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VagueClarityFeb 9, 2018 4:33 PM
 "Shocking truth!" ~Chaika Trabant"How unpleasant." ~Kuriyama Mirai "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there." ~Rem "You don't die for your friends; you live for them." ~Misaka Mikoto "Now I believe. In my own strength... and in the one who gave me that strength." ~Roze "I'll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams." Signature and forum avatar courtesy of @SenpieX |
| Jesus Christ that was a lot of reading, Allllllllllllllllllright lets see, I'll try not to be too sarcastic about this bc it seems kinda serious. -Expectations. uh yeah alot of people have pretty high ones for me too. But in the end, we're only human, and it's not like not meeting those is gonna make everyone hate you. Time goes on, so there's no reason to stress too much about those things. If you don't wanna be the one people always look to for advice or help, then just tell em "hey dude we're cool and all, but I don't think I can offer a whole lotta help here, maybe you should ask someone else" -Soooooo idk what you really meant by the whole sexuality thing, but all I can say to that is: do what you wanna do? if your parents aren't cool with it then oh well. It's not like your parents are gonna be with you when you're having sex with whoever/whatever, so it really shouldn't concern them. Plus, I mean you said your parents would be kinda okay with whatever, right? That's alot better than most kids' parents. -PSYCHOTICS. Definitely stay on those meds, dude. -FINAL THOUGHTS. Talk with your parents. Heck, show them the post you made here, I'm pretty sure that'll explain most of it. Don't do any suicidal stuff, there's too much anime in the world to leave it (wasn't sure if you were considering that but I saw you mentioned it a couple times in the post). uhhh if you're not happy with the way things are, then change them so that you can be happy? idk dude. You seem like a pretty smart guy (  FUKN NUEROSCIENCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME) I'm pretty sure you'll figure something out. EDIT: Actually I was way too serious in that one, MY REAL ANSWER IS TO GO WATCH ANIME UNTIL YOUR LAME 3D PROBLEMS MELT AWAY INTO THE SUGOI WORLD OF 2D. |
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| Give up on the 3D and seek the 2D holy church for a chance at 2D ascension once the time comes. 2D > 3D. OT: How old are you OP? If you are an adult, just talk to your parents and do whatever the fuck you want. If you don't want to risk the outcome, then just stay the way you are. There's really no third option. |
| Do you actually have Schizophrenia? Or was it drug-induced (i.e. have you done something like Cocaine / Meth? Forgot to mention, some other drugs can create hallucinations as a withdrawal symptom in severe cases, such as alcohol) - Because if so, leaving your parents and going off antipsychotics is almost a guaranteed way to become homeless (I'm not saying it is 100% the case, but I would say odds are closer to 100% than 99%) random side note: Schizophrenia is not "curable", and is typically Chronic (i.e. for life), it is very rare that you will ever be free of it (and more likely could be explained as just a long "off" period where you died before the next wave), and it will usually come in waves. Perhaps the most important thing for someone with the disorder is to have strong social support to cushion the blow during the more intense periods. Also, practically a universal symptom of Schizophrenia is Paranoia and idea of reference, which basically means you will basically believe everything is out to get you (very commonly parents are the first to be considered enemies), so if you actually have schizophrenia, considering they are your best hope of avoiding homelessness, I wouldn't burn that bridge so quickly. |
Pirating_NinjaOct 26, 2016 9:57 PM
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| Don't ask me, I'm just a 14 year old shitposter on an anime forum I honestly can't even help myself |
 Freddy Nicholas said: have control, be yourself, god is dead |
| First off, don't live with your parents. Second, have they talked with whatever professional that gave you the medication? Maybe talking with an authority figure will help them understand the situation better. Remember, parents always view you as inferior and less understanding because you're younger than them. Sometimes a position of authority can do wonders. |
| WEAPONS - My blog, for reviews of music, anime, books, and other things |
VagueClarity said: I've built up an image of myself that has become stressful to maintain. I tried to always be the one helping others, to always be the one with a solution, to always be willing to listen and understand, to always lend a shoulder to cry on. People have started taking me for granted. Any time someone wants to rant, they come to me. Any time someone's upset, they come to me. Any time someone's stuck for an answer, they come to me. When someone I know is struggling, they expect me to be there with them. This leads into one main thing: expectations. I spent some time looking for the best way to help as many people as possible. Partially because I just wanted to, and partially to maintain that image that I'd built. I declared my intentions and set to work, though of course making sure to give myself some time to relax at the same time. I've changed my mind; I don't want to work in that field anymore. But I don't feel like I can stop, because so many people expect it of me. My parents have said multiple times, "We'll accept you any way you are." This was, of course, understood to exclude if "the way I was" included committing a serious crime or something. They pressure me into finding a spouse as quickly as possible, however, and have said things along these lines: "We're okay with you being gay, as long as you don't do anything like kissing near us." or "It's okay if you are gay as long as we don't know about it." Growing up, we did a lot of educational reading at home. I remember several occasions particularly well: When I first heard of transgenders, the reaction of everyone around me was, "That's so weird/gross." When it was mentioned that people with gender dysphoria have high suicide rates, the reaction was, "That's stupid. Someone would kill themselves over something so pointless?" I don't mean to say that they're bigoted or bad people—they for the most part accept LGBT couples as much as they accept normal ones. Just not where I'm involved. That is not to say that I'm gay, but it does lead into something important. There have been numerous instances where something is described to me, and I think, "That kinda fits who I am."... and the "punchline" is how strange/odd or even "unacceptable" it is. I don't give any indication of my empathizing with any of it, however; I learned early on to wait for that "punchline" before saying anything myself. So I'm at the end of my rope. I want to switch majors, but I don't feel like I can. There are several confessions I need to make to my family that I simply can't bring myself to make—I recognize that there is a very high chance I'd be outright rejected or labeled a liar, and the slight chance they'd "accept" it would be immediately followed by them getting me "help" I don't want and to avoid me as much as possible from that point onward. When transgenders are never discussed beyond having been called "weird" and "gross," how am I supposed to mention my own gender dysphoria (I'd like help with this, but the only "help" I'd receive would, I think, be a borderline arranged marriage)? When I'm told at least once a month that I need to find a spouse and have children (which makes sense in their minds because they had their first child when they were 17 and 18, respectively), how am I supposed to tell them that I have no interest in sex? When I'm told constantly how amazing my intended work is, how am I supposed to say that I changed my mind? I've been on anti-psychotics for several months now, and my mother straight-up told me, "I don't think it'd be bad for you to stop taking those, since you've broken the habit of thinking like that." So how am I supposed to mention that I still relapse about once a month? Those medications also treat schizophrenia, which I have also had (it was caused by a medication that I'd taken previously, but it still occasionally resurfaces). "But I'm sure you can tell the difference between what's real and what's not." I've explained numerous times that someone who is schizophrenic almost always doesn't realize they are schizophrenic. The only reason I noticed was that I started having auditory hallucinations, which freaked me out more than seeing things or arguing with voices in my head, so I started looking for what could have been causing it. I just don't even know what to do. Should I speak up about this stuff? I really want to just leave this entire situation as soon as possible, but the soonest I could wouldn't be for over a year, and I've been told I am "not allowed" to go to a university in another state—I honestly wouldn't put it past my parents to move to wherever I go, or even do something drastic to prevent my leaving the country if I ever decided to. It might seem stupid, but I've been so stressed out about this stuff that I can't focus on my responsibilities, and it's been showing in my performance in various activities. I wish reincarnation was possible, because at this point it's become too late to do most of the things I actually wanted to do, even if I was accepted despite everything—I can relate very strongly to the aforementioned suicides; I want to die now more than I ever have before, even though my depression has become somewhat more manageable. So, my fellow MALers, in your great wisdom and assured lack of shitposting, what do you think I should do? (If you think I should post this elsewhere, at least mention someplace where there are legitimate discussions on these matters instead of just saying something stupid like, "wrong board dude".) Sounds like you need to speak with a therapist about this. With that said here is my shitty advice. #1 just stop giving a shit. I'm not saying be apathetic to everyone & everything. That clearly isn't the way to go. However it sounds like your just way too nice. At a certain point you just gotta stop caring. You could have an open dialogue with your friends, telling them what your feeling, but honestly they will probably forget the conversation anyways. Sometimes you just gotta be an asshole. Also stop building up that image of yourself. You aren't a robot, your a human being with your own set of problems & emotions. #2 I guess it depends on how far along you are in college. If you're in your first year of college then your probably taking mostly general ed classes right now. However if you're in your fourth year then I would say it might be best to tough it out...then major in something else after you get your degree. #3 Regarding what some people say about transgenderism...refer to number 1. You can't let people's opinions get to you. #4 If you really think that your parents will kick you out, then wait until you get your own place...then come out. #5 Stay on the meds, its ok to get a second opinion...but they were prescribed for a reason. Tell your parents that too. Finally I can tell that you are in a bad place right now...but life does get better. |
| You're 17 and your parents are telling you to find a spouse and settle down? Are you sure you are the only mentally ill one in your family? |
TranceOct 27, 2016 12:03 PM
| hold off from telling them until you have a secure lifestyle, i dont have enough experience to suggest anything else |
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| Man, you're 17, what "already too late"? Srsly, wanted to hit you after I had read it. Yeah, you probably can't start an Olympic sport, but the rest is still up to you. Damn. Also the first part about people crying on your shoulder and the ideal image - not trying to be mean, but I'd check the perception on that thing. Especially since, as you've mentioned, you had problems. Sorry for this point, but that was what made me question the credibility of the whole story. As for the rest - nobody knows, nobody can tell you what to do, that's the sad part. But as a pro at similar shitty situations and anxiety over it, I can say you that there's a big chance that nothing will change if you don't do something. Personally, I am always unsure whether I see things as bad as they are. Maybe that's my depression, maybe my mind is messed up? There's also a chance that you can get an epiphany in the field that you've chosen. Like, your major is not ok, but the job after will fit you. You gotta analyse it to the best of your ability, minimize risks. But on the other hand, and this I can say from experience, there's also a much bigger chance that the shit will stay the way it is, if you don't move. So, by the time you decide to move, you'll be even more worn out, potentially in bad health, and then it'll be late for real. I say, it's still ok to try something at 17. When if not at 17? Later won't be better (unless legal issues, but still). Answer it to yourself, will things change on their own? What can bring the change in? But ultimately it's simply your call. Just don't rush with the gender change, lmao. And btw, if you break down, the relative stability will end anyway. Tho, if you haven't been kicked too hard for getting hallucinations, maybe your parents can get over some other shit. You sure you don't overreact on their part? |
deadoptimistOct 27, 2016 5:17 PM
VagueClarity said: astrozombie84 said: Sounds like you need to speak with a therapist about this. If I talk to my therapist, I am fairly sure she'd talk to my psychiatrist if not my parents, and then the psychiatrist would express "concern," (she has before), and then they'd demand I tell them everything. With that said here is my shitty advice. #1 just stop giving a shit. I'm not saying be apathetic to everyone & everything. That clearly isn't the way to go. However it sounds like your just way too nice. At a certain point you just gotta stop caring. You could have an open dialogue with your friends, telling them what your feeling, but honestly they will probably forget the conversation anyways. Sometimes you just gotta be an asshole. Also stop building up that image of yourself. You aren't a robot, your a human being with your own set of problems & emotions. That's exactly the problem. It's not like I'm trying to actively maintain this image; I just try to fit in with people's expectations. I don't think I have any friends close enough not to end the relationship if I talk about this with them, I think ( as someone else pointed out, this might all be my paranoia talking—I'd actually forgotten that schizophrenia is often accompanied by paranoia, so knowing that helps a little). I really do care, though, and very likely too much, but I am not sure how to moderate it; I've been bouncing between extremes for a while now. #2 I guess it depends on how far along you are in college. If you're in your first year of college then your probably taking mostly general ed classes right now. However if you're in your fourth year then I would say it might be best to tough it out...then major in something else after you get your degree. I'm on track to get my AA in summer 2017, and transfer to a university the following fall or spring. I don't know what else I'd want to do, though, so just dropping it would be a tremendously bad idea. #3 Regarding what some people say about transgenderism...refer to number 1. You can't let people's opinions get to you. A large part of it is my own opinion. I'm disgusted by the way I am now, but I'm disgusted that I want to change. I can't stop moving between those. #4 If you really think that your parents will kick you out, then wait until you get your own place...then come out. I'll try. I'm honestly not very close to my family anyway, so once I'm independent, it wouldn't affect me too much if they disowned me. #5 Stay on the meds, its ok to get a second opinion...but they were prescribed for a reason. Tell your parents that too. I've got the opinions of the therapist, the psychiatrist, a nurse, and a doctor backing me up. I've told my parents; they just don't seem to understand. Finally I can tell that you are in a bad place right now...but life does get better. To be perfectly honest with you, I've been waiting for over 5 years for something to improve, and it's just been steadily downhill. If your friends stop being your friends because of that...then they were never really your friends to begin with. Yeah you definitely need to decide what you want to do before you drop it. I'm sure you will figure it out though. You can't think like that...I know its hard not too. However there is nothing wrong with you. My advice is to join a transgender forum where you can talk to people that are going through the same thing you are. If you're ever feeling bad about who you are I suggest listening to Beautiful by Christian Aguilera. You will probably break down crying....but sometimes you need a good crying session...I always feel better after its over. I don't even like pop music but that song invokes such powerful emotions. Not much you can do about your parent. Parents like to think that they always know whats best for us, but that clearly isn't always true. Btw if you feel like the meds aren't completely doing the job & if you live somewhere that has medical marijuana then I suggest looking into high cbd, low thc weed strains like Charlotte’s Web. Its mostly used to treat epilepsy in children, but its also used for treating psychosis which includes but not limited to schizophrenia. It can be used along side your current medication & you might even be able to switch to a lower dose. You should ask your doctor about it. of course your parents don't sound like the kind of people that would be ok with you using medical marijuana...even though its low thc which is what gets you high. Life will get better with time. Sounds like you need to get away from your parents. Once you're financially independent then you should speak with a gender therapist. You may decide to transition...and even if you don't its helpful to speak with an expert. Regarding your current therapist. If you can't tell her stuff without your parents finding out then you should drop her. Its just a huge waste of time & money. Money that could be saved up in order to move out of your parent's house. |
VagueClarity said: hoopla123 said: How old are you OP? If you are an adult, just talk to your parents and do whatever the fuck you want. If you don't want to risk the outcome, then just stay the way you are. There's really no third option. 17. I don't want to risk the outcome, at the very least not yet. I want to see what people think (maybe convince me to do something one way or the other), and maybe get some support. I feel like a coward, and I'm hoping that enough people "pushing" me toward a resolution could help. If you choose a path in your life and your parents disagree with it to the point where they cut off their relationship with you, that's just how it is. Everyone lives with some sort of restriction in their life. But the only person that can take that off is yourself (in your case, since you do have the option of doing what you want, despite the consequences). And like many people said here, you are 17. At most I assume you are at your freshman year in University. You can change at anytime you want. You are not too late for anything at your age lol... |
VagueClarity said: @astrozombie84 I don't have any long-term friends; right now the people around me are more acquaintances with a prospect of friendship. It's easy for people like that to be pushed away, even if it's not something "wrong." It's just so different when it's somebody else—I don't judge anyone else harshly for this sort of thing, but I can't help but feel it's not right for me to be like this. At the same time, as I mentioned before, until I got on medications, I had serious homicidal ideations that were undeniably dangerous—my coping mechanism was to focus my thoughts on hating who I am, and when I start to feel borderline-relapse, I fall back on it. Thank you for the song recommendation. I personally prefer faster music (which is why I have a lot of Nightcore mentioned in my profile), and if I can find them among the list of links I have saved on my computer, I have a few that have that effect on me. Medical marijuana is in no way an option. I haven't done enough research to know the pros and cons, but everyone in the family has a very strong negative opinion on it—I share that stigma, though, again, I have no experience regarding medical marijuana; I'm sure it's different from the "recreational" kind. That sounds pretty bad. I typically like faster music as well. Weed gets a bad rap...but it really isn't bad. Its certainly less dangerous then alcohol. In your case you should stay far away from weed. As it has been known to induce schizophrenia with those with a genetic predisposition towards it. With that said high cbd, low thc is totally different from most marijuana...medical or otherwise. Thc is the psychoactive chemical...that gets you high. cbd is an anti psychoactive chemical. High cbd, low thc strains don't get you high, and are only used for medical purposes. I understand if you don't consider it a viable option. I'm not trying to push it on you either. I do recommend educating yourself about it tho. Marijuana is very misunderstood, and all the anti weed propaganda doesn't help. When ever you have some free time I suggest watching this video. P.S. it sucks that you don't have any real friends. Life can be pretty dark & lonely if you don't have someone that you can talk to about your problems. If you want you can add me as a friend, and if you ever need someone to talk to we can chat or something. Either way I wish you luck, and I hope things get better for you. |
I read through everything. I think your problem is stemmed from the chains you're bound in. You need to break free, man. Stop letting your parents rule your life and do what the hell it is YOU want to do. If you're sick and tired of them telling you to get a spouse and have kids, TELL THEM. Yell at them if you have to. If you want to go to a university out of state, get the financial aid and arrange it yourself whether you gotta ask friends or other family members to help you. You need to have ambition and some measure of self worth so you can get off your feet and fight for what it is YOU want and what YOU need. It's not selfish to take care of yourself; to protect your own needs and interests. You're an adult. It's time for you to do what you have to to preserve your mental clarity. Don't ever let your parents or anyone else pressure or bully you into conforming your life to ANYONE'S standards. You have a free will, so own it and follow your HEART. God bless you. I hope you find your way. Nothing peeves me more than the infringement of someone's liberties. |
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| Is it bad that I thought 'sounds like a typical teenagers life' ? all these sorts of issues are common in youth and don't sell out being 17 as already too old. Im old! you still have lots of years to sort yourself out yet. One thing I do recommend reading your comments is check your medication because it sounds like its not right for you and is actually causing a lot of your problems. It can be like taking meds for headaches, take them enough and they start causing the headaches you think they're curing. A change in medication might just fix a lot of your mental issues. They can cause a lot of what you're describing feeling especially considering your age. As for expectations and family trust me its more common than you think for teenagers to be under those types of pressures. All you can do is focus on yourself and move out when able. Time a part from family actually sometimes helps them disconnect from you and leave you to your own life. If you're self sufficient they won't bother you as much to settle down. Parents tend to do that because your currently their full responsibility. Take that into your own hands and parents tend to stop caring as much. |
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