| My first story made public. Hope you enjoy my work. Gemini Genesis Prologue In year 2120, the world once again engulfed in World War III. Because of this, the world was on a brink of destruction when the Earth crust begins to shift, causing massive transformation of the world’s geography. In the wake of this phenomenon, the world at last attains peace again and to ensure the peace is maintained, an organization was formed to instill order and usage of firearms was banned. Then, in year 2145, the world once again stumbles into another crisis. An unknown virus spreads like a plague, causing those who are infected gain abilities beyond the human limits. These humans, known as ‘Plague-bearers’, suddenly became wicked and evil when infected. Within these group, there are also those who still able to keep their sanity intact and will acquire a symbol at their bodies. They were trained by the organization to counterbalance the destructive force of the ‘Plague-bearers’. They are known as the ‘Horoscope Agents’. And now, in year 2155… |
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| In a small town, a lean, young woman was shopping for groceries when she saw a collapsed young man trying to get up from the dirt. He is wearing a green vest, a white shirt with long sleeves, black gloves with open fingers, black headband, blue jeans and a headphone. At his back he was carrying a parcel as long as him wrapped in a white cloth. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” asked the young woman. Still laying down, he spoke with difficulty, “I’m… fine… Need… food…” before he fainted. Surprised, she hesitantly supports the man and brings him to a small house. … A few hours later, the man woke up. Still groggy, he looks at the four curious kids. “Uh… Where am I?” “You collapsed at the market. If I haven’t walked by, you might be crushed by the trucks carrying supplies, you know”. Startled, the man turned towards the voice. It was the woman. “You helped me? Uh, thanks.” “No need to thank me. I was just passing by back then,” said the woman. “By the way, what’s your name, stranger?” “Me? Well, my name is Kentarou Yaruzaki. I was on my way to see my foster parents when I got lost and have been walking for six days before stumbling into this town,” said the man. “Welcome to what used to be a part of Miami. Now, this place is now known as Lost Edelweiss. My name is Carla Portis. This house is an orphanage run by me. Now kids, say hello to Mr. Yaruzaki.” In this time, because of the major shift in the Earth crust, many major cities in the world were separated and combine with other cities. To ease the confusion, the organization allowed these combined cities to change their names. As for the continents, which have combined into four separate large continents, the organization gave the continents certain names with the Central continent as the major continent. “Hi, mister. My name is Matt. I’m the eldest of the four kids,” said the young, skinny boy. “And this young girl is my sister, Janet.” “Hello, Mr. Yaruzaki,” said the small, frail girl. The chubby boy then said, “I’m Benjamin. This quiet kid here,” with a pat at the spectacled kid’s shoulder, “is Kyle.” The boy nods. “Nice to meet you all. Thank you for the kind hospitality, but I have to go now. They’re waiting for me,” said Kentarou before he stumbled while trying to stand up. “Really now. You’re still weak from exhaustion. You need to rest for a couple of days here. Come, have some food, what little we have left,” said Carla, sighing. “What’s wrong? Didn’t you buy the groceries earlier?” asked Kentarou. “I did. That is for tomorrow’s breakfast. This town is governed by a ruthless man. His name is Marcus Friedrich. He killed the former mayor ten years ago and takes the town by force.” “What, Marcus Friedrich? I thought his name is Luigi Largo.” “That is his alias he uses to fool the supervisor of this land. When he came eight years ago, he locked all those who will cause trouble and replaced them with his own man.” “If he is that ruthless, why didn’t you stop him?” “We can’t because he has a ‘Plague-bearer’ name Mernon. He had killed at least twenty men who try to stop Marcus.” “A ‘Plague-bearer’, here? He must be something to have him.” “That’s why it’s useless to think hard about it, but if I can, I want to kill him myself,” said Carla with a furious tone. “Anyway, what do you have for dinner? I’m famished,” asked Kentarou with a scared expression. “Oh, sorry about that, Kentarou. I got carried away with my emotion.” “It’s okay. I’m just worried someone like you want to do something like that.” With the conversation ended, all of them have dinner in a quiet atmosphere when suddenly, the lights went out. After a few minutes, Carla lit up a candle at the table. “What the? Did something happen?” asked Kentarou. “Looks like the fuse has gone out. *sigh* Looks like I have to buy a new one tomorrow.” “I’ll help you buy it, Miss Carla. Think of it as repayment for your hospitality.” “Thank you, Kentarou. That is certainly helpful of you.” … The next morning, Kentarou went out with Carla to the market while chatting. “So, Kentarou, how old are you? Judging from your looks, you must be still in school, right?” “Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m 18 years old this year, and yes, I’m still learning at an academy at Central.” “18? I’m 22, so stop with the formalities, okay?” “I can tell your 22, but you’re still older than me, so I must show some respect, and also, I can tell that your father is the murdered mayor, isn’t it?” With that, Carla suddenly stops walking. “You can tell? So you now know the reason I hate that man, right?” With a sigh, Kentarou said to Carla, “I know that revenge is a great weapon, but it will haunt you forever and make you feel miserable.” “You don’t know what he did to my father, Kentarou. He killed him in front of me. That’s why I can’t forgive him, no matter what.” With that, Carla quickly walks while trying to suppress her anger. At the market, they went to a shop that sells electronics hardware. “Excuse me, sir. Do you sell fuses for the fuse box?” asks Kentarou. “Well, I do have it, but you have to pay 15000 credits for 6 fuses.” “15000 credits?! That’s expensive.” “You must be new here, kid. Listen, we have to sell all of this over the original price because of Marcus’ men. They came asking us to pay them. Call it extortion money if you want, because they will damage our stuff whenever we pay them even if it’s short of 1 credit.” “Let’s go, Kentarou. We’ll find another shop that sell fuses,” urges Carla. “Umm… can you go and wait outside for a while? I’ve something to buy here.” “Well, okay. But be quick.” After a few minutes waiting, Kentarou comes out of the shop with a few fuses. “Why did you buy them? We can find it somewhere else.” “Well… I was able to persuade him to lower the price a bit. Anyway, I’ll go buy the groceries. You can go back to the orphanage first, Carla,” suggests Kentarou. “Do you know what shop sell’s at the cheapest price, Kentarou?” “Yes, I can. I can judge the shop just by looking at them, so no worries. Just go, I’ll be fine, really.” With a sigh, she went back to the orphanage. Then, when she arrived, Kyle and Janet came to her with frightened face. “Sis Carla, they came asking for money. Brother Matt is trying to stop them from breaking our home,” said Janet while crying. “What? I paid them almost a week ago”. Carla then barges in and saw them trying to beat Matt. “Stop right there, you. I’ve already paid you all a week ago.” One of the men sniffs loudly before he laughs. “What? You paid? Our boss said that you still not paid him full. If you don’t want anything to happen to this boy, you better pay now.” “Ugh… I don’t have it right now. I paid it full last week with all the money that I have.” “Then, you don’t mind us beating this kid to death, right?” said the second man. “Don’t worry about me, sis. I’ll be fine. Take care of Janet for me.” Then, Kentarou walks in, shocked with the development. He then stops the third man form hurting Matt. “Come on, guys. You know that beating kids is a cowardly thing to do, right? So chill out,” said Kentarou before pushes the man away from Matt. “Who are you, boy?” “I’m just a wanderer who happens to stay here. Tell me, Carla. How much money did they want?” Still shocked, she stuttered a bit, “Uh… about 100000 credits.” “100000? Can you go to my bag and take a look inside. Take the amount you said, Carla.” With that, Carla rummages through Kentarou’s bag and hands the amount of credits with a shocked and puzzled look. “This is the correct amount, correct?” “Yeah, so just pay us now, boy.” “Just a moment, guys. Say, Carla. How much worth is the table and chair?” “The amount is about 72000 credits.” “So, I’ll only pay you guys 28000 credits with the remaining credits as collateral payment.” “What? We didn’t make the mess. Those kids are the one who breaks them.” With a sneer, Kentarou says, “Really? Can a small kid throw the table and break it? And can a kid smash the chairs with their bare hands? I don’t think so, guys. I have seen many things to conclude what really happened here.” With that, the men retreats before he warns Kentarou, “You’ll regret this, kid. We’ll be back.” After they left, Carla then asks, “How did you obtain that much money, Kentarou?” “Oh, that? My parents always gave me money to spend at the university, but I don’t know what to buy for myself as I already have everything that I need.” “You said that they’re your foster parents, right? What happen with your real parents, Kentarou?” “They died in an accident ten years ago. Before they died, they entrusts me to them. They’re good people. So I have no regrets being raised by them,” said Kentarou with a smile. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to open old wounds, Kentarou.” “Like I said, it’s fine. Anyway, does anyone want to eat chicken stew?” With a unanimous cheer from the kids, Kentarou went to the kitchen to cook the stew. … Meanwhile, the three men reported to their boss of what happened at the orphanage. “Hmm… Interesting. He disregard of my influence at this city, does he? I want to meet him. But first…” He signaled to call someone to come. With pale faces, the three men pleaded to their boss to spare them, but their plea falls on deaf ears. Within seconds, the three were sliced into many pieces. … At lunch, before they were able to eat, a sudden bang at the door startled the entire house. “Who that might be?” asked Kentarou. “It can’t be…” With that, Carla went to the door, seeing a tall, clean man with elegant clothes at the front door. “Marcus… Why are you here, you scumbag?” roared Carla. “My, my… You’ve become more savage in the past week, dear Carla. I’ve heard you asked for collateral payment from my men.” “That would be me, Mr. Largo. Or should I say, Mr. Friedrich?” Laughing, he looked at Kentarou and, “So you’re the one who my men said have the guts to talk back, huh? Very well, I’ll punish you for your insolence, boy.” With a flick of his finger, six burly men came inside and attacked Kentarou. “Kentarou, look out!” screamed Carla. But before anyone can react, Kentarou suddenly vanished from their vision before downed one of the men with a quick elbow jab at the chin. Furious, Marcus ordered the others to attacked Carla, but Kentarou quickly beat another with an elbow jab at the chest. In a panic, one of the men tried to bear hug Kentarou, but Kentarou swiftly dodged the attack. Kentarou then elbowed the men at the back of the neck before kicked another at the face. “Four down… Now, which of you want to go next?” asked Kentarou with a monotonous tone. Frightened, the last two men picked up their fallen friends and run away. Gritting his teeth, Marcus said to Kentarou, “You haven’t seen the last of me, kid. I’m going to make sure you regret fighting against me,” before fleeing. After the fighting, Kentarou casually asks Carla if she’s alright. “Y-Yeah. Thanks for worrying about me, Kentarou. But are you alright? I’m shocked and worried because he will come with firearms now, and in a worse case, ‘Him’.” “Wait, firearms? Isn’t that illegal?” “Yes, but he’s once a warmonger before he came to our town. He has an arsenal of weapons stashed somewhere at town. I don’t want to see someone dies because of him again.” “Really? Then I guess I’m not welcome here anymore. I’ll be going now, then. Thank you for accommodating me here, Miss Carla.” With that, he takes his bag and about to left when Carla asks about the item he put at the corner. “Oh, that? Keep it, miss. That is my lucky charm that my deceased parents left me. It really is a good charm. You’ll need it more than me right now.” “But…” “No buts miss. Take care of the kids now, okay?” “Wait, why do you help me, Kentarou?” “Let’s just say that I’ve seen many people in misery, but I can’t help them. This is just atonement for something that I will be doing in the future.” With that, he left the house. … In the middle of the night, at a shed in a middle of the woods, Marcus and his men are taking out firearms to be used. “Hurry and unload everything that needs to be used. But make sure they’re small enough to conceal them. We don’t want the supervisor to see them. Our leak from the organization says that he will come tomorrow.” While they’re taking out weapons, a mysterious man is leaning at a tree. He has a 2-meter katana made for killing. “And you, Mernon, make sure you can kill that kid without fail now,” said Marcus to the mysterious man. “Humph… I don’t care as long I get to cut someone with my blade.” Without them realizing, a man was watching them from afar before disappears into the night. … In the next morning, after finding out that Kentarou had left, Marcus went to the orphanage and locked them inside, telling them he will burn the house if they make any sound. A few hours later, a cloaked man arrives in a van. He says that he is the new supervisor of the land. “Welcome, sir. I am Luigi Largo and the mayor of Lost Edelweiss. Please, allow me to give you a tour of the town.” With that, Marcus show the supervisor around the town, when the supervisor stops at the front of the orphanage. “What’s wrong, sir? This house will be torn down in a few weeks because there is no one living here anymore.” But the supervisor didn’t even budge from there. He asked for the key for the house. “But sir, there is no one there anymore.” After he asked for the second time, Marcus hesitantly gave him the key before giving a signal towards his men. After unlocking the house, Carla then hesitantly comes out from the orphanage. Then the supervisor asked Carla her name. “M-My name is Carla Portis. This is the orphanage that I run by myself. Oh, sir. Help us from him. He’s a cruel man, sir.” “Can you take the ‘lucky charm’ he left behind?” asks the supervisor. “Huh?” Then Marcus talked, “It is sad to see the supervisor being killed by a young beautiful woman. Don’t worry, sir. She will be joining you shortly.” “You really are Marcus Friedrich, mister. The organization has been looking for you for the atrocities that you have committed in the past.” “…? How did you know my name?” “I’ve came here disguising myself as an ordinary boy, Marcus.” With that, he took off his cloak, revealing himself to them. “Kentarou? You’re the supervisor?” asked the shocked Carla. “No, miss. I’m not the supervisor, but still from the Red Moon Organization.” With a startled face, Marcus ordered his men to open fire at Kentarou. “Hurry, Miss Carla. My ‘lucky charm’, now.” “Here… This is heavy. How did you manage to walk normally with this?” With a heave, she gave him the item, and in a swift movement, he shielded both him and Carla with the item before they’re being shot by Marcus’ men. “Impossible…” After all the men stopped shooting, Kentarou then unwrapped the item, revealing its true form. “A large, broadsword?” This sparks fear towards many of the men. “An ‘Agent’ of the organization? I’m getting outta here!” screams one of the men, fleeing. The others, still terrified, tried shooting Kentarou but in a swift movement, he knocked all of them down. As if on cue, the organization’s enforcer’s arrived. “You’re surrounded, Marcus. There’s no way out now,” said Kentarou. “Grr… It’s not over yet. Mernon!” Then, the mysterious man appears in front of Marcus, smiling wickedly. “You called, master?” “Kill that insolent boy now, Mernon.” “Very well. You shall be my thirtieth victim of my blade, boy.” “You wish,” said Kentarou as they clashed swords. Those who watched from the sidelines watch in awe and fear as Kentarou and Mernon exchange blows. “Tell me, Agent. Have you considered that you’re gifted?” “No, but I will use this abilities to protect all those that are suffering. I won’t give up what I hold onto no matter what.” “Does that mean you have someone you want to kill, boy? Hahahaha… Interesting… Revenge is a sweet thing, isn’t it?” With those words, Carla remembered what Kentarou said yesterday. “I know that revenge is a great weapon, but it will haunt you forever and make you feel miserable.” “Let’s just say that I’ve seen many people in misery, but I can’t help them. This is just atonement for something that I will be doing in the future.” “No, it isn’t. It brings more despair and suffering. I will not succumb to it no matter what.” In a flash, he knocked Mernon a few meters away. “Guh… You’re pretty strong, swinging something like that as if nothing.” “I am a ‘Horoscope Agent’. My job is to instill justice towards ‘Plague-bearers’. You will die here, Mernon, no, Matson Friedrich.” In a split second, the battle ended with the death of Mernon. “Thank you for saving me from this cursed existence, Agent. I’m happy to fight someone like you.” With that, he falls down the ground, never waking up again. In that instant, Marcus dropped down to his knees, looked beaten. In that instant, the enforcers take custody of Marcus and his men. “Thank you for your assistance, Agent Yaruzaki. We were able to locate him and his stash of firearms,” said the leader of the enforcers. “Don’t thank me, Phil. I’m just doing my job. If you can, I want Miss Portis becomes the new mayor.” “Very well. I will try to arrange that it will happen.” “Thank you. Miss Portis, thanks to your cooperation, we were able to apprehend Marcus Friedrich.” “No, thank you, Kentarou. If not, I’ll still be thinking of revenge the rest of my life.” “Then, I’ll be going now, miss. I want to see the world with my own eyes and what I can do to help. I hope we meet again, Carla.” With that, he walks out into the horizon… Code 1 (The Travelling Agent) – End |
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Ckan said: I love your work. Thanks, though this still needs some improvement IMO. |
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| Code 2 (The Secretive Agent) In a quiet town of Eternal Reserve, Kentarou just arrived at the outskirts, meeting with a man. The man, aged 24, wears plain cloths, with his left arm bandaged. “You’re late, Kentarou. Do you know how long I’m standing here, waiting for you?” asked the man. “Sorry, Terrence. I’ve got a bit lost on the way here,” replied Kentarou with an apologizing tone. “Really now, Kentarou. You need to have a good sense of direction if you want to be the best ‘Agent’, you know that.” “I know that. That’s why I’ve been travelling right now. Experience is crucial too, you know.” “Hahaha… That’s right. Well, let’s go to my house now. You look exhausted.” With that, they go to a Victorian-style house at the northernmost end of the road. “Still hiding your ‘Agent’ status from the townspeople?” asked Kentarou. “Yeah. You know about the rumors about us ‘Agents’, right? Only my grandmother knows who I really am.” While walking, they met with a couple of people. “Hey there, ‘One-armed’ Forminence. Is this your friend?” asked one man, 24, medium-build. “Hey there, Joseph. Yup, he is my friend. Kentarou, I like to introduce you to Joseph, Micheal and Angeline.” “Nice to meet you, Kentarou. I never thought that Terence has a friend like you,” says Micheal, 23, the one who is a bit fat. “Yeah, I mean, he never told us he has friends outside the town. Are you from the same academy as him, Kentarou?” asks Angeline, 24, a woman with a fair skin. “Yes I am, and a very nice to meet you all. Umm, why are you all calling him ‘One-armed’?” “Well, I mean look at him. His left arm is like cannot be used from the accident that he told us when he was at the Kirisaki Academy, crippling his arm. Everything he must do must with his right arm, thus the ‘One-armed’ nickname,” said Micheal, jokingly. “Well, to me, that’s a bit rude, you know. It can’t be helped that the accident crippled his arm. He caught in the accident because he wants to help our friend,” says Kentarou, firmly. “Oh, sorry about that. Anyway, welcome to Eternal Reserve, where many people come to cool off their heads from their work,” proclaims Micheal. “Thanks. See you guys later. I’m feeling a bit tired for travelling here on foot.” “Oh, okay. Let’s meet again later. Then, we like to hear how Terence’s like when he was at the academy. By the way, guys I’ve got a brilliant idea. I’ll tell you later,” Joseph suggested With a wave of good-bye, they left, leaving Terence and Kentarou alone again. “An accident at the academy? Man, you must be desperate for lying like that, Terence.” “Hey, they want to know what happened to my arm. I can’t help if I said that,” proclaimed Terence. “Okay, okay, I get it. Let’s go.” … “I’m home, granny. Kentarou also just arrived.” “Ah, welcome back, Terry. You must be Kentarou Yaruzaki. Nice to meet you. I’m Terry’s grandmother, Nelly Forminence,” says the kind, old woman. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Forminence. I hope I’m not intruding.” “No, no. You’re welcome to stay here, young man. I heard that you are in the same group as young Terry here. I thought you’re the same age as him, Kentarou,” says Nelly, curiously. “Well, yes, I am in the same group as Terence. You see, I am a bit advance than most of the same age. I graduated from the academy at the age of 15, 6 years earlier than most, madam,” proclaimed Kentarou. “15? My, you are young, Kentarou. But how come you’re in the academy?” “When I was 9, I was found by Salazar Starlet, then director of the Red Moon Organization. I was trained by him until the age of 12 before being enrolled into the Kirisaki Academy, making me, the youngest to be enrolled and graduated from the academy,” explains Kentarou. “Oh, my. Such a young lad like you became an ‘Agent” at such a young age. Even Terence has a hard time as an ‘Agent’,” says Nelly with worry. “Oh, its fine, Mrs. Forminence. I’m used to it. It’s no big deal,” exclaims Kentarou. “If you say so, dear. Now let’s dig in. I’ve prepared my special tuna gourmet for three,” says Nelly, happily. With that, they eat dinner merrily. After dinner, Kentarou was shown his room by Terence. “Hey, Terence. I’ve heard that there is a monster lives at the woods near here, right?” “Huh? Oh, yeah. It is one of the few animals that were infected by the ‘Plague’. If I remember correctly, it is a rhinoceros beetle. Many tried to kill it, but to no avail. Now, it is sleeping at the woods.” A ‘Plagued’ animal. Those got infected will gain size, transformation of body parts and change of behaviour. “A beetle, huh? I bet its carapace is as hard as steel. That’s must be the reason why many failed to kill it.” “Yeah. I hope that no one is foolish enough to fight it right now.” “Thanks for the info, Terence. I’ll be careful when going into the woods.” “Don’t mention it, Kentarou. That’s what friends are for, right? Good night, Kentarou.” “Good night to you too, Terence. Hope we both have a good night sleep.” With that, the lights at the Forminence residence are all shut. … The next morning, as both of them walking, Terence suddenly asks Kentarou about something. “Hey, Kentarou. Are you going to teach at the academy after this, aren’t you?” “What, me, teaching? Ha-ha, that’s a good one, Terence. Even though I’m good in teaching, I’m 18. They’ll probably want someone that looked more mature than me, Terence.” “True, but in all, you’re one of the rare type, Kentarou. It’s hard to find someone who is competent like you.” “I’ll think about it, Terence. Right now, I want to have enough experience travelling around the world.” As they walk around the town, they heard a commotion. Curious, they went to see what it is. “What’s going on here, guys?” asks Terence at the crowd. “Oh, Terence. Well, those three says that their going to capture the monster at the woods,” says the nearest man. “What did you just say?” Surprised, he went near the three. “Hey guys. Are you out of your mind? You could get killed by that thing.” “Oh, come on, Terence. I’ve been studying its behaviour for 8 years, so I know what it will do,” proclaimed Joseph with a boastful manner. “Yeah, he knows its behaviour more than us. It will be fine, trust us, Terence,” said Micheal, backing Joseph’s idea. “What about you, Angeline? Are you also going with them?” asked Terence towards Angeline. “Actually, I object their idea, Terence. I’ve got a bad feeling about going after the beetle, but they still insist on going after it. I’m not going, guys. Okay?” “What?” asked both Joseph and Micheal, who were stunned by Angeline’s decision. “Why, Angeline? If we’re able to capture it, we’ll be famous,” said Micheal, trying to persuade Angeline. “I’m just worried about our safety, Micheal. I can’t go without knowing what will happen.” “Fine, Angeline. Have it your way. I’m still going. You’re coming, Micheal?” asked Joseph at Micheal. “Uh… Yeah, let’s go, Joseph. You’ll regret not coming with us, Angeline.” With that, they went into the woods. “Oh… I hope they’ll be alright,” murmured Angeline, wishing them best of luck. In the midst of the crowd, Kentarou give Terence the signal that he will follow both of them to make sure they’re safe. … “We’re almost there, Micheal. We’ll be able to see the monster after the clearing.” Panting, they arrived at the clearing. There, the beetle is sleeping, with its horn protruding from the cave’s mouth. It’s metallic like armor gleams at the sun’s rays. “Are you ready, Micheal? When I give you the signal, fire the net at its legs while I’ll grab its wings.” “A-Alright, Joseph. I’ll try my best,” said Micheal while hesitantly walking towards the beetle. When they got into range, with Joseph’s signal, Micheal shoots the net at its legs. As if it knew, the beetle jumps away from the net and Joseph’s tackle. Then, it darts towards Joseph to impale it with its horns. “What the?” “Joseph, look out!” As if it was choreographed by a famous choreographer, Kentarou jumped in front of the beetle and parried its charged with his sword, causing the beetle to get stuck at a nearby tree. Stunned by his appearance, both Joseph and Micheal stood still. “Don’t just stand there, you two. Get going,” ordered Kentarou. Hesitantly, both ran away to safety with Kentarou right behind them. “What are you doing here, Kentarou and where did you get the sword?” asked Joseph. “Right now, I have to get you two back safely. That beetle will pursue after you because you provoked it. I can handle it no problem, but after parrying it, I know that its carapace is a suit of armor made from titanium. I’m not strong enough to pierce its skin,” explain Kentarou. “Y-You’re an ‘Agent’, aren’t you?” asked Micheal. “Yeah, I am an ‘Agent’, but for now, run! I’ll hold it off until both of you gotten out of the woods.” As if on cue, the beetle appeared from behind trying to assault Joseph. Kentarou then parried the attack and strike on one of its vulnerable wings, causing it to fall. “That will get its attention towards me now. Go on now. Don’t worry about me. Just go.” “Don’t order me around, you freak of nature. I’m not going to follow your orders,” proclaimed Joseph towards Kentarou. “Please, Joseph. Let’s go. He’s right. We’re in danger from that beetle. Come on.” With a push at the back, Micheal gets Joseph away from the conflict. “Well now. What should I do to kill it? I have no idea what to do…” murmured Kentarou as the beetle begins its charge at him. … “Hey! It’s those two. They’re back.” In a panic, both of them stumbled to the ground. Seeing those two like that, Angeline went to them. “What happened? Did you get it?” asked Angeline. “I guess I underestimated its intelligence. It dodged our plan cleanly,” said Joseph, panting. “Really, and it attacked you, right? Thank goodness both of you’re safe.” “Yeah, thanks to Kentarou. If not, we’ll be dead meat right now,” said Micheal. “Quit it, Micheal. I won’t be grateful towards that freak of nature.” “What are you talking about, Joseph? He saved your life, didn’t he?” asked Angeline. “Huh… He’s an ‘Agent’. He’s one of those freaks that kill many people.” “Eh? Is that true, Micheal?” “Y-Yeah. He said it himself. But he’s different from those ‘Plague-bearers’, and you know it right, Joseph?” “I don’t care. I’m not going to get near that freak ever again,” bellowed Joseph. “What‘s with the noise? Didn’t you know that there are many old people in this town?” asked Nelly whose just arrived at the scene. “Mrs. Forminence. You must not let Kentarou stay at your house. He’s an ‘Agent’, maam. He’s a freak of nature,” said Joseph backed by many people while the other two protest against his suggestion. “I know that he’s an ‘Agent’, Joseph. But these ‘Horoscope Agents’ are not bad people. They’re trained by the organization to protect people, no killing them. And besides, Kentarou’s a sweet young man. I think you do not understand the importance of them in our society,” speaks Nelly in a calm, gentle tone. Many gasped at Nelly’s confession. They whispered at each other. “She knew he’s an ‘Agent’?” “When did she know?” “Does Terence know about this?” And then, Terence show up, with a handful of groceries, wearing a side cape, covering his left side. Looking confused, he asked his grandmother. “What’s with the whispering, granny?” “Oh, they’re just shocked that I knew that Kentarou is an ‘Agent’.” “Is that so, granny. By the way, where’s Kentarou?” “He’s at the woods, stalling the beetle from chasing us,” explained Micheal while Joseph looked at Terence with surprised. “You also knew about him?” “I know him more than anyone, so of course I know his an ‘Agent’. What you don’t know is that ‘Plague-bearers’ and ‘Horoscope Agents’ are different from each other. That’s why I never believe what the rumors said about them,” proclaimed Terence with confidence. In that moment, everyone is shocked with the predicament. Suddenly, Kentarou showed up, jumping out of the woods facing backwards. “Everyone, hide now. It’s coming here.” In panic, everyone ran away from the place, with the beetle arrived a short while later. Having sense the chaos, it tried to attack random people with Kentarou parrying its attacks, when suddenly, while charging towards Angeline, it changed course, aiming towards Nelly. “Grandma Nelly, look out!” screamed Angeline. All of a sudden, the beetle was sent flying away from Nelly while everyone looked in shocked as it was Terence who sent it away with his left arm. “Y-Your hand… It is fine?” asked Joseph. Without saying a word, Terence looked at Nelly, whose giving him the ‘it’s okay’ look at him, unwrapped the cloth that was on his hand, revealing a shield with two blades attached to it. At that moment, everyone whose present discovered who Terence is. “Terence, y-you’re an ‘Agent’?” asked Micheal. At that moment, the beetle shoots barbs at Terence, whom deflected it with the shield. Angry, it charged at Terence. Terence immediately triggers the shield, causing the blades to form a reversed ‘V’ on the shield before attacking the beetle. After pushing back the beetle, Terence grabs the blade, revealing it’s another purpose, a boomerang. As the blade hits the beetle’s skin, and instead of slicing the carapace, it bounced off before returning to Terence’s hand. Before it could react, Kentarou attacked it, causing it to lose balance and being pushed back to a wall. “Good to see back in action, Terence. As you can tell, that is one, tough armor.” “Yeah, normal means isn’t going to cut it. Kentarou, cover me. I’m going to use it.” “…? You don’t mean…” “Yeah, that. It’s the only method that can be used to pierce it right now. All your techniques are all based on speed, but mine’s all power. So back me up, okay Kentarou?” “You got it. I’m going in.” As Kentarou occupying the beetle, Terence prepares himself with his hand holding on the blade in a reverse position. “Hey guys, I just remembered something. Do you know of one ‘Agent’ who uses a shield like Terence’s uses?” asks Micheal. “Come to think of it, I’ve heard of him. He is an ‘Agent’ which is known as the strongest ‘Agent’ in terms of defensive capabilities. If I remember correctly, he was given the title the ‘Shield of Aegis’ and his shield is called ‘Boomerang Edge’,” murmured Angeline. “That’s not all, Angeline. He was given the title also because of one powerful technique known as ‘Stormbreaker’, a powerful technique that can cut through a 10-inch steel plate,” Micheal explains. In shocked, Angeline speaks, “You don’t mean…” “Yeah. I think he’s the ‘Agent’.” As just Micheal finished summarizing, Terence leaps about 20 meters into the air and with one powerful swing, throws the boomerang towards the beetle. The swing is so powerful; it creates an air current that can slice through anything. In a matter of seconds, the blade pierced the beetle’s carapace. With quick succession, Terence dashes towards the beetle and punch the blade to make it sink deeper into the beetle. With this final blow, the beetle lets out an agonizing scream before it dies. “Phew, finally, this ends. It really is tiring fighting the beetle,” Kentarou complains. “Tell me about it. You look tired as hell, Kentarou,” Terence joked. “Ha-ha, very funny, Terence. Anyway, what will you do now, Terence? Your identity as an ‘Agent’ is now known by the townspeople.” With a faint smile, “I guess I will go to the academy, training the new recruits for the future.” With that, he went near his friends. “I guess you guys will hate me now, right? I guess this is goodbye. Thanks for becoming my friends until now, guys.” As he was about to go, Angeline run towards Terence and hugs him from behind. “…! Angeline?” “Don’t go, Terence. Even though you’re an ‘Agent’, I don’t care. The truth is I’ve got a hunch that you’re an ‘Agent’ about two years ago. Even then, it isn’t matter to me. That’s because, I love you, Terence. Always,” Angeline confessed, crying. “Yeah, Angeline’s right, you know. You’re our friend, man. We know you’re a good guy, Terence. So cheer up, ‘kay?” says Micheal. With an apologizing look, Joseph said, “Well, I’m sorry that I said all those things about the ‘Agents’, Terence. Truth is, I kinda jealous of them, ‘cause they’re fighting not because of fame, but to protect people. But if you ever make Angeline cry again, I’ll never forgive you, got that?” with a stern face. Looking at Kentarou, he apologized at him. “Don’t mention it. I’ve met many people, so I know when they’re truthful or not.” “Whoa, Kentarou. Is that a skill you have as a ‘Gemini’?” asked Terence. “Nah, that’s not true. I’ve seen many people like Joseph these three years of travelling, you know. So I know all their behaviour. And also, you’re a really lucky guy, Terence.” “Yeah, I guess. I’m sorry I’ve said that I’m going away, Angeline. But I want to teach new kids the ‘Aries’’ style. So, do you want to go with me to Central?” Terence asked. After a minute, Angeline agrees. “Don’t worry ‘bout your granny, Terence. We’ll take care of her like she’s our own. So just go and have fun with her, ye hear?” “Yeah, thanks guys. Let’s go, Angeline.” “Yeah, let’s, Terence.” A few days later, both Terence and Angeline went to Central while Kentarou continue his adventure. Code 2 (The Secretive Agent) – End |
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| Amazing story, I love it |
ginkei said: Amazing story, I love it Thank you. I think it still needs some work, because it doesn't have any sources to go with. It is an original story that I have got in my mind while studying. |
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| Code 3 (The Seeking Agent) A few days later, after seeing Terence and Angeline off to Central, Kentarou arrived at a small town. “Well now, where’s the inn?” As he looked around the town, he found a small inn called ‘Seven Nights’. As he enters the inn, he asked the receptionist if there’s a free room. “I’m sorry, sir. There’s no room available. There is one with two beds, but the tenant hasn’t come back yet. If you come back at 7, you might be able to meet the tenant and ask her to share the room.” “Oh, okay. I’ll come back some time later, then. Can I leave my stuffs here?” “Yes, sir. I’ll take care of your luggage carefully.” As he leaved the inn, he walked around the town again, when he saw someone familiar buying some-thing. “Please, mister. Can you give me a discount? This is the only money I have right now. I’ll pay you back next time,” pleads the young woman. She’s wearing a leather breast pad, strapped on the left on top of her long sleeved shirt, long pants below her short skirt and a pair of knee high boots. “Sorry miss; this is the lowest price for the item that you want to buy. I can’t lower it more than that.” “Excuse me, sir. I’ll pay for her, if you don’t mind,” Kentarou interrupting. “Huh? All right, then. That will be 250 credits, lad.” “Here you go, sir, and I would like to buy one energy drink.” “Here you go, that will be 25 credits.” After paying, Kentarou went near the woman. “It’s been 2 years hasn’t it, Nur Alia. You’ve already graduated?” asked Kentarou towards the woman. “No way. Kentarou? Yeah, I’ve graduated about a year ago, short 2 years from yours,” says Alia, 18, with a happy smile. “Anyway, why are you here, Kentarou? Did you just stop by this town?” “Yeah, I just got here. You’re still looking for your brother?” “Yup. I’ve got information saying that he was sighted here a few weeks ago. I came here about a few days ago. Oh, did you hear? Terence has a girlfriend now.” “Oh, that? I was there when that happened.” “Really? That’s great of him. Anyway, let’s go to the place I’m staying right now. I’ve reserved a good room, you know?” Chatting happily, they went to the ‘Seven Nights’ inn. There, the receptionist greeted Alia before asking her. “Miss Alia Satsuri, there’s a request from a gentleman that wants to share room with you, miss.” “Oh, who that might be, miss?” “It’s the gentleman that’s standing right behind you right now, miss.” “Oh, is it you, Kentarou?” “Yeah. I was here trying to find a free room. So you’re the one who rented the two bed room?” “Eheheh, yeah. Kinda embarrassing, right?” After checking in, they went into the room. In there, Alia asks Kentarou about his experiences. “Oh, I’ve met many people. Some were nice while some, well, not so much. Anyway, after 3 years of travelling, my tendency to get lost dropped. That’s a big plus for me.” “Wow, you sure have a lot of fun while you’re at it.” “No, not so much that I forgot my own mission.” “Really? What’s this mission of yours? Is it something serious?” “Sorry, Alia. I can’t tell you. That is something I have to do alone. I can’t have anyone get hurt for getting involved in this. You should know, right?” “I understand. But if you ever need to talk, I’ll be listening.” “Thanks, Alia. Good night now, Alia. Sleep well for tomorrow.” “Good night to you too, Kentarou,” and Alia turned off the lights. … After waking up, Alia and Kentarou went around town to find information pertaining her brother. So far, they haven’t got any luck. “Excuse me, sir. Have you seen this man?” asked Alia sheepishly while showing a picture of her brother to a gentleman. “Sorry miss. I haven’t seen this guy before.” “That’s the fifteenth man already, Alia. Are you sure that he is here?” asked Kentarou. “Yes, I’m sure, Kentarou. The information is trustworthy. If not, I won’t be here looking for him.” “I get it, I get it. Anyway, how about a break? It’s almost noon.” “Okay.” While they’re eating lunch at a restaurant, a man greeted them. He says that he saw the man in the picture from somewhere. He believed that the man is in the house at the far end of the town. After thanking him, Kentarou and Alia went to the house. “Is this the correct house, Alia?” “According to the old man, this is it. Let’s go, Kentarou.” As they enter the gate, unbeknownst to them, a shadow is watching them from a window of the house. When they arrived at the door and rang the bell, a man, wearing a white coat, greeted them. “Yes? What can I help you now?” asked the man. “I’m looking for a man, Ahmad Fairus Satsuri, 24. According to my information, he is in this house.” “Oh, I’m sorry dear. There is no one here that has the name Ahmad Fairus. Besides, I’m the only one that’s living in this shabby old house. I’m sorry that I can’t help with what you’re looking for.” “Oh, that’s fine, sir. We’ll be on our way now. Sorry for intruding,” said Kentarou. After they left, the man talk with someone at the back of the door. “You know that this cannot go on anymore, am I right? I only can temporarily reduce it, but I’m no miracle worker. You must find the cure yourself.” The mysterious man nods and trying to get to the second floor when suddenly, he fell to his knees and begin screaming. … “Well, that’s a bummer. We’re back to square 1 again. Sorry ‘bout that, Alia.” “Don’t worry about it, Kentarou. I think I will go back to the academy after this.” As they went back to the inn, they heard a loud scream. As the scream subsided, the townspeople flee to the nearest building with them and locked them up. “What the hell is going on?” asked Alia. As if to answer her question, a man suddenly appears and attacks Alia with a large sword. “Alia, lookout!” In response, Kentarou parried the attack and dashed towards the man when he suddenly stopped, shocked. “A-Ahmad?” “No way…” The man, wearing a plain shirt and jeans just stares at them. Code 3 (The Seeking Agent) – End |
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| Code 4 (The Berserking Agent) “A-Ahmad?” asked the shocked Kentarou. “No way…” The man, Ahmad, just stares at them with no emotion. And then, he attacked Kentarou. Still in a daze, Kentarou was only able to block, making him lose balance caused by the strong impact from the attack. “Brother, stop it. That’s Kentarou. Can’t you hear me, brother?” pleads Alia towards Ahmad but to no avail. He keeps attacking Kentarou. “Ahmad, snap out of it, will you? It’s me, Kentarou. Don’t you recognize me? Come on.” The barrage of attacks still there and getting stronger, causing Kentarou with no choice but to repel and attack Ahmad. Exchanging blows, Kentarou suddenly realized that there’s something at Ahmad’s neck. “A control device?” Kentarou thought. Then, as if a switch was turned on, Ahmad screams and flees from the two of them. Still perplexed, the two of them just stare at the fleeing Ahmad before Kentarou drop to his knees out of exhaustion. “Are you okay, Kentarou?” “Yeah, I’m fine. What’s up with that?” “I don’t know, but first, we must treat your wounds.” When they return to the inn, Alia asked the receptionist about the incident. “So, you saw him then. I don’t know why or what cause him to go berserk, but he always comes down to town and ravaged the area. And then, just like what happened just now, he just ran away.” “And the reason they don’t tell travelers about this because…” “The professor told us not to tell anyone. He’s trying to find a cure for the guy. He’s a kind professor who has helped us many times. He has a pharmacy at his own house, at the far end of the town.” “Wait… The house at the far end? That’s the house that we went just now, isn't it, Kentarou?” “Yeah, it is. But right now I want to rest my tired body. We’ll go to the house first thing in the morning,” suggests Kentarou with a tired expression. … The next morning, Alia and Kentarou went to the professor’s house. This time, they will not leave the house without an answer. When they arrived at the house, the professor was waiting for them at the front gate. “I’ve been expecting you, Nur Alia Satsuri. He’s told me about you, dear.” “…?! So he is here, then?” asked Alia. “Yes, and allow me to introduce myself. I am Professor Yamaguchi,” said the man. “Professor Yamaguchi? Kariya Yamaguchi? Do you know me, professor? It’s been a long time,” said Kentarou. “Kentarou? You know him?” asked Alia. “Kentarou? Ah, little Kenta. Yes, it’s been a long time we’ve met. My, you’ve grown tall since then. I’m sorry to hear about your parents.” “Its okay, prof. It has been ten years since then. So tell me, prof, how’s he?” “Ah, yes. He’s in terrible condition. He’s mind is being torn apart with rage. I was able to suppress the rage with my control device, but it will fail sometimes, just like yesterday.” “What? Rage? I thought that the family strain is not present in us.” “A family strain? Interesting. So, it is your blood then?” “Yes, it is. The Satsuri family bloodline has this defect that will make the male offspring became enraged with anger without any reason. According to our mother, we do not have the strain, but I guess that she’s wrong,” said Alia, depressed. “No, I think this has nothing to do with the Satsuri blood. I’m thinking that the rage is from another source. Alia, I would like you to go back to the inn. This will become dangerous for you,” ordered Ken-tarou. “No, I will not. He’s my brother. I can’t be scared just because he has gone berserk.” “Please, young lady. I think Kentarou can help your brother, but he cannot concentrate with you around. So please listen to him, okay?” With a depressed look, Alia agreed with one condition that both Kentarou and Ahmad come back safely. “Don’t worry, Alia. I’m sure we’ll be fine. That I can promise.” “You’d better be. If not, I can’t forgive you, Kentarou.” … “Are you sure that it is because of it?” “Yes, I’m sure, professor. You know that I’ve been given the knowledge by my parents before they died.” “Guess I have no choice but to believe you, Kentarou.” In a secret room at the house’s basement, Kentarou and Prof. Yamaguchi looked at Ahmad, who is standing still, eyes closed. “Ahmad, it’s me, Kentarou. I’ve come to help you.” With that, Ahmad opened his eyes. “Kentarou? It’s good to see you here, but help me? Even the professor can’t cure me.” “I know, but you have to trust me. I will cure you. But I need you to get berserk. It’s the only way, so please bear it for a moment, okay?” “If you say so. Please, be quick. I don’t know how long I can hold on against the urge.” With the signal from Kentarou, the professor released the control device from Ahmad, causing him to be berserk. In that moment, Kentarou began attacking Ahmad without stopping. As they clashed, the professor locked the room to make sure that Ahmad will not get free. While attacking, Kentarou began murmuring something. “CODE: BERSERK… TARGET: LEO… SEARCHING REMEDY… SEARCHING…” As the battle heats up, Ahmad began to attack faster. “Kentarou!” “I know. I guess I have to use it.” Releasing his sword, the sword then split into two at the center from the tip to the hilt, and the hilt flipped to increase surface grip, thus showing its true nature, the twin sword, ‘Gemini Sword’. With quick succession, Kentarou parried Ahmad’s attacks without giving any room for a second attack. At the same time, Kentarou murmured. “… REMEDY FOUND… APPLYING CURE…” In an instant, Kentarou hit Ahmad at the back of the head with the hilt of his sword, then hitting his right chest, which causing Ahmad to faint. “Is it done, Kentarou?” asked the professor. “Yes, it is done. Right now he needs to rest. He has been cured.” After saying that, Kentarou slumped to the floor, exhausted. “Really, Kentarou. How do you know what point you should hit?” “This is something that my parents had predicted. So of course they put in the Remedy Points for all types. Thanks to the headphone that my parents created, the knowledge stored is inside this.” With that, they moved Ahmad to the living room’s sofa. A few hours later, Ahmad awoke. “What happened? Am I cured?” “Yes, Ahmad, you’re cured. It is a dangerous procedure, having you go berserk first and all,” Kentarou explain. “Really? Thanks, Kentarou. You’re a lifesaver.” “Like I said from before, Ahmad. It’s no big deal.” “I’ve been wondering. How come you know the cure, Kentarou?” “Actually, Professor Yamaguchi’s the one found it, but because it is dangerous, he cannot apply it to you unless someone can do it, like me,” lied Kentarou. “Anyway, your sister is worried right now. She’s waiting at the inn. Let us go now, Ahmad. We don’t want her to keep on waiting, do we?” asked Kentarou. “You’re right, Kentarou. Let’s go now. Thank you, professor. You’ve helped me till the end.” “No, no. Thank Kentarou for applying it at you, Ahmad. If you two want, you can stay here until you leaved the town,” suggested the professor. “Thank you, prof. We will stay here. I’ll tell Alia about this.” … After waiting for eight hours at the inn, Alia’s getting impatient. “Did he fail? Or are they tired? I just hoped they’re alright…” murmured Alia. Then, a knock at the door startled Alia. “Who’s there?” “It’s us, Alia. We’re alright,” said Kentarou. Within seconds, the door was opened by Alia. “Kentarou, brother. You’re both alright.” With a sudden leap, she hugs both Kentarou and Ahmad, almost in tears. “Yes, Alia. I’m fine. Sorry for making you worry like this,” said Ahmad. With that, they talked non-stop for four hours telling each other about their encounters. And then, Ahmad told Alia that they can stay at the professor’s house. Then, the next morning, Ahmad went into town to apologize to the townspeople for making them suffer for a year and a half. Instead of being shunned, they congratulate Ahmad for his recovery. And then, they celebrate him with a party. A few hours later, an enforcer helicopter arrived at the town, causing a little panic towards the townspeople. Then, an enforcer emerged from the helicopter. “Kentarou Yaruzaki, are you here?” “Phil, is that you? What is it?” asked Kentarou. “You’ve been given an order and needed to carry out the order immediately.” “An order?” Code 4 (The Berserking Agent) – End |
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| I would like to know if you guys have anything to say about my style of storytelling and pace. Also, if you have any opinions, just tell me, I take it as a way to improve my writing. Please and thank you. Mod Edit: Modified to accompany merge. |
VudisAug 27, 2014 10:05 AM
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| Thread merged. |
EmiyaNanaya said: Can't say I like it, you have way too much dialogue.I would like to know if you guys have anything to say about my style of storytelling and pace. |
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yazio said: EmiyaNanaya said: Can't say I like it, you have way too much dialogue.I would like to know if you guys have anything to say about my style of storytelling and pace. Hmm... okay. Thanks for the heads up. It's true that there are a lot of dialogues in it. I'll try reducing it. |
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| Code 5 (The Teaching Agent) At a town, a middle-aged woman is waiting for someone at the edge of the town. A few minutes later, a hover bike was seen coming nearer to her position before stopping. “Miss Loretta?” asked the rider. “Yes, that is me. Mr. Yaruzaki I presume?” “Yes, I’ve been requested by the academy to be the substitute teacher for History, correct?” … Earlier… “An order?” “Yes, you’ve been assigned to evaluate a possible ‘Agent’ candidate.” “…? Aren’t I’m a little young for this kind of job?” “This has been decided by Commander Starlet, himself.” “Salazar recommended me? Very well, I’ll accept the mission. So, who’s the candidate?” “A 17 year old girl. Her name is Sayori Minato. According to our intelligence, she is a ‘Gemini’. She lives at Cross Haven Town. You’ll be undercover as a substitute teacher at Himawari Gakuen she attends.” “A substitute teacher? Do I have to?” “Well, it is the order. I can’t help you with this, Kentarou.” “Man, this’ going to be tough,” sulks Kentarou. … At Himawari Gakuen, Miss Loretta is giving Kentarou a tour of the school. “And here is your desk, Mr. Yaruzaki. You know, you sure are young to be a teacher.” “Really? I’ve been told that plenty of times, but many students liked my way of teaching. Believe me, it works.” “If that’s the case, I trust you. Here is your timetable. And here is your home class, Mr. Yaruzaki. You will begin tomorrow morning, so please be punctual.” “I will, Miss Loretta. If you excuse me, I need to familiarize myself with the town.” After bidding goodbye, Kentarou walked around town, checking everyplace that needs to know. Then, he went back to his rented house. In there he reported to the commander. “Director Starlet, this is ‘Agent’ Yaruzaki.” At the comm., a middle-aged man, firmly built and wearing a military uniform. “Yes, ‘Agent’ Yaruzaki. I read you loud and clear. It’s been awhile, Kentarou. How are you? Fine, I see.” “Yes, I’m fine as you can see, Brother Salazar. You also looked fine for someone aged 30 this year.” “Still as sarcastic as ever, I see. So, how’s the mission?” “So far so good. After this, I’ll be going to her parents’ restaurant. If there’s anything to report, I’ll report it immediately.” “Good to hear that, Kentarou. Be vigilant. Over and out.” “Roger, over and out.” … At the front door ‘Minato’s Haven’ Restaurant, Kentarou watched as the place is clean and full of people. “Whoa, what a nice restaurant. No wonder there’s a lot of people eating here.” As he enters, a young girl, dressed in traditional kimono greets him politely. “Welcome, sir. What will be your order for today? Today’s special is udon noodles with our special spice. What would it be?” “Uh… I’ll take the special. Nice recommendation there, miss. By the way, don’t call me ‘sir’. I’m still 18, you know?” Taken aback, she flustered. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Then, what will I call you then?” “My name’s Kentarou, miss. And you?” “My name’s Sayori. Please, take a seat. I’ll take your order right away.” After showed him a seat, she went into the kitchen. Still looking at her, Kentarou ponders. “Hmm… So she’s the candidate, huh? Does she have any training at all, I wonder?” Just then, a group of thugs show up, breaking tables and chairs. “What do you want?” asked Mr. Minato. “We’ve heard that your daughter insults our boss’ daughter. We came here to give her a warning. Is she here?” “If you want to give me a warning, do it outside, will you? You’re interrupting our business,” said Sayori. “Heh, so you still have that sharp mouth of yours. We’ll teach you to respect our boss’ daughter.” As they came nearer to Sayori, she opens up to a stance. When in range, she kicks one of the thugs at the knee, causing him to fall down to the floor. This enraged the other thugs and tries to reach her when she back stepped to avoid their attack. “Hmm… Nice stance and technique, but still lack balance. I’d better help her,” thought Kentarou. As they try to reach her, Kentarou grabbed both their hands and locked them. “You know, it’s rude to assault a young girl like that, and also, you’re interrupting my meal.” With that, he pushed both thugs outside. The thugs then ran away while carrying their friend. “Are you alright, miss? Those thugs are a real bother.” “Thank you, Kentarou. If you didn’t help me just now, I don’t know what will happen to me,” said Sayori. “Yes, thank you, young man. You saved us. Order anything you want, it’s on the house,” said Mr. Minato. “Oh, no thanks. I’ll pay for my udon noodles, sir.” After eating, as Kentarou about to leave, he was stopped by Sayori. “Wait, Kentarou. Here, take this.” “…? What’s this, Sayori?” “Just something to show my appreciation. I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, so I would like to give you this.” Inside, there’s a handmade scarf. “Why, thank you Sayori. We shall meet again. That’s a fact.” “Eh? Really?” After bidding her farewell, he told the director about what happened and his evaluation about her. In response, Salazar told Kentarou to continue evaluate Sayori. “By the way, Salazar. Do you know about the Minato’s?” “Yes, and you should know too, Kentarou. Mr. Minato once worked with your parents, you know.” “Very well, Salazar. I understand. Over and out.” … The next morning, wearing a school uniform, Sayori went into her class, 3-A. There she met with another girl with a beautiful long blonde hair and fair skin. “I’ve heard that you get away from my father’s men, Sayori,” says the girl. “Yeah, it is easy. If you want to teach me a lesson, Caren, you should hire more reliable men,” insults Sayori. Before they began fighting, another girl with normal looks stops both of them. With that, Caren went to her seat. “Really now. Do you want to be on her bad side always, Sayori?” asked the girl. “She started it, Akane. She really pisses me off, trying to be high and mighty everywhere,” said Sayori, puffing her cheeks. “I get it. Anyway, did you hear? There will be a new teacher, substituting Mrs. Brownfield. I’ve heard his really handsome. Oh, if only he’s my boyfriend,” said Akane, daydreaming. “Get real, Akane. If he’s that handsome, I bet he already has a girlfriend.” “A girl can dream, you know. Oh, homeroom’s about to start.” With that, the class quiet down when the teacher came in. As she saw him, Sayori can’t believe her eyes. He’s wearing the scarf she made. “Good morning to you all. I’ll be your homeroom teacher until the end of the month. Please give me your best regards till then. My name is Kentarou Yaruzaki and will teach you guys History. Now, I would like to take your attendance.” As he spells out each student’s name, Sayori, still in shock, just stares at him. “Sayori Minato… Sayori Minato… Is Miss Minato present?” “Hey, Sayori, answer him,” urged Akane. “Huh? Oh, yes, I’m here, Mr. Yaruzaki,” answered Sayori with an energetic response. “Good, everyone’s present. Now study hard till the third period. I’ll teach you guys then. And Miss Sayori, I told you we will meet again, didn’t I?” With that, Kentarou exited the class with many students looking at Sayori with curious eyes. “Hey, Sayori. When did you meet him? I’ve heard he just arrived yesterday,” asked Akane. “Eh? Well, yesterday he went to my family’s restaurant and he helped me with some problems over there. He’s really a kind gentleman.” “Oho… Sayori. Are you having a crush towards our new teacher?” “W-W-What are talking about? He’s just kind, that’s all, Akane,” protests Sayori, blushing. “I wonder, I wonder… And since when do you give your handmade scarves to people, anyway?” Akane grinned. “Oh, Akane, stop teasing me, will you?” … As third period was about to begin, everyone whispering with each other as to know how good the new teacher, Kentarou, will teach them. As Kentarou enters the class, everyone goes quiet. “Alright. First things first… Does anybody know about the ‘Plague-bearers’ and ‘Horoscope Agents’? If so, can you tell me what’s the difference between them?” asked Kentarou, surprising many students except for Sayori, who’s raising her hand. “Yes, Miss Minato? Do you know about them?” “Yes, teacher. The ‘Plague-bearers’ are those who, when being infected, turned vicious and wicked, while the ‘Agents’ are those who acquire almost the same abilities as the ‘Plague-bearers’, minus the vicious part,” Sayori explained. Everyone in the class was stunned by the knowledge. “That is almost correct, Miss Minato. True, the ‘Agents’ are almost the same as the ‘Plague-bearers’, but without the vicious tendencies. However, the ‘Agents’ come from those who, when infected, acquire a symbol that represents one of the twelve horoscope’s signs, thus the ‘Horoscope’ part of the name. These people, which almost no one knew of their name, are called ‘Sign-bearers’.” After hearing Kentarou’s explanation, one of the male students asked Kentarou. “But, sir. If they do acquire the symbols, how come no one knows of the signs?” “Good question. As you just heard from me, they acquire the symbols at their bodies. However, these symbols are always hidden by those who have it. Also, these symbols are always at the upper body region of the body, so they can hide it behind their clothing.” Satisfied with the answer, another student, Akane, asked. “If that’s the case, does that mean these ‘Sign-bearers’ are more dangerous than the ‘Plague-bearers’?” Laughing, Kentarou answered, “No, no. They are not dangerous. All the ‘Sign-bearers’ acquire are only the abilities. Unless they train themselves, they do not know how to use those abilities, unlike the ‘Plague-bearers’, who acquire the knowledge to use their abilities when they got infected.” And then, “Sir, how do you know so much about them?” asked one female student. “That’s because, I’ve become friends with at least three ‘Agents’.” This sparks interests in all students. Without further delay, Kentarou evades their questions with questioning them how far did they study. “Owh… We want to know more about them, sir.” “Now, now. Unless all of you able to answer my History questions tomorrow, I will not tell you. Even if one student fails, I will not tell you. Can you all take on the challenge?” With one shout, all except for Sayori and Caren accepts the challenge. After the lesson, Sayori went to Kentarou’s desk at the teacher’s room. “Yes, Miss Minato? What can I help you with?” “Umm… Can I talk with you, alone?” asked Sayori quietly. “…? Okay, I will. Meet me at the art room at lunch break.” “Thank you, sir.” With that, she went back to class. … At lunch break, Sayori went to the art room, who was waiting was Kentarou. “So, what do you want to talk about, Sayori?” “You say that you've got at least three ‘Agent’ friend, right? Can you tell me something? Are the symbols that appear follows the time of the horoscope at the time of birth?” “I don’t think so, ‘cause one of my friend is a ‘Leo’, even though he was born an ‘Aries’. Why are you asking me this?” asked Kentarou. With a bit of hesitation, Sayori unbuttoned her collar, revealing her collarbone. Below it, the ‘Gemini’ symbol was etched. In reflex, Kentarou buttoned back the collar. “You’re a ‘Sign-bearer’? Why are you showing me the symbol?” “Because I’m afraid, Kentarou. Since you’re friends with them, I know that you know more of why I am like this.” “Yes, I know more about them than any normal person would, but one of my student, a ‘Sign-bearer’? Do your parents know about this?” “Well… ten years ago, when it appeared, my father said that it was my lucky charm, but he also said that I must never reveal it to anyone.” “Just like the information, she’s a ‘Gemini’, and her father worked with my parents before they died. Perhaps this is fate?” thought Kentarou. “Can you help me, Kentarou?” “Huh? Oh, yes, but I need to see your father tomorrow. I need to talk with him, alone.” “Yes, you can, Kentarou. Oh, thank you very much.” “Don’t mention it. And also I like to see you practice your sword-fighting skills. I know that you’re learning kendo with you father yesterday. Your stance is great.” “What? Oh, no. I’m still learning. That was my first time using it outside the dojo. Ahahaha…” “Are you kidding me? The stance is perfect. No matter what, you’re going to show me tomorrow.” “Oh, fine. I will.” … The next day, as promised, Kentarou went to the Minato household. “Hello sir. It’s nice to see you again,” greet Kentarou. “Ah, yes. It is nice to see you again, young man. I’ve heard that you teach my daughter’s class. My, you must be awkward, teaching a class a year younger than yourself.” “Oh, no, no. It’s fine actually. Sayori, like I said, I want to speak with your father privately, and I can tell if you’re eavesdropping.” “Alright, alright. I’ll be at the dojo, refining my steps to show you, Kentarou.” After Sayori left, Kentarou immediately changed his expression into serious. “It has been ten years we’ve met, Furukawa Minato.” “Yes, it has been ten long years after your parents’ death. You’ve grown becoming quite handsome yourself, Kentarou.” “Yes, I have. Sorry for not introduce myself two days ago, but I must keep my identity a secret from her until the right time.” “I understand the situation already. Your parents told me that this will happen. But I can’t believe that my little angel’s an ‘Agent’, moreover, ‘that’.” “Yes, it is certainly impossible. Yet, perhaps her genetic make-up is the same. Even I have no explanation for this.” “It’ alright, Kentarou. Anyway, you have an appointment with my daughter, haven’t you?” “Oh, I almost forgot. Thanks for reminding me, Mr. Minato.” At the dojo, Sayori was still practicing her kendo. Unaware of Kentarou, she keeps practicing until she saw him. “Why are you stopping, Sayori? Keep practicing. I really like hardworking people.” “Oh, stop teasing me, Kentarou. When did you come in?” asked Sayori, blushing. “A few minutes ago. I saw you using the reverse-grip style kendo. That’s a hard style, but if you train harder, the style will become your best friend as not many people know how to fend off the style. Why do you train with that style, Sayori?” “Well… It’s just felt natural to me. Even if my father trains me with the normal Minato style, I just like this form better.” “That’s a good response. If you still insist on using that style, you should tell your father about how you felt,” encouraged Kentarou. “Thank you, Kentarou. I will try my best. Anyway, would you like to see me practice with my consent unlike a few minutes ago?” With that, Kentarou watched Sayori practiced until late evening. Bidding farewell, Kentarou went back to his house. On the way back, he stumbled with Caren, who’s waiting for him at the intersection leading there. “What can I help you with, Miss Louisia?” “I would like you to become my boyfriend, Mr. Yaruzaki.” “I’m sorry, but I don’t date with my students, even though the rules state that I can. It’s one of my rules towards myself.” “Why? If you become my boyfriend, you can become the headmaster with the word of my father. He’s really an influential man as he helped the town many times.” “I’m sorry, miss. I like my work. I’m just a substitute teacher, so no, I will not.” “You know that I can make you be mine. You will be sorry when that happens,” threatened Caren. “Even if you said that, my answer is still no, and Miss Louisia, all the credits goes to your father, not you. So be grateful that your father is a caring man.” With that said, Kentarou went past Caren, who was furious. “You’ll regret saying that, Mr. Yaruzaki,” murmured Caren. … “I’m late, I’m late. Why didn’t my father wake me up?” Sayori sulks as she running towards the school. As if to punish her, the gate shuts precisely when she’s at the gate. “Oh, shoot… I’m going to be scolded by Kentarou now.” “Miss Minato, why are you at the gate? Late again perhaps?” asked a nice middle-age woman. Startled, Sayori turned around, shocked with her presence. “Headmistress Greenrow… How do you do? Yes, I am late. That’s because I was studying for the entrance exam next week.” “My how hardworking of you. If only Ms. Louisia has some of your character. Where are you going to apply?” “Well, I hope to get into Kirisaki Academy, but I’ve heard that the enrollment level is pretty hard.” “Why, yes it is, dear. But there are exceptions, like the ‘Sign-bearers’.” “…? You know about them, Miss?” “Yes I do. I’ve teach many students at Kirisaki. They’re a nice lot. Since you’re late, how about I escort you to your class? Besides, I want to see how our new substitute teacher faring.” With a hesitating voice, Sayori agreed to Ms. Greenrow’s proposal. At class, Kentarou was teaching when Sayori entered. “Ah, Ms. Minato. You’re late. I hope you’ve got a good explanation for this?” As Sayori hesitates, Ms. Greenrow entered the class, causing Kentarou to hesitate a little. “Ms. Greenrow, It’s a pleasure for you to come here.” “Hello, Mr. Yaruzaki. I hope that they’re studying well?” “Uh, yes they are headmistress. Did you borrow Ms. Minato just now?” “Yes, I did. I have something to take from my home and Ms. Minato was there, helping me.” “Very well. Ms. Minato, take your seat. I was just about to start teaching.” As Sayori went to her seat, she wondered why Kentarou speaks with Ms. Greenrow like that. … At lunch, as Kentarou was taking something from the storeroom, Caren entered and locked the door, startling Kentarou. “What are you doing, Ms. Louisia?” asked Kentarou. Without a word, Caren gets nearer to Kentarou and began to unbutton her uniform, panicking Kentarou. Then, a male student kicked the door from the outside with a furious face. With that, Caren suddenly cried as if Kentarou did something towards her. Noticing about the ploy, Kentarou’s becoming calm again, before the student punched Kentarou. After that, a teacher came in after a ruckus was created outside. “Really now… Is she really wants to ruin anyone who talks back at her?” thought Kentarou. Code 5 (The Teaching Agent) – End |
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| Haven't read the whole of it, but the synopsis reminds me of Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson, somehow. |
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silmaril said: Haven't read the whole of it, but the synopsis reminds me of Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson, somehow. Hmm... never heard of it... it is something that pop-up in my head a year ago, and it still expanding. |
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| so i'll write this is I go reading. the first thing i noticed was tense shifts. You need to pick a tense and go with it. I'll pull out one example. "Because of this, the world *was* on *a* brink of destruction when the Earth crust *begins* to shift, causing massive transformation of the world’s geography." You went from past tense (was) to present (begins)... also the "a" i marked should be "the". I'm not going to nitpick about that stuff, it was just in my example so i figured i would point it out. Now as for your dialog. You have a lot of it, but nothing going on. What i mean is, you have your characters talk back and fourth with no interaction with each other, or the environment. You should include what is going on. hand gestures, sounds, smells, sights... if the sun is going down, talk about the shadows cast by your main character stretching across the room. stuff like that. My editor calls it "talking head syndrome" when you have big blocks of talking, and no actions or descriptions. You do have some actions... but not nearly enough to give us the picture of what is going on. For the sake of flow, I reworked this: “Welcome to what used to be a part of Miami. Now, this place is now known as Lost Edelweiss." In this time, because of the major shift in the Earth crust, many major cities in the world were separated and combine with other cities. To ease the confusion, the organization allowed these combined cities to change their names. As for the continents, which have combined into four separate large continents, the organization gave the continents certain names with the Central continent as the major continent. "My name is Carla Portis. This house is an orphanage run by me. Now kids, say hello to Mr. Yaruzaki.” so as I read more and more of this.... i think i realized something. You are not a native english speaker, are you? The flow of the story is very choppy due to word choice. From what I have seen in the past, the way you write seems about on par with most foreign peoples way of writing. (If you are not foreign, and are in fact, native to english, disregard all of that) Basically, what this does, is make it very hard for me to read. You can have an excellent overall plot, but the readability right now is rather low. So things to work on. Better descriptions of what is going on. Build your scenes more, I have no idea what the area they are in looks like. Work on your tense shifts. You go from past to present quite often. Improve your dialog. right now your characters don't talk in a believable way. Try and put yourself if the shoes of your characters, and have the conversations. Is that really what you would say? is that how you feel? what does your voice sound like? After you ask those questions... put that into your story. if you are laughing, your voice is probably in a happy tone, and you are probably smiling. Let the reader know that. lastly. transitions. You story flows very fast paced from place to place, and the reader has no idea how they got there. We are being told a lot of informations, but not being shown it. Most everything i am saying here comes back to being foreign. if you are foreign, these things will be very hard to work on... if you are not... then just proof read better :p |
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| I forgot to mention. Since i love super powers, post apocalyptic worlds, and stories where people can actually die, I enjoy the setting of your story. If you give this tale the right meat and potatoes, and build it on a firm foundation, it can be very good. But as a native english speaker/reader, my eyes can't read it right now. |
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| I'm not really sure what to make of the whole naming thing. Some names seem just a bit odd, some are clearly of European descent, and some are Japanese names. Usually names are a product of setting as well as an indication of the characters they are. In this, something seems a bit random about the names. What does the world look like? Besides a few details, I have no idea what anything looks like. I barely know how other characters look (especially the MC). I don't really have a good handle on their personalities, either. Do they have any quirks? What words would you use to describe the MC? Does he have any flaws? And there's this sentence in the beginning of the story: "'I can tell that your father is the murdered mayor.'" I have absolutely no idea how this guy came to that conclusion. How was he able to tell? I don't see how that happened. Also.."'Oh, if only he’s my boyfriend'"? Since when did girls say that in a non-joking way? I've never heard any teenage girl say that and actually mean it. This also makes me question the formality used in the story. There's all this "ms." and "mr." stuff. What languages are being spoken? What is the culture like? This also ties a bit into names. Why are the names the way they are? Personally, I had no interesting in reading the whole thing, but I guess it could be an interesting idea. |
dream_eater1012 said: I'm not really sure what to make of the whole naming thing. Some names seem just a bit odd, some are clearly of European descent, and some are Japanese names. Usually names are a product of setting as well as an indication of the characters they are. In this, something seems a bit random about the names. What does the world look like? Besides a few details, I have no idea what anything looks like. I barely know how other characters look (especially the MC). I don't really have a good handle on their personalities, either. Do they have any quirks? What words would you use to describe the MC? Does he have any flaws? And there's this sentence in the beginning of the story: "'I can tell that your father is the murdered mayor.'" I have absolutely no idea how this guy came to that conclusion. How was he able to tell? I don't see how that happened. Also.."'Oh, if only he’s my boyfriend'"? Since when did girls say that in a non-joking way? I've never heard any teenage girl say that and actually mean it. This also makes me question the formality used in the story. There's all this "ms." and "mr." stuff. What languages are being spoken? What is the culture like? This also ties a bit into names. Why are the names the way they are? Personally, I had no interesting in reading the whole thing, but I guess it could be an interesting idea. Well, in this post-apocalyptic world, there is no line defining the origin of the place and now is a mix of almost all world into one, so there will be some name of Asian, European, American and such. For now, I have a good grasp of the world and character, and I will edit some of the story to implement it. About the MC, he has some flaws, but a bit subtle and it won't show until another few more Episodes. Haha... Yeah about the "boyfriend" thing, it's my bad. English is my second language and even though I'm fluent with it, I still have a lot of things to learn. Anyway, thanks for the feedback dream. |
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