I submitted one that I wrote myself, but it probably won't be approved if the mod who reads it doesn't know the current one is inaccurate. It seems like the writer of the current one didn't even watch it. Maybe it's a synopsis for the visual novel it was based off of or something, but either way it isn't right for this adaptation.
Current Synopsis
What can a widowed woman do when she gets that itch? Invite a nubile man over to help her decorate! It has been a year since Chiho became a widow and the nights are getting lonely. It’s a good thing that her friend Kanae is there to help. Kanae is experienced, she’s been married for eight years and she knows just what Chiho needs. A little spice, a little color and some new scenery is what’s missing from Chiho’s life.
Why it's wrong
The widow (Chiho) did not invite him to decorate. He was helping Kanae move into her new apartment.
It says Chiho and Kanae are friends, but they just met and aren't really friends. If anything Chiho is annoyed with Kanae for being close with Tsuzaki.
It says she’s been married for eight years, but this wasn't mentioned at all. Maybe it was in the visual novel, but not here.
It says Kanae knows just what Chiho needs and implies she helps her, but she only makes one offhand comment to her about a woman's body needing attention. The hentai is about her helping Tsuzaki, not Chiho.
A little spice, a little color and some new scenery is what’s missing from Chiho’s life. Nope just sex. Unless her apartment, the hallway outside her apartment, or the grocery store are considered new scenery because those are the only places she goes.
My synopsis
Tsuzaki has a crush on his neighbor Chiho, a young woman whose husband passed away one year ago. She still loves her late husband dearly, but lately she has been taking notice of Tsuzaki and struggling with the thought of letting go enough to love someone else. Kanae, who just moved into the building, notices the blossoming love and decides to help. She is married, but her husband is away on business often leaving her plenty of time to give Tsuzaki the intimate lessons he needs to gain the confidence to confess to Chiho.
If the last line is considered too much of a spoiler it could be replaced with something like She confronts Tsuzaki about his crush on Chiho and helps him gain the confidence to confess to her.
It doesn't sound quite as good as the current one, but at least it's accurate. If anyone else want's to take parts of mine and rewrite it to sound better feel free. |