| Before you scream "REEEEEEEEEEE IT'S NOT MANGA IF IT'S NOT IN JAPANESE"; I actually wrote a Japanese-language version first and put it on pixv so kiss it. xD In simple terms, this is an Angels of Death doujinshi series That's all I have done so far but it's challenging yet fun and I think I'm improving with each page. I really had no idea how to draw a school before. xD (and yeah, I research as much as I can.) |
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| Pretty good. A lot of the environments are kind of flat (school looks great!) but that may be just be your particular style. Research and reference is key. I'm working on a manga that takes place in America and I've downloaded countless skylines and town pictures to develop my setting. |
valce said: A lot of the environments are kind of flat Ugh....are they? Do you have advice for that? Should I add more shadows or texture or...both? lol (school looks great!) It took many hours. xD Research and reference is key. I'm working on a manga that takes place in America and I've downloaded countless skylines and town pictures to develop my setting. Any particular American city? I hate drawing cities. I already tried it once years ago and lol I haaate it. Took three days. THREE. |
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Ugh....are they? Do you have advice for that? Should I add more shadows or texture or...both? lol Texture. I mean, not every manga is detail-oriented but it gives the art a sense of depth :) Any particular American city? I hate drawing cities. I already tried it once years ago and lol I haaate it. Took three days. THREE. Haha, I know the feeling. I'm actually basing mine off the town in Virginia I grew up in; a small, suburban bedroom town. I haven't even finished one page and the hours I put into it is ridiculous. |
| good for a third attempt, but like someone else said, you could probably do with making the backgrounds a bit more alive/interesting. |
AnimeFreak-San said: is this a male gender issure...human issue...mental illness perhaps? |
| Looks pretty fine if you're aiming for that romance genre type but here's something you can improve on, Shot composition and angle, people who just started making comics always have this same deal, there's often a shot where the characters are still and felt like static. Just a minor one though i know romance don't have that much movement in them hence why most experienced artist tends to focus on a different angle or different body parts to focus on. But it helps you when dealing with a scene where the character moves a lot. Also studying about anatomy should be helpful for you if you want to improve more. The use of the background indicating how the situation felt seems pretty fine The background itself however seems heavily relying on line tools, which is understandable for convenience sake but if you want to make it more realistic i suggest taking practice about cross hatching and look more for real life place just to increase your set pieces As for the title, the text on the bottom of the chapter still seems a bit difficult to see, maybe up the white outer glow a bit unless that is your goal to hide the title there. |
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u-uhhhaa sooo uhmm... I really like that start of the story, got me hooked kinda fast >^< For the drawings, I like the looks of the characters, I feel like the environment looks a little off, but other than that I'm a little hyped to see how this will progress >/////<) |
  The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don’t wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did. |
| @Akhdas: that's a very helpful critque, thanks. STRAIGHT LINES ARE MY ENEMY. xD I really can't draw them at all rip. So I do use the line tool a lot. Cross hatching...in this context I am unfamiliar with but I will look into it. @zyon: You're too sweet! I'm very glad you're hooked already! THat means a lot. ^_^ And cute avatar; I know that artist from pixv; love their work ♥ About backgrounds This is a scene that happens later on. I pretty much put my sweat, blood, and tears into it because I wanted to be dramatic I think it boils down to "I can do it when I'm really into the mood". But it can be hard to be passionate about every single scene, particularly when nothing that exciting is going on. |
ChiibiMar 20, 2019 8:38 PM
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| I actually despised this anime but I'm intrigued to see where this goes! Excited for more! I don't really have any advice since I don't make doujins myself, or really anything of that nature. But keep up the good work, you can only improve ^^ |
Chiibi said: @Akhdas: that's a very helpful critque, thanks. STRAIGHT LINES ARE MY ENEMY. xD I really can't draw them at all rip. So I do use the line tool a lot. Cross hatching...in this context I am unfamiliar with but I will look into it. @zyon: You're too sweet! I'm very glad you're hooked already! THat means a lot. ^_^ And cute avatar; I know that artist from pixv; love their work ♥ About backgrounds This is a scene that happens later on. I pretty much put my sweat, blood, and tears into it because I wanted to be dramatic I think it boils down to "I can do it when I'm really into the mood". But it can be hard to be passionate about every single scene, particularly when nothing that exciting is going on. What are those shadows thingy placed on the fence and on the road, i thought it was shadow but it seems a bit off because it looks like you just put a brush and just wiggle it around the area. |
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| Lol it is the characters' shadows...but now that you mention it, the angle is off. sometimes I don't notice mistakes until like a lot later oof |
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| Oh no wonder why the same edgyness of the manga struck as the same as that series... Very well drawn in my opinion.... |
_Ako_ said: Oh no wonder why the same edgyness of the manga struck as the same as that series... AHAHAHA I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. (Sorta kidding; I want to put in a nice balance of darkness and heart-warming fluff :) Very well drawn in my opinion.... Thanks. :D |
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Chiibi said: _Ako_ said: Oh no wonder why the same edgyness of the manga struck as the same as that series... AHAHAHA I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. (Sorta kidding; I want to put in a nice balance of edginess and heart-warming fluff :) Very well drawn in my opinion.... Thanks. :D No, what I meant is the opening panel that you put reminded me of the series itself, which very much added in complement of the manga you put. Manga out to have that feeling of sort. I honestly doubt you'd have a balance of edgyness and heat-warming stuff in this doujinshi but well creativity is not within the bounds of human perception |
_Ako_ said: No, what I meant is the opening panel that you put reminded me of the series itself, which very much added in complement of the manga you put. Manga out to have that feeling of sort. Oh good! Thanks for the compliment. I honestly doubt you'd have a balance of edgyness and heat-warming stuff in this doujinshi but well creativity is not within the bounds of human perception A lot of my favorite anime/manga have this balance, actually. The basic plotline for this story is this: Which is why I named the series 'Angels of Loneliness'. |
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| Gah, I finally managed to update after nearly a month. I was doing con stuff though and totally not writing ANOTHER ZackRay AU or anything. Cathy is a THOT. Lol |
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| I think this is amazing! Honestly! I can't imagine the amount of time, focus and work you put into this! I bet your hand and eyes are very nearly killing you by the time you finish a single panel. VERY well done. I really liked your dramatic scene with the water and city in the background! Bravo!! How much have you done? You said this is your third attempt, right? Have you completed an entire volume yet or just these panels here? So impressive. |
OliviaEastApr 24, 2019 8:59 PM
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| I hope this doesn't sound back-handed but it's a really awesome start! I can tell that as you continue doing more that you're going to be able to make some really amazing stuff :) |
| @OliviaEast: Thank you!! ♥ hehe well, it's not as bad as all that....at least for the simple panels. Ones with backgrounds can be challenging though. By "third attempt", I meant I've tried to put other manga online before...but I gradually abandoned them. I have a horrible habit of not finishing things! I don't think I'm gonna abandon this though! It's planned out from start to finish, in novel format, at least. My room is filled with unfinished projects. Pages and pages and pages but they're just rough drafts at best. I probably have over 12 binders now just stuffed with drawings! @SleepSounds: Thanks so much ♥ |
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| Maybe this is a random detail, but I really like the shot of the MC reaching at the camera. It feels very dynamic and flows well. |
Chiibi said: By "third attempt", I meant I've tried to put other manga online before...but I gradually abandoned them. I have a horrible habit of not finishing things! I don't think I'm gonna abandon this though! It's planned out from start to finish, in novel format, at least. I totally get that! Please keep going though! You gotta finish! You can do it. :) |
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| Avoid using the line tool so much in general Try using the fill tool instead of filling in the top part of the eyes and for other parts where you fill in a section, since it looks messy. Like the mouth in one of the parts, where there's still a bit of white. Make sure for the typesetting that the words aren't right next to the box. Practice the backgrounds. For the hair in the "I'll try my best to smile", it could've been better outlined, since there's two lines on top of each other. Overall, great work. I draw too except I can't bring myself to make a doujinshi or manga for that matter since it's so much work. |
  Life has no meaning, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't live it  |
| @NthDegree: Oh thank you! That's what I really wanted to capture with that panel so I'm really glad you said that! NEVER be too shy to say "I like this random thing"; those little things are REALLY important to artists. ♥ @OliviaEast: Thanks for your support! I plan to! :) @TuryuriOwO: Noted. It's not too much work when it's only a page or two per week....but for the Shounen Jump authors TO DRAW 20 PAGES IN THAT TIME SLOT, I CAN'T IMAGINE. ......they have assistants though. Must be nice. xD still that is a LOT of drawing My favorite author goes for hand massages three times a month. She's crazy. New page! Lilies are hard to draw...but I didn't want to use a brush. xD I've found out I really like shading with black. :) |
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Chiibi said: @NthDegree: Oh thank you! That's what I really wanted to capture with that panel so I'm really glad you said that! NEVER be too shy to say "I like this random thing"; those little things are REALLY important to artists. ♥ @OliviaEast: Thanks for your support! I plan to! :) @TuryuriOwO: Noted. It's not too much work when it's only a page or two per week....but for the Shounen Jump authors TO DRAW 20 PAGES IN THAT TIME SLOT, I CAN'T IMAGINE. ......they have assistants though. Must be nice. xD still that is a LOT of drawing My favorite author goes for hand massages three times a month. She's crazy. New page! Lilies are hard to draw...but I didn't want to use a brush. xD I've found out I really like shading with black. :) Are you using Clip Studio Paint? |
Nope, just Photoshop CS2. Pretty old software lol |
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Ah, I was gonna say CSP has tons of materials to use for manga & stuff. You can even get materials & assets published by other users easily. |
zagzee said: [ Ah, I was gonna say CSP has tons of materials to use for manga & stuff. You can even get materials & assets published by other users easily. SO I'VE HEARD. xD If it's not too expensive, I may look into it. I'm just poor at the moment. xD |
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that's ancientttt... in highschool i had a friend who was a manga artist and he used gimp. I'm more of a action comedy person myself: Have you read Spy X Family? It, is, HILARIOUS. https://mangaplus.shueisha.co.jp/titles/100056 I guess my tips are: "Perfection is Achieved Not When There Is Nothing More to Add, But When There Is Nothing Left to Take Away" and "show and not tell" e.g less is more I'm not sure what the waking up and bird scene communicates... if any how it makes me see her as an angel/princess. Arguably you coulda establish she goes to school, is hated and is lonely, straight off the bat starting at school by having no one sit next to her, everyone staring and keeping a distance when walking the hallways, and etc... but the dream scene would need to be a daydream.. maybe staring out the window or something? meh, im sure you know what you're doing though since this is your 3rd attempt so don't take me too seriously lol. Great artwork! Anyways, it's hard to judge too much without more info like why she's being stared at and why she's being hated, considered not normal and etc. |
jesteri said: that's ancientttt... in highschool i had a friend who was a manga artist and he used gimp. I KNOW. I HAVE ALSO USED GIMP. xD I'm more of a action comedy person myself: Have you read Spy X Family? It, is, HILARIOUS. I haven't but I'll check it out. :3 I'm not sure what the waking up and bird scene communicates... if any how it makes me see her as an angel/princess. Ray is one of the (non-literal) "angels" in "Angels of Loneliness" so that's intentional. Her fondness of the bird is just a call-back to the original 'Angels of Death" series Ray is from, so that's just a tidbit for the fans who remember it. :D the dream scene would need to be a daydream.. maybe staring out the window or something? While that is a good point, it won't exactly work in this case... Great artwork! Thanks :3 Anyways, it's hard to judge too much without more info like why she's being stared at and why she's being hated, considered not normal and etc. We will get there within the next two pages... |
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yeah, sorry, ignore everything i said wayy too early to critique, :9 you know wot you're doing. GO GO GO!! Work like a mangka! Speaking of which, have you ever read/heard of Bakuman? |
jesteriMay 3, 2019 10:56 PM
| Looking good! Cute style. I really like the layout of your panels, very mangalike. Especially the first page or so, very intriguing. And the writing is really cool as well so far, looking forward to seeing how this all develops. Also respect for you for actually knowing Japanese and publishing on pixiv if you're gonna call your work a manga. Here are some simple tips that might give your style a more professional feel. First of all, I would recommend against using gradients for the bells on her head. It contrasts with your own style and makes her look a bit inorganic. Some simple shading with some thin lines would look great. I would also strongly recommend against coloring with such blurry lines in the future. I promise your coloring will look much more professional if you go with solid lines. Think of it like this, shading with mostly blurred lines only really works if you're going to do extremely detailed coloring. Otherwise everything appears to have an unnatural texture. Coloring well with solid lines is a million times easier and will also make your art look more like a professional manga. A minor recommendation that I think could go a long way would be to outline your character with a thicker line, and detail her face and stuff with the thinner lines you've been using. If you do that and keep the line sizes consistent it will give your art a stronger sense of cohesiveness. This is a not so simple recommendation, but the single best thing you could ever do for yourself as a manga artist is to study anatomy. By that I just mean looking at pictures of various poses and drawing them. I'm sure you've already done this some, but I would recommend the incredible website posemaniacs . It taught me so much. You've clearly got a strong natural sense of anatomy which is excellent but drawing proper anatomy is insanely complicated and your absolute best friend as a manga artist. Anyway really cool so far, looking forward to reading more :] |
ChromephoneMay 4, 2019 6:17 PM
| I purposely waited til I had a good chunk of pages done to post again since you'll get some answers now. :D .......so yeah, this is getting a little twisted. xD But I mean, I don't think I'm leading anybody on that would be otherwise. It's still Angels of Death. If anyone is worried that her teacher is a rapist: @simonephone: I'm always worrying about my anatomy so it's a relief to hear you say that. xD Thank you for the ref website. I've filed it under my bookmarks. The next character I will introduce moves around A LOT so I'm definitely going to need it! Things I have learned from drawing these pages: 1. CLASSROOMS F*CKING SUCK. I hate drawing desks. I hate drawing chairs. I hate drawing background people who aren't important. I now have immense respect for all manga that take place in schools. Just damn. 2. Background people are easier to draw if you volunteer to put friends' OCs in them. Also, your friends will be happy over it. :D 3. Try to ink everything by hand. 4. The selection tool is best for filling small spaces. 5. Shading in solid blacks/grays is better than putting the layers on 'Multiply'. 6. Using graph paper for straight line drawings is ideal. Can't believe I didn't think of this before. |
ChiibiMay 25, 2019 9:11 AM
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| Update! I'm really not skilled at creepy stuff...but I think I'm doing all right with this. :D WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING TO DRAW HER BLACK CHOKER I'M SO DAMN STUPID. |
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| I think your art style is cute and you are able to pull off manga elements/effects well, like use of screentones/raster. Keep on drawing and please continue this. I do have few critiques, while your understanding of anatomy and proportions is good there are moments when there are small anatomy mistakes. I think studying more human body's movement and just some parts at one time would improve it. Other I notice is how light/shadows and lines don't help to "build" 3d image. I did small over drawing if that would help to understand what I mean. Ignore things that you did on purpose, my own art style isn't very shoujo-like. So yeah what my eyes focused on was on her shoulders and arm positions. Her right shoulder is sloping and looks like she doesn't have one while left side is more broad. Her left hand was hard one tho and probably I didn't get it correctly... But how her sleeve was drawn made it look like her arm would go behind her and not next to her. These are minor things but if you consider them in future I think your work will improve :) |
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| I personally think it’s decently well-drawn, and stylistically interesting. I think that much is enough, since a manga can be good without stellar art (see Mob Psycho 100). The backgrounds, like many have said, do feel somehow flat, but I’m not so good at backgrounds myself yet, so the only bit of advice I can offer is, in the panel when she’s putting on her shoes, the perspective of the floor tiles doesn’t match the perspective of the camera. The tiles that are farther away aren’t drawn like they’re farther away, and vice versa with the ones that are closer. One thing would like to point out that I didn’t see anyone mentioning was panel composition. You do a very good job of keeping the panels varied in shape, size, and the way they’re laid out, which helps in keeping the pacing moving along (in some ways better than I do). Stylistically your panel composition feels reminiscent to a shoujo manga, which... oddly fits what you seem to be going for. There was one point, however, where the boundaries of the panels ended up confusing me a little, which caused a break in the pacing. On the page where she leaves her house, I couldn’t tell at first which order I was supposed to read the panels. At first glance, I saw the top-right panel, then immediately went left to the third panel, only to realize that I skipped the second panel, not realizing it was there. Basically at first glance the first and second panels seemed to blend into each other in my mind, so I flat-out didn’t read panel 2 until I had already read panel 3. I think it’s because the panels are so close together and/or because the panel lines are very thin. Of course, it’s possible I’m the only one who made that mistake, but the point is, it was a small (but noticeable) disruption to pacing. The point of panel composition is to help the story flow from the reader’s perspective as naturally as possible, and sometimes enhance it, so composition that doesn’t take into account how the reader might be naturally inclined to perceive it can be jarring (of course sometimes that confusion could be a useful tool depending on what you’re writing, but I digress). You generally seem good at it, and this is probably just me nitpicking this one page, so I don’t think you have too much to worry about there, but I think you could nevertheless benefit from keeping that in mind. Overall, you aren’t doing a bad job. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing I’d go out of my way to read, but I’m sure some Angels of Death fans would be very interested. |
| Looking good thus far. Manga is very difficult to do as it requires a lot of knowledge in drawing as a whole including camera composition and complex angles as well shapes in characters and buildings. Keep working hard o.o)b |
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| @OmegaSwampert: mm, I apologize for confusing panels; I see what you mean by that one page, ye. :/ I'll really try to avoid the same thing happening. @Objurgo: YOU'RE TELLIN ME. XD Wait til you see this next update; it contains a panel that just about made me cry. I redrew it four times before I was happy with it. LOL. I'm sure you'll know which one. xD @HopefulNihilist thanks for dropping by, bro. :D I hope I can get it to look professional eventually. Yeah, the story is just getting started! I don't want to exposition-dump...that's all. xD @Rinoael: That's very encouraging, thank you. xD Updating now |
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Chiibi said: @OmegaSwampert: mm, I apologize for confusing panels; I see what you mean by that one page, ye. :/ I'll really try to avoid the same thing happening. @Objurgo: YOU'RE TELLIN ME. XD Wait til you see this next update; it contains a panel that just about made me cry. I redrew it four times before I was happy with it. LOL. I'm sure you'll know which one. xD @HopefulNihilist thanks for dropping by, bro. :D I hope I can get it to look professional eventually. Yeah, the story is just getting started! I don't want to exposition-dump...that's all. xD @Rinoael: That's very encouraging, thank you. xD Updating now Not wanting to exposition dump is a good sign. |
| Oh wow....I've been neglecting this thread. Got a ton of pages for you all....xD bitch be crazy |
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| Weekly update!! haha Zack I love you :> |
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| Updates he has such a way with words. :> |
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| Moar updates! everyone meets their soulmate this way haha |
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| Time for an update! |
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| Well it's a good challenge, I mean doing a comic is a hard work. I seen some page, I think you can improve with drawing, I don't say this to destroy you, I say this because you can improve, maybe your style is a little "set up", yep it isn't the best word to explain my thought sorry |
| Looks like your Manga characters took a lot of inspiration from Satsuriku no Tenshi. I like it though, I have bookmarked this and will be paying multiple visits to read these. |
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HeroicHealer said: Looks like your Manga characters took a lot of inspiration from Satsuriku no Tenshi. I like it though, I have bookmarked this and will be paying multiple visits to read these. Well, yeah, it's a fancomic xD I just put the characters in a different universe. But thanks. |
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