What is social anxiety like for you?

Jul 16, 2019 9:30 PM

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Jul 2018

564612

It just feels like overwhelming feelings of anxiety/phobia/paranoia when interacting with people, unless it's immediate family. Basically the paranoia and extreme shyness /blank mindedness, just makes it impossible for me to even initiate a conversation, especially with the opposite sex. So it's kind of like a social detachment disorder, where my ability to communicate comfortably has been disturbed by strong feelings of paranoia, which is more like schizophrenia than just "social anxiety" by itself.

Jul 16, 2019 9:33 PM

#3

removed-user

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SuguChan said:
It just feels like overwhelming feelings of anxiety/phobia/paranoia when interacting with people, unless it's immediate family. Basically the paranoia and extreme shyness /blank mindedness, just makes it impossible for me to even initiate a conversation, especially with the opposite sex. So it's kind of like a social detachment disorder, where my ability to communicate comfortably has been disturbed by strong feelings of paranoia, which is more like schizophrenia than just "social anxiety" by itself.

If it's not too personnel a question, do you mind if I ask what kind of paranoia you feel when interacting with people? Like, what does the paranoia stem from?

Jul 16, 2019 9:33 PM

#4

deg

Online

Jan 2009

92307

the hedgehog dilemma describes this good so watch Evangelion

Jul 16, 2019 9:37 PM

#5

PantsuSenseiUwU

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Feb 2016

729

I have a similar experience. For me talking to people has never been a problem. The issue comes in when there's a girl I have interest in. Then I totally avoid her at all costs and it seems like I'm avoiding them but in reality, I'm just at a loss for words. Those who have seen me around know I can go on and on. It's the same IRL. Not when there's a person I like.
I'll avoid them at all costs because I don't want to say the wrong thing but if you look at it, ignoring them isn't going to get me anywhere.

Prior to joining the forums on MAL, I lost most of the confidence I once had (due to becoming a neet after buying an expensive computer and isolating myself from most the outside world)

After joining and meeting tons of cool people, I was able to revert back to my old self. Then I started spamming the forums and now that I've been able to go back to the real world.
I've hardly had time to use MAL as much as I used to :( but thanks for getting rid of most my Social Anxiety MAL. The first month I was on the forums is the complete opposite of my 2nd month on the forums.

“The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one, be one.”
― Nishan Panwar
8=D ~ O:

Jul 16, 2019 9:40 PM

#6

p0ckyy

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Jan 2017

2362

my mind becomes narrow like it’s being squished between two surfaces. thoughts no longer flow as easily. logic and emotion are at play. my mind wants the body to flee the immediate situation because of a “perceived” threat, but my mind also knows that it’s irrational to do so. gridlock, suffering. beads of sweat can form if severe enough.

it can happen around relatively attractive people for me too (male or female, doesn’t matter).

i’m learning how to overcome it, how to be comfortable in my own skin no matter the person in my presence. treat everyone as an equal, then again not everyone is the same.

p0ckyyJul 16, 2019 9:45 PM

Jul 16, 2019 9:40 PM

#7

removed-user

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PantsuSenseiUwU said:
I have a similar experience. For me talking to people has never been a problem. The issue comes in when there's a girl I have interest in. Then I totally avoid her at all costs and it seems like I'm avoiding them but in reality, I'm just at a loss for words. Those who have seen me around know I can go on and on. It's the same IRL. Not when there's a person I like.
I'll avoid them at all costs because I don't want to say the wrong thing but if you look at it, ignoring them isn't going to get me anywhere.

Prior to joining the forums on MAL, I lost most of the confidence I once had (due to becoming a neet after buying an expensive computer and isolating myself from most the outside world)

After joining and meeting tons of cool people, I was able to revert back to my old self. Then I started spamming the forums and now that I've been able to go back to the real world.
I've hardly had time to use MAL as much as I used to :( but thanks for getting rid of most my Social Anxiety MAL. The first month I was on the forums is the complete opposite of my 2nd month on the forums.

If you don't mind me asking, how did interacting with people online get rid of your social anxiety in real life? For me, socializing IRL vs online is different as night and day:
Online you don't need to worry about your body posture, facial expression (I'm often told my monotonous expression makes me look angry, even though I'm just nervous), and you can take your time to decide what to say.
In real life, you don't have those luxuries.

p0ckyy said:
my mind becomes narrow like it’s being squished between two surfaces. logic and emotion are at play. my mind wants the body to flee the immediate situation because of the “perceived” threat, but my mind also knows that it’s irrational to do so. gridlock, suffering.
beads of sweat can form if severe enough.

it can happen around relatively attractive people for me too (male or female, doesn’t matter).

i’m learning how to overcome it, how to be comfortable in my own skin no matter the person in my presence. treat everyone as an equal, then again not everyone is the same.

You sweat? That's serious.

Jul 16, 2019 9:42 PM

#8

henkuku

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Dec 2013

122

I don't think my problems are that serious to be termed as 'anxiety' (but who am I to say for sure), but I just sometimes have trouble making conversations with people, even when they share the same interests as me. I will be actively thinking of questions to ask them, but when I do the questions might come out weird and make the atmosphere really awkward and ruin it.

Jul 16, 2019 9:46 PM

#9

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HopefulNihilist said:
If it's not too personnel a question, do you mind if I ask what kind of paranoia you feel when interacting with people? Like, what does the paranoia stem from?

It just feels threatening. Kind of like as if I was being put under trial. I kind of feel like the weakest link. Kind of like I'm standing out in a bad way, and that everyone can see right through me. And see everything that I hate about myself. All my insecurity and insincerity, is just reflected back at me with every word that they speak to me, and with ever lock of the eyes.

The paranoia stems from being put into a situation where I don't feel "secure/safe." Like working with co-workers at the job that I don't know but have to work with for hours on end. The paranoia can stem from just being put into a random conversation by someone who is just asking me a simple question.

Needless to say, I'm so immobilized by the impact it has on my psyche, that I become socially unable to function. Even if I appear to be functioning. But usually people can tell something is wrong because of the nervousness in my voice, and failing to complete what I want to say.

Jul 16, 2019 9:47 PM

#10

PantsuSenseiUwU

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Feb 2016

729

HopefulNihilist said:

PantsuSenseiUwU said:
I have a similar experience. For me talking to people has never been a problem. The issue comes in when there's a girl I have interest in. Then I totally avoid her at all costs and it seems like I'm avoiding them but in reality, I'm just at a loss for words. Those who have seen me around know I can go on and on. It's the same IRL. Not when there's a person I like.
I'll avoid them at all costs because I don't want to say the wrong thing but if you look at it, ignoring them isn't going to get me anywhere.

Prior to joining the forums on MAL, I lost most of the confidence I once had (due to becoming a neet after buying an expensive computer and isolating myself from most the outside world)

After joining and meeting tons of cool people, I was able to revert back to my old self. Then I started spamming the forums and now that I've been able to go back to the real world.
I've hardly had time to use MAL as much as I used to :( but thanks for getting rid of most my Social Anxiety MAL. The first month I was on the forums is the complete opposite of my 2nd month on the forums.

If you don't mind me asking, how did interacting with people online get rid of your social anxiety in real life? For me, socializing IRL vs online is different as night and day:
Online you don't need to worry about your body posture, facial expression (I'm often told my monotonous expression makes me look angry, even though I'm just nervous), and you can take your time to decide what to say.
In real life, you don't have those luxuries.

For me when I was first on the forums, I made a thread and my profile views went up but I got no responses. This was before i added anything to my forum sig and had mostly just basic text on my profile
my username was also dinoceros which doesn't stand out too much in my mind
i would post on forums and get no response. it was very discouraging because i thought people were judging me based on the anime I had watched.
then met tons of people who were really out there and they gave me the confidence to be myself and not care what others think (I have this problem IRL, that's why I try to make others laugh) If they laugh, I know at least they don't mind me. Being "funny" is probably my only strong suit.

“The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one, be one.”
― Nishan Panwar
8=D ~ O:

Jul 16, 2019 9:53 PM

#11

deg

Online

Jan 2009

92307

SuguChan said:

The paranoia stems from being put into a situation where I don't feel "secure/safe." Like working with co-workers at the job that I don't know but have to work with for hours on end. The paranoia can stem from just being put into a random conversation by someone who is just asking me a simple question.

workplace paranoia is a shitty feeling that makes you unable to have at least give 50% work productiveness and it makes the time so slow too lol and its worse on open spaces workplaces (talking in experience that resulted me unable to sustain jobs for long)

but hang in there

Jul 16, 2019 9:54 PM

#12

foscor70

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Feb 2017

2133

-Talking to girls outside of my family
-holding a conversion
-making meaningful friends

Jul 16, 2019 9:58 PM

#13

removed-user

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Jul 2018

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SuguChan said:

HopefulNihilist said:
If it's not too personnel a question, do you mind if I ask what kind of paranoia you feel when interacting with people? Like, what does the paranoia stem from?

It just feels threatening. Kind of like as if I was being put under trial. I kind of feel like the weakest link. Kind of like I'm standing out in a bad way, and that everyone can see right through me. And see everything that I hate about myself. All my insecurity and insincerity, is just reflected back at me with every word that they speak to me, and with ever lock of the eyes.

The paranoia stems from being put into a situation where I don't feel "secure/safe." Like working with co-workers at the job that I don't know but have to work with for hours on end. The paranoia can stem from just being put into a random conversation by someone who is just asking me a simple question.

Needless to say, I'm so immobilized by the impact it has on my psyche, that I become socially unable to function. Even if I appear to be functioning. But usually people can tell something is wrong because of the nervousness in my voice, and failing to complete what I want to say.

Dang. That's horrible. Your social anxiety seems to be a lot, LOT worse than mine. I think you should seek therapy.

deg said:

SuguChan said:

The paranoia stems from being put into a situation where I don't feel "secure/safe." Like working with co-workers at the job that I don't know but have to work with for hours on end. The paranoia can stem from just being put into a random conversation by someone who is just asking me a simple question.

workplace paranoia is a shitty feeling that makes you unable to have at least give 50% work productiveness and it makes the time so slow too lol and its worse on open spaces workplaces (talking in experience that resulted me unable to sustain jobs for long)

but hang in there

Funny enough, when I'm at work, my social anxiety is absolutely gone: as in, I'm there to work, nothing else, so I have to be as professional as possible, yet I don't feel pressured; I just feel like I'm in my zen mode.

SuguChan said:

It just feels threatening.

Dang. I'm shocked by the responses here. I only have mild social anxiety now. I forgot how severe others' social anxiety can be.
I think what may help with your social anxiety is if you remember: everyone is actually awkward to some degree. The difference between people like us (awkward) and them (who don't appear awkward) is that the latter is good at hiding it.
I highly recommend checking out Charisma on Command, a Youtube channel. They have helped me a LOT with social interactions for real life.

SuguChan said:
Kind of like I'm standing out in a bad way, and that everyone can see right through me.

Interesting. If you don't mind me asking, why do you feel as though you stand out in a bad way? Why do you feel as though people can see through you?

SuguChan said:
And see everything that I hate about myself. All my insecurity and insincerity, is just reflected back at me with every word that they speak to me, and with ever lock of the eyes.

People aren't as cruel as many of us think they are. There was a time when I thought others were judgmental, but it turned out, that was just the paranoia speaking to me.

removed-userJul 16, 2019 10:04 PM

Jul 16, 2019 10:37 PM

#14

ohml

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Oct 2018

1276

Social anxiety is really rough for me. I tend to either bottle everything up, trying not to cause a scene, or dramatically overshare. I don't know if it counts as social anxiety but I for real hide my mental illnesses very well, I try brushing away my awkwardness and stutters and such as being quirky and comedic but I fr am dying inside all of the time in public settings. Thinking about what I'm doing wrong and if people like me. I just hate it, it makes me feel like I have a lot of acquaintances but never any actual friends. I think I talk a lot, but I don't think many people are willing to invite me to their birthday party or get boba with them ya know?

When I'm at home I literally am just in my room the whole day. I come out to say hi to friends and family and then retreat upstairs, back to my "cave" is what they call it. Which kinda makes me more depressed, like that's kinda mean tbh lmao. Anyways, its kinda ironic, cus I think I overshared in this post lmao oops.

youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
73 6f 6d 65 74 68 69 6e 67 73 20 6f 64 64 20 61 62 6f 75 74 20 6d 79 20 70 72 6f 66 69 6c 65 0d 0a

Jul 17, 2019 1:45 AM

#15

comShiro

Offline

May 2017

63

I tend to overthink and ask myself if I'm annoying for the person I talk to. I can't control my breath and sometimes I start trembling or feeling like throwing up. That's the case with strangers.
But if I'm in a casual conversation with people I know I get a migraine in the worst case.

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Jul 17, 2019 2:24 AM

#16

Sandy_McTire

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Mar 2018

69

Social anxiety is very small for me, just don't like to initiate conversation. I can bounce it around, maintain eye contact and engage but just don't have much of an idea how to start it most of the time.

Source(s):
Dude trust me

Jul 17, 2019 2:53 AM

#17

Xstasy

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May 2019

3567

Social anxiety is usually caused by lack of confidence in something. And what is confidence you may ask it is a by product of success. So if your bad at doing something your going to feel social anxiety while doing it. The best way to elevate social anxiety is to either not to do the thing that your bad at or to simply get good at it.

Symptoms of social anxiety include but are not limited to:

- Fear of situations in which you may be judged
- Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
- Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
- Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
- Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such a blushing,
sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice
- Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
- Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention
- Having anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event
- Enduring a social situation with intense fear or anxiety
- Spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and
identifying flaws in your interactions
- Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a
social situation

Physical symptoms:
- Blushing
- Fast heartbeat
- Trembling
- Sweating
- Upset stomach or nausea
- Trouble catching your breath
- Dizziness or lightheadedness
- Feeling that your mind has gone blank
- Muscle tension

Jul 17, 2019 8:10 AM

#18

Chromephone

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Oct 2012

2105

Hard to describe... I usually feel fine when I'm talking to people irl, even strangers. It's easy for me to just be detached and joke around. But any sort of intimacy makes me deeply uncomfortable, and once I get home I start to become deeply paranoid and upset about interactions I've had with acquaintances.

ohml said:
Social anxiety is really rough for me. I tend to either bottle everything up, trying not to cause a scene, or dramatically overshare

Same with the oversharing... sometimes I'll say crazy personally shit like this to people I barely know... God it's so embarrassing. I'll overshare on mal all day but ugh i hate doing that irl.

ChromephoneJul 17, 2019 8:18 AM

Jul 17, 2019 8:35 AM

#19

removed-user

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Jul 2018

564612

deg said:
workplace paranoia is a shitty feeling that makes you unable to have at least give 50% work productiveness and it makes the time so slow too lol and its worse on open spaces workplaces (talking in experience that resulted me unable to sustain jobs for long)

but hang in there

Yeah, and what's worse is how everyone around me thinks I'm just exaggerating all the time whenever I say what I'm going through. Like not to blame game or anything, but because I suffer through each shift, my family just automatically thinks that it can't be 'that bad' of a problem to deal with. It's quite the opposite, every shift has been a complete nightmare, and I don't actually know how I'm able to do it considering how chronic the condition is.

That's so true, open spaces induce a lot more paranoia and slows down time, so that it seems that the paranoia will never end. I didn't realize just how much worse they could be compared to working in closed hours. The good news is, after tonight, I will be at a new location, and I will be working by myself, so I just have to endure one more night.

@HopefulNihilist I actually do have a therapist, although there's really only so much talk-therapy can do. I mean, being told that everything will work out is a nice fluffy feeling, but then when I enter into the paranoia, it's like those words just don't mean a hill of nothing anymore. I've also went the medication route, which I admit can help a bit if I'm on like higher dosages, but at the same time I feel really shitty on those higher mg's, so I just choose to stay on less medication and deal with the paranoia lol. (My down-time is 10x better on lower dosages.)

Also concerning why I think I stand out in a bad way and that people can see right through me, that's just an articulate way of detailing what "paranoia" feels like. It just feels like you don't fit in, and there is also a sense of confusion that comes along with it that denies how that reality should really be felt. It's kind of like the paranoia makes me feel like I'm hiding from something, but I don't actually know why I'm feeling this way, because I'm not actually hiding anything. To make more sense of why I feel this way, I've come to believe that the insecurity in me is just so overwhelmingly present, that it has given me an inferior complex when I'm around others. (Hence why I said I kind of feel like the weakest link) whenever I'm in the presence of others, and because communication doesn't come naturally to me, so I get really fucking nervous when it comes to being in conversations that almost demand my contribution to them.

Jul 17, 2019 8:36 AM

#20

removed-user

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Xstasy said:

- Fear of situations in which you may be judged
- Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself

I definitely have those.

Xstasy said:
- Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers

Talking to adults, I'm very comfortable with, but teenagers, or people my age, I do get a bit nervous. I think it's because I'm reminded of my younger days when my social anxiety was much worse.

Xstasy said:

- Fear that others will notice that you look anxious

I think I have this.

Xstasy said:

- Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a
social situation

I think I have this.

Jul 17, 2019 8:46 AM

#21

removed-user

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I'm pretty chill with people I know well, but if I don't, I'm feeling kinda stiff and nervous, because I overthink interactions and interpret many things other people said at night, before I fall to sleep. It took long to break the habit a little bit to read too much between the lines.
Also, I'm thankful, if others start the conversation. I'm good at small talk etc. but I become nervous, if people want to know the more private stuff very soon after I met them.

I had been much more nervous, when I thought people could expose me. Since I became more open-minded, I just admit to myself and sometimes others when I'm nervous. You can't expose stuff in first place, if you are not ashamed of it.
I'm feeling pretty comfortable for being myself since a few years and if I didn't do anything wrong at all, I started to give zero fucks about others judgments.

I'm bad at recognizing faces after one or two times I have seen time as well and there is this embarassing "do I know you...?"

Also, I hate presentations like the plague. My mind becomes absolutely blank there and I never found a good way to get rid off it. I just deal with it and not in the best ways. I try to share my knowledge, but it never became interesting or a pleasure to listen. I tripped at my final exams on the stage... like a bad slapstick movie. ._.

At the same time, I'm in a social field and I'm doing pretty good, when I take care of a small groups of kids. There, I also had to warm up, because at first I overthink stuff I'm saying to the kids in the first week.

HopefulNihilist said:

SuguChan said:
And see everything that I hate about myself. All my insecurity and insincerity, is just reflected back at me with every word that they speak to me, and with ever lock of the eyes.

People aren't as cruel as many of us think they are. There was a time when I thought others were judgmental, but it turned out, that was just the paranoia speaking to me.

Right. Many people don't even observe others in detail and won't judge everything you are doing.

Jul 17, 2019 8:57 AM

#22

removed-user

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@Maneki-Mew

Interesting. Then, to my understanding, your social anxiety stems more from overthinking what others are thinking? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Jul 17, 2019 10:27 AM

#23

removed-user

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HopefulNihilist said:
@Maneki-Mew

Interesting. Then, to my understanding, your social anxiety stems more from overthinking what others are thinking? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Mostly, I think.
I'm also getting little bit nervous, because it's sometimes a little bit too much information at once.

I have very, very good "social memory" too, besides not recognizing people I have seen for a short time. When I'm not regonizing them, it's because I focused on someone else this day, I guess.
Like, some people don't even remember stuff they said themselves, but I know they said this, like "you know, last summer in July, we were in this and that park, it started raining and you were talking about this stuff." Of course, I don't know the exact quotes for most chats, but at least I know what it had been about and I also remember their facial expression and gestures well / very well, it depends.
I overthink it after sometimes to make sure I interpret it in the right way.

It also often, in comparison how often it happened to others, ended like that I barely knew a person and they told me their whole life stories or what's in their head right now. Which is fine and all, but it sometimes happened then I made very depressive and suicidal friends, especially as teenager and I was not good at keeping emotional distance. I couldn't help one in the end, because he didn't want to change himself, although he did survive from what I have heard last time years ago.

Sometimes I feel like it's exhausting to recognize too much of this stuff and how people might feel around me.
I sometimes automatically asked "are you okay" and then thought one second later that they wanted to hide it for themselves. Still, I asked, because I recognized it very soon and did it automatically. Because it was uncomfortable for others, I stopped asking most times, but then, that wasn't okay either haha

I don't know how to describe it. I talked with one of my psychology profs about it once, because I'm just interested in it, he called it something like "hyper empathy" (I don't know, if there is a more correct translation in English), which is like ... the opposite of autism. Sounds dumb, but since you said you have some of these symptoms, I maybe can describe it like that.

From my experience, I think quite many people, who are working in the social field, get some kind of "social anxiety" by recognizing too much about others sometimes and by caring all the time, what others could mean by saying and doing this and that and trying to keep an emotional distance.
When someone just has a bad day, I sometimes have trouble to keep my good mood too, where I see that many others don't have this problem to the same point.
Of course, I also want to know what they think about me and when I recognize their impression might not be too good, the rest just can't deal with you, tho. But it's weird.

Anyway, then I need to recharge a while for myself, I think.

Jul 17, 2019 10:41 AM

#24

returntothenhk

Offline

Sep 2018

2031

at last, my time to shine

Social anxiety has been a problem for me tracking all the way back to middle school. It’s awful, I dreaded school because I’d have to be around people, lots of people, and I would be forced to make some sort of interaction some times. In middle school, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is now, but it declined rapidly. What started as a bad gut feeling every time I would finish talking to someone devolved into me becoming downright agoraphobic and trying to stay home as much as possible. It’s constant worry, over everything, what I’m saying, how I look, how my tone of voice is, how they’re reacting, how they feel, what if I offended them? what if this conversation isn’t getting anywhere and they think i’m weird and gross? i’m being annoying aren’t I? Oh god they’ve probably noticed all the cat hair on my shirt, dammit. Most of the time when I talk to people I’m unfamiliar with, I don’t even feel like I’m there, I can’t even focus on anything they’re saying. One of my biggest problems is eye contact, I absolutely can’t make eye contact. When I try to order food I’m shaky and stuttery and quiet. sometimes my throat will just close up midway through a sentence and I can’t speak. I worry and worry and worry about accidentally doing something embarrassing, and end up doing something embarrassing instead.
This is more with strangers, with people I’m familiar with the anxiety feels more like guilt, I worry if I didn’t please them or if I was annoying days after we even interacted. Doesn’t help that none of my friends or family have issues like this, so it’s hard for them to really understand sometimes. So really my (horrible) coping tactic was to avoid leaving home as much as possible
But luckily, there’s a little hope. I’ve had a professional diagnosis for social anxiety (and all of my other fucking mental issues) and I’m looking at my options to help me. I’ve tried a therapist (it didn’t work out. how am I supposed to get over my fear of talking to people...by talking to a person...I could barely open up and it was very scary) but I’m looking into maybe a different person I’ll be more comfortable with as well as medication. I hope something works though, at this rate I’ll be a recluse my whole life lmao
At least it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

returntothenhkJul 17, 2019 10:51 AM

Jul 17, 2019 10:49 AM

#25

removed-user

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Jul 2018

564612

SuguChan said:

deg said:
workplace paranoia is a shitty feeling that makes you unable to have at least give 50% work productiveness and it makes the time so slow too lol and its worse on open spaces workplaces (talking in experience that resulted me unable to sustain jobs for long)

but hang in there

Yeah, and what's worse is how everyone around me thinks I'm just exaggerating all the time whenever I say what I'm going through. Like not to blame game or anything, but because I suffer through each shift, my family just automatically thinks that it can't be 'that bad' of a problem to deal with. It's quite the opposite, every shift has been a complete nightmare, and I don't actually know how I'm able to do it considering how chronic the condition is.

That's so true, open spaces induce a lot more paranoia and slows down time, so that it seems that the paranoia will never end. I didn't realize just how much worse they could be compared to working in closed hours. The good news is, after tonight, I will be at a new location, and I will be working by myself, so I just have to endure one more night.

When you are saying you are not exaggerating, then you are not. They can't look into your head and know it better than you do yourself.

I hope, you will like it better and feel more comfortable there.

Jul 17, 2019 11:17 AM

#26

removed-user

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Jul 2018

564612

juiccbox said:
at last, my time to shine

Social anxiety has been a problem for me tracking all the way back to middle school. It’s awful, I dreaded school because I’d have to be around people, lots of people, and I would be forced to make some sort of interaction some times. In middle school, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is now, but it declined rapidly. What started as a bad gut feeling every time I would finish talking to someone devolved into me becoming downright agoraphobic and trying to stay home as much as possible. It’s constant worry, over everything, what I’m saying, how I look, how my tone of voice is, how they’re reacting, how they feel, what if I offended them? what if this conversation isn’t getting anywhere and they think i’m weird and gross? i’m being annoying aren’t I? Oh god they’ve probably noticed all the cat hair on my shirt, dammit. Most of the time when I talk to people I’m unfamiliar with, I don’t even feel like I’m there, I can’t even focus on anything they’re saying. One of my biggest problems is eye contact, I absolutely can’t make eye contact. When I try to order food I’m shaky and stuttery and quiet. sometimes my throat will just close up midway through a sentence and I can’t speak. I worry and worry and worry about accidentally doing something embarrassing, and end up doing something embarrassing instead.
This is more with strangers, with people I’m familiar with the anxiety feels more like guilt, I worry if I didn’t please them or if I was annoying days after we even interacted. Doesn’t help that none of my friends or family have issues like this, so it’s hard for them to really understand sometimes. So really my (horrible) coping tactic was to avoid leaving home as much as possible
But luckily, there’s a little hope. I’ve had a professional diagnosis for social anxiety (and all of my other fucking mental issues) and I’m looking at my options to help me. I’ve tried a therapist (it didn’t work out. how am I supposed to get over my fear of talking to people...by talking to a person...I could barely open up and it was very scary) but I’m looking into maybe a different person I’ll be more comfortable with as well as medication. I hope something works though, at this rate I’ll be a recluse my whole life lmao
At least it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

Here's something I try that a family member recommended me. I'm not kidding when I say this:
Imagine other people as 5 year olds. Again, I'm not kidding. I think people with social anxiety like me are less nervous around little kids. So if we imagine older people as 5 year olds, that may help, even a little bit.

Jul 17, 2019 11:29 AM

#27

v_max

Offline

Jun 2019

135

KaRMuH said:
that's pretty common, and it definitely sounds like you're a natural introvert. that said, with enough social interaction, you can break free from the issues. u do have to be consistent though, otherwise you will go back to your natural ways.

i'm sure there's plenty of people at your school like that too, so maybe they would be good people to practice with.

good luck.

Seconded.
Social anxiety affected me in the same way as is for OP.
I had similar issues but got over them by changing myself steadily over a year(this was like 5-6 years ago).I won't say it's completely gone as I still have a bit of inferiority complex.The thing that helped was a change in the environment and new people(when i changed schools) which gave me an opportunity to present a 'new' me.But, ultimately the new setting was only a catalyst and it depends highly on how you want to present yourself as.

Jul 17, 2019 11:38 AM

#28

v_max

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Jun 2019

135

KaRMuH said:

yeah. it'll never be completely gone because it's genetic. you can learn to manage it through repetition. also most people start caring less as they age, so that helps too lol

Interestingly though I spent a year in a boarding cram school where we all stayed in one big dormitory.I was one of the top performers from the beginning and since everyone's main goal was to just focus on clearing the examinations it made socializing very easy.
That was one exceptional time where I was completely devoid of any presence of social anxiety.

Jul 17, 2019 11:42 AM

#29

RobinTK

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Jan 2016

1620

- When talking to girls, I try to keep my sentences minimal and I try to get out of the situation ASAP.
- When having a conversation I never look into their eyes.
- I always try to find a solution without people, so I don't have to interact with them.

Jul 17, 2019 11:54 AM

#30

removed-user

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Jul 2018

564612

not doing the things you want to do, and every time a little part of you dies.

Jul 17, 2019 11:54 AM

#31

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HopefulNihilist said:
There have been threads asking people if they have social anxiety, but I haven't seen any threads asking people what social anxiety is like for them.

For me, social anxiety makes many social interactions, particularly talking to pretty girls my age, feel like a test: I feel as though every movement, every word I say, will be judged, and if I just fuck up even in one area, any chance I have with becoming friends with that person, regardless of gender, is over.

This speaks to me a lot. If an interaction is going well, there’s always this fear sitting in the back of my mind that I’ll somehow fuck it all up. It really does affect how I interact with people and it has made me reach out less to others over the years.

Jul 17, 2019 12:05 PM

#32

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Honey_Flash said:

HopefulNihilist said:
There have been threads asking people if they have social anxiety, but I haven't seen any threads asking people what social anxiety is like for them.

For me, social anxiety makes many social interactions, particularly talking to pretty girls my age, feel like a test: I feel as though every movement, every word I say, will be judged, and if I just fuck up even in one area, any chance I have with becoming friends with that person, regardless of gender, is over.

This speaks to me a lot. If an interaction is going well, there’s always this fear sitting in the back of my mind that I’ll somehow fuck it all up. It really does affect how I interact with people and it has made me reach out less to others over the years.

In my case, I'm not so much as afraid to reach out to others, so much as I'm too lazy. I find social interaction to, in a lot of cases, to be tiring: trying to figure out what to say, how to keep the conversation going. I think I need to remember the tips that Charisma On Command have taught me more.

Jul 17, 2019 12:05 PM

#33

_-_Sally_-_

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Jun 2014

22470

I had really bad social anxiety back in high school, because I hated being around large crowds of people.

I'm much better today, although I discovered it wasn't really large crowds that were bothering me that much all along. It was "Young People" that I hated being around, and that hasn't changed to this day. If I see someone who looks like they're under 40, I'll generally try to avoid them. Every time I see a young person in public laughing, I always assume that they must be laughing at me, even though they're not. I thought that young people were weird enough when I was a teenager, but I find young people even worse today.

Jul 17, 2019 12:08 PM

#34

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KaRMuH said:
that's pretty common, and it definitely sounds like you're a natural introvert.

I think you hit the mark with me just mainly being a natural introvert. According to what I've learned in psychology, introverts desire less social stimulation than extroverts.

KaRMuH said:
that said, with enough social interaction, you can break free from the issues. u do have to be consistent though, otherwise you will go back to your natural ways.

What do you mean by I need to be consistent? As in, I need to keep socializing?

KaRMuH said:
i'm sure there's plenty of people at your school like that too, so maybe they would be good people to practice with.

Well, the good news, is that I'm joining a creative writing club when the Fall semester starts. It's hard to socialize with people at school, because we're constantly doing classwork. The break times in between classes is very short.

KaRMuH said:
good luck.

Thank you.
To answer the age question, I'm 20.

Seiya said:
I had really bad social anxiety back in high school, because I hated being around large crowds of people.

I'm much better today, although I discovered it wasn't really large crowds that were bothering me that much all along. It was "Young People" that I hated being around, and that hasn't changed to this day. If I see someone who looks like they're under 40, I'll generally try to avoid them. Every time I see a young person in public laughing, I always assume that they must be laughing at me, even though they're not. I thought that young people were weird enough when I was a teenager, but I find young people even worse today.

LOL! I feel exactly the same, except I hate teenage boys for how obnoxious and immature they are.

Jul 17, 2019 12:25 PM

#35

removed-user

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KaRMuH said:

v_max said:

Interestingly though I spent a year in a boarding cram school where we all stayed in one big dormitory.I was one of the top performers from the beginning and since everyone's main goal was to just focus on clearing the examinations it made socializing very easy.
That was one exceptional time where I was completely devoid of any presence of social anxiety.

that is interesting. and ur right, it can be gone in certain situations so i exaggerated a bit. the genes are still there though, assuming it's a genetic problem, which it likely is. the big five personality traits is something interesting to read about and it will help you understand yourself better.

"Twin studies and other research have shown that about half of the variation between individuals results from their genetics and half from their environments."

that's regarding the personality traits

Almost every trait is both, nature and nurture. That's pretty clear by now and there are dozens of studies of all kind of traits, also physical ones like height and weight.

I think, it depends on where your anxiety stems from.
I will always be little more introverted than extroverted and feel exhausted from too much interaction, but when my self-confidence was lower, I had been more nervous as well (naturally).
If it comes from low self-confidence alone you might get rid off it. If there is a strong genetic component, you might keep some of these traits.

removed-userJul 17, 2019 12:28 PM

Jul 17, 2019 12:40 PM

#36

returntothenhk

Offline

Sep 2018

2031

HopefulNihilist said:

juiccbox said:
at last, my time to shine

Social anxiety has been a problem for me tracking all the way back to middle school. It’s awful, I dreaded school because I’d have to be around people, lots of people, and I would be forced to make some sort of interaction some times. In middle school, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is now, but it declined rapidly. What started as a bad gut feeling every time I would finish talking to someone devolved into me becoming downright agoraphobic and trying to stay home as much as possible. It’s constant worry, over everything, what I’m saying, how I look, how my tone of voice is, how they’re reacting, how they feel, what if I offended them? what if this conversation isn’t getting anywhere and they think i’m weird and gross? i’m being annoying aren’t I? Oh god they’ve probably noticed all the cat hair on my shirt, dammit. Most of the time when I talk to people I’m unfamiliar with, I don’t even feel like I’m there, I can’t even focus on anything they’re saying. One of my biggest problems is eye contact, I absolutely can’t make eye contact. When I try to order food I’m shaky and stuttery and quiet. sometimes my throat will just close up midway through a sentence and I can’t speak. I worry and worry and worry about accidentally doing something embarrassing, and end up doing something embarrassing instead.
This is more with strangers, with people I’m familiar with the anxiety feels more like guilt, I worry if I didn’t please them or if I was annoying days after we even interacted. Doesn’t help that none of my friends or family have issues like this, so it’s hard for them to really understand sometimes. So really my (horrible) coping tactic was to avoid leaving home as much as possible
But luckily, there’s a little hope. I’ve had a professional diagnosis for social anxiety (and all of my other fucking mental issues) and I’m looking at my options to help me. I’ve tried a therapist (it didn’t work out. how am I supposed to get over my fear of talking to people...by talking to a person...I could barely open up and it was very scary) but I’m looking into maybe a different person I’ll be more comfortable with as well as medication. I hope something works though, at this rate I’ll be a recluse my whole life lmao
At least it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

Here's something I try that a family member recommended me. I'm not kidding when I say this:
Imagine other people as 5 year olds. Again, I'm not kidding. I think people with social anxiety like me are less nervous around little kids. So if we imagine older people as 5 year olds, that may help, even a little bit.

Maybe I’ll give that a whirl, it’s just a little hard since physically they aren’t. But I appreciate that thank you

Jul 17, 2019 12:57 PM

#37

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KaRMuH said:
[yeah. i said it's both. however, when you have problems like these, most of the time genetics will be the root cause. also, having low or high self-confidence can be due to genetics as well, especially due to neuroticism, one of the big five personality traits.

Well yeah, I know them, but neuroticism can show itself in other ways too.
I know that and I know that also other mental issues and illnesses have genetic components, but your childhood and also the self-confidence of your parents, play a big role in it. In the first years, you build up your basic sense of trust in others and yourself. Also, if you see that your parents suffer from low self-confidence, you won't learn a lot of stuff from them in your early life. I know that from my mother. She always had trouble to communicate with and talk to others, I had to learn this from my older sister and on my own.

Jul 17, 2019 1:05 PM

#38

Sawilagar

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Mar 2014

680

It's like going through life where everyone else has a script except you so every social situation is a bad case of stage freight.

“Loddfafnir, listen to my counsel: You will fare well if you follow it, It will help you much if you heed it. If aware that another is wicked, say so: Make no truce or treaty with foes.” - Havamal 127

Jul 17, 2019 1:24 PM

#39

removed-user

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Sawilagar said:
It's like going through life where everyone else has a script except you so every social situation is a bad case of stage freight.

Very interesting comparison.

KaRMuH said:

HopefulNihilist said:

I think you hit the mark with me just mainly being a natural introvert. According to what I've learned in psychology, introverts desire less social stimulation than extroverts.

What do you mean by I need to be consistent? As in, I need to keep socializing?

Well, the good news, is that I'm joining a creative writing club when the Fall semester starts. It's hard to socialize with people at school, because we're constantly doing classwork. The break times in between classes is very short.

Thank you.
To answer the age question, I'm 20.

LOL! I feel exactly the same, except I hate teenage boys for how obnoxious and immature they are.

yeah, consistent as in you need to keep socializing. if you do it enough, you will be able to control the symptoms better. it's weird how it works. it just happens really, kinda like learning something new. similar to learning new info, if you don't continue using it(or socializing), you will lose it and go back to your natural ways. we are very habitual in other words

The creative writing club I'm going to be attending to will be once a week. Other than that, I doubt I'll have time to socialize IRL, so hopefully that'll be enough?

Jul 17, 2019 1:25 PM

#40

FacelessVixen

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Aug 2009

11170

Enough to hold back on saying certain things and give off that general "leave me alone" vibe, but not enough to actually want to be left alone seven times out of ten.

Jul 17, 2019 1:35 PM

#41

removed-user

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KaRMuH said:
unless you're managing your time extremely poorly.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I have a lot homework, yes, but the problem with me, is that I do like 30 minutes of it, then take a break for 20 minutes. Until September, I have to go to work twice a week too. Alright. I'll try to finish homework faster then.
Thank you.

FacelessVixen said:
Enough to hold back on saying certain things and give off that general "leave me alone" vibe, but not enough to actually want to be left alone seven times out of ten.

It sounds a bit more like you don't want to socialize, rather than having social anxiety. At least, your social anxiety seems to be less worse than mine.

Jul 17, 2019 4:54 PM

#42

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KaRMuH said:

Maneki-Mew said:

Well yeah, I know them, but neuroticism can show itself in other ways too.
I know that and I know that also other mental issues and illnesses have genetic components, but your childhood and also the self-confidence of your parents, play a big role in it. In the first years, you build up your basic sense of trust in others and yourself. Also, if you see that your parents suffer from low self-confidence, you won't learn a lot of stuff from them in your early life. I know that from my mother. She always had trouble to communicate with and talk to others, I had to learn this from my older sister and on my own.

the genetics play a far bigger role. even PTSD is highly related to genetics. they researched people who came back from war and noticed people of higher intelligence (which is about 80% genetic in adulthood) are much less likely to experience PTSD. so although the environment can play a large role, it still comes mainly down to genetics. it sucks but thats how life is

Yes I know, although it's not only genetics, when women experiencing a lot of stress, while they are pregnant, the high level of cortisol etc influence the embryo's brain development a lot.
Good thing is, while you can't change all of your brain anatomy and your "core personality", it's really plastically formable and many people still have realistic chances to learn new behaviors. It's more rough for some people than for others, but it's possible.
I know you said the same thing, but I didn't read that the genetics play such big parts like 80 %.
Also, it's more the ability of resilience and not the chance to suffer from PTSD, if I'm right?
I'd seriously love to read that since neurobiology and psychology are my study fields, if you know where you got it from.

removed-userJul 18, 2019 2:14 AM

Jul 17, 2019 5:05 PM

#43

Damuzen

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Sep 2017

3071

Talking to someone is kinda difficult and stressful for me because I'm not the kind of person who talks a lot, so I couldn't keep up with a conversation, it's like being constantly under pressure because you have to think about the answer you're going to give to your interlocutor

that's funny because when I'm comfortable with someone, I tend to get, instead, kinda talkative

So I guess I just have to force myself to act normal and to be myself even in front of strangers

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Jul 17, 2019 9:13 PM

#44

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Maneki-Mew said:
When you are saying you are not exaggerating, then you are not. They can't look into your head and know it better than you do yourself.

I hope, you will like it better and feel more comfortable there.

Got through it, and found the paranoia and trouble just getting my words out became less difficult when I left the other group and re-grouped with one of my managers that I know better. Found that I was only mildly uncomfortable, but not enough to even be bothered by it. Hmm left me thinking that my social paranoia is worse 'depending' on the people I'm interacting with.

Started the new location last night. I love it much better! :D

Jul 17, 2019 9:58 PM

#45

wrape

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Mar 2018

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I fart and shit my pants involuntarily

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Jul 18, 2019 2:23 AM

#46

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KaRMuH said:

Maneki-Mew said:

Yes I know, although it's not only genetics, when women experiecing a lot stress, while they are pregnant, the high level of cortisol etc influence the embryo's brain development a lot.
Good thing is, while you can't change all of your brain anatomy and your "core personality", it's really plastically formable and many people still have realistic chances to learn new behaviors. It's more rough for some people than for others, but it's possible.
I know you said the same thing, but I didn't read that the genetics play such big parts like 80 %.
Also, it's more the ability of resilience and not the chance to suffer from PTSD, if I'm right?
I'd seriously love to read that since neurobiology and psychology are my study fields, if you know where you got it from.

Yes... Intelligence is around 80% genetic in adulthood, some studies showing up to 90%. This is all common knowledge and can be found from numerous sources. You can say whatever you want but you already said numerous things that were false and there's no point in talking about this anymore. Also, what I said about PTSD stands true, there's no need to explain it further. If you want to learn more about the specific situation I was talking about, you're going to have to look it up. Intelligence, which is almost completely genetic, was the key predictor of PTSD when coming back from war. I don't care if you don't believe me lol. The study can be found online somewhere and I'm not gonna search for it for you

Well then. I know I didn't say anything wrong, since I got that from my own lectures and reliable papers. But you do your do. If you want to be impolite and basically say "no lol, I'm not showing you this", that's not my business.

SuguChan said:

Maneki-Mew said:
When you are saying you are not exaggerating, then you are not. They can't look into your head and know it better than you do yourself.

I hope, you will like it better and feel more comfortable there.

Got through it, and found the paranoia and trouble just getting my words out became less difficult when I left the other group and re-grouped with one of my managers that I know better. Found that I was only mildly uncomfortable, but not enough to even be bothered by it. Hmm left me thinking that my social paranoia is worse 'depending' on the people I'm interacting with.

Started the new location last night. I love it much better! :D

Good to hear. ^^
So when you are knowing people better, you feel more comfortable? Seems reasonable.

Jul 18, 2019 4:07 AM

#47

PrimeX

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Jul 2013

8935

People have been throwing these words around that they have lost its real meaning. "I'm really shy and not good with social interactions, = must be social anxiety like google says" If you're not properly diagnosed with something chances are you don't have it in the first place.

Jul 18, 2019 7:37 AM

#48

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PrimeX said:
People have been throwing these words around that they have lost its real meaning. "I'm really shy and not good with social interactions, = must be social anxiety like google says" If you're not properly diagnosed with something chances are you don't have it in the first place.

I've been to therapy and psychiatrists a lot over the years.

Jul 18, 2019 8:14 AM

#49

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Maneki-Mew said:
Good to hear. ^^
So when you are knowing people better, you feel more comfortable? Seems reasonable.

Yes, that seems to be the case. Like my manager and I just feel more relaxed and able to talk confidently/honestly, but while working with the other team, the confidence/honest communication was just not there, which lead me to feeling out of place and socially paranoid/anxious.

Jul 18, 2019 3:04 PM

#50

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I openly and honestly admit that I suffer from quite severe social anxiety for my age (especially more so during the summer months whenever the school summer holidays start up for almost 2 whole months straight), so much so that it can really ruin my day at times and I remain a complete and utter shut-in the entire time, only ever choosing to venture outdoors occasionally, such as to go up the road to our local shops for the newspaper and a few food bits and back again >_<

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