| First of all, I apologize if this post offends anyone. I'm not talking about the dream of marrying a doctor or lawyer, unless you actually have that dream. I primarily mean a person being on your level or higher. For example, I'm getting a Master's in May and plan to work on my PhD in the fall, so I refuse to date someone who doesn't have a college degree. Also, I have a job in my field with the U.S. government. There was a guy (a few years older than me) I enjoyed talking to one night and was immediately turned off when I discovered that he worked at Best Buy. My mother and grandmother told me that it's wrong for me to set my standards too high because it's judgmental. My friend says it's right to expect someone to be on my level, especially since I have intentions of spending my life with him. So my questions are: Do you think it's wrong to have high standards for a potential gf/bf? Why or why not? Do you personally have standards that you expect from a guy/girl? |
Demi_VMar 2, 2016 5:11 PM
| Demi Valentine Website: Nika 'n Asia Follow me on social media! Facebook | Instagram | Twitter |
| I suppose not, just do what you want to do, it'll only effect you in the long run if you're picky over someones job. Naturally people will also look down on someone not dating them because of their job, but I don't intend to offend anyone here either so I'll tread carefully if I comment further. |
Dick_DawkinsMar 2, 2016 4:08 PM
Trance said: I'm a guy and I can imagine buttfucking another guy. I don't find the thought repulsive, and I can even imagine kissing another man. |
| No it is not. Your significant other is basically, if marriage is the route, going to be by your side nearly 24/7 so why wouldn't you want what's best for them and for you? Hell if I'm going to stay in shape, work my ass off for promotions and make decisions for myself I expect my significant other to do the same. And yes if your girlfriend/boyfriend gets fat start saying shit immediately ain't no reason you should have to put up with that. If we stop having high standards for our significant others we basically go from being with Dicaprio to fucking Trump. |
| Big Order (TV):great anime or greatest anime? |
| Only you know what makes you happy and only you can find out for yourself if those things truly make you happy. I don't think anyone should tell you that your standards are too high. It's better to know what you want than to settle and be unhappy. |
 Banner credit to @turnip |
| not at all everyone has expectations of what they want in a partner what i do think is silly is people that are balding and living off wellfare in baton rouge expecting nothing less than a super model with nothing comparable to bring in return except for a history of shitposts on mal thats just funny loll |
  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet |
My response in a video. All the things are explained here. |
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| Nah, I don't think it's wrong. It's your love life, so don't worry and have as many standards and preferences as you want. You'll be the one living with your boyfriend anyway, so it's better if he's what you expect a guy to be. (Btw, you said "spending my life with him" so I assumed you're straight, but if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me) |
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| nah its fine to find someone on your own level, as i said on another thread quality people like healthy people tend to look for quality partners too since it makes sense in a evolutionary/biology matter in order for them to produce quality offspring/children too |
Demi_V said: First of all, I apologize if this post offends anyone. I'm not talking about the dream of marrying a doctor or lawyer, unless you actually have that dream. I primarily mean a person being on your level or higher. For example, I'm getting a Master's in May and plan to work on my PhD in the fall, so I refuse to date someone who doesn't have a college degree. Also, I have a job in my field with the U.S. government. There was a guy (a few years older than me) I enjoyed talking to one night and was immediately turned off when I discovered that he worked at Best Buy. My mother and grandmother told me that it's wrong for me to set my standards too high because it's judgmental. My friend says it's right to expect someone to be on my level, especially since I have intentions of spending my life with him. So my questions are: Do you think it's wrong to have high standards for a potential gf/bf? Do you personally have standards that you expect from a guy/girl? Now to each his own, but one thing I will mention is that keep your options open to those who don't have a college degree but do have a form of higher education. I for example took a few years of college but dropped out and I'm taking classes to work at a state prison as a psychiatric technician. While I won't have a true college degree I will have a license. Basically what I'm saying is some fish out in the sea don't need college degrees, but never date someone who you can't hold a meaningful conversation with. |
| Big Order (TV):great anime or greatest anime? |
| ain't gonna date no B-tier when I main Marth know what im sayin' |
| I think actually having standards is rather nice. It means you aren't just going to date any trash...I'm picky like that too. Just be aware it might take a while if you're that choosy, but in my mind that's a small price to pay. |
| It is not by no means. Sociologically speaking people are much more comfortable being with people in there social class. He may feel uncomfortable dating someone who is "above" him. But this does not answer your question does it? There is nothing wrong with setting standards for someone who you want to date/marry. You are making an enormous emotional commitment to them so you want them to be someone that is fit for you. Be warned, having a PHD sets the bar fairly high, but there is nothing wrong with that. Now, if you go around thinking "These people are so poor and beneath me. They should have gone to school to better themselves" then your just a judgmental bitch. BUT do not let differences in social class, or accomplishments separate you from true love. Unless you feel they are too immature/not fit for a family. Edit: Congratulations on your Masters and soon to have PHD. |
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| this thread reminds me that unconditional love rarely exist, i personally have not observe unconditional love, especially at this tough economic times |
| No, if you want to, you are free to have the standards you want. Just like other people have the right to have the standards they want. |
| no. personal preferences my friend, personal preference :) |
yes....yes I did  |
| No, it isn't. It's just what you prefer. |
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| This kind of seems like the degree talking when you want a potential life partner to be on your your level or higher. If he works at an average or basic paying job full time, with the chance of promotion then he can basically live off that, not easily, but still survive off it. So with your high class and his income you can easily live a reasonably luxurious life without fear of losing the house or car. I've seen people who set their standards high when they have a degree and turn down jobs because they feel they should be entitled a higher job. That attitude speaks for itself, and I'd think less of someone who expects (not sets) standards to be at their class or higher, but I wouldn't be disrespectful as you're entitled to live that way and I don't think you're wrong to be that way. I understand being smart if he can only get part time work, or keeps getting his hours cut, but if he has job security and can get interviews for other jobs then you should perhaps think about what you could miss out on, if you believe in fate and random chance. (if your story is sincere. It's still up to you, if anyone thinks they can wait then that's not a wrong move by any means. It's also not wrong however how anyone else perceives this.) |
Dick_DawkinsMar 2, 2016 5:20 PM
Trance said: I'm a guy and I can imagine buttfucking another guy. I don't find the thought repulsive, and I can even imagine kissing another man. |
| No, not at all... I got you covered bb |
| No, in fact in today's society I would recommend this for both men and women. If you and your partner are equal you won't get screwed over by alimony in the event of divorce (which occurs quite frequently I daresay). HOWEVER, as a word of warning, for women this is common . . . The average man on the other hand is not going to stress "equality or higher" when it comes to job / education level / intelligence / etc., and is instead tends to care more about looks / age / etc. This is not meant to offend anyone, just warn people that what they are looking for in a partner is not necessarily what that person is looking for in them. Be aware of this. ESPECIALLY when it comes to education level / income, men tend to care very little (to not at all) about this. A "Cute and nice girl" is more attractive than a "plain girl with a PhD". Because of these differences it is easier for the "cute and nice girl" to land a man than is "educated and in a good career" since they are on the same level. Unfair? Well on the flip side it is much easier for a plain man with a good career to land a woman than a handsome and nice man (of course without a good career). I am of course just talking about on average though, so if anyone thinks "No! I know this guy / girl that . . . ", that's great, and the norms may be shifting . . . however as of right now this is still what is common. |
Pirating_NinjaMar 2, 2016 5:58 PM
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Pirating_Ninja said: No, in fact in today's society I would recommend this for both men and women. If you and your partner are equal you won't get screwed over by alimony in the event of divorce (which occurs quite frequently I daresay). HOWEVER, as a word of warning, for women this is common . . . The average man on the other hand is not going to stress "equality or higher" when it comes to job / education level / intelligence / etc., and is instead tends to care more about looks / age / etc. This is not meant to offend anyone, just warn people that what they are looking for in a partner is not necessarily what that person is looking for in them. Be aware of this. ESPECIALLY when it comes to education level / income, men tend to care very little (to not at all) about this. A "Cute and nice girl" is more attractive than a "plain girl with a PhD". Because of these differences it is easier for the "cute and nice girl" to land a man than is "educated and in a good career" since they are on the same level. Unfair? Well on the flip side it is much easier for a plain man with a good career to land a woman than a handsome and nice man (of course without a good career). I am of course just talking about on average though, so if anyone thinks "No! I know this guy / girl that . . . ", that's great, and the norms may be shifting . . . however as of right now this is still what is common. Nicely put but careful man. All the Feminazis and Tumblrinas of MAL will come for ur ass |
| Not at all, why lower your standards just because society makes you feel like a bad person for having them? |
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| If the only problem you have with them is their job choice I'd say it's arrogant not cruel, if it's something like values, personality or that you don't feel physically attracted to them I'd say it's fine. |
kenjigreato said: Royal7Knight said: If the only problem you have with them is their job choice I'd say it's arrogant not cruel, if it's something like values, personality or that you don't feel physically attracted to them I'd say it's fine. I'm sure plenty of guys won't date escorts or hookers. Job choice is pretty important. The reason they wouldn't date them falls under values. So yeah, job matters in that sense. It's indirect though. |
| I think it's okay to set a standard when it comes to working and school degrees, everyone(hopefully) has an opportunity to earn a degree and get a decent job if they work hard enough. Setting your standards too high is when you look for physical traits first. |
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| Op, for us guys, a chick with a high level of education is such a turn-off. We would rather date the waitress, person working at a gym, or teacher, than date an executive or someone with a high ranking position from a big company. We guys would have nothing to offer them. We would feel inferior. We guys hate feeling inferior in relationships. Thrust me on this one: You didn't run away from the Best Buy guy. He ran away from you once he saw your level of education. Deal with it. |
| The only opinions that matter in a relationship are yours, and the other person's. Don't try to be happy according someone else's standards; it won't work. |
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| "If you keep your expectations low to the ground, it will hurt less when you fall." -- Stephen Hawkings |
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| No. No one is entitled a chance with anyone. |
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| not rly. some one else will just snag up the person you don't like most likely anyways. |
| I don't see anything wrong with it. You don't target anyone with your specific desires. The only person who gets targeted is you. It's possible that because of your high standards, you miss out on guys who will make you happy. However, it's your own hell to pay. |
| WEAPONS - My blog, for reviews of music, anime, books, and other things |
| Nope, nothing wrong with that its your love life, you decide. |
| Signature removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Site & Forum Guidelines. |
Rarusu_ said: It sounds unromantic if you ask me, and shallow. Judging someone based on their occupation. It's nothing that I would do, and I would be turned-off of someone wanted me because I had a certain degree or job. It's one thing if you want your partner to have a job so that you are able to build a life together, but over that it feels too much. In the end, high standards like that will hit hardest on those people holding them. I would keep my doors open. It may be so that you find your lawyer or doctor, but it may also be the other way around. There are more females than males at univerisites, and males in my experience do not care as much as womenz about the CV of their significant other. I don't know you however, so I can't judge whether those standards are unreasonable or not. I agree with Rarusu. There is nothing wrong with having high standards, but judging or being attracted to someone based on their degree or profession just sounds unromantic and shallow, and I'd honestly be a bit put-off too if someone liked me just based on my job. But hey, if that's your thing, then there's nothing wrong with that. |
MoogMar 3, 2016 3:20 AM
| I never set my standards that high, rather, I never focus if the person meets my standards. When I get interested over someone, I try to get to know the person as much as I can and see if it's worth the effort to continue. If I don't see the person as a love interest, I'd just settle for being friends. |
| Just go to China : There, there is a parc where people put on a paper with essential informations such as their academic level, how much money they earn and their age. Nothing else is important, obviously. I personally would also like to do a PhD eventually, but I don't mind if my S.O. doesn't have a really 'high' diploma as long as he has qualities I deem more important in someone. I do think what you're looking for is rather shallow quality. |
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| To each their own I guess, everyone has their own standards.... But basing your standards solely on their education/ occupation is a little shallow. It'll be easier to find happiness with whoever you most enjoy spending time with, rather than someone who studied hard. But anyways good luck with your masters and PhD. |
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| To the people who think it's shallow or arrogant to choose someone based on their education and/or job, don't you think a guy would be unhappy in a relationship if he feels inferior? Some ppl in the thread mentioned this, and I kind of concur with their opinion. If you disagree, feel free to provide a cogent explanation. If you happen to agree, please expand on that. I'm willing to be more open if someone can prove that two ppl can be happy otherwise. |
| Demi Valentine Website: Nika 'n Asia Follow me on social media! Facebook | Instagram | Twitter |
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