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I wrote a much more scathing review on my Atlanta Fried Critic blog, but given that I can't go all-out on this site, I'll tone it down a bit. It's important that I do this, because you need to know never to watch this OVA. Everything about it, from the laughable story to the dreadful animation to the complete jumps in logic that apply to both of those things, is awful.

Let's start with the laughably named protagonist, John Kyosuke Hiba. The characters can never decide what to call him. In the same sentence, they'll call him "John", then "Kyosuke." What's up with that? Did ... they forget his name in a split second? Is it really that hard to just stick with one name? I don't know, but it makes absolutely no good sense.

Anyway, John is an ex Green Beret who now works a mellow construction job. He gets involved with an international conspiracy involving Chinese weaponry and AIDS. In the middle of this, he dresses up as Rambo and starts blowing crap up. Oh, yeah, that's right, this is Rambo with AIDS.

Throughout the whole thing, we're treated to a terrible backstory involving him and the female love interest/antagonist/protagonist, Cathy, as well their childhood friend Makoto, who now goes by the incredibly clever villain name of "Phantom." Oooh, Phantom. That's almost as original as Shredder from "TMNT" or Doctor Claw from "Inspector Gadget." Just almost.

So, we've got a half-baked conspiracy plot, a half-baked backstory, and a thoroughly terrible military thriller. It gets worse, though, thanks to the animation. Oh, lord, the animation... if you could even call it that, that is. A whole scene gets repeated with different music, character cels are used for minutes on end, and when there is movement, it's stiff and unconvincing. Even by 1989 standards, this is some of the worst animation possible.

The only good thing is the music. It's not amazing, but it's easy to nod your head along to while zoning out. And trust me, you're going to want to zone out while this garbage is on-screen. As a funny little side note, the ending theme is called "Sissy on the Roof." Sounds kind of like a mid-90's gay adult video, doesn't it? I think it does, at least.

"Dog Soldier" is awful... actually, that doesn't begin to describe it. Given that the LaserDisc is rare and costs around 50 bucks, the unauthorized DVD release runs 10-15 bucks, and the VHS is hard to find in general, the universe seems to be telling you something about this. That thing is that you, under any circumstances, should watch never this trash heap. It's not the worst anime I've ever seen (that honor belongs to "Harmagedon"), but it's darn close. Avoid this trash. It's barely even good enough for a cheap laugh, and the only thing I'll ever remember about is being "Rambo With AIDS."