THIS IS A PERPETUAL WORK IN PROGRESS JUST LIKE MY LIFE, I GUESS (3deep5u).
Congratulations, random person of unknown gender and nationality. Through complete fault of your own you appear to have haphazardly stumbled upon my page. Well, now that you're here, I suspect you're looking to know a bit about me and the genres I look out for when I delve into the world of Japanese animated entertainment. You're probably regretting this already but let's begin:
I'm a born and bred native of the United Kingdom, arguably Japan’s less quirky and better looking twin. Sure, us Brits backed the winning side in the last war and we have the sense to put milk and sugar in our tea, but we share many similar traits. We are proud and ancient nations that somewhat revel in our relative cultural and geographical isolation. Not that these revelries are entirely without merit. After all, we are amongst the few nations left in the world that still sees the merits of constitutional monarchy, refusing to become just another drab republic, and wisely chose to adopt the superior parliamentary form of democratic government. Unsurprisingly, such perceived notions of superiority often don't sit well with our closest neighbours who often view us as chauvinistic and culturally isolationist. Whilst most of our history is marked by long periods of confinement to our home islands, either fighting amongst ourselves or defending against the occasional ambitious continental ruler with a scary armada, we are chiefly associated with aggressive colonial endeavours mostly undertaken in the last two centuries. We often look back on such endeavours with great fondness whilst conveniently often forgetting the fact that they’re the reason our closest neighbours are bitterly divided between north and south to this day. But who really cares about the Irish or the Koreans anyway, amirite? Regardless, we have long since sacrificed this imperial might and our dignity to become the loyal lapdogs of the United States, a nation that delivered us at least one humiliating defeat in the not-so-distant past (yes one defeat because, to anybody but the Yanks, 1812 was obviously an Anglo-Canadian victory). Our national stereotypes include the consumption of copious amounts of tea, unappetising food, strong emphasis on stoicism and being excessively reserved. But we are also frequently labelled as intolerant, nationalistic and frustratingly tenacious by those who view us in a less-than-favourable light. Our trains are built by Hitachi, our televisions made by Sony and our cars (which drive on the correct side of the road) manufactured by Honda. We love a bit of fancy dress, including forcing our children to wear matching outfits at school. The only major difference is that Japan's main export to socially awkward unemployed westerners is a diverse and unique form of media with a plethora of genres that cater to all interests. Britain, on the other hand, with its worldwide cultural influence and licence fee funding, can only seem to manage... well... this.
I'm the walking definition of oppression and privilege. I am a white, middle-class, heterosexual Englishman with a condescending-sounding RP accent who has at least one ancestor that worked for the Honourable East India Company during the height of its 'civilising efforts' in the Indian subcontinent. Millennials and Mughal emperors, beware.
I'm perpetually single and too scared to mingle.
I don't believe in any deity, spirit or life force. If I’ve learnt anything in life, it's that the universe and its origins can't possibly be that straightforward and uninteresting. I can probably be best described as a so-called 'agnostic atheist'. I live my life under the assumption that there is almost certainly no 'extracosmic' creator or anything after death, due to the lack of any evidence whatsoever, but I make no claims to 'know' such a thing doesn't exist since we can't ever hope to disprove it with 100% certainty. 'Religion' on the other hand? Yeah, I'm fully convinced that's all a load of rubbish. A bunch of ancient book clubs that have gotten out of hand to the point that the fans actually think the stuff written in them is true. I think even Twilight fans acknowledge that edgy vampires and shirtless werewolves don't actually live somewhere in the dreary pine forests of Washington state (I'm also pretty confident that they wouldn't start generation-long genocidal wars to eradicate those Harry Potter-reading infidels).
I am an exceptionally boring individual. I don't drink anything stronger than Coke. No, Pepsi is not okay. Smoking is for chimneys, drugs are for ailments, piercings are for cattle and tattoos are for holocaust survivors. Most of my favourite songs are either from movie/video game soundtracks or were written by people that have either been dead for centuries, irrelevant for decades or were probably never relevant to begin with. I don't use social media, hashtags or emojis (I'm an old-fashioned emoticon kinda fellow ;D) and I certainly don't lie awake at night hoping people I’ve never met will upvote or like the pointless tripe I spout on the internet. I despise the repetitive and pointless exercise that is following any sort of sporting event. Anybody who religiously follows the personal lives of celebrities obviously have no lives of their own and when I think of parties and concerts, I think of the poor neighbours that have to put up with it and/or the hardworking men and women of the tax-funded emergency services whose precious time and already-stretched resources are being wasted dealing with the selfish louts.
If I had to rely on my political compass for directions, I probably would have starved to death in the wilderness long ago. But I’ve traditionally voted for the Conservative (and Unionist) Party in general elections and would consider myself generally centre-right (by European standards) though there are some exceptions (we need to renationalise the utilities!). I voted for Brexit and despite all that's happened, I still don't regret it! (*Rule, Britannia! intensifies*)
I'm a full-time unemployed 25 year old who has been a dishonorary lecturer on NEET Studies at the University of Life (formerly the Polytechnic of Mundane Existence) since finishing my A Levels in 2011. I was a university student, studying history, for a whopping two whole months in 2017 before I suddenly remembered that I'm a socially awkward introvert who'd rather surrender his opportunity to get a degree than spend 3 years or more living amongst large crowds of rowdy teenagers. Shockingly, I am not overweight, nor do I live in any form of subterranean living space beneath my mother's house (basements aren’t really a feature of crappy, new-build British suburban homes and I don’t deserve such luxury).
I've never had a proper job, not even an improper one for that matter. There's more going on in the skull of your typical male lead in a generic harem comedy than on my CV. My lack of any social skills means I find even the most basic entry-level jobs too daunting a prospect and, unfortunately for me, they don't have lighthouse keepers anymore.
When I'm not on MAL complaining about my life (which is most of the time so don't worry) I usually waste the day away either intently studying obscure periods of history or playing history-focused strategy PC games. Oh yeah, nothing turns me on more than reading about the socio-economic implications of the Danish invasion of Anglo-Saxon England or the Arab conquest of the Sassanian Empire. Because, when your life is as directionless as mine, there is nothing else to do but pass the time by reading about the exploits and achievements of men who had already conquered half the known world by the time they had reached my age. Yeah, I know. You thought I was boring before, right?
From my experience, one isn't a true MAL user without an accompanying mental or personality disorder. As such, I have no shame admitting that I am a not-so-proud sufferer of Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) which has hung over me like a perpetual Category 5 tropical cyclone since early childhood. In a face-to-face social situation, I'm about as calm and collected as a child rapist being interviewed by the police whilst the muffled screams of their most recent victim emulates from the basement. Despite all its downsides, at least it gives me a solid excuse to get out of those tedious gatherings with extended relatives.
Oh yeah, did I also mention that I’m Agoraphobic? Asking me to walk down to the local supermarket on my own to buy a loaf of Hovis would be the same as asking me to stroll around Mecca whilst drinking whisky, blaring rap music from my phone, wearing a gay pride shirt and shouting repeatedly in Arabic that 'the Prophet Mohammed takes it up the arse'. I'd rather be stoned to death for blasphemy in Saudi Arabia than make a faux pas at the checkout in Sainsbury's.
I have the body clock of a barn owl and the responsibilities of a domestic cat. That should answer any questions you may have about why I seem to be posting on the forums when it is 3AM UK time.
Now, I like these Bhutanese cartoons as much as the next gaijin, but I feel somewhat under-qualified to be considered an official weeb. Like a cute and reserved moe girl with a jealous disposition and a soundproof basement, my animu and mango hobby is very much an 'after dark' thing that I don't really think about during the day. When my side, of this planet-sized oblate ellipsoid on which we live, is facing the sun, I'm more interested in normie shows like Game of Thrones.
Unlike most people of my age and gender (I assume), I almost exclusively gravitate towards anime that has romance as one of its central themes. Why? I dunno. Let's just assume that it's a deep subconscious desire to feel wanted/loved after a life of peer rejection and social isolation, to be able to experience something that will forever be out of my reach. Yeah, let's roll with that. Be it in the form of profound drama or mindless ecchi, so long as a significant portion of the plot is dedicated to creating and expanding a heartwarming romance between two heterosexual main characters, I'm easy.
Also, I generally dislike action-oriented anime. Specifically when it is a central theme of the show. I have never found repetitive sequences featuring stylish men with ridiculous hairstyles and over-exaggerated facial expressions beating the living daylights out of one another for 20 minutes to be particularly entertaining.
I prefer subs over dubs. American English, with its associated accents and pronunciation, gets on my nerves to such an extent that I happily give up my ability to audially comprehend all conversation in exchange for having to keep up with fast-moving subtitles whilst half asleep at 3 in the morning.
My first anime was Clannad and its associated second season, Clannad: After Story.
I'm a sucker for...
(I enjoy 9/10 anime that has one, or a combination of, these genres)
Slice of Life
I'm on the fence for...
(I generally enjoy an anime with these genres if they are, in some way, combined with those above)
Action (In moderation)
Ecchi (I’m a simple man)
Hentai (What? It's not all loli futa tentacle rape!)
I'm not one for...
(Other than Suzuka for sports, I have yet to like an anime where any of these genres were a main theme)
Sports (You're never too old to have a PE flashback)
Yaoi (I don't judge, but I don't partake either)
Mecha (♫ Transformeeeerrs! Boring, in my eyes! ♫)
Cars (It’s basically sports but with more fossil fuels and less sense)
Side note: As you may have noticed from my anime list (that wording was completely punintended), i am either extremely easy to please or my overly-polite British nature prevents me from giving anybody a lower score without being fraught with guilt. Consider anything below a 7 to be a bad score from me.
Also, the highest score I will ever give any show is 9. A full 10 is reserved only for Clannad, the first anime I ever watched and the only one that holds a special place in my heart. I know it's all rather sappy, especially for me, but I just can't help it...
WHAT DOES THIS AND THE AVERAGE 'TERMS OF SERVICE AGREEMENT' HAVE IN COMMON? IT'S WAY TOO LONG AND YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO READ IT.
BUT IF YOU DID, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE WON A FREE VIRUS OVATION