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#1
Sep 21, 1:55 AM
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I hate it, it seems to me that people are more interested in one night stands then a meaningful relationships.
What are your opinions on hookup culture?
 
#2
Sep 21, 2:08 AM
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I've tried hookups a couple times in the past but.. eh it's not that good really. I mean it doesn't really matter whether or not you find someone that's good at sex because either way it's going to be uncomfortable for the simple reason that you don't know each other. In my case everyone always expects me to be submissive in bed too, which I don't mind normally, but having to give up control to someone you don't even know if you can trust yet is not a very comfortable experience. I just felt more worried that the guy was going to take advantage of the situation and rob me or something rather than feeling much sexual pleasure from it

So yeah idk, compared to just having sex with someone you're actually dating it's nowhere near the same. Maybe in the porn industry it's fine to have casual sex like that since it's all at least monitored and done professionally, but I wouldn't really recommend individual people to go out and getting sexually involved with strangers. Too much risk, too little reward. I prefer just keeping to myself nowadays until the day comes when I end up finding a new girlfriend or boyfriend


Edit: Having just casual sex every once in a while with someone you're actually genuine friends with however is a totally different story. Then there's still trust and connection between you. FwBs are pretty nice to have if you happen to have a good one at hand

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#3
Sep 21, 2:12 AM

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I don't think it's a good idea to place yourself in such a vulnerable state with a stranger or near stranger. There are so many things that could wrong.
 
#4
Sep 21, 2:18 AM

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All I can say is your grandparents would be rocking in their graves with how the world is right now lmao. Sure it's fine to be a hedonist, whatever floats your boat man. But making it okay to be a slut or someone who screws around with whoever has never been a okay thing. Sure people have always done it, just like there has always been people who were heavy drinkers or gambling addicts. And it's fine as long as you're enjoying yourself but it certainly isn't normal [or at least that's how it has been].

 
#5
Sep 21, 2:48 AM
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I hate it. I still get a little shy talking to strangers, no way would i sleep with one. I kind of wish i had the courage though, maybe if i'm still a virgin by 30 i'll just go find someone and get it over with lol.
In all seriousness, hooking up with strangers sounds awful. I'm not trusting enough to be so vulnerable around a complete stranger who may or may not be a serial killer. Not to mention the kind of guys who are into that culture are the kind i can't stand. Loud, obnoxious, drink a lot and just brag about all the "birds" they've been with. They're so boring, it's like the same guy has just been copy and pasted ad infinitum. I've noticed that if a guy uses the word "bird" instead of girls or something, he's probably the kind of guy i want to stay away from. Don't know if they use that word in countries aside from the UK XD I have a bit of a vendetta for those types of guys since in high school for some reason 3 guys of that exact type wouldn't leave me alone. It was torture.

So yeah, i'd never do it. For me there needs to be love or the clothes stay on!
Modified by fancyjasper, Sep 21, 2:54 AM
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#6
Sep 21, 3:16 AM

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No, not my thing at all. I need to trust and love my partner to even wanna touch them.

fancyjasper said:
Not to mention the kind of guys who are into that culture are the kind i can't stand. Loud, obnoxious, drink a lot and just brag about all the "birds" they've been with. They're so boring, it's like the same guy has just been copy and pasted ad infinitum.


Ew, worst type!
 
#7
Sep 21, 3:31 AM
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vikty said:
No, not my thing at all. I need to trust and love my partner to even wanna touch them.

fancyjasper said:
Not to mention the kind of guys who are into that culture are the kind i can't stand. Loud, obnoxious, drink a lot and just brag about all the "birds" they've been with. They're so boring, it's like the same guy has just been copy and pasted ad infinitum.


Ew, worst type!


Agreed my comrade!

I was sat next to that type on a train yesterday. I got to hear about 30 minutes of him shouting about those exact things. Alcohol, and all the girls he's been with. Just no consideration for the people around him, yare yare daze. I need noise cancelling headphones lol.
We can be happy, when the cicadas cry.
 
#8
Sep 21, 6:06 AM

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Well, I've had an ONS before. I'm perfectly fine with consenting adults choosing whatever relationship arrangements suit them best. As long as everyone is treated respectfully, compassionately, and no STIs are spread, then it's fine
 
#9
Sep 21, 6:28 AM

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I never understood how people could get into a hookup with a stranger. Seriously, I'd be too scared to feel good.
They could be the biggest asshole in the world and do anything to me and even if I think I have a decent knowledge of human nature and all, it's difficult to asses someone I met a couple of hours ago.
To me it's only okay in relationships and maybe friendships I had for longer. And my gut feelings would tell: Stay safe and get yourself a fuck buddy, if you don't want get into a commited relationship, but have sex.
Although it's not my business, I dunno. Sounds scary.

Cneq said:
All I can say is your grandparents would be rocking in their graves with how the world is right now lmao.

Ahaha, like they were angels and everyone was in a wonderful monogamous relationship and everyone was so holier-than-thou.
I definitely know different stories.
Modified by Maneki-Mew, Sep 21, 6:31 AM
 
Sep 21, 6:32 AM

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No and I think it's absolutely disgusting. If these degenerates only had sex in monogamous relationships, 90% of our unplanned pregnancy and STD issues would be resolved.
“Loddfafnir, listen to my counsel: You will fare well if you follow it, It will help you much if you heed it. If aware that another is wicked, say so: Make no truce or treaty with foes.” - Havamal 127
 
Sep 21, 6:32 AM

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No, I don't. I am pretty conservative when it comes to relationship.
 
Sep 21, 6:38 AM

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Hell no and it should be a misdemeanor with fines.
 
Sep 21, 6:39 AM

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Was this already a post before?

Fully-fledged strangers? Do people have no self-morality or thought-processing anymore? Just think twice about what you're doing and what you selfishly want to get out of something for barely any time whatsoever. And with your friend is just... wrong. That'd make me feel extremely uncomfortable and I wouldn't look at them the same again.
 
Sep 21, 7:14 AM

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I really couldn't care less what people choose to do with their bodies.
I always thought hookup means one night stand, but I've seen some people use it to describe as getting into a relationship.
 
Sep 21, 7:32 AM

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Mixed emotions. On one hand it's cool cause adults can make decisions as adults but also in a small semi-conservative city, mostly everyone is pregnant, STDs ridden or large social groups are eskimo-whatevers cause it's the young adults taking advantage of this. The older ones were smart to travel to neighboring regions but younger ones dont have that option being young with less ways to do so.

OP also describes the downside of some of the encounters not living up to expectations, or worse, trying to live up to something they don't want but think others want of them. It's fun at some points but the lows are mediocre and remind you you're still at square one in the end. Can't lie though, it is more convenient than ever for city/towns, but also the risk of being stuck in that are too
 
Sep 21, 8:11 AM

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I'm against it.

I could never sleep with someone, unless I was in a long-term romantic relationship with them.
 
Sep 21, 11:27 AM

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I mean, people are free to do whatever they damn please, but I'm not a fan of the whole mentality it promotes. Looking at dating and potential partners as if they were just some cheap products at a store, free to just bail and throw one out if the smallest thing goes wrong and moving on to the next right after just doesn't resonate with me y'know.
Thank fuck it doesn't affect me anymore, but I have a good friend who's single and really feels bummed about this kind of disposability that's prevalent in modern dating.
 
Sep 21, 11:34 AM

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From a societal perspective, I think its a bad thing. Not for moralistic reasons but for practical reasons. I think it has increased how lonely we are and the prevalence of hookup culture has made it difficult to find long term relationships. Lots of people try to deny that others' preferences or behavior has any impact on their life, that they can just find the person for them but other people's preferences absolutely have an effect on your life. If everybody around you just wants to hookup and hardly anyone is interested in a relationship, you are fucked.

That being said, anything is better than this trend of people just having nothing at all. I do believe relationships are superior to one night hookups in every way imaginable, but I'd rather live in a hookup culture than a culture of sexually sedate people who have no interest in anything to do with the opposite sex. The ideal environment would be a very romantically charged one though. My perspective comes from the fact that I believe relationships are a much better method of getting whatever your needs are satisfied than a system of fuck this person, dump them, fuck another person, dump them. And yes, I do consider FWBs to be a kind of relationship. Even if your relationship is based entirely on sex, I still think its much better than one night hookups. I wish we had a system where people could have an easier time finding someone who is reliable and will stick around and not just dump them when the tiniest problem occurs. People need to be encouraged to work through their problems and not just abandon the person at the slightest sign that there is one.

From a personal perspective though, there really is no place to go in order to find a girlfriend other than "hookup" locations. Where does one find a girlfriend? I have no success in online dating and most of the girls just walking around in public are too busy to talk to me or find the idea of being asked out by a random guy to be strange. Thus, bars, parties, and nightclubs are really the only place you can go to find girls that are open to meeting a guy.

Last year I was stubborn and tried to cling to my ideals and say I wouldn't do that kind of stuff but my sexual frustration got the better of me and I eventually decided to just go for it. I did hookup with a girl a couple months ago and it led to us dating for a little bit, so for those who have lost hope, sometimes hookups do lead to dates and relationships. I literally met her in a nightclub, and we did sleep together that night. My first kiss, when I was 15, was at a party, the first girl I ended up sleeping with, at 16, was a girl I met at a party. Weirdly enough, despite being a socially awkward loner type guy, parties ended up being where I feel most comfortable trying to find a girlfriend because I honestly don't know of a better method. Going to places where drunk people are can lead to results you never would've predicted. I know of several other shy guys who kissed or slept with girls they met at parties who probably could've never done it otherwise simply because of the atmosphere of impulsiveness that pervades the party scene.

So from a personal perspective, I guess you could say that I pursue them but I try to turn them into a long term relationship because that is my ultimate goal. It is never me that tries to dump the girl after making out or grinding at a party, it has always been the girl. I try not to take it personally anymore, sometimes you see those girls making out with several other guys after you. It sucks but at least it was nice while it lasted. I'm not gonna say that it doesn't feel good to make out with a random girl but I'm really looking to find long term satisfaction in a girlfriend or wife and I don't find a life of hopping from parties, bars, and nightclubs looking for girls to be enjoyable.

And like many here, I do find the people that get too wasted or who try to brag about how many girls they've been with to be annoying. Bragging about how sexually successful you are just makes people who are lonely feel bad about themselves.
Modified by Ryuk9428, Sep 21, 11:39 AM
 
Sep 21, 11:36 AM
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friends with benefits is better than that if you just want a none committal sex/relationship
 
Sep 21, 11:47 AM
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No, I'm not a fan of casual sex. I prefer to have a relationship.
 
Sep 21, 11:55 AM
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@Ryuk9428

I don't hang out at bars/nightclubs. I'm not a fan at all, but are there many girls who go to those things looking for long term relationships? From my perspective it just seems like they want a night out getting drunk and receiving attention from guys. Well that's what the girls in my school wanted anyway, can't speak for everyone.

Also are there many guys who go to those things who're looking for long term relationships like you are? That's what i want too, so i was just curious how many guys go to those things looking for something serious. Might be my last resort someday XD But then i wouldn't want to be with someone who enjoys going to clubs and who hooks up with random girls in the first place though. No offence to you there.

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Sep 21, 12:28 PM

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Ryuk9428 said:
It is never me that tries to dump the girl after making out or grinding at a party, it has always been the girl. I try not to take it personally anymore, sometimes you see those girls making out with several other guys after you.


Ew, just imagining a life like that literally makes me feel sick. Fooling around with someone and moving on to the next "victim" like minutes after, only to forget about them the next morning. I just honestly find that kind of lifestyle damaging to everyone involved but maybe I'm just oldfashioned. I wanna know I mean something to the person who's shoving their tongue in my mouth lol. It'd really suck to see them groping and messing around with others. Ew, not for me, never ever.
 
Sep 21, 12:30 PM

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jocol said:
I hate it, it seems to me that people are more interested in one night stands then a meaningful relationships.
What are your opinions on hookup culture?
I hate both "one night stands" and "meaningful relationships"; both are empty narcotics as far as I'm concerned.

traed said:
I don't think it's a good idea to place yourself in such a vulnerable state with a stranger or near stranger. There are so many things that could wrong.


How is it more vulnerable than say being a handyman that enters another man's house to repair a sink opposed to having sex?


It is obvious that "obscenity" is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of the courts, it means "anything that shocks the magistrate".

— Bertrand Russell
 
Sep 21, 12:38 PM

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I'm not a fan of one-night stands, not because I think it's morally wrong like some posters, but I'd prefer a friend with benefits if I wanted strictly casual sex with no strings attached. One-night stands don't fulfil my wants the same way, because I prefer having some kind of bond with the person I'm going to bed with. Sex with completely strangers feels almost like a mechanic chore, ngl.
 
Sep 21, 12:41 PM
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Never saw the appeal of it,just the thought of messing around even sleeping with a complete stranger cuz "lol why not I'm horny" makes my stomach turn. You'd have to be 100% chill and relaxed to dare to do such a thing. Guess some people have the guts or it's their definition of entertainment *shrugs* Not judging anyone though,whatever gets your boat in a puddle is aight
 
Sep 21, 12:47 PM

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Kosmonaut said:
One-night stands don't fulfil my wants the same way, because I prefer having some kind of bond with the person I'm going to bed with. Sex with completely strangers feels almost like a mechanic chore, ngl.


Well I mean that's it for me too. I don't oppose one night stands because "it's wrong" but bc I personally cannot get satisfaction out of strangers. I don't feel aroused around strangers, I don't wanna touch them, especially not sexually. They just do nothing to me, no matter how they look. I am attracted to a person's dick only if I feel attraction towards their heart and personality first. I dunno how people have sex with randoms and get pleasured with it, complete mystery to me.

Edit -and sure, I also think it's sad towards those who don't like to be dumped immediately so there's that too, I'd have to know 100% that they won't mind if I happened to be into one night things but Im not so~
Modified by vikty, Sep 21, 12:52 PM
 
Sep 21, 12:53 PM
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A lot of my friends are involved in hookup culture. I've had a couple one night stands, but it's not my thing. Would rather sleep with someone I truly care for.
 
Sep 21, 1:17 PM

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vikty said:
Kosmonaut said:
One-night stands don't fulfil my wants the same way, because I prefer having some kind of bond with the person I'm going to bed with. Sex with completely strangers feels almost like a mechanic chore, ngl.
Well I mean that's it for me too. I don't oppose one night stands because "it's wrong" but bc I personally cannot get satisfaction out of strangers. I don't feel aroused around strangers, I don't wanna touch them, especially not sexually. They just do nothing to me, no matter how they look. I am attracted to a person's dick only if I feel attraction towards their heart and personality first. I dunno how people have sex with randoms and get pleasured with it, complete mystery to me.

Edit -and sure, I also think it's sad towards those who don't like to be dumped immediately so there's that too, I'd have to know 100% that they won't mind if I happened to be into one night things but Im not so~
I'd be lying if I said I never got aroused around a complete stranger or didn't want to touch them, but what I was talking about is, even if I do feel purely physical attraction to a stranger, it doesn't feel as natural or as good as when there's some kind of emotional connection to the person. It can be either romantic, in the case of relationships, or not, in the case of friends, but I wouldn't feel as fulfiled if it were merely a one-night stand. I do think this is a 'me thing', though, as most of my guy friends have no problem with one night stands or paying for prostitutes. I don't feel comfortable in both of those situations. Again, it's important to note I really do not have anything against those situations, nor do I think they are ruining society, I'm just talking about how I feel whenever I'm in them.

One-night stands somewhat fulfil one's physical desires, although not always, as good quality sex involves being comfortable enough with the other person. The only way to be comfortable around a stranger in that situation is either because you've done it with strangers a lot of times or because you're hammered. If you're hammered, sex probably won't be as good as it could be. I usually walked out, the few times I've tried it, of one-night stands feeling it wasn't worth it, it was just kind of tiresome.
Modified by Kosmonaut, Sep 21, 1:24 PM
 
Sep 21, 1:19 PM

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fancyjasper said:
@Ryuk9428

I don't hang out at bars/nightclubs. I'm not a fan at all, but are there many girls who go to those things looking for long term relationships? From my perspective it just seems like they want a night out getting drunk and receiving attention from guys. Well that's what the girls in my school wanted anyway, can't speak for everyone.

Also are there many guys who go to those things who're looking for long term relationships like you are? That's what i want too, so i was just curious how many guys go to those things looking for something serious. Might be my last resort someday XD But then i wouldn't want to be with someone who enjoys going to clubs and who hooks up with random girls in the first place though. No offence to you there.



Many? I wouldn't say so. The girls that go looking for a hookup vs a date are definitely the majority. I'd say at parties about 50% of the girls are there to hang out with friends or dance, 35% are there to hookup with someone, and 15% are there looking for a date.

With guys its probably more like 10% go for general socializing and dancing, 65-70% go for hookups, and 20-25% go to find a date. I'd say if you're a girl looking to find a guy that is more relationship oriented in a nightclub you actually have a better chance than guys do of finding a girl who will date them. The main thing is to stay away from the bro types and look for the guys that are a bit more awkward or maybe even seem out of place.

Don't worry I don't get offended very easily. I think though that the vast majority of guys would still find sex with a girl, even if she was a stranger, to be enjoyable. I really don't hang out with "fuckboy" types you could say. But every guy I know still says if an attractive girl was laying in their bed in lingerie asking them to have sex with her that they would all do it. That's because sex for me and a lot of guys is always a positive experience. I will always enjoy sex so if a pretty girl is offering it to me, I won't turn it down. But I will ask for her number and try to go on a date afterward, I won't just skedaddle.

I think that a major distinction should be made between that, which I think is pretty normal, and commitment phobic guys that make hooking up a lifestyle. Finding a guy that wouldn't sleep with an attractive girl who makes it easy for them would be very difficult. Obviously its very different if you have a girlfriend, but while guys are single, the vast majority of them are very open to any girl's sexual advances. If all a guy wants though is one night hookups then I think that reveals a strong sense of paranoia involved with getting close to anybody.
 
Sep 21, 1:24 PM

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Sphinxter said:
jocol said:
I hate it, it seems to me that people are more interested in one night stands then a meaningful relationships.
What are your opinions on hookup culture?
I hate both "one night stands" and "meaningful relationships"; both are empty narcotics as far as I'm concerned.

traed said:
I don't think it's a good idea to place yourself in such a vulnerable state with a stranger or near stranger. There are so many things that could wrong.


How is it more vulnerable than say being a handyman that enters another man's house to repair a sink opposed to having sex?

Because you're not naked in as close a range in that scenario and due to their job there is a record of them being there if they are legit and not freelance which acts as a small protection. Also it's easier to have someone you know there with you but with sex it's often being alone with someone. Plus there is. Also during sex your gaurd is more let down because you can't enjoy it as much like Hax said. Meanwhile anyone can be freely suspicious of some plumber. Plus there is risks that only exist with sexual contact. Even if oh say a condom is involved someone girl could poke holes in it or a guy just slip it off discretely.
 
Sep 21, 1:30 PM

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Do whatever you want. Not judging the way people mutually express themselves sexually. Mutual is a key word though.
changelog said:
I have never read Berserk, nor do I plan to in the future, but I can already see this to be the case. It is just ridiculous that Bersek has been publishing for so long and as you have mentioned I doubt the creators really have a passion for this series anymore. It would be hilarious if they just left it incomplete and left a message saying "Fuck You" in Japanese. And by incomplete I don't mean releasing a final chapter and then never touching the series again, I mean releasing a half-done chapter that finishes on a page where Griffith is about to reveal a secret but there is no next page.
 
Sep 21, 1:30 PM

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vikty said:
Ryuk9428 said:
It is never me that tries to dump the girl after making out or grinding at a party, it has always been the girl. I try not to take it personally anymore, sometimes you see those girls making out with several other guys after you.


Ew, just imagining a life like that literally makes me feel sick. Fooling around with someone and moving on to the next "victim" like minutes after, only to forget about them the next morning. I just honestly find that kind of lifestyle damaging to everyone involved but maybe I'm just oldfashioned. I wanna know I mean something to the person who's shoving their tongue in my mouth lol. It'd really suck to see them groping and messing around with others. Ew, not for me, never ever.


Its alright to be old fashioned. A lot of the ways things were done before had good reasons behind them that we've kind of forgotten. If I could return to a more old fashioned system I'd much prefer that. Last year, I got stubborn and decided that I wouldn't do anything unless it was under my ideal circumstances but that just led to me being more lonely. Now I guess I've just kind of accepted the reality of the world as it is and I'm trying to work with it the best I can.
 
Sep 21, 1:59 PM
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Ryuk9428 said:
fancyjasper said:
@Ryuk9428

I don't hang out at bars/nightclubs. I'm not a fan at all, but are there many girls who go to those things looking for long term relationships? From my perspective it just seems like they want a night out getting drunk and receiving attention from guys. Well that's what the girls in my school wanted anyway, can't speak for everyone.

Also are there many guys who go to those things who're looking for long term relationships like you are? That's what i want too, so i was just curious how many guys go to those things looking for something serious. Might be my last resort someday XD But then i wouldn't want to be with someone who enjoys going to clubs and who hooks up with random girls in the first place though. No offence to you there.



Many? I wouldn't say so. The girls that go looking for a hookup vs a date are definitely the majority. I'd say at parties about 50% of the girls are there to hang out with friends or dance, 35% are there to hookup with someone, and 15% are there looking for a date.

With guys its probably more like 10% go for general socializing and dancing, 65-70% go for hookups, and 20-25% go to find a date. I'd say if you're a girl looking to find a guy that is more relationship oriented in a nightclub you actually have a better chance than guys do of finding a girl who will date them. The main thing is to stay away from the bro types and look for the guys that are a bit more awkward or maybe even seem out of place.

Don't worry I don't get offended very easily. I think though that the vast majority of guys would still find sex with a girl, even if she was a stranger, to be enjoyable. I really don't hang out with "fuckboy" types you could say. But every guy I know still says if an attractive girl was laying in their bed in lingerie asking them to have sex with her that they would all do it. That's because sex for me and a lot of guys is always a positive experience. I will always enjoy sex so if a pretty girl is offering it to me, I won't turn it down. But I will ask for her number and try to go on a date afterward, I won't just skedaddle.

I think that a major distinction should be made between that, which I think is pretty normal, and commitment phobic guys that make hooking up a lifestyle. Finding a guy that wouldn't sleep with an attractive girl who makes it easy for them would be very difficult. Obviously its very different if you have a girlfriend, but while guys are single, the vast majority of them are very open to any girl's sexual advances. If all a guy wants though is one night hookups then I think that reveals a strong sense of paranoia involved with getting close to anybody.


Yeah those figures sound about right.

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately, but i don't want sex for the sake of it. I want to be with someone i love, you know. But then i don't feel like i'll ever find someone. The whole situation just makes me depressed XD I want to go back to how i was when i didn't care about stuff like this in the slightest. Won't go into detail, but i was sexually abused for as long as i can remember until the age of 15 and even then i didn't fully understand it, so intimate relationships always scared me. It took me until i was around 19 to become interested in relationships and now i'm ready to meet guys, there's none around anymore and i'm still too shy to put myself out there. I used to get asked out all the time, but i don't really go to places i could meet someone now i'm out of school. I just want some romance in my life lol, but i think i'm better off accepting i'll be forever alone. I think i'll be happier that way.

Sorry for going on a tangent, i tend to do that a lot. Anyway that's my sad story (™)
We can be happy, when the cicadas cry.
 
Sep 21, 2:25 PM

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fancyjasper said:

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately, but i don't want sex for the sake of it. I want to be with someone i love, you know. But then i don't feel like i'll ever find someone. The whole situation just makes me depressed XD I want to go back to how i was when i didn't care about stuff like this in the slightest.


Awh I understand it can feel so depressing when you overthink and dwell on the fears of never finding someone but, don't let yourself believe you'll just have to accept never having a loving partner to have fulfilling, bonding sex with. I know it's not probably very helpful to have some random person tell you to "not lose hope" but I know how that feeling is like and I was wrong too, I wasn't doomed to be forever alone lol. Just be true to yourself and your desires and don't do anything that feels uncomfortable just for "the sake of it", your time will come!

Also, sorry to hear about your past, and remember that its not pathetic to be picky! People should never be ashamed of being virgin. It's honestly okay.

Edit-
Ryuk9428 said:

But every guy I know still says if an attractive girl was laying in their bed in lingerie asking them to have sex with her that they would all do it. That's because sex for me and a lot of guys is always a positive experience. I will always enjoy sex so if a pretty girl is offering it to me, I won't turn it down.


There have been studies where it was indeed discovered that around 90% of men will have sex with a random, attractive lady if she initiates it, just like that out of the blue. Women tend to be alot pickier cos their sexuality and pleasure is so heavily tied to emotions. When they did the same test, but it was a male suggesting sex to random females, a very small percentage of the women said yes straight away. So yeah we just really work different, our brains aren't wired the same way lol.
Modified by vikty, Sep 21, 2:33 PM
 
Sep 21, 2:37 PM
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@vikty

Thanks for the kind words, i know you're just trying to help. But hit me up in 10 more years and i guarantee i'll still be alone T^T
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Sep 21, 3:02 PM

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fancyjasper said:
Ryuk9428 said:


Many? I wouldn't say so. The girls that go looking for a hookup vs a date are definitely the majority. I'd say at parties about 50% of the girls are there to hang out with friends or dance, 35% are there to hookup with someone, and 15% are there looking for a date.

With guys its probably more like 10% go for general socializing and dancing, 65-70% go for hookups, and 20-25% go to find a date. I'd say if you're a girl looking to find a guy that is more relationship oriented in a nightclub you actually have a better chance than guys do of finding a girl who will date them. The main thing is to stay away from the bro types and look for the guys that are a bit more awkward or maybe even seem out of place.

Don't worry I don't get offended very easily. I think though that the vast majority of guys would still find sex with a girl, even if she was a stranger, to be enjoyable. I really don't hang out with "fuckboy" types you could say. But every guy I know still says if an attractive girl was laying in their bed in lingerie asking them to have sex with her that they would all do it. That's because sex for me and a lot of guys is always a positive experience. I will always enjoy sex so if a pretty girl is offering it to me, I won't turn it down. But I will ask for her number and try to go on a date afterward, I won't just skedaddle.

I think that a major distinction should be made between that, which I think is pretty normal, and commitment phobic guys that make hooking up a lifestyle. Finding a guy that wouldn't sleep with an attractive girl who makes it easy for them would be very difficult. Obviously its very different if you have a girlfriend, but while guys are single, the vast majority of them are very open to any girl's sexual advances. If all a guy wants though is one night hookups then I think that reveals a strong sense of paranoia involved with getting close to anybody.


Yeah those figures sound about right.

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately, but i don't want sex for the sake of it. I want to be with someone i love, you know. But then i don't feel like i'll ever find someone. The whole situation just makes me depressed XD I want to go back to how i was when i didn't care about stuff like this in the slightest. Won't go into detail, but i was sexually abused for as long as i can remember until the age of 15 and even then i didn't fully understand it, so intimate relationships always scared me. It took me until i was around 19 to become interested in relationships and now i'm ready to meet guys, there's none around anymore and i'm still too shy to put myself out there. I used to get asked out all the time, but i don't really go to places i could meet someone now i'm out of school. I just want some romance in my life lol, but i think i'm better off accepting i'll be forever alone. I think i'll be happier that way.

Sorry for going on a tangent, i tend to do that a lot. Anyway that's my sad story (™)


Personally, I don't mind if you want to vent. I think its good to get it out rather than bottle it in. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Traumatic experiences really can impact people for a long time. I've thought before that we really need to have places for people to go who are looking to find a date. And not an online sort of thing because online dating is really difficult for a lot of people.

I hope you find what you're looking for though, it pains me to see so many lonely people out there given that I've struggled with so much of it myself.

I kind of gave up on a lot of hope last year actually, I thought I was doomed to die alone. But I went to the nightclub that one night last summer, and I could never have predicted that I would end up finding a girl and dating her. Unfortunately she had plans to move away before I met her so it didn't last long but it gave me hope that things can change someday. I would say that its worth going to nightclubs at least occasionally just to see what happens. Even if the first time doesn't work or even if the first five-ten times don't either. It took, literally going to over a hundred parties and nights out at clubs before I found that girl.
 
Sep 21, 3:03 PM

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vikty said:
fancyjasper said:

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately, but i don't want sex for the sake of it. I want to be with someone i love, you know. But then i don't feel like i'll ever find someone. The whole situation just makes me depressed XD I want to go back to how i was when i didn't care about stuff like this in the slightest.


Awh I understand it can feel so depressing when you overthink and dwell on the fears of never finding someone but, don't let yourself believe you'll just have to accept never having a loving partner to have fulfilling, bonding sex with. I know it's not probably very helpful to have some random person tell you to "not lose hope" but I know how that feeling is like and I was wrong too, I wasn't doomed to be forever alone lol. Just be true to yourself and your desires and don't do anything that feels uncomfortable just for "the sake of it", your time will come!

Also, sorry to hear about your past, and remember that its not pathetic to be picky! People should never be ashamed of being virgin. It's honestly okay.

Edit-
Ryuk9428 said:

But every guy I know still says if an attractive girl was laying in their bed in lingerie asking them to have sex with her that they would all do it. That's because sex for me and a lot of guys is always a positive experience. I will always enjoy sex so if a pretty girl is offering it to me, I won't turn it down.


There have been studies where it was indeed discovered that around 90% of men will have sex with a random, attractive lady if she initiates it, just like that out of the blue. Women tend to be alot pickier cos their sexuality and pleasure is so heavily tied to emotions. When they did the same test, but it was a male suggesting sex to random females, a very small percentage of the women said yes straight away. So yeah we just really work different, our brains aren't wired the same way lol.


That sounds about accurate to me. I think its pretty much common sense to most guys that walking up to random girls and asking for sex doesn't work too well lol. I've heard of some guys doing stupid shit though like proposing threesomes to random girls or I see guys on Instagram and Facebook trying to flirt with girls and I have always thought they are just wasting their time.
 
Sep 21, 4:19 PM

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fancyjasper said:

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately


"virgins are losers" mentality only applies to guys, with girls it's the opposite, deadass every guy i have talked to would prefer a girl with v-card intact (im young though, but idk 30+ year olds might as well be a different species anyway). it's like if you bought some sealed SNES game on ebay for 1000$, the value goes down by like 90% once you open it lmao. whereas with guys since it's more of a challenge it's more like an MMORPG where you are looked up to when you have gained experience and leveled up and have all the swag level 60 gear as opposed to being the powerless level 1 that nobody would look twice at

as for hookup """"culture""""

Gutter Trash
 
Sep 21, 4:46 PM

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I'm what you would call a flirt and while I'm not opposed to hookup culture. I prefer to get to know someone, before I have sex with them. It's just seems awkward to have sex with a total stranger.

 
Sep 21, 4:54 PM
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CowboyMode said:
fancyjasper said:

I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately


"virgins are losers" mentality only applies to guys, with girls it's the opposite, deadass every guy i have talked to would prefer a girl with v-card intact (im young though, but idk 30+ year olds might as well be a different species anyway). it's like if you bought some sealed SNES game on ebay for 1000$, the value goes down by like 90% once you open it lmao. whereas with guys since it's more of a challenge it's more like an MMORPG where you are looked up to when you have gained experience and leveled up and have all the swag level 60 gear as opposed to being the powerless level 1 that nobody would look twice at

as for hookup """"culture""""

Gutter Trash


Ahaha that's a good way to put it. I've heard a girl being a virgin is attractive for guys, but for the girl it's still not nice to be one. I feel like i'm less of a woman i guess i'd say? I feel like such a kid since i have no experience. I know i shouldn't be ashamed, but i can't help it. Probably because of the way the world is nowadays. Sex seems to be everywhere. I do want that too, but the romantic side of things in what i want the most. Which is another reason why hookup culture is a big no for me, among many others. Talking about this stuff is so embarrassing lol.
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Sep 21, 5:32 PM

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Ryuk9428 said:
From a personal perspective though, there really is no place to go in order to find a girlfriend other than "hookup" locations. Where does one find a girlfriend? I have no success in online dating and most of the girls just walking around in public are too busy to talk to me or find the idea of being asked out by a random guy to be strange. Thus, bars, parties, and nightclubs are really the only place you can go to find girls that are open to meeting a guy.

Last year I was stubborn and tried to cling to my ideals and say I wouldn't do that kind of stuff but my sexual frustration got the better of me and I eventually decided to just go for it. I did hookup with a girl a couple months ago and it led to us dating for a little bit, so for those who have lost hope, sometimes hookups do lead to dates and relationships. I literally met her in a nightclub, and we did sleep together that night. My first kiss, when I was 15, was at a party, the first girl I ended up sleeping with, at 16, was a girl I met at a party. Weirdly enough, despite being a socially awkward loner type guy, parties ended up being where I feel most comfortable trying to find a girlfriend because I honestly don't know of a better method. Going to places where drunk people are can lead to results you never would've predicted. I know of several other shy guys who kissed or slept with girls they met at parties who probably could've never done it otherwise simply because of the atmosphere of impulsiveness that pervades the party scene.

In your friend circle? I know it that way and that it automatically leads to a love ... circle(? lol), if you are spending most of your time together. My first boyfriend, I have seen him everyday in school and then I met up a few times a week with him and others to play video games, go to cinema, play outside basketball, visiting at home, doing projects etc... it comes natural then. I was the only girl in the group until I was like 14 or 15 and I had a crush on him, he was in love with one friend of ours too etc... then I tried it with him and kissed him to try it.
No offense against you or anyone with these experiences, but drunken first kisses and drunken first time sounds ... sad, disappointing... unloving? ^^"

That's how it "should" be, imo and how I have learned in my environment how relationships develop in a healthier way than swapping through pictures online or drinking so much that you could finally speak to someone to hook up.

It didn't had changed so much. In my friend circle as an adult, it also leads to a commited relationships sometimes... or to a friends with benefits relationship. I was against that a long time, but the older I get, the blurrier becomes the line between relation- and friendships to me.

I can see through such descriptions why quite many people, who are into the hookup culture, or take part in it in some ways, and only know how to get into relationships through online dating and one night stands in clubs, are always lonely at the same time.
It sounds emotionally stone-cold to me, while most people in reality look naturally for a close circle of people they could spend their life with, that hookup culture supports loneliness a lot, I think.

I'm actually surprised and curious how many people actually experience it like that. I know I said the generations of our grandparents and parents weren't better, that's true, but the online hookup culture and the increasing loneliness in the society makes it simpler to meet up for sex.
It seems like the ability of some younger people (</~30) to ACTUALLY socialize, which includes every social interaction and much more than just meeting up for sex, decreased. Sure, I don't know how biased this or how much truth is behind it.

Ps: Drunk sex sounds like an awful idea, just saying. I wouldn't want to make decisions over my body, when I'm drunk. Also, it is really pleasure, or just to tell yourself: "Yeeah finally had sex again"? When I have to put effort into coordinating my body to walk a straight line and my mind to produce a reasonable thought, I can't imagine how to coordinate my body according to another body in pleasurable ways. x'D
Modified by Maneki-Mew, Sep 21, 5:38 PM
 
Sep 21, 5:43 PM

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I'm far too introverted to have have one-night stands, since they would require actually speaking to someone I don't know... *shudders in disgust*

Of course, if you for some reason wanna do it, go right ahead. It's no skin off my back even if I don't understand why people would like it.
My condolences to KyoAni #PrayForKyoani
 
Sep 21, 5:50 PM

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Maneki-Mew said:
Ryuk9428 said:
From a personal perspective though, there really is no place to go in order to find a girlfriend other than "hookup" locations. Where does one find a girlfriend? I have no success in online dating and most of the girls just walking around in public are too busy to talk to me or find the idea of being asked out by a random guy to be strange. Thus, bars, parties, and nightclubs are really the only place you can go to find girls that are open to meeting a guy.

Last year I was stubborn and tried to cling to my ideals and say I wouldn't do that kind of stuff but my sexual frustration got the better of me and I eventually decided to just go for it. I did hookup with a girl a couple months ago and it led to us dating for a little bit, so for those who have lost hope, sometimes hookups do lead to dates and relationships. I literally met her in a nightclub, and we did sleep together that night. My first kiss, when I was 15, was at a party, the first girl I ended up sleeping with, at 16, was a girl I met at a party. Weirdly enough, despite being a socially awkward loner type guy, parties ended up being where I feel most comfortable trying to find a girlfriend because I honestly don't know of a better method. Going to places where drunk people are can lead to results you never would've predicted. I know of several other shy guys who kissed or slept with girls they met at parties who probably could've never done it otherwise simply because of the atmosphere of impulsiveness that pervades the party scene.

In your friend circle? I know it that way and that it automatically leads to a love ... circle(? lol), if you are spending most of your time together. My first boyfriend, I have seen him everyday in school and then I met up a few times a week with him and others to play video games, go to cinema, play outside basketball, visiting at home, doing projects etc... it comes natural then. I was the only girl in the group until I was like 14 or 15 and I had a crush on him, he was in love with one friend of ours too etc... then I tried it with him and kissed him to try it.
No offense against you or anyone with these experiences, but drunken first kisses and drunken first time sounds ... sad, disappointing... unloving? ^^"

That's how it "should" be, imo and how I have learned in my environment how relationships develop in a healthier way than swapping through pictures online or drinking so much that you could finally speak to someone to hook up.

It didn't had changed so much. In my friend circle as an adult, it also leads to a commited relationships sometimes... or to a friends with benefits relationship. I was against that a long time, but the older I get, the blurrier becomes the line between relation- and friendships to me.

I can see through such descriptions why quite many people, who are into the hookup culture, or take part in it in some ways, and only know how to get into relationships through online dating and one night stands in clubs, are always lonely at the same time.
It sounds emotionally stone-cold to me, while most people in reality look naturally for a close circle of people they could spend their life with, that hookup culture supports loneliness a lot, I think.

I'm actually surprised and curious how many people actually experience it like that. I know I said the generations of our grandparents and parents weren't better, that's true, but the online hookup culture and the increasing loneliness in the society makes it simpler to meet up for sex.
It seems like the ability of some younger people (</~30) to ACTUALLY socialize, which includes every social interaction and much more than just meeting up for sex, decreased. Sure, I don't know how biased this or how much truth is behind it.

Ps: Drunk sex sounds like an awful idea, just saying. I wouldn't want to make decisions over my body, when I'm drunk. Also, it is really pleasure, or just to tell yourself: "Yeeah finally had sex again"? When I have to put effort into coordinating my body to walk a straight line and my mind to produce a reasonable thought, I can't imagine how to coordinate my body according to another body in pleasurable ways. x'D


All of my friends except for two people are guys. And one of the two girls is already in a relationship, the other girl claims to not be looking for one. Both girls have mostly guy friends.

None of my guy friends really know any girls. We're all pretty lonely.

The only real difference between me and most of my friends is that I try harder to end my situation by going out to parties and clubs most weekends whereas they're mostly content to play video games all day.

I think that's why lonely guys talk about approaching random girls a lot though because in our social circles, we don't really know any girls so the thought of dating a female friend doesn't even occur to most of us. If we don't know many girls then the only way to find girls is out in public places.
 
Sep 21, 5:57 PM

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fancyjasper said:
CowboyMode said:


"virgins are losers" mentality only applies to guys, with girls it's the opposite, deadass every guy i have talked to would prefer a girl with v-card intact (im young though, but idk 30+ year olds might as well be a different species anyway). it's like if you bought some sealed SNES game on ebay for 1000$, the value goes down by like 90% once you open it lmao. whereas with guys since it's more of a challenge it's more like an MMORPG where you are looked up to when you have gained experience and leveled up and have all the swag level 60 gear as opposed to being the powerless level 1 that nobody would look twice at

as for hookup """"culture""""

Gutter Trash


Ahaha that's a good way to put it. I've heard a girl being a virgin is attractive for guys, but for the girl it's still not nice to be one. I feel like i'm less of a woman i guess i'd say? I feel like such a kid since i have no experience. I know i shouldn't be ashamed, but i can't help it. Probably because of the way the world is nowadays. Sex seems to be everywhere. I do want that too, but the romantic side of things in what i want the most. Which is another reason why hookup culture is a big no for me, among many others. Talking about this stuff is so embarrassing lol.


i think i sort of get what you're saying. i haven't lived the female perspective of it. my guess is it's a grass is greener on the other side type thing. for example when i was a kid i always thought driving would be like the coolest thing ever. now that i've been driving for years it's like man, that was really not something worth looking forward to that much lmao. different kind of example but you get what i mean

you're not less of a woman or anything like that, i get that it's hard to just turn off that part of your mindset that makes you feel like something is wrong when you go against the grain of programmed societal norms, but you have to train yourself to realize there is often nothing inherently wrong with going against the grain if you want to have powerful ultra instinct goku mindset vs being the person the world wants/expects you to be (which is lame imo, better to do your own thing)


 
Sep 21, 6:16 PM

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@CowboyMode and @fancyjasper

I think I'm interpreting what she's saying as just being that she wishes she could have that romantic experience and feels like she is missing out (correct me if I'm wrong). I totally get that. The pain of being a virgin is not just because of people possibly judging you, its mostly because you really want something that everybody else is experiencing but you aren't.

When I look at the past few years for example, I see a lot of lost time. Time I could've been happy with a girlfriend that I can't get back. The main thing that gives me hope is that I can make up for it all someday.

I completely understand fancyjasper's feelings on this.
 
Sep 21, 6:19 PM

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Ryuk9428 said:
Maneki-Mew said:

In your friend circle? I know it that way and that it automatically leads to a love ... circle(? lol), if you are spending most of your time together. My first boyfriend, I have seen him everyday in school and then I met up a few times a week with him and others to play video games, go to cinema, play outside basketball, visiting at home, doing projects etc... it comes natural then. I was the only girl in the group until I was like 14 or 15 and I had a crush on him, he was in love with one friend of ours too etc... then I tried it with him and kissed him to try it.
No offense against you or anyone with these experiences, but drunken first kisses and drunken first time sounds ... sad, disappointing... unloving? ^^"

That's how it "should" be, imo and how I have learned in my environment how relationships develop in a healthier way than swapping through pictures online or drinking so much that you could finally speak to someone to hook up.

It didn't had changed so much. In my friend circle as an adult, it also leads to a commited relationships sometimes... or to a friends with benefits relationship. I was against that a long time, but the older I get, the blurrier becomes the line between relation- and friendships to me.

I can see through such descriptions why quite many people, who are into the hookup culture, or take part in it in some ways, and only know how to get into relationships through online dating and one night stands in clubs, are always lonely at the same time.
It sounds emotionally stone-cold to me, while most people in reality look naturally for a close circle of people they could spend their life with, that hookup culture supports loneliness a lot, I think.

I'm actually surprised and curious how many people actually experience it like that. I know I said the generations of our grandparents and parents weren't better, that's true, but the online hookup culture and the increasing loneliness in the society makes it simpler to meet up for sex.
It seems like the ability of some younger people (</~30) to ACTUALLY socialize, which includes every social interaction and much more than just meeting up for sex, decreased. Sure, I don't know how biased this or how much truth is behind it.

Ps: Drunk sex sounds like an awful idea, just saying. I wouldn't want to make decisions over my body, when I'm drunk. Also, it is really pleasure, or just to tell yourself: "Yeeah finally had sex again"? When I have to put effort into coordinating my body to walk a straight line and my mind to produce a reasonable thought, I can't imagine how to coordinate my body according to another body in pleasurable ways. x'D

All of my friends except for two people are guys. And one of the two girls is already in a relationship, the other girl claims to not be looking for one. Both girls have mostly guy friends.

None of my guy friends really know any girls. We're all pretty lonely.

The only real difference between me and most of my friends is that I try harder to end my situation by going out to parties and clubs most weekends whereas they're mostly content to play video games all day.

I would say... I know you said that you are introverted, but maybe expand your free time activities etc.

I only know from some muslims, who grew up in other countries or maybe went to one-gender-schools here, because their parents thought that being friends with the opposite sex is wrong.
Besides that I knew some girls from school, who socialized into "boys are only to marry and fuck, not to love or being friends with" and got similar mindsets from their mothers. And these appeared as cold personalities imo ...
Maybe some "nerdy" hobbies and subcultures are even more male-dominated in other places, but now most of my friends are somehow anime fans, gamers etc... and it's pretty much 50:50 or at least 60:40 I'd say.
It depends a lot on how your environment looks like.
From schools and university lessons or people you know from your hobby are easier to get in contact with imo.

Ryuk9428 said:
I think that's why lonely guys talk about approaching random girls a lot though because in our social circles, we don't really know any girls so the thought of dating a female friend doesn't even occur to most of us. If we don't know many girls then the only way to find girls is out in public places.

Either it's these people or the jerks, who are making moves on everything that moves and has breasts and are very uncomfortable to be around alltogether.

I don't want to destroy your game plan and all, but it doesn't sound like many people would be lucky enough to establish anything with substance this way.
It's not only about luck, but it might be difficult to lead a relationship, if there are two people finding together, who have a hard time to socialize properly in other ways. In a relationship or through failed relationships, people are recognizing so much what's "wrong" with themselves. I really hate that as well, tbh.
 
Sep 21, 6:29 PM

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It's one of the biggest problems with modern society and part of the reason why gender relations have gone to shit lately, as well as creating "incel mass shooters" since the only thing these people care about is getting laid and they alienate/berate/look down on people who don't. Fuck those type of people, they're degenerate assholes!

fancyjasper said:
I'm just feeling pretty pathetic about still being a virgin at my age lately, but i don't want sex for the sake of it. I want to be with someone i love, you know. But then i don't feel like i'll ever find someone. The whole situation just makes me depressed XD I want to go back to how i was when i didn't care about stuff like this in the slightest.
Try not to feel that way. You're not alone, even if sometimes you get the feeling that you are.
Modified by Lost_Viking, Sep 21, 7:43 PM
 
Sep 21, 6:32 PM

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Ryuk9428 said:
@CowboyMode and @fancyjasper

I think I'm interpreting what she's saying as just being that she wishes she could have that romantic experience and feels like she is missing out (correct me if I'm wrong). I totally get that. The pain of being a virgin is not just because of people possibly judging you, its mostly because you really want something that everybody else is experiencing but you aren't.

When I look at the past few years for example, I see a lot of lost time. Time I could've been happy with a girlfriend that I can't get back. The main thing that gives me hope is that I can make up for it all someday.

I completely understand fancyjasper's feelings on this.


i guess i just view it a little differently, cause everyone experiences different things at different levels. unless your life consists of literally doing nothing (and i mean not even sitting around watching anime and playing games or whatever) then you have spent your time experiencing things other people haven't. an experience is just an experience to me, one variety doesn't really hold precedence over another. there will always be 10000000 different things i could have done with my life so i tend to not worry about it if there's something someone else experienced that i didn't. i guess it changes it a bit when it's something that the overwhelming majority of people experience but even then i don't really actually care, im living my own life not the overwhelming majority's. i do get what you're saying though.
 
Sep 21, 6:42 PM

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jocol said:
I hate it, it seems to me that people are more interested in one night stands then a meaningful relationships.
What are your opinions on hookup culture?


YES !! I hate hookup culture, fast dating (like dating someone without interest in developing a serious relationship) and in general the oversexualization of today's world. I've always been that hopeless romantic type of person so I think it's really sad that the search for a true deep and meaningful relationship in your life is something that is being lost slowly, since this whole hooking up thing is gaining popularity.
 
Sep 21, 8:53 PM

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Maneki-Mew said:
Ryuk9428 said:

All of my friends except for two people are guys. And one of the two girls is already in a relationship, the other girl claims to not be looking for one. Both girls have mostly guy friends.

None of my guy friends really know any girls. We're all pretty lonely.

The only real difference between me and most of my friends is that I try harder to end my situation by going out to parties and clubs most weekends whereas they're mostly content to play video games all day.

I would say... I know you said that you are introverted, but maybe expand your free time activities etc.

I only know from some muslims, who grew up in other countries or maybe went to one-gender-schools here, because their parents thought that being friends with the opposite sex is wrong.
Besides that I knew some girls from school, who socialized into "boys are only to marry and fuck, not to love or being friends with" and got similar mindsets from their mothers. And these appeared as cold personalities imo ...
Maybe some "nerdy" hobbies and subcultures are even more male-dominated in other places, but now most of my friends are somehow anime fans, gamers etc... and it's pretty much 50:50 or at least 60:40 I'd say.
It depends a lot on how your environment looks like.
From schools and university lessons or people you know from your hobby are easier to get in contact with imo.

Ryuk9428 said:
I think that's why lonely guys talk about approaching random girls a lot though because in our social circles, we don't really know any girls so the thought of dating a female friend doesn't even occur to most of us. If we don't know many girls then the only way to find girls is out in public places.

Either it's these people or the jerks, who are making moves on everything that moves and has breasts and are very uncomfortable to be around alltogether.

I don't want to destroy your game plan and all, but it doesn't sound like many people would be lucky enough to establish anything with substance this way.
It's not only about luck, but it might be difficult to lead a relationship, if there are two people finding together, who have a hard time to socialize properly in other ways. In a relationship or through failed relationships, people are recognizing so much what's "wrong" with themselves. I really hate that as well, tbh.


I'm not really sure how it turned out this way.

Isn't it extremely nerve wracking to go for a friend though? Its one thing trying to flirt with random girls, but its ten times harder if the girl is a friend of mine.
 
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