| I'm pretty sure I've asked this with other people in a chat room somewhere, but I forgot if it was ever on this forum. Basically, what criteria do you set for what you consider as friends? Is it the time spent with them? Is a closer friend someone you spent a longer time with than a not-so-close friend? Is it how much you trust them? How do you come to trust someone? Is it how much you enjoy their company? Is it to what extent you would help them out? These are the questions I ask when I start to consider what qualifies as a friendship. Which one is the most important question? Probably trust. But trust isn't a dichotomy between trust and distrust. We have a continuum to how much details we're willing to share to another, and it isn't often just a black and white concept. Trust is also coincidentally gained or lost based on the time spend with them, as well as how much you enjoy their company. One may ask, well who really cares what criteria you have for friendship? If you like them, you're a friend. I have no problem with this answer, but often we like someone because of, well, reasons. Criteria help us understand what reasons those are. Is it similarity that makes us like them? Is it how they remind you of someone you used to like? So what are your reasons for determining who is a friend, and who isn't? |
| You may want to read this if the topic interests you. http://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=1254635&show=0 |
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| Derped hard. Maybe there will be new replies. :[ |
| You just fucked my mind Eh...i guess a friend is someone i like and want to spend time with. |
FragOutFire said: Why am I a Berserk fan? All I ever experience is pain. We are in the eclipse and Miura has sacrificed us |
| A good thing to understand what is considered a friend is to provide a definition of a friend through necessary and sufficient conditions. |
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Tachii said: Derped hard. Maybe there will be new replies. :[ Well wasn't my intention to point out your fault. Though yeah, it's been two months there'll probably be different and new replies. Though on topic a friend to me is just someone I get along with and we hang out often. We both enjoy chatting and have no expectations of each other or the friendship. That said I would be strict with my trust in them. Say I loan them $50 and they don't pay me back. The next time they come asking for money it'll be a no until I'm repaid. As for a closer friend being one I spend more time with, that's somewhat true but not entirely. I could chat with someone for a year and it only be small talk. Though I could have a week hang out with someone else and discuss life,philosophy,personal problems, etc and feel closer to them than the previous. That said I don't do the whole "best friends" thing, either my friend or not. |
AstrosJan 18, 2015 8:09 AM
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Soren333 said: Thanks for summing up my entire post in a sentence I guess lolA good thing to understand what is considered a friend is to provide a definition of a friend through necessary and sufficient conditions. Lending money is a tough one to be honest. People know I'm cheap as hell, so I'd only consider lending if I *really* trust them to handle money, not how much I trust them as a friend. Speaking of which, I still own a guy 10 dollars lol |
Soren333 said: If they can hang they're a friend.A good thing to understand what is considered a friend is to provide a definition of a friend through necessary and sufficient conditions. |
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| I think a friend is someone who gives as much dedication and support to me as I do to them. People I consider friends are those who aren't annoying, even if they don't realize it or are intentionally acting as such. Sadly the people like those described in the last sentence are not in the minority. It's why I choose not to socialize because everyone is the same here. Especially since my only option for friends are those in high school like me. High school is a very fragile period in an adolescents life. Very rarely do people walk out of high school with a diploma and as many friends as they had prior to going into high school. So I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to choose between being hurt and avoiding social contact with other high schoolers, I'd always choose the latter. I can socialize; I just choose not to. |
Click my sig  |
| Glad to see you back, if you were ever gone. It is mostly how comfortable I feel around them, how low can I drop my guard and let my true character come out. It does involve a fair amount of trust, this friendship. I don't really need to trust them, all I ask is from a friend is for them to trust me. |
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Tachii said: Thanks for summing up my entire post in a sentence I guess lol Lending money is a tough one to be honest. People know I'm cheap as hell, so I'd only consider lending if I *really* trust them to handle money, not how much I trust them as a friend. Speaking of which, I still own a guy 10 dollars lol Depends on the reason for the loan to me. If my buddy needs gas money to get to work then I'm more open to that then helping them buy a new electronic. Also the act of lending them money is a good way to build trust. It's like a test of sorts to see how reliable they are. |
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| I dont think its the time spent with them. Ive been in all classes with the same people since freshman year highschool (hs is 5yrs here) to graduation day and i can only call 5 friends and 1 a close friend. Also, i met a guy through a friend on christmas eve and i swear we became close friends in a week if not less. To me a friend is someone you have awesome chemistry and great convesations with. When u can talk for hours but it feels like minutes, trust, enjyment of company and how much you wanna help them grows without even noticing :) It can all start of like BAM in a first witty conversation. Havent u ever shared like 5 sentences with a stranger look at them and yet thought "We're gonna be good friends i bet" and their giving you that very look too. |
-Taiyou said: Nowadays I imagine you can just maintain contacts with friends after graduation via online means.I think a friend is someone who gives as much dedication and support to me as I do to them. People I consider friends are those who aren't annoying, even if they don't realize it or are intentionally acting as such. Sadly the people like those described in the last sentence are not in the minority. It's why I choose not to socialize because everyone is the same here. Especially since my only option for friends are those in high school like me. High school is a very fragile period in an adolescents life. Very rarely do people walk out of high school with a diploma and as many friends as they had prior to going into high school. So I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to choose between being hurt and avoiding social contact with other high schoolers, I'd always choose the latter. I can socialize; I just choose not to. But I know what you mean. People often cease communication altogether. Then you'd know who considered you as a good friend, and those who could care less if your presence is there. Now though I understand friendship isn't really bad as I used to think. It's not like I made a choice to reconnect with those people either. If they thought the same way that I ceased communication because I didn't think they were a friend, then friendship by definition won't go very far after high school. But if I made the effort to connect, that I told them I still think of them as a friend, then that bond continues, or at least have a better chance than testing your friendships by seeing who talked first. I like to think now that testing friends is probably just a lazy way of trying to justify your lack of effort since "they didn't really care either". By no means am I saying that was you, it was my mentality back then, however. |
Tachii said: I hate testing people as well, but when you've been fucked over by as many people as I have, you start to realize that there's no other way. And I'm not in public school, I'm in home school, lol. My Mom has been trying to get me into social skills class though, even though I don't really need it.snip |
Click my sig |
eiramu17 said: lol I don't really know if it's a "look". But just how long you can maintain a conversation I guess.I dont think its the time spent with them. Ive been in all classes with the same people since freshman year highschool (hs is 5yrs here) to graduation day and i can only call 5 friends and 1 a close friend. Also, i met a guy through a friend on christmas eve and i swear we became close friends in a week if not less. To me a friend is someone you have awesome chemistry and great convesations with. When u can talk for hours but it feels like minutes, trust, enjyment of company and how much you wanna help them grows without even noticing :) It can all start of like BAM in a first witty conversation. Havent u ever shared like 5 sentences with a stranger look at them and yet thought "We're gonna be good friends i bet" and their giving you that very look too. For most people, you can talk about somethings but conversation will eventually stop quickly. For others, you can just talk more to them, and you always feel you have more to talk about. This isn't something I can see in someone. Or after 5 sentences. But over time you notice, wow, I can always go to them to talk about things. But that might just be I think of friendship as someone I can share my life to without holding back. MrSantaEye said: Who...Glad to see you back, if you were ever gone. It is mostly how comfortable I feel around them, how low can I drop my guard and let my true character come out. It does involve a fair amount of trust, this friendship. I don't really need to trust them, all I ask is from a friend is for them to trust me. Good points there. But usually there is mutual trust in a friendship ideally, right? |
taiichi said: MrSantaEye said: Who...Glad to see you back, if you were ever gone. It is mostly how comfortable I feel around them, how low can I drop my guard and let my true character come out. It does involve a fair amount of trust, this friendship. I don't really need to trust them, all I ask is from a friend is for them to trust me. Good points there. But usually there is mutual trust in a friendship ideally, right? Oh, I just remember liking your threads, and then they stopped is all I mean. While ideally that is true, I am a liar by nature, so if people don't trust me as much I can understand that. |
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| To consider somebody friend in my case, someone should be trustworthy. That's the most important thing. We should also match as personalities though, since i won't be able to talk to him freely otherwise. |
| A friend is someone who takes you home after getting intoxicated. |
| Signature removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Site & Forum Guidelines. |
| You guys are all my friends (checks friendliest) Oops fuck no. |
 Behold of my awesomeness~ controversial and/or sensitive topics likely devolve into the same repetitive, derogatory, abusive, and harassing comments can no longer be posted. But my feels. |
| I find this question a bit too difficult. |
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, [/i]By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!'' ~Oscar |
| If I have a conversation with you that lasts more than a few lines, you're a friend. |
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NarTaco said: If someone chooses to hang out with me even though they know my true colors then they are my friend. |
Click my sig |
NarTaco said: Do you share your true color to people that aren't your friends?If someone chooses to hang out with me even though they know my true colors then they are my friend. |
| Someone I spend time with and enjoy spending time with on a regular basis. If I consider someone a close friend or not depends on the level of trust, how much I enjoy spending my time with them, how much I'm willing to confide in them and what compromises we're willing to do for each other. |
Wecc said: All hail HaXXspetten king of the loli traps!  |
Meokii said: if you buy me food or give me the pickles from your BigMac, you are a true friend。 Burger King is where it's at, mate. |
| #tybg bitch mob #1 member |
| i think there are different kinds of ''friends''. where i live we call others friends very fast. When you hang out with someone multiple times they are considered your friends. i call those people i like to spend time with. I think you can really see who your true friends are in bad times. They are the ones who are with you as fast as they can when something shit has happened to you and they are the ones who forgive you when you make a mistake because they think you are worth it and believe you can better yourself. |
| "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." |
Starchaser187 said: I ask myself "If (insert the name of person in question) died, would I care?". If the answer is "yes" then I consider that person a friend That is deeeeep For me it would be.. If you make me laugh, hang out with me and we know each other pretty well then you're a real friend. |
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| som1 i like to spend time with |
| Someone I spend a decent amount of time with and know sort of well, I guess... I'd consider someone a friend if I was sure that they felt the same way about me. |
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Cookieking said: My friend is my friend because I like them.som1 i like to spend time with #notdeep |
| I'm not really sure myself. Someone whom I spend a bit of time talking to, even if it's just every once in a while. Someone I enjoy talking to? For me, the other person doesn't need to have the same interests or be a saint to be my friend. I mean, I do try to avoid people like that, but if someone like that ends up being someone I consider a "friend" then so be it. I mean, one of the friends I talk to most nowadays is, well, an ass, but I do enjoy talking to him and care for the dude since he's a friend, so personality-wise, it doesn't matter... Dammit, I don't know. x_x Now you got me thinking about this It just happens. |
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| Friends are people you enjoy spending time with and talk with regularly who feel the same about you. They are people one can depend on to try and help you if necessary who you'd do the same for, and they are people that can look past one's faults and flaws. Friends may argue and bicker, but in the end they learn to let things go. |
| Someone you can have great banter with. |
| I walk a lonely road because everyone else fell off |
| I don't call people my friends very fast. My best friend actually lives on another continent and I only get to see her once a year if I'm lucky. So..I don't really spend a lot of time with her. But the time I do spend with her is always quality time. I'm somebody who gets bored of people very quickly. with most people you can only converse up to a certain level and it will never go beyond that. My best friend is completely different when you compare her to me but I appreciate her a lot for giving me different insight on things. My biggest criteria in calling people my friends is... they need to be able to tell me when I did something wrong. Openly. In my face. Just the plain truth. I need input ok I always need input and I need to know how I can change myself as a person. And I am also somebody who will always tell her friend when they did something wrong. So it needs to be somebody who is able to take criticism and not feel personally offended at every little thing i say or do. I don't have the energy for that. Also a friendship can only be build if two people work on it. It's a process. And both need to be invested and interested. I personally happen to attract a lot of people who really want to be my friends simply because I'm nice to them. I don't hate them or anything and I'm also not fake.. it's just simple manners.. but that seems to attract a lot of people who then.. REALLY look up to me and it's the most annoying thing when somebody always tries to change for you. Like I will never enjoy somebody who isn't capable of expressing their own thoughts and feelings without having to fear my reaction and what i might think of them afterwards. being your own person is good man. i also think you can find the most amazing friends in people you might've never even thought of before. don't reduce your circle of friends to people who're only interested in the same type of music/clothes. even if you might not like their taste they can still be awesome people who'll help you to grow as a person. also somebody you can be in the same room with for hours and not talk and not feel uncomfortable/awkward at all... lmao sorry i wrote a lot bye |
chuuzenjisJan 18, 2015 5:54 PM
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| Someone who genuinely wants to talk to me and hang out with me for fun and not for school-related purposes. |
| Why isn't there an "all of the above" option? o.0 |
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| those who send me cute pm's on here pssssh hint hint |
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Nanet said: There is, you just have to say you share all those questions, like I have. Write your own opinions, don't choose from a silly list I made. :pWhy isn't there an "all of the above" option? o.0 Fiction-S said: Who have the time and effort to remember birthdays when it can be saved and displayed on your contacts list? I mean, realistically speaking, there's definitely better things to remember, maybe your interests, your personality, rather than such mundane numbers and names. Or at least, that's what I think. I'm personally awful with birthdays. The only one I know is my parents, and that's only because their birthdays are exactly a month apart. I know no one elses (aside from my own or people that's on the same day as me.)The one who remembers my birthday and knows how to spell my name. Those are usually the people I consider my friends. |
| Someone who I can talk freely about anything and feel comfortable with. |
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| One thing is for sure. To get and maintain a friendship is a strenuous matter. At least for me. I'm now pretty cynical about friendship. I probably had trustworthy friend back in my teen years, but now I have shallow relationships, mostly. Ranging from co-workers which I see just at my workplace to old childhood friend which I grew increasingly distant with the passing years. some of them are still good friends, but not spontaneous and straightforward as before. Also, as I said before, is tiresome to maintain this friendship. Right now, I just wish for healthy and cheerful friendships. Trust and empathy can be secondary if there's complicity and spontaneity. When shit happens, a smile can be more comforting than a declaration of loyal friendship. |
| when they openly tell me when i was being a little bitch and that i need to calm my tits they're friendship material. |
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Tachii said: Is it the time spent with them? Is a closer friend someone you spent a longer time with than a not-so-close friend? The time spent may be considered a factor, but I don't think that's all there is to a friend. Tachii said: Is it how much you trust them? How do you come to trust someone? Of course. A close friend is someone you trust. But when it comes to winning my trust.. It's delicate. I grew to be very skeptical of the others, & I haven't really trusted a ' friend ' nor made a 'close friend' for the last years. Tachii said: Is it how much you enjoy their company? Of course, it goes without saying that one would enjoy his close friends / friends' company. But we can also enjoy other less closer people's company. Tachii said: Is it to what extent you would help them out? I would want my close friend to be happy. I would help them out whenever I feel like they need it. Tachii said: Is it similarity that makes us like them? Is it how they remind you of someone you used to like? No, just no. Tachii said: So what are your reasons for determining who is a friend, and who isn't? When it comes down to this, I think that what is truly important, is to have the same concept of friendship. That doesn't mean having the same ideas, & the same tastes, no. It just means to lead the friendship towards a mutual agreement. |
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