| Apparently, there are a bunch of introverts around here, so I guess most MALers don't do such a thing. But still, this is somewhat discussion-worthy... I think. Anyways, before I started university, I was always the guy who responded to someone else. I was never the initiator. After quite a bit of volunteering in hospitals, I got the hang of it and started conversations with new volunteers all the time. Conversations that continued the next time I'd see them. Still though, even going to 3rd year now as an undergrad, I rarely ever start a conversation in a huge class with hundreds of students to someone sitting beside me or close to me. I actually don't think I ever started a single conversation. I did in smaller settings though like labs or tutorials (ugh, only once, and in the end I forgot their name and forgot to exchange contacts). What really prevents us from starting a conversation, anyways? Nothing to break the ice? The thought of awkwardness when a conversation suddenly ends or that they don't want to talk to you? The thought that the person you will talk with have an incompatible personality? Does the setting matter? So I guess this topic is sort of about sharing your experiences with starting a conversation. I didn't want to write too much or it seems more like a pointless blog about myself, but I think there's more aspect here that I could talk about to make this a more interesting topic. I'll see, for now. |
| I personally LOVE discussion, with whoever as long as it's a topic that interests me, of course I'm talking about both internet AND the real world. As for initiating conversation, I think it depends on the person, the timing, hell, even the location... |
--ALEX--Aug 1, 2011 8:59 PM
Tachii said: The thought of awkwardness when a conversation suddenly ends or that they don't want to talk to you I believe it is this. It's just a "I will let him/her start it" kind of thing or "it wasn't me who wanted to talk, it was you!" |
| Even when I was in crowd, I was always alone |
| its all about having a social foothold on the situation. to me it all goes along with the attitude of - do you expect everything to be given to you, or will you work for it? if conversation is something you desire then make it happen. most people aren't going to initiate anything, because most people are followers. i myself am not a leader, but i am certainly not a follower. |
| Uh... I was kind of talking about face-to-face conversations, but uh.. since this is MAL... I guess online conversations is fine, too. SerenityInFlames said: I do think though that we need some kind of situation to make it more easier, at least, instead of just working at it yourself. Some petty reason to start a conversation, maybe. There are some cases where I honestly thought they look like someone else I knew, but society tells me it is such a cliched break the ice phrase it makes me feel ...awkward to use it. Bah, sometimes it seems as a kid when you didn't know much a conversation comes so naturally. its all about having a social foothold on the situation. to me it all goes along with the attitude of - do you expect everything to be given to you, or will you work for it? if conversation is something you desire then make it happen. most people aren't going to initiate anything, because most people are followers. i myself am not a leader, but i am certainly not a follower. |
TachiiAug 1, 2011 9:20 PM
| Yea, I like discussion too. BUT I'm scared of starting them. And if I find myself unable to contribute to a conversation, then I stay quiet. Sadly, this has been quite the norm these days... :( |
| Click on this. I dare you. | MAL Fantasy Football League | Currently Watching List RWBY Club. RWBY is anime. Deal with it. |
| I'm also in college and I find that a lot of students are really set in there ways once you get higher up. I noticed Freshmen year that the first week of classes were bustling with chatter. And everyone, including myself was introducing themselves and so on. However, as my classes started to advance I noticed less of that. I think it's because everyone just has their own cliques. Although, since I'm an education major I've met a lot of really cool people this past year, and more then not it was me starting the conversation. I guess the thought that we already had a common interest compelled me to start talking to them. |
Usually I just stay quiet until they ask me something or if they say something. I never really start a conversation with a stranger unless that stranger was introduced to me by a friend. I'm more shy in real life than online and I'm also too scared to start conversations because I'm not good with telling stories or jokes. I can't keep a conversation going either so I just mainly sit back and listen to everyone else talk. As to online conversations, I sometimes just ask "Hey how's it going?" or "What's been going on?". Just starting questions to get things started then we'll get set on a topic and maybe say a couple random things to each other. I guess that's how most of my conversations work out on here. |
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| Conversationalism is truly a form of art. Anybody can do it but it's definitely a thing to master. I think the best way to become a natural at the art lies in education. And i'm not talking about going to school to learn how to be a conversationalist. It's about being aware of the facts of the discussion at hand. The feeling you get where you don't feel like you can contribute to a conversation stems from not knowing enough about what the discussion is about. That is why it's easier to talk about topics you are interested in to people, simply because you are well educated in the subject. Having the know how isn't the end all and be all of conversationalism. You have to be aware of other's opinions or takes on the topic at hand or else you will just be there spewing endless facts and it wont be as much of a onversation as it is a lecture. The best way to initiate a conversation is by starting it based on the context of the situation you are both involved in. For example, if you are in a lecture about the sciences, start a conversation based on the sciences or something in particular about the topic you find interesting. It may spark their interesting or it may not. Sometimes it can be a hit or miss deal, it's all part of reading your person. It's about breaking the ice in a casual, honest and non threatening way. Displaying confidence is key,even if you don't have it, especially when dealing with women. |
| I think it's mainly the thought about how to start a conversation that causes people to hesitate. They're not sure what they should say and how they should say it. Thinking too much about how to keep the conversation flowing can make people nervous especially if they're not confident they'll be able to do that. |
burntlettuce said: I seem to have this thought that once the "time" has passed, that is, the time where introductions happens most often, then further introductions down the road say, in the middle of the semester, feels totally out of place. And hence, stops myself from introducing myself. I wonder if others felt the same sometimes.I'm also in college and I find that a lot of students are really set in there ways once you get higher up. I noticed Freshmen year that the first week of classes were bustling with chatter. And everyone, including myself was introducing themselves and so on. However, as my classes started to advance I noticed less of that. I think it's because everyone just has their own cliques. AlexSadist-sama said: Wow, I totally feel this sometimes. Too much thinking is not a good thing, I guess. Long conversations usually stem naturally. And I do find that the longer I think about what to talk about, the less I actually want to start it. :[Thinking too much about how to keep the conversation flowing can make people nervous especially if they're not confident they'll be able to do that. |
| Maybe it's because I've been in Asia too long, but I think starting conversations with random people is kind of weird...unless you're working on a group project or something. |
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| The reason I don't is because it ultimately rarely leads anywhere. Even if I were to have a lengthy discussion (which I do on occasion), it will most likely be a more general topic, and something I'm not truly interested in. Sure, it may be enjoyable or somewhat relevant, but what will I get out of it? I'm so set in my ways that other peoples' advice is rarely helpful anymore. That said, I'd love to talk to someone about stuff I'm specifically interested in. But the chances of that are very, very slim. Fortunately I do have people to talk about that with. |
| I think people just don't know how to start a conversation. They might think too much about how to start it, should they compliment the person, ask them a question, or just say the casual hello? Some might be afraid of saying the wrong thing, leaving a bad impression and possibly making a new enemy. So they stay quiet, so they don't say the wrong thing and be awkward. People just need to stay calm and casual. I, personally, am not an initiator. I fall under the latter of the nervous people who can't seem think of something good to say. Which really bugs me sometimes. |
archonflux said: Sometimes I get to the point of knowing the setting/context I'm in, but not sure how to apply that in a conversation. That's usually when I tend to over-think, and lower any chances of starting a conversation. Practice, more practice.The best way to initiate a conversation is by starting it based on the context of the situation you are both involved in. For example, if you are in a lecture about the sciences, start a conversation based on the sciences or something in particular about the topic you find interesting. It may spark their interesting or it may not. Sometimes it can be a hit or miss deal, it's all part of reading your person. It's about breaking the ice in a casual, honest and non threatening way. Displaying confidence is key,even if you don't have it, especially when dealing with women. Fui said: I use to think this way too. I ask myself what I could get out of it, where it can lead me, and I realize it's something more simple.The reason I don't is because it ultimately rarely leads anywhere. Even if I were to have a lengthy discussion (which I do on occasion), it will most likely be a more general topic, and something I'm not truly interested in. Sure, it may be enjoyable or somewhat relevant, but what will I get out of it? I'm so set in my ways that other peoples' advice is rarely helpful anymore. I am simply bored, and talking to people not only passes the time, but usually I get to learn or explore some area I didn't know. I don't have to get anything long lasting out of it. I don't need to get a friendship out of it, or some useful information, or some sound advice. I think that change occurred to me, I felt more positive toward these sort of conversations. Though like I said, awkwardness seems to get ahold of me often and prevents me from further conversation. Admittedly, I still feel like it's pointless sometimes. I can't tell if this is some form of rationalization to not talk to others, or what. But I hope I can get out of that necessity for productivity or usefulness, though. In the end, to each their own, I'm not trying to change you here (at least I hope I don't sound that way.) |
| I'm not the kind of person that starts a conversation unless if I'm talking to someone I know but to complete strangers, it's really awkward. Plus, I tend to get misunderstood based on my poker face. Some people think that I look sad or angry. But in the end, I just blend in the background, not wanting to talk to anyone because I really have no idea what to say. I'm really not much of a talker in person. Also, I'm taking a communication class this fall so I hope I pass this class since it's required if I want a university transfer. |
Sanguis said: Again, I feel the same. It really bugs me, and not improving bugs me a bit more. It's not like it's that annoying to the point of depressing, or sad, but I feel life is probably a lot more interesting rather than keeping everything to oneself. And once I understood myself as a mere reactive and passive person, I want to change that. Not to anything excessive though to the point of intrusion to the other person. Or initiating a chat with anybody. Not that excessive.Which really bugs me sometimes. This thread almost looks like a self-reflective/actualization thread about me, which is kind of sad. lol But yeah, for once I'm actually interested enough to read more posts. |
| It's absolutely all about practice. The only way to get better is to put yourself out there whether you feel up to it or not. When you get the feeling you want to initiate a conversation, just go for it! Here's another perspective, chances are, the person you are fretting over initiating a conversation with, feels the exact same way as you do! So maybe you will make someones day as well as boost your confidence. My line of work forces me to make conversation with my clients, Mostly its about how their computer got broke, but i enjoy making the conversation more interesting. The ice breaker, usually for me is the business. Get the business out of the way and theres freerange on conversation. I like learning about people and maybe even getting a new perspective on life as a result. |
| If I want to engage in a conversation with someone, I have to feel comfortable with my surroundings. If I don't like my surroundings I don't feel comfortable talking with someone I don't know very well. But for most of the time I stay silent since I don't want to talk about something the other person might not really like or talking for a simple conversation to pass time. |
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Tachii said: Fui said: I use to think this way too. I ask myself what I could get out of it, where it can lead me, and I realize it's something more simple.The reason I don't is because it ultimately rarely leads anywhere. Even if I were to have a lengthy discussion (which I do on occasion), it will most likely be a more general topic, and something I'm not truly interested in. Sure, it may be enjoyable or somewhat relevant, but what will I get out of it? I'm so set in my ways that other peoples' advice is rarely helpful anymore. I am simply bored, and talking to people not only passes the time, but usually I get to learn or explore some area I didn't know. I don't have to get anything long lasting out of it. I don't need to get a friendship out of it, or some useful information, or some sound advice. I think that change occurred to me, I felt more positive toward these sort of conversations. Though like I said, awkwardness seems to get ahold of me often and prevents me from further conversation. Admittedly, I still feel like it's pointless sometimes. I can't tell if this is some form of rationalization to not talk to others, or what. But I hope I can get out of that necessity for productivity or usefulness, though. In the end, to each their own, I'm not trying to change you here (at least I hope I don't sound that way.) I suppose if I'm in a situation where I would otherwise be wasting time, it's fine. I look at everything in terms of value though...if I feel like it's a poor investment in time I generally will not make efforts to do it. But yeah, since my interests are very specific, I sort of don't even want to get involved with people who have different interests at this point. And the chances of that are very high. You seem to know what I mean, and I understand what you mean by talking can just be for a very simple reason and not needing anything more out of it...but then I think, "Why?" But to more accurately respond to your topic question, at least for me it is the fear/feeling of...well, what I stated above. I am just not really a good candidate for talking to random people because of my very narrow views and specific interests. |
FuiAug 1, 2011 10:50 PM
| Personally, I don't start many conversations because I prefer to keep to myself. If someone starts a conversation with me though I think it is them being nice so I talk and get interested in the discussion out of politeness bu sometimes I actually do enjoy the conversation. Anyways, to answer the question I believe it is because don't want to be embarrassed. For some reason I have found that being embarrassed is almost the number one fear of some people. If they start the conversation they might come off as awkward and in the end that might make them feel embarrassed. Those are just my thoughts on the matter, though. |
| I have only 2 topic i ever care to talk about: animes and video games (and i don't talk about halo or cod, only games with good stories and rpg features). Sadly people at my job, the only humans i see other than family, don't watch animes and only cares about CoD or Halo. So i never start a chat with them, and since i know the ''common 2X years old male human'' don't watch animes and if they play games it's only OMG COOL HEADSHOT, i don't bother talking to anyone at all, specialy people i don't know exactly what their interests are. They won't be interested in what i have to say, and i REALLY wont be interested to hear about their last fuck, party, hangover, car, sport... |
| I don't have a problem with initiating a conversation and I do consider myself an introvert. I might be talking for hours on end, on things that don't really matter. But if I am to describe my feelings, that's where I remain silent. I might just happen meet a guy who up till then we would just say "hi", wearing a t-shirt of a band that I like, for example. Without even thinking about it, I will say something like "Ah, so you like this band, me too". From there on, it will lead on countless topics. When a topic is exhausted, I grab on to every hint that could open a new topic and let the conversation continue. I may be a little desperate about it too, don't know why. I talk a lot, even here... Almost all of my posts can be classified as tl;dr. But it's always just about politics, sports, games, anime, movies, books, religion, etc. etc. etc. You know, the kind of things that you watch from the sidelines. When it comes to the things that really matter to me such as my relationships with other people close to me, my worries and fears or about something really important that happened; that's when I am tongue-tied, and can't utter a single word. And if I am pressed about it, I'm getting really annoyed. Therefore, although I do talk a lot, I still consider myself an introvert. |
| Signature? I ain't got no signature! I don't need no signature! I don't have to show you any stinkin' signature! |
| nothing starts a conversation and builds up your talkative side then a bit of "dutch courage" ;) |
| <img src="http://osu.ppy.sh/stat2/mizorex-0.png" /> |
wardy said: nothing starts a conversation and builds up your talkative side then a bit of "dutch courage" ;) Amen to that :3 |
| Click on this. I dare you. | MAL Fantasy Football League | Currently Watching List RWBY Club. RWBY is anime. Deal with it. |
| I can navigate small talk most of the time without trouble, and can initiate conversation when it's not personal (i.e. I work retail, so doing so on the job is necessary), but once it is personal, forget it. I'm as introverted as they come (almost). It's a combination a lack of interest and a case of social phobia. Probably the former is just a delusional cover for the latter, though. I'm afraid of strangers getting to know me and not liking what they see. Or worse yet, of being misunderstood. I have a serious phobia of being understood to be something that I'm not. All of this goes away on the internet, of course. I'm fairly extroverted on the internet, actually. |
AbstractCalamity said: I have a serious phobia of being understood to be something that I'm not. Misunderstandings. And as they say, words said are often not taken back. AbstractCalamity said: All of this goes away on the internet, of course. I'm fairly extroverted on the internet, actually. With text discussions, we actually take the benefit of a "time-delay", by which, responses are allotted extra time. Say something in chat - and - the receiver of a message can read the message. Then, a reply can be typed out "instantaneously". If the message was not "received" in the brain right away, then the person can re-read the message; and then produce a more proper response. Talking verbally, we simply do not have that kind of luxury. Regardless, nothing can replace the feeling of a good verbal conversation. |
| Click on this. I dare you. | MAL Fantasy Football League | Currently Watching List RWBY Club. RWBY is anime. Deal with it. |
| I always stumble over my words whenever I'm talking to somebody new, so I'm pretty reluctant to start conversations with anyone. I can eventually stop the whole stumbling thing once a conversation has gone on long enough, but then I just start getting nervous and begin to say stupid things. That combined with having nothing interesting to say and generally not wanting to talk at all, I'd have to be exceptionally desperate to start anything with a stranger. |
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| Practice makes perfect, just start speaking up in class or wherever you are don't be afraid of what other people think, fuck them, if you don't have self confidence just fake it until you do. |
prismheart said: I live in Canada, and despite how multicultural it is, I sometime feel it is because of multiculturalism we get too much silence in public areas. The language barrier makes all sort of people embarrassed. You might have something you want to say, only to a person who barely understood you and cannot reply you back. The result? Awkwardness and embarrassment to both parties. With more embarrassment, the less the person would ever want to talk to strangers.Anyways, to answer the question I believe it is because don't want to be embarrassed. For some reason I have found that being embarrassed is almost the number one fear of some people. If they start the conversation they might come off as awkward and in the end that might make them feel embarrassed. Those are just my thoughts on the matter, though. shintai88 said: You mention some key stuff I look for as well. The alone factor in a setting is important, since you know the other person probably feels the same as you do, waiting in a long line, bored, with nothing to do. It's when they have earphones, smartphones, books, handhelds, or even newspapers that I feel less inclined. The funny thing is, they might be playing a game I know, or reading a book I've read, or even listening to a song I liked, and still it feels somewhat more difficult.The first step is always to speak up, I usually start conversations with people if they are alone, Its usually easier that way, a simple question like is this the line for.... can usually break the ice. I do this alot when I am in a long queue and waiting to get somewhere. People nowadays wear their earphones or head phones so its harder to start a conversation with them. I wouldn't say I am an introvert person. I am just a person who doesn't like to speak alot since most of the time I have little to nothing to say. But conversations are a good way to pass the time, I usually go and start conversations and don't even use an introduction, so by the time I leave neither of us knows each others name. So I guess if you want to be remembered, You should probably introduce your self when the conversation is flowing well. Especially if you are interested in the person you are conversing with. Anyways, it doesn't have to be a setting of public areas to start a conversation. I said I volunteer in a hospital, and in the lounge, there could be 5-10 people in there... with absolute silence. Nobody knows anybody, they all sit separately, and I walk in, and I think; damn, what an awkward setting to be in. I can almost feel they want to talk to somebody, since an hour long break is pretty long when you're just sitting there in silence trying to read the newspaper so you don't feel that bored. But the thing was, when I'm in a setting where there's like 5-10 people sitting alone, it makes me feel guilty that I "chose" who I'd talk with while the others, unsurprisingly, remains quiet. So after some time, I decide to just keep the peace. Sometimes I think I'm overempathetic to the point of selfishness, if such a thing is possible. |
| I don't usually like starting conversation because I get the feeling a lot of people around me would rather not be talked to. Since even I sometimes feel like that, I can't stand being sat with someone were I feel awkward and that awkwardness would only usually arise if conversation was made. Besides I'm a shy person and although I'm very good with making conversation, I'm not very good at it with people who I don't know very well since I either get the feeling I may be annoying them or the conversation will bore them/not interest them. The only conversations I can really remember at College was ones that were brought up by someone else: One being about cold hands, a concert and the other conversation being about my Pikachu shirt since a guy from my class really liked it. Also the cold hand conversation was with a girl that walked home with me a couple of times and ever since the cold hand conversation, we never walked home together again or even spoke since I imagine my awkwardness made her feel awkward. ._. And I never have to date spoke over the class to a teacher, unless I've been asked to. |
| + Oh and I totally forgot about these tasks I had to do in a group with three other people. We actually did well with conversation.. although some of them were people I wouldn't usually mix with, it went pretty well. We even joked about certain things, which was odd since I rarely do that with people from my classes. |
| I rarely initiate conversations with people because not only I'm a very quiet person but it's also hard to find people who have the same tastes as I do, therefore I have no idea what to talk about for a long time with someone. I think the problem is that most of the young people where I live have the same interests and the same views, it's actually pretty scary because when I look at the way that people of my age dress and act they all seem like clones. I must be one of the few that doesn't act like the majority here. Strangely, I have less problems talking with someone considerably older than I am than with someone who's close to my age. |
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| i rarely start conversations which is bad since most of the things people around me talk about, i think is stupid |
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Cowabunga said: It's like you're going to know what they'd like, what tastes they have, if you haven't talk to them, though. Just looking at their fashion sense doesn't really tell you much in most cases.I rarely initiate conversations with people because not only I'm a very quiet person but it's also hard to find people who have the same tastes as I do, therefore I have no idea what to talk about for a long time with someone. I think the problem is that most of the young people where I live have the same interests and the same views, it's actually pretty scary because when I look at the way that people of my age dress and act they all seem like clones. I must be one of the few that doesn't act like the majority here. Strangely, I have less problems talking with someone considerably older than I am than with someone who's close to my age. Funny thing you should mention about old people. Where I volunteer I usually talk to people over 60 and up. But people around their 30s and 40s is where I have the awkward silence. |
Tachii said: Cowabunga said: It's like you're going to know what they'd like, what tastes they have, if you haven't talk to them, though. Just looking at their fashion sense doesn't really tell you much in most cases.I rarely initiate conversations with people because not only I'm a very quiet person but it's also hard to find people who have the same tastes as I do, therefore I have no idea what to talk about for a long time with someone. I think the problem is that most of the young people where I live have the same interests and the same views, it's actually pretty scary because when I look at the way that people of my age dress and act they all seem like clones. I must be one of the few that doesn't act like the majority here. Strangely, I have less problems talking with someone considerably older than I am than with someone who's close to my age. Funny thing you should mention about old people. Where I volunteer I usually talk to people over 60 and up. But people around their 30s and 40s is where I have the awkward silence. True, but basing this on my experience it seems that most teenagers and young adults are into the same things. I understand what you mean, it's actually not very hard to have an interesting conversation with middle aged and some old people, Many of them have interesting stories to tell. |
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| Haha i kinda laughed when i read this topic, for me it's either i don't care to talk to that person unless they start talking to me OR if i want to talk to someone i don't know i Just forget everything an what could happen and just go do it super enthusiastically. It works like every time haha |
| Well, when I was in high school Was also the first time that I have internet so I loved to chat with strangers (something I dont make). The first think I talk with the new person is where is (s)he from, what (s)he likes, etc. But sosmetimes Im shy and the other person too. |
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