am smart and capable, just very easily distracted, neurotic, and badly misguided. I am great at researching useless information, though, because it is pleasurable to know things that I may or may not use. I tried super hard to make friends, but it always ended up in failure. I am not as insecure anymore (only intellectually insecure which is why I give such bloated self-indulgent responses) , so I can stop trying so hard to conform. Senior year doesn't matter after 6 weeks, anyway.

I am quite bad at proofreading, however.

ChangeItSelf Aug 25, 2016 8:39 PM

All internet pseudonyms are lame so why only keep 1, cupquake.
I was dead on the inside and well, here. Had a lot of inner turmoils, wondering if I have done anything, hated everything I ever do, thought the internet has been worthless to me, typical teenager stuff. Overtime I grew to accept myself, so I guess that is the only thing that has happened since last year. I even hated "ultima" as a name because it reminded me of my far worse personality when I first joined this site or the internet, but that wasn't a different me, that was a younger me, so why would I even care? I have thin skin and small things bother me, but I am getting better.

My high school career was mediocre due to my depressed attitude and bad priorities, and I don't think I really want to go to a mediocre college since I would fail the holistic tests for the better California college. Although, I am not decisive, so I might just go to the best of whichever of the colleges that accepted me, or I go to community college for two years to transfer,
As for major in case you cared, I don't know. The only things I have enjoyed in life was philosophy, but that is not marketable unless you want to be a boring professor or some shit. I think I want to write, but I never start and I don't know what to write. College isn't going to help with that, because its only purpose is to possibly give you connections and a credential that jobs supposedly care about. All the learning is done by oneself, so I wouldn't even go to college, if I wasn't so dumb and indecisive. Honestly, I don't really care. I might go science and then support art or become an artist because I want to spread edgy ideas to the one person who might care or I will do nothing. It is a coin toss in my perspective where I lose on each face.

Anyway, what is your major? And why?


Boston University keeps sending me email and spamming with lies. Should I apply?
Since you're 15 minutes way in Newton, I assume you are not going to Harvard :^)
ChangeItSelf Aug 18, 2016 9:20 PM
Hey, what up we haven't talked since march 2015. You probably don't remember as I don't remember you for the most part, but that doesn't matter.

According to your reply to ckan below, you apparently finished high school. How is that freedom and then your transition into college? I am going into my senior year which is going to be boring as always.
Ckan Jul 7, 2016 12:45 AM
I might have cried, but I can't remember. What I do remember is you.

Hope you're still quaking and waking with a healthy sweet icing.