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Dec 2, 2014
Quite possibly the most generic magic girlfriend show ever made. The generic teenage protagonist finds a fancy carpet by the garbage that he takes home in hopes of impressing a girl, but surprise, the carpet actually contains a whole fantasy world in it somehow and a dumb, magic powered girl comes through it boobs first and decides she's in love with him. None of that makes any more sense in context, nor does it manage to be interesting or funny. Characters just show up, do something uninteresting and/or stupid, and then it eventually ends. Everything about this is done far, far
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May 25, 2014
Genmu Senki Leda
(Anime)
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I feel like I liked this more than I should. I mean the plot is pretty bare bones and kind of dumb, but there's something weirdly charming about the package as a whole. The world is distinctive and well designed, and after watching n a whole bunch of 80s OVAs lately, it's really nice to see mechs that aren't just designed to look like they came out of Gundam or Macross. That said, what really elevates this into something decent is the direction. Yuyama kept this whole thing surprisingly atmospheric, and he gave us some pretty good action setpieces.
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May 25, 2014
Exper Zenon
(Anime)
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This is one of those series designed entirely to appeal to the fantasies of nerds rather than actually be about anything. The protagonist is a generic nerd who's good at video games and has poor luck with women. So of course a naked lady shows up, insists that he immediately touch her breast, then gives him super powers that draw upon his gaming skills. And of course she constantly has to be rescued to show how heroic and many the protagonist is.
Most of the runtime is made up of fight scenes, which are mostly directed competently, but the punch is taken out ... 
May 25, 2014
When it comes to terrible anime, it's really hard to find ones that are bad in an enjoyable way, like The Room or Troll 2. With anime from this era, the bad stuff is usually just boring or frustratingly stupid. So imagine my delight when I finally stumbled upon this anti-masterpiece. It has a plot that moves like a mad lib, continuously getting more and more insane. Seriously, it starts as an Indiana Jones style story, but then all of the sudden the protagonist has super powers and is fighting aliens, then the movie immediately forgets about his powers again. He'll get into
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May 25, 2014
No.
OK seriously, this series is emblematic of exactly why I got out of anime for years. It's basically a waifu simulator. A generic moe girl dresses sexy, acts like a toddler, and addresses the audience directly, allowing you to live out what the animators thought was your fantasy. And sadly, given that it was successful enough to have a sequel, it really is the fantasy of a lot of horrible otaku. It really brings to the forefront all of the terrible subtext that's far too common in anime, laying bare the things many of us have tried to pretend aren't there ... 
May 25, 2014
This anime is basically 10 minutes worth of story stretched out to 45. And given how little you could with "some generic girls try to save sentient stuffed animals" in even that time, you can imagine how difficult this is to sit through. They pad out the run time with their attempt at humor (which is made up entirely of the same old cliches you've seen a million times before) and the girls acting cutesy. These girls are just differentiated from each other enough to fall into different basic, tired architypes, but that's it. The directing is competent but uninspired, and
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May 24, 2014
The most frustrating movies to watch are the ones where a good director is trying to work with a garbage script, and I don't think there's a better example of this in anime than Windaria. The characters are two dimensional at best, and their motivations rarely make much sense. Why does the one kingdom want to invade the other? Because they're evil, I guess. Why do they think the best way to do this is to flood the city, thereby destroying anything of value within? Who knows? Why does the prince, who had previously been begging his father to
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Nov 5, 2013
Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo
(Anime)
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I think the best way to describe this movie is Cargo Cult Hayao Miyazaki. The director clearly loved Miyazaki's films and knew that they worked, but had no idea as to why. You'll see character designs, scenes, and shots that you can place to exact moments in Nausicaa, Totoro, and the like, but they're all in a string of events that seem to happen just because. Seriously, the fucking "Nausicaa's fox-squirrel jumps on her shoulder and runs to the other" thing is done at least five fucking times. Shinkai clearly noticed that Miyazaki films often have female protagonists, but he didn't
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