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Days: 48.0
Mean Score: 7.58
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Youjo Senki Movie
Youjo Senki Movie
Jan 17, 2018 4:52 PM
Plan to Watch · Scored -
Kakegurui××
Kakegurui××
Jan 17, 2018 4:46 PM
Plan to Watch · Scored -
Kino no Tabi: The Beautiful World - The Animated Series
Kino no Tabi: The Beautiful World - The Animated Series
Dec 28, 2017 10:23 PM
Completed 12/12 · Scored 7
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kiza1379 Mar 2, 2018 11:10 AM
It's okay. I know how that feels. Wow I don't know USA's government repair service sucks til that level.

Take your time to recover if you need to. I'll be waiting. I'm sorry that you had such a traumatic past and got forced to learn to drive. IKR nobody literally gives a shit when you're normal and healthy. They'd only care or at least pretend to be care when there are something. This is one of the reasons I hate life, like you're not even a thing that worth other people's attention unless you're rich or have a huge power to deal things or have something big happening on you. It's like only few per cent of people that only matters and the rest are just small fries that has power only when in numbers just to be affected by someone's inspiration or creation or whatever shit, otherwise you're just a rubbish on the roadside waiting to be thrown here and there or a normal people that is not even worth any attention in the numbers. By the way they make you pay the bill on your own? Wtf? That's ridiculous. I seriously don't know how you can hang on until today. What motivates you? Or rather...what makes you hold on until today? By the way, which feeling you mean by "that feeling"? I'm sorry again. To be honest I'm in a slump too, so take your time, I'll don't know when it's going to be my turn to be inactive for a while, but I'll be sure to come back to reply to your message. Personally I don't even know myself what holds me back. I don't even know what I'm hoping for. It's like I just try hard to not be in those rubbish category of people and try hard to reach the top where I know I can't even get pass somewhere in the middle. It's not as if like I don't know that I won't get satisfied. It's like I have to try hard to totally into something like anime or music or assignment or study or sleep just so that I can distract myself from those feelings to deal with it unconsciously and proceed. Human nature sure is weird...

PS. after a while I've been spending more time compare with my cousin to the past (since she has ride me to university every time), I feel like the distance between me and her is getting more obviously distant. All of the time I thought she was the same as me but unfortunately she wasn't. And it had started for me to not share my stuff with her and feel like she wont understand. In some cases I know she was trying to help in her way but it turned out to just hurt more. Guess now I didn't have anyone to trust and have to urge to want to see anyone anymore...as well.
kiza1379 Feb 13, 2018 2:48 AM
Hey fam, how are you? I just kinda miss you since we couldn't talk to each other that much lately and idk what's happening to you. Hope you're okay fam.
kiza1379 Jan 19, 2018 11:08 AM
Sorry for the late reply tho. I have a group assignment report to complete since my stupid groupmate didn't send me the work she's done and I can't proceed until like the last 2 days in the night before the due date and her work is like presentation instead of a report. Rofl whattt. That sounds terrible. Btw what did you forgot to tell me? ._o

Same tbh. It's been quite nostalgic thinking back the days when I was young and suffering hard to just find the song name and the artist name. Tho until today I only remember these 2 songs from back then: 宇多田ヒカル - First Love and キロロ - 未来へ. It's really nostalgic :) . Btw yeah all kpop song gives the same feeling tbh. especially when it comes to the trending list, all the genre is like the same.

Well...probably yeah, since we don't know the truth or anything from the past and learn them from books. we probably won't even know that if someone had covered up something and make it sound in their flavor or if that incident had really happened. Eh? you're an atheist?

IKR, there's this one day like around half a year ago, I went to get some food since me and my brother are hungry late at night (almost 12am that time), and I bumped into pastor and some other elites having supper after training their worship for Sunday worship (tho my church is on Saturday, probably is because of the state area is special that's public holiday is Friday and Saturday instead of Saturday and Sunday), and I went to greet them for a bit since it'll be kinda rude if I don't. And the pastor is like "why don't you come back yet? what doubts you got? come sit here and we do QnA". I was like wtf pls don't and tell that I have to get the foods fast or my dad will kill me since it was already late, then the pastor said "you scare your dad kill you but not God?". And stuff went pretty much awkward but somehow I was able to shake it off because I have to wait for around 1-2h queue for my turn to take the food. I have a feeling that I have told you this before but whatever.

Rofl wtf...don't that count as some weird suspicious thing to inspect other people's house? They sure are lucky that the cops ain't there that time. Well...you can't put all blame on them too since they probably find those people real annoying or they find that inspecting their house is creepy or scary for some reason like act like a Christian to get the chance to get into other's people house and take out a gun to threatened them to give money or get some valuable or probably the're a hitmen inside ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . But still it's also their fault for not taking care of their dogs properly. And the cops can't suddenly stand on your side and arrest them or confiscate the dogs for other's people safety purpose since they can sue them and get a lawyer or stuff.

Oh...I don't know there was a website. Thanks for sharing :D I did use ublock in my browser, tho idk how to adjust the settings so most of the time I turn it off, but I did turn it on if I were about to download something from somewhere that has many stupid ads. Btw LOL HOW DOES THAT EVEN RELATED?

Btw since I see you already done with Kino no Tabi, there's this episode where Kino was still young that how the country had a stupid beliefs that is seriously weird and suspicious af. Especially the surgery when they have to undergo once they reach 15 to become an adult AND when Kino's father stabbed the real Kino and the town mayor or the head of the church (I forgot which of it,) states that he's not guilty when the father want to kill Kino and the real Kino protect her. When I was watching that, that scene reminds me of what I told you before of how society works and if one wanna try something different, the society rejects you and put the blame on whoever responsible of you (tho the anime is a country instead of the whole society) like the parents suddenly scold Kino for 'not believe in out country's surgery' and 'apologize to everyone in town for saying that or have a thought of that'. They fucking chicken out and try to correct themselves or make themselves looks good or something by scolding Kino and try to kill Kino for don't want to undergo the surgery. This is kinda like how Christian actually doing (in a more obvious way of course lol and this is how I sees it, the difference is that they don't take other people's life for not believing their beliefs and not joining them) and eliminate whatever that shakes them by evading the question or make a biblical thing to make it loop to an answer that's not even relevant/accurate like how they wanna kill Kino for don't want to undergo the surgery and want to try some other alternative way to become an adult, because for them it's no other way (since it's their belief or it's the only thing that's special for their country to be featured?). Therefore it's stupid and have like no real accurate answer when there's actually other alternatives and other people don't want to accept those since there's already a way that most of the people use and it's a COMMON WAY TO DO IT and the stupid rule that looks down on you of don't use these methods.
kiza1379 Jan 17, 2018 11:27 AM
I don't even go anywhere or celebrate anything lol. It's just like any normal day, except the fireworks is loud af. whattttttttt you got choco and snacks on velentine? I never received anything on veletine day. It didn't bother me much tho lol.

Glad to know that I've been able to make someone happy somehow :) . Well I don't think I am any better too tbh. Lately I've been kinda cold to everything since I feel like there's no point in putting effort on doing things that wont benefits me, it probably will benefit me in someway, but I am more scared on how they might turn their face after all things I've put efforts into. That'll be like I'm finding something to hurt myself, like a masochist. Tho my condition isn't getting any better at all but still...fear.

I don't remember listening to kpop besides bigbang's fantastic baby, literally that's the only song I've keep my attention on and listen for a while. Btw I actually doesn't hate kpop or anything, it's just I have a feeling that kpop is not as good as jpop. Thus I didn't bother to listen to kpop at all lol.

Nah don't worry, such thing wont offend me at all since I've a an atheist now. I literally question like everything and tho most of the answers are stupid. And me as well become really agnostic when it comes to God. Btw it's not created by human (according to what I've learned), it's recorded by human, like history we have to learn back in school. Nowadays I didn't really see any of them taking big steps like speech on public or stuff but im not really sure since im a shut-in lol, and they seem to be aware about that and did use sweeter way of teaching in church to teach us how to ask people join and stuff when I was still a Christian (and yeah they did run an event that everybody must bring like at least 3 person to church so can fill up the place. tho it's obvious that they're trying hard to make people join them indirectly but it still is obvious). Talking about forcing belief, one of my ex-bro contact me like last week or something and ask if my problem/doubt are settled and when I'll come back. I told him the truth that I've found my own answer and I wont be coming back (i didn't tell him that I wont come back so directly since he'll probably nag biblical stuff so I just tell that "it's my choice" instead since what my previous church says that one of the greatest power granted to us by God is the power to made choices). What to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ have to play smart to deal with this stuff. z

rofl i forgot to tell you that I did use utorrent. My dad using them to download movies and I use them for download anime from HS. Guess I forgot to tell since I'm still watching anime online from the 1st time we started to talk. I'll search them myself. sorry for all those troubles -.-
kiza1379 Jan 7, 2018 8:06 AM
im still waiting :)
don't worry tho
take your time
kiza1379 Dec 28, 2017 12:07 PM
Glad to hear that you're getting well. :)

rofl you said everything already lol. I have nothing else to say. I have thought all of those things you mentioned countless times in the past. and yeah, you don't know what might happen when you tell someone especially the one you're close to while thinking what kind of kindness they will use to help you. Worst case you got into mental health care for life or something which sucks even more.

Hmmm...human nature huh...now I think about it...I don't know what word is best to describe it tbh, stupid? dumb? Idk. Talk about this human nature actually brings me back to what I've told you before about common sense, facts and logic that work our world. It's kinda recapping things if I say those stuff again so you might know what I'm about to say lol. Though what you said probably is true since I told you before that I have these delusion thing, that might be the best answer so far. Everything you said is like recapping things we talked before lol. Anyway, yeah there's no guarantee that everything will work out if you did this and that. It's basically a lie to yourself that you're doing fine and you future is bright. Plus, you don't know how the things you worked out hard can still be useful in the future. "Much of it is influenced by luck" <<<< this shit can't be more true than true. No comment.

Live aimlessly huh...that's interesting tbh. Btw not every people of the society thinks that way when there's religion in this world. When I was still a Christian, they told me every person that God created has His own reason and purpose, we don't know what is it but we just have to live through life and see it for yourself (though you wont know what the fuck is the purpose until you die? who knows? except raising your child like how the society did and have a normal way of life) (Sorry in advance if you're sensitive about these and somehow I offended you). Though it's really stupid how this "society" rule thing works, it's like a circle or stupid logic and common sense that evade the problem and back to the circle again to an unrelated solution. Like "you must not bla bla bla..." or "you must bla bla bla..." "...to overcome this problem". Heck how the fuck did that method can be the solution, it's just basically evading the problem or lying yourself that everything is okay or shit. How the fuck did that solve anything? As if that can help in anyway, more like that's just a stupid route to drag time for you to suffer more in this problem, not to mention that some lovely people that "care" about you that stick his/her nose in so that he/she can help you out in solving your problem, more like they're trying to try an experiment on you for themselves, meanwhile take the glory when they somehow successfully helped out or chicken out hiding in the shadow when your situation got into point of no return or keep trying their experiment on you. Tho probably not everyone's intention is like that but that's how it looks like for me every time when they are trying to help out, and unconsciously ended up doing what I talk about just now.

Idk about that singer tbh, I don't listen to kpop or anything korean.

Everyone be like: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and don't give a shit. Since they're bounded by the society's common sense or rule.

This is kinda one of the reasons I quit being a Christian tbh. Various reasons of suicidal? More like planned/secured/guaranteed suicidal. Since the bible did states that There's nothing that God doesn't know. Since the church I attend before did believe that God also know about the future since He can guide you go through the correct path and stuff. Not to mention have everything planned for everyone. Purpose, reasons, etc. Heck if He knows what'll happen then why dafuq bother to create earth and us and wait for the world end and sees who's qualify to enter the heaven and who will dropped into hell. (These only applies if God knows about our future and our fate etc tho.) That's why I had doubts and shit =-= Btw this kinda remind me one of Kino no Tabi (2017) episodes, where...actually nvm lol. Worry that this might spoiled you.
kiza1379 Dec 25, 2017 7:50 AM
Sorry for the late reply tho. I was kinda down and wanna let you rest a bit since you're sick (tho idk what is your thought turn out so if in case I worried you them i apologize). It's okay lol. It was me too into it.

will pm you again later. not in the mood now. sorry
kiza1379 Dec 18, 2017 11:56 PM
I just remembered that I did make a change on my server setting or something i can't remember it well and change it to google server. So I guess it didn't affect me much lol. Before, when I access some certain websites, it show the government telling that that particular page is going against an act so it was blocked or something...but guess I somehow managed to do it unconsciously lol.

http://vocaloid.wikia.com/wiki/Neru Go to this website, he has 31 songs as of now. You can browse slowly one by one xD. At the mean time you probably can somehow tell which is the one I meant by hurt af while listening.

Tbh I'm not on either side...for me, suicide is just an option to end your life on your own choice, obviously after serious consideration or over-something, nothing more than that...I don't intend to involve others if I wanted to suicide. If other's are enjoying their life then let them, I don't wanna ruin it just because of my selfishness, but some are unavoidable, like family's sadness or whatever possible. It'll always someone there tho...it's just...what's the word...trust? respect? idk tbh. But there's something that make me don't wanna talk. Lol dude, why PM when we already talk about so many sensitive stuff? It's not like we're famous or somehow attractive enough for people to frequently come to our profile to read all of them from the start. That word is new to me :\ but tbh it is, once your life ends, everything will be pointless...*sigh* I don't even know why I struggle so hard to suffer until today tbh. I'm probably a masochist or have a mental illness or something. Thanks for the understanding tho
kiza1379 Dec 15, 2017 3:39 AM
Glad to hear that...? My country never had Net Neutrality and I never knew there were such a thing. So when I know there's such thing it makes me sad cause there's some websites that my government blocked from us accessing or even know that they exist. *sigh*

I won't argue with you that you find the musics that I like okay tbh. So chill xD everyone got their own's opinion. Those songs just hit me hard enough that I really liked it, although there's some that hit too hard that makes me don't wanna listen to it tho lol. Among the 3 that you mentioned, I like 病名は愛だった a lot, and I mean A REAL LOT. Although I don't like the remix vibe...but that song gives feels (at least that's how i feel tho). I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL LOL. IT'S REALLY WEIRD BUT ADDICTING. SOMETIMES I KEEP FIND MYSELF TROUBLED JUST BECAUSE DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM. Glad to know that you liked it btw.

Btw some stuff happened and I've been thinking on suicide nowadays (actually it's been a while already, since...you know when I mean)...Basically it feels like everything is pointless and I want to put an end to this hard suffer trying hard to survive without any path/vision/whatever. What do you think about this?
misjebaka8D Nov 30, 2017 6:11 PM
Eehhh, it's okay it's okay .-. I just wanted to add you but it seems a little bit odd without a message attached to it so here we are eheheh
Thank you for your time~
kiza1379 Nov 28, 2017 6:51 AM
Okay...now that was unexpected. How the hell these things can last for 1 month? Wtf? But nevermind that since you don't want to talk about it. Hope you can feel better a little bit after they moved out of there. I'm pretty sure your neighborhood will appreciate what you went through for 1 month, even tho that probably would be annoying for you and they might find you in the future's problem since you've "experienced" how to deal with these kind of stuff =-= and try to chill a bit to not get totally insane lol.

Again...I feel pity for you. Your school life and grades was so messed up. Tho somehow I was able to squeeze through on my own way, it was still hard. Well, that's pretty much about what you say about prefer to do stuff alone, I could say I feel 100% the same. But as for me I usually follow someone else's instruction and stuff if it's a group work that I have no choice to do it with someone else, until a point if I find the leader isn't that good or worthy enough to lead the group, I'll just give them a scolding and do all the work myself, of course afterward I'll have to complain shits to the lecturer else the lecturer is gonna find me and ask bunch of things, so I prefer to deal with it beforehand.

I'll be looking forward for your opinion :) Btw take your time to chill for a while 1st. You're way too stressed out.
kiza1379 Oct 29, 2017 8:22 AM
You'd better be sorry. Idk I should be worry about high category hurricane that might pass by your area or excited about your story about your neighbor. But seems like things turn out to be okay lol. Tbh I was kinda surprised this took longer than I expected, especially with that much complaining turning to the police. Btw your family didn't help out with the complain to kick them out? You must've been had a serious headache going on with those shits to deal with and represent your neighborhood to do these shits. They should have been sent to a mental healthcare center in the first place.

Holy shit you probably was my long lost brother LOL. Way too much resemblance. I have hard time to control myself too from time to time. I can be too nice until I'll be gladly let other people use me to their benefits almost anyhow they wanted, of course I have limits but my limits are so far that hardly anyone can hit it. Sometimes my classmates approach me to ask for a look on my work, I'd still let them have a look at it every single time, tho it's very rare for someone to ask me to have a look on my work. Even the account group assignment group evaluation I asked my lecturer to change my rating on them to 10/10 on the last minute. I did ask my lecturer's perspective and told her why I've been behaving like that since she was the one that I was most close with among the lecturers (not really...it's just that she's real annoying that ignoring her makes things worse, it's a pain in the ass so I just decide to deal with this head on), but turn out she still told me same things as everyone else. "You can't be like that forever", "you can't do everything alone", "you can't find a girlfriend if you behave like that" and "what if you behave like that in workplace? You'll get fired you know?" and I did told her that I was once very sociable that I have no problem communicate with people but just I was very easy to get influenced and because of a sensitive incident in the past few years. Turn out all of those were pointless telling her. All was the same encouraging words people have been telling me. Sigh. She even told the class that I was a good guy and even make fuss for I finally smiled or laughed for the first time in the class. Literary...wtf...

IKR. It was hell that someone keep making unnecessary trouble just to trying to help in a way they think best because of their experience or stuff. I couldn't agree more...seriously. Tbh I can't believe how much I love my life since I notice that I was a misanthrope around last year November and became an anti-social. Ridiculous amount of trouble came along the way tho. But dealing with things is SO MUCH MORE EASIER compare to working together with someone unfamiliar and need to build shits from scratch and having the risk that they might backstab you or become so annoying that will stick to you and ask every shit possible. Things like group assignment has been hell for me since I always prefer to be the one who follows rather that the one that leads (I notice this since I like to play support role in DotA 2 since I just have to follow order to do things, but I've quit DotA 2 since last year due too much patch update changes) cause it's much more easier to do what people ask you to than think what have to be done and separate the work. Well of course depression did hit me when I became like this...but it wasn't all that bad since I can handle it...still...

xD Btw The one that I've been sticking to for a heck while is 再教育, ロストワンの号哭 and ハウトゥー世界征服. I really enjoy every last bit of these 3 songs. But that doesn't mean I don't listen to other of Neru's songs, it's just...Idk why but it's like....a magnet? Lol. Some of his songs are just too painful to listen tho. The more I listen his songs the more I realize how I behave and think unconsciously until I listen his songs carefully. Tho some of them are so deep that I can't really get it. I'll be looking forward to hearing your opinion :D
kiza1379 Oct 18, 2017 8:59 AM
I don't casually ask for advice tho...mostly is some serious things and shits that I don't understand how other people sees. I understand how you feel. Even tho I did ask my cousin for advice, my dad keep compare my grades and things with other people which annoy me, but I don't really feel jealousy tho, probably I don't care in those time since I'm an anime freak. I still don't care now cause every people are different and they can't expect me to be exactly like other admirable people or their ideal son (except I wan born to be like that of my own will but that case is real rare). BTW it's not like I'll be migrating out from this country anytime soon yet. I still need to finish my foundation and degree firsthand in my university which probably will take like most likely around 5 years if didn't waste any time and depends on which degree course I take. It's just feel pointless to make friend with them...I don't know how should I explain that tho but I just don't feel like it. It's not like be friend with them could make things any better for me in my studies or anything tho, if it's about group assignment then it'll just about how serious or responsible they take it. And if they somehow affect my grade in those assignments I'll just give them what they wish for just like how I give 2 marks for my previous group assignment member. They asked for it, I give it xD. Plus I prefer study alone and seek lecturers for help since they will give clear explanation. I've never had any great time in my current school life tho, all of them is just crappy progress to get a certification in some-whatever education so my workload in the future could be much more harder and lot more works so that I could get a nice salary and live a comfortable life just like how people tell me. My cousin keep tell me that it doesn't necessary need to reveal myself to people or talk about me when be friends with people. But at some point some of them will eventually stick their nose in and ask every possible shits about me. My cousin did also told me that just say that I don't want to talk about it and they'll stay out, and inside my mind thinking "it's not everyone is that understandable". Then I told her that I don't want to hurt something precious to me again because of trusting the wrong people and tell them about myself and shits. So I just ended that conversation there that time. Another reason is just like yours, since I've been alone all these time, I probably will really get into it and really like them and at some point will hurt myself since I plan to migrating out of this country. But I doubt that will happen since I've been hurt before because of this. WE are cruel xD.

Woah ._. I don't know there're people taking those kind of risks out there. My country have never encounter hurricane for as long as I can remember...So I never knew people do such things. Is it they don't know that there's shelters available to ensure their safety or they just that kind of people that loves their house so much that they rather got caught along with their house? lol

OMG I laugh so hard reading that LOL. I guess you could consider letting him sneakingly live in your house for a few days and let him see what they did and tell him to imagine to endure those shits for 2 years with patience and nicely ask them to stop those shits every single time they do it repeatedly with a smile on his face. It's a good thing they lost their mind tho LOL else you will. Hope they will move ASAP so your neighbourhood will be at peace just like those days 2 years ago xD.

Personally I like it very much xD. Thanks for the consideration xD. BTW I only listen to japanese musics lol. But I will be fine with other languages musics as long as it's nice and have deep meaning that I can relate or picture or feel like The Reason or Justin Timberlake's songs. Of course there's other nice songs but it was kinda too old for me to remember :P.
ShiroiRyu Oct 15, 2017 5:02 PM
You are a good guy with good tastes. :p
kiza1379 Oct 15, 2017 5:44 AM
Tbh I wasn't really glad that I have more people to talk with tho (it's just 1 or 2 lol). It's just my cousin being kinda annoying about how I behave (and since I always ask her for advice and stuff since I almost have no hidden secrets from her and since my ex-brother betrayal case make me realize how precious she was to me. So...) because most of the time whenever the lecturer or my classmates find my behavior rude or stuff (idk lol) they always find her to ask about why and stuff so it kinds of annoy her indirectly and she did complain to me about it and ask me to change for better. Sigh. I really prefer do things all alone if it wasn't for those assignment that require to be in group and gain half of the total marks from the group member evaluation. That's a weird cause of headache tho. Btw today I hang out with one of my very few friends tho. I did tell him about my case and he agrees with how I do but say that I was a little bit too overboard since the group evaluation is like free marks. I did tell him also about me being an anti-social (Of course I wont say that I was a misanthrope lol) and he did tell me that at least be friend a bit since it will help me out when I start to get into work field which I find might be true but I plan to migrate out of this country so it wasn't really useful for me lol. What's left is just how I going to migrate out of this country lol.

Whoa there are actually some people stay? That's a risky thing to do...You guys really are lucky indeed.

That sucks. Did you record those also? That could make them got evict even more quickly. DO IT LOL, your other neighbour will understand and support you XD.

I was interested in Juuni Taisen, Boku no Kanojo ga Majime Sugiru Shojo Bitch na Ken, Inuyashiki, Ousama Game The Animation, Just Because!, Net-juu no Susume, Dies irae, Mahoutsukai no Yome and Imouto sae Ireba Ii. (lol that's a lot despite my time is really limited) I don't really watch anime already these times due those tight schedule and it makes habit. I did download Black Clover since I find the synopsis quite interesting but I haven't watch it yet. I just watch real few anime episodes per day which makes me didn't even watch SAO OS yet. Currently I usually go youtube and to listen to musics, especially Neru's musics, you really should go listen to his musics tho. I find his musics is so total relate to me which attract me very much. But that doesn't mean I stopped watch anime tho, I did watch some favorite anime that has sequel like Kekkai Sensen & Beyond and Shokugeki no Souma (Tho the character design really looks off compare to S1 and S2) and some anime that I left on hold like Kakegurui and Made in Abyss (the ending is quite sad tho...) and hope they will have second season tho. I really liked it.