Okay... I'm sorry, but that was actually retarded. Legitimately retarded. From the second they said: "You took down a brigade of 5,000 by yourself!" I was like: "Oh no...." and then it just kept getting worse. Let's break this down real quick:
He loosens a screw without being noticed by the seven thousand people in the enclosed space with him, throws the tiny ass screw at a light fixture which shatters the light, CATCHES a tiny piece of glass, knee kicks a dude's face while still tied up, slits a guy's throat with that tiny piece of glass, avoids getting hit by thirty people shooting at him point-blank with machine guns in a TINY ROOM, takes a machine gun away from one of the thirty thousand guards, and mows them all down... (and of course he talks to himself. He's so much of a bad-ass that in order to find an equal he has no choice but to converse with himself)
That itself was bad. But at least it followed a certain kind of logic. I guess it COULD happen, MAYBE (that's a big fucking maybe.) What comes next was basically a giant middle finger to story-telling in general:
Now escaped, L-elf-puts-Rambo-to-fucking-shame is sitting down muttering to himself when the alarms go off. He mentions that it's been fifteen minutes since he escaped. Let's keep that number in mind. Fifteen minutes. Soldiers rush out and he wraps a wire around his waist and jumps off the top ledge of a twenty story staircase thing. The soldiers spot him and start shooting, but of course they miss (he is falling pretty fast). Okay, that's kind of cheesy, but it's also pretty cool, and it makes a kind of sense if you don't think about it too much. But wait. The wire disconnects while he's still falling. Oh shit! It's a trigger for explosives.
EVERY SINGLE FLOOR IN A TWENTY STORY BUILDING IS WIRED WITH EXPLOSIVES CONNECTED TO THIS GUY'S BUNGEE CORD... I need to repeat that: in fifteen minutes he has WIRED EVERY SINGLE FLOOR IN A TWENTY STORY BUILDING WITH EXPLOSIVES... That's the stupidest fucking thing I think I have ever had the displeasure of witnessing. It would have made more logical sense if he had gone Super-Saiyan and pulled a goddamn Spirit-Bomb out of his ass. I was so unbelievably floored by the ludicrousness of it all that I couldn't even laugh. It wasn't even funny anymore. My head still hurts from how horrible that was. I somehow manage to convince myself that this has to be a comedy anime, and that I've been trolled somehow; and this alone allows me to continue watching without becoming as brain-dead as whoever came up with that idea.
But it doesn't stop. Because now he's falling without a wire and the explosions are catching up to him. Let's take a break and do some math real quick: The average human in free-fall in normal gravity accelerates at about 9.8 meters per second squared. When the explosives go off, he's probably been falling for about 5-6 seconds. We'll be generous and say 5. That means he's reached a speed of about 45 meters per second. That is ~100 mph.
Traveling at speeds quickly approaching terminal velocity, and in danger of being "overrun" by his own explosions; what does he do? Well, naturally he kicks out with one leg, pushes off a wall, and flies to the side, narrowly avoiding being roasted by another explosion. Now... I'm not a physicist by any means, but even I know that even IF (big fucking if) he managed to change his direction that drastically, he WOULD STILL BE FALLING AT 100 MILES PER FUCKING HOUR! YOU DON'T LOSE ALL THE DOWNWARD MOMENTUM FROM A FALL JUST BECAUSE YOU APPLY FORCE TO ONE SIDE! I learned this when I was like seven years old! But this guy... he flips Isaac Newton the bird and gently tumbles to the side, thus proving three-thousand years of mathematics false without even breaking a sweat.
But this Little Elf ain't done yet. In fact, he's just getting started. Somehow he ends up in some kind of vacuum chamber. And they have a line of guys with flamethrowers walking down the hallway toward him. Haha, yeah... right. Fire is gonna hurt the "One-Man-Brigade." Fuck your fire. He just uses a giant red-button switch to auto-close the blast-door behind him, cutting him off from the flame-thrower dudes. The same giant-red-button-switch also apparently opens all the doors leading out to space, so everyone flies out into space. Apparently they really needed a giant-red-button-switch to close one specific door and open all the other ones to vent out to space for some reason. And of course this BAMF knows where they keep the giant-red-button-switch that does whatever you want when you press the giant red button. At this point I can't even call it comedy. Even if it IS comedy, it's laying it on about two kilometers too thick.
Oh, you thought it was over? Yeah right. Because the "One-Man-Brigade" would really just stop with breaking every goddamn rule of basic story-telling and physical law all in one action sequence. Hell no!
Finally someone gets the bright idea to send in some warships after the guy. So they fire a couple laser beams down the vacuum chamber. Huge explosion. GIANT PURPLE HEAT-SEEKING MISSILES FLY OUT OF THE EXPLOSION AND BLOW UP THE WARSHIPS! Where did he get the giant purple bazooka, you ask? And how does he even manage to fire it when the blast doors are closed and they just shot fucking laser beams down the goddamn tube he is in? Fuck you. That's your answer. Fuck you.
So General-Man decides to dock his massive warship in the docking bay. Naturally, Legolas decides to somehow wire up the docking bay (the docking bay is probably big enough to fit an entire fleet of nuclear powered aircraft carriers) with a SMOKE GRENADE. Yep. A smoke grenade big enough to fill the ENTIRE docking bay with smoke. And of course the fucking WARSHIP has to rely on it's windshield to see, so they crash into the wall of docking bay and get stuck. Apparently they've mastered the art of artificial gravity, of immortality, of giant mecha robots that go Super-Saiyan... but they haven't come up with infrared scanners and auto-piloting systems yet. Seems reasonable to me.
I've stopped caring at this point. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. And luckily, it's pretty much over. L-Douche instantaneously transports himself to the exact classroom the MC happens to be in and kills GENERIC BULLY NUMBER 1, thus fulfilling the prophecy he made at the beginning of the episode. Oh shit, I didn't mention the prophecy? Oh yeah, it's totally BADASS! See 007L-11 told EdwardHaruto at the beginning of the show that he would do exactly what he did and lo and behold, he did it all. And he even did it in the EXACT amount of time he said he would. I likes me a punctual man!
Anyway, they blah blah blah and apparently Silver-Bullet wants Professor Remus Lupin to help overthrow Nazi Germany with him. Why this fucker needs anyone's help is beyond me, but I'm sure there will be some reason why his fucking God-Mode doesn't work in outer space or some shit. Or maybe Monsters-INC. has his own version of God-Mode that counteracts David Bowie's God-Mode. I find it hard to give a shit. Fuck this show.
Anyway, 4/5. Would watch again. |