currently torturing self with CSS when I don't know shit about it and the tabs open are ridiculous so why when I don't know shit and keep googling every single thing and gods darn it I'll survive this
I am currently being possessed by this baseless bravado but I am presently shaking inside and ffs, I am a lurker for a reason!
Edited stuff here so the latest rants are now up here down to the oldest. I believe the term is reverse chronological order. Keep up, self.
re-watching Hunter x Hunter again and I'm reminded of how much I've coveted Killua's backpack as a kid I still do though I want it gimme gimme
it's so stupid right? i mean what's with those six straps?
I want one.
WHAT MAKES THE 'LURKER' FANGIRL
Although we rarely, almost never, participate in discussions, we most definitely know what's going on. Oh we do have our own opinions, we do support this fvck, hell yeah stuff that ehem OR, we respect that that is your opinion oof. noob amateur but we don't agree with it. Yeah. that. lurker.
We're those empty accounts on Tumblr well the occasional reblogs . Whose boards on Pinterest are separated according to categories and are full to brim and ONE rotten secret board
THE FANFICTIONS. Personally, I've read thousands. Seriously. Mainly on FanFiction.net but lately I transferred to Ao3 just gonna insert here and no offense intended but no to wattpad for me and I'm definitely going to live there now so yeah, THE FANFICTIONS, we rarely, almost never, review but your stories are saved, favorited, followed, kudosed, bookmarked.
There are those who fangirl cutely. I mean cute like cute af. There are those who fangirl like banshees. Shout! Velociraptor noises! Slam! Slam! Bam! And there's us. Conceal don't feel. Don't let them know! But yeah, no. I def have episodes where I roll around my bed, punch my pillows, squeal, and just "asdfghjkdiweaydh7yaugf" ehem
aaaand what else. hmm. I'm running out. I'll add more when I think of more.
So what I believe what I was trying to say was I don't know where the people who can afford to participate in every discussion and in every forum and in every thread find their time to do those when I'm here and I can spend hours in a day sometimes shirking responsibilities, sometimes forgetting to live outside my personal bubble reading, binging, immersing, not feeling complete unless I finish reading this or that and ugh I'm lost The feeling like there's not enough time?
I'm the silent fangirl type. I mean i have LOTS of fandoms not only in anime but I'm a huge book / novel nerd as well contrary to preconceptions based on the dumb stuff I've been ranting, I'm kinda not unintelligent? haha I have a degree. English major believe it or not. Mainly on literature though. Homer, Dickens, Salinger, Alighieri, Milton (oh dear Milton) but I digress!
uhh. where was I? yeah silent fangirl.
We are also called lurkers. uhh wait lemme just edit, uhh tweak here a bit to make hmm yeah I'd get back to editing this later
So I'm not a social person okay? A huge introvert. A painfully shy, geeky gal. I have moods when like talking to people is very painful . But I randomly get this bursts of talkativeness right at this instance for example . It's a little liberating. But again due to the lack of social graces, I say the most stupid things. Because that's me okay? sorry.
No but really, please don't dislike me? please don't have think that I'm a bad person? because I'm really sensitive about things like these. if I do, I'd curl up and cry. it happened before. ferserious. inner me is a huge crybaby. outer me IS a crybaby. i cry at everything. i cry everyday. promise, cross my heart and hope to die - stick a needle on my eye Reading books, reading manga, watching anime, watching sad videos, looking at cute things, cute cats, cute dogs please don't do confrontations, oh gods I'm bad at those. literally shaking rn. uhm I'd think about it the whole time. i have anxieties? I'm a little crazy too. scratch that. ugh. I'm so weird. sorry
I'm really going to make this my rant section. What goes on in my head or something like that? can I even do that?
well what to say about me
I'm a master procrastinator. If I find something troublesome I'm quick to quit. Yeah. Not really an upstanding citizen but I don't even want ugh now I'm finding this troublesome again ah yada yada, Imma stop now I'll just get back to this later.
The Complete and Unnecessary Guide to the History of my Username that No One Asked
Tthe history of it is uhm yeah, it was originally FleurLilith? Fleur I got from Harry Potter and Lilith because of this awesome quote post on tumblr but I realized Fleur means flower and I don't really like flowers so I thought I ought to change it and here comes Freyja because I'm a huge mythology geek and yeah, that's how it was formed, and yeah, good talk