| Written for a contest at Writers Anonymous forum at fanfiction.net. Prompt: tears Feedback is highly appreciated. This is a contest entry for a general forum (meaning that fandom knowledge is not necessary), so perhaps I can use a critical eye or two before the deadline. :) |
The_BiologistOct 21, 2017 7:14 AM
| WTF! No love for this? Just because it's a FANFIC of an UNPOPULAR fandom? Hooboy! It's kind of shame because this is a submission for a contest in a GENERAL forum. Anything needing fandom knowledge WILL NOT be a good submission for the contest! Anyway, I've played OD, so I can see the changes you've made. Grave's struggle to rise becomes more dramatic since you added so much blood. The downside, though, the change in dialogue makes some parts a bit tell-y and infodump-y. But I mostly see this as your attempt to help the fandom blind. A great thing here is the possible symbolism I find. The prompt is tears; it doesn't seem to be the main focus on surface value, but when you delve deeper into the story, it's actually still the main focus. Mika's tears are what that push Grave to not give up so soon. Mika's tears are calling Grave back. When it ends, Grave wipes them off, symbolizing that Grave has answered Mika's call and she doesn't need to cry again. Bonus: I realize that Grave has no single line throughout this fic, so kudos for that! It's not easy to give game!Grave a profound characterization because he doesn't even speak, but here, although he has no dialogue, the way his struggle is portrayed makes me love game!Grave so much because he just refuses to give up, because he has a promise to keep. The only time he speaks is at the end of the game, and that's just ONE line! Also, is Big Daddy's appearance being "blurred" to give a feeling of Brandon x Maria? XD |
 "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
impmontamer03 said: Bonus: I realize that Grave has no single line throughout this fic, so kudos for that! It's not easy to give game!Grave a profound characterization because he doesn't even speak, but here, although he has no dialogue, the way his struggle is portrayed makes me love game!Grave so much because he just refuses to give up, because he has a promise to keep. The only time he speaks is at the end of the game, and that's just ONE line! Thanks. Anyway, Grave just speaks once, and that's just one line throughout ALL Gungrave games. Including Chaos Wars spinoff. impmontamer03 said: Also, is Big Daddy's appearance being "blurred" to give a feeling of Brandon x Maria? XD Nah, my OTP doesn't affect me in writing this. I "blurred" Big Daddy so that the fandom blind won't ask too much about Grave's relationship with Mika. More like an attempt to make them think that Brandon/Grave is indeed, Mika's dad, which will be easier to digest for the fandom blind. |
The_Biologist said: Nah, my OTP doesn't affect me in writing this. I "blurred" Big Daddy so that the fandom blind won't ask too much about Grave's relationship with Mika. More like an attempt to make them think that Brandon/Grave is indeed, Mika's dad, which will be easier to digest for the fandom blind. I get it. Fandom blind people will really, really question about Grave's relationship with Mika. Maria is Grave's/Brandon's sweetheart in the past while Mika isn't his biological child. Immediate question: why would Grave go so far to protect the child that isn't his? Just as pointed out in the anime itself! XD Well, GL for the contest. Win and spread the love for the fandom! Get more people into knowing the fandom! |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
impmontamer03 said: I get it. Fandom blind people will really, really question about Grave's relationship with Mika. Maria is Grave's/Brandon's sweetheart in the past while Mika isn't his biological child. Immediate question: why would Grave go so far to protect the child that isn't his? Just as pointed out in the anime itself! XD Actually, a fandom blind reviewer NOTES something about BD (but not that question anyway). Well, this is likely because this fandom blind reviewer has reviewed a lot of my Gungrave fics throughout the review exchange. impmontamer03 said: Well, GL for the contest. Win and spread the love for the fandom! Get more people into knowing the fandom! Heh, the greatest thing in fanfic contest in a general forum is the chance to exposed your favorite unpopular fandom to everybody. Of course, if your fic is so well-written, there's just a chance to draw in new fans. Including non-anime fans (very rare, but when it happens...). |
| @Knight_Miklotov Thanks. Well, you just remind me of a reader whom I managed to draw into watching Gungrave despite the person's dislike towards anime in general! :) To answer your questions: 1. Yes, the game is lacking in characterization when compared to the anime, especially the first game. Grave is simply a badass undead gunslinger who is hellbent on seeking revenge. Harry is simply a villain without any redeeming qualities. The only character whose characterization is better in the game is Mika because she is less of a brat. But plot? While the game doesn't go too deep about the storyline, the cutscenes, albeit brief, are usually sufficient enough to explain most things. Also, the game's plot is more focused on the sci-fi aspects, especially the second game. The game itself, barring the storytelling aspects, is actually pretty fun because you can just shoot and destroy anything around you. Not to mention that you get to choose between three demolition shots (nine in the second game, with three of them for slowing down enemies), and each of them has cool animation. Lastly, there are special DS for the bosses: Big 4 and the last two bosses in the first game, a few bosses in the second game. 2. IMO, the game is more like a complement to the anime (not plotwise because the game is a separate canon). If you've been complaining the anime for not having enough action, you can just play the game to make up for the missing action. Also, more Gungrave never hurts. :) 3. It depends on what you're looking for. If you expect it to have excellent characterization like in the anime, you'll be disappointed. The second game is pretty good regarding characterization, but still not as great as the anime. But if you're looking for the missing action as stated above, or you just want more Gungrave, you'll enjoy it. |
| I've got something to add: the second game adds two new playable characters. You've seen them up there btw. Jyuji Kabane is an undead swordsman who wields dual gunblades, while Rocketbilly Redcadillac is a ghost who can zap stuff with the electricity from his guitar. Also, Billy looks a lot like Vash. Characterization-wise, these two are pretty fine. Jyuji has good character development throughout the game, while Billy himself is more static (but still a fun character himself). And yeah, the game is all about coolness and badassery, at the cost of plot and characterization. |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
| I do remember you saying that you'll work on your own novelization of OD. And how you connect the anime with the second game via Aftermath series. Is there any chance you're working on those? |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
| Oh, nvm. I'm sure that this Gungrave x Digimon will be awesome. Should be more awesome if it involves Impmon/Beelzemon tho, but I know that you can create something great without having to involve that lovely imp! XD |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
| How long has it been since the contest for this entry is held? Curious of the results yanno? |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
| Oh, I see. Though I wonder if you've surveyed your rivals heh. ;) Seems like this forum's contest is the toughest one because while there are plenty of subpar authors, there are also a lot of fantastic authors whose writing is just GODLY. |
| "Who wouldn't want to be like me? Handsome and free like a bird in a tree! Badaboom!" |
impmontamer03 said: Oh, I see. Though I wonder if you've surveyed your rivals heh. ;) Seems like this forum's contest is the toughest one because while there are plenty of subpar authors, there are also a lot of fantastic authors whose writing is just GODLY. I'm guilty of not reading and reviewing other people's entries. But let's be honest here; I work very hard to get reviews. If I don't participate in review tags or exchange, I'm not getting anything. So, if I want a review, I will have to review something first. I'm often tired of that, so I think it's pretty normal if I just want to get a free review or two, you know? |
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