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so my mom is stealing money from my bank account

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Jun 6, 2014 10:01 PM

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One word: Lawsuit.

Jun 6, 2014 10:04 PM

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Jan 2011
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Heredity said:
ReaperCreeper said:


What's up with this belief? Why the fuck should you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
the love stops at 18. :(

Shit no wonder my parents started chucking beer bottles at me.
Jun 7, 2014 12:51 AM

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Apr 2013
7975
Sclequer said:
That is a crime indeed.

But OP, plz. Are you living WITH your mom?

IF you are living with her, you MUST give her the money. Because after all, you are just leeching all her resources.

You should simply move away and have your own life. If she tries to steal your money, just sue her. But if you are still living with her, stop complaining.
Whatever you do, dont listen to that dude.
Jun 7, 2014 1:05 AM

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Nov 2012
378
This actually JUST happened to me. It was my father though.
He took out 400$ to buy a plane ticket that is non-refundable.
He could legally do it too since he was one of my trustees.
Since then, I have gone to another bank, opened a new account (one im solely in charge of) and started depositing my money in it.
I kept the other one open though, in case he ever wants to put money in instead of taking away. But knowing my father that wont happen.

Tl;dr It sucks op. Parents are supposed to help you grow and become a fully functional adult on your own. Not betray and stall your growth. I feel for ya.

Im a Devil's advocate. Its just too fun.
Running on borrowed time.

Jun 7, 2014 1:15 AM

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MrWhiteKniight said:
Parents are supposed to help you grow and become a fully functional adult on your own. Not betray and stall your growth. I feel for ya.

Some parents might argue that by betraying you and stalling your growth they're actually showing you how the real world works so you can become a fully functional adult.
ReaperCreeper said:
What's up with this belief? Why the fuck should you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?

That was how I used to feel about it when I was in my late teens and very early 20's. Then people I knew become parents, I nearly became a fucking parent, and it all became clear to me how a reasonable percentage of parents will never love their kids in that fairytale unconditional way that you always hear about. Sadly obligation has a lot to do with it sometimes, and when that ends you get this.
Jun 7, 2014 4:08 AM

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Thread cleaned.
Removed trolling.
Jun 7, 2014 4:26 AM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
OP is 19 years old. It is NOT their obligation to take care of him and babysit him anymore.


What's up with this belief? Why the fuck should you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?


I think it's largely cultural. It's one thing to want to teach your child about the real world, and to put your foot down when your 18+ child is being a leach or too dependent on you, but I also don't think it's right to turn your back on your child when they are having a hard time. I see that a lot now, and parents pretty much say "they're 18, not my responsibility, that's life".

Anyway, OT.... I don't think the OPs age matters. It's the situation that needs to be explained, but I'm not seeing any other posts by the op (did I miss something?) to further explain it. You don't just deposit your check into someone else's account, parent or otherwise, without having an understanding of how they are going to allocate the funds. If she really is spending the money on frivolous things, and not on bills or college debt, then she's in the wrong no matter the age of the OP. Raising a child is NOT a job to be paid for now or later.

But at 19, the solution is simple. Open your own free checking account at a local bank, and have the check deposited there.
Jun 7, 2014 6:57 AM

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Mar 2014
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Alot of people are suggesting you change accounts, however that'll likely end with you loosing your shelter one way or another. Soo, yeah, find another place first definetly Cause you can legally stop this, but it'll cost you your shelter.

This thread is pretty humbling. My mom has never acted this, well way with me. she'd get mad if I was leeching, but all the money I make at work I'm nostly saving up for college and only had to ask her for 80 bucks last semester for college (Andd Financial Aid did not go through so I had to pay it all outta pocket, though because of my mom's salary financial aid was probably not gonna be much.) Mom sometimes asks me to buy thingswe need, but she asks, never demands.
"Fuck this shit, fun things are fun!"
Jun 7, 2014 7:02 AM
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Jun 2014
35
Yo OP, open a new bank account without her name on it. Then offer her the money.

And it's been my experience that you should never lend money. Lending money implies you'll get it back. If you're going to give someone money, give it to them. Even if they say they're going to pay you back, don't expect it. I've already given my mom upwards of over eight grand over the last three years. But that's so she can keep the house after my dad got laid off.

Family's family, man.
Jun 7, 2014 7:03 AM

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Aug 2012
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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
OP is 19 years old. It is NOT their obligation to take care of him and babysit him anymore.


What's up with this belief? Why the fuck should you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
They are not legally obliged to do that anymore.
Jun 7, 2014 7:07 AM
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They're still your damned kid. You shouldn't turn your back on people just because they got older.
Jun 7, 2014 7:22 AM

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1419
Why are you being a pussy? Take the card back and use the money that you worked for. My mum use to try and threaten to take my card from me but I never let it happen. More in return for raising you. Please. Your mum knew what she was in for when she opened her legs. Of course you owe her but there's no need to be a sour fruit about it. You've got to show her that you're not a kid anymore.
ElectricgroovesJun 7, 2014 7:31 AM
Jun 7, 2014 6:51 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:


What's up with this belief? Why the fuck should you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
They are not legally obliged to do that anymore.

Right because the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation.
Jun 7, 2014 6:54 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
They are not legally obliged to do that anymore.

Right because the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation.
I didn't say the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation. I said that the OP's parents do not have the obligation to take care of him anymore.

Checkmate.
Jun 7, 2014 7:01 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:

Right because the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation.
I didn't say the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation. I said that the OP's parents do not have the obligation to take care of him anymore.

Checkmate.

You implied it.
Jun 7, 2014 7:02 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
I didn't say the only reason you take care of your kids is legal obligation. I said that the OP's parents do not have the obligation to take care of him anymore.

Checkmate.

You implied it.

"OP is 19 years old. It is NOT their obligation to take care of him and babysit him anymore."

Where did I imply it?
Jun 7, 2014 7:07 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:

You implied it.

"OP is 19 years old. It is NOT their obligation to take care of him and babysit him anymore."

Where did I imply it?

After I asked why you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
Jun 7, 2014 7:09 PM

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10014
ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:

"OP is 19 years old. It is NOT their obligation to take care of him and babysit him anymore."

Where did I imply it?

After I asked why you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
Then I simply repeated what I stated previously.

You lost the debate.

My point stands: OP should simply move away if he wants his money
Jun 7, 2014 7:12 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:

After I asked why you stop taking care of your child once they hit 18?
Then I simply repeated what I stated previously.

You lost the debate.

My point stands: OP should simply move away if he wants his money

Except you didn't, you're just saying OP is at fault because his parents aren't legally obligated to take care of him.
Jun 7, 2014 7:13 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Except you didn't, you're just saying OP is at fault because his parents aren't legally obligated to take care of him.
Yes, I am. OP is making use of free shelter, food and paid bills, and he don't even wants to give his parents some money. Argh.
Jun 7, 2014 7:18 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:
Except you didn't, you're just saying OP is at fault because his parents aren't legally obligated to take care of him.
Yes, I am. OP is making use of free shelter, food and paid bills, and he don't even wants to give his parents some money. Argh.

Yes because they can't provide that for him out of love can they?
Jun 7, 2014 7:19 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
Yes, I am. OP is making use of free shelter, food and paid bills, and he don't even wants to give his parents some money. Argh.
Yes because they can't provide that for him out of love can they?
They can. But it's not like they have to.
Jun 7, 2014 7:23 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:
Yes because they can't provide that for him out of love can they?
They can. But it's not like they have to.

Don't have to take OP's money either.
Jun 7, 2014 7:26 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
They can. But it's not like they have to.

Don't have to take OP's money either.
But she can.

You just got logic'd
Jun 7, 2014 7:28 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:

Don't have to take OP's money either.
But she can.

You just got logic'd

She can also not steal it.

STATING THE OBVIOUS.
Jun 7, 2014 7:29 PM

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ReaperCreeper said:
Sclequer said:
But she can.

You just got logic'd

She can also not steal it.

STATING THE OBVIOUS.
So what we conclude here?

She can steal his money. She doesn't has to take care of him.

It seems the OP is in disadvantage.
Jun 7, 2014 7:35 PM

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Jan 2011
26340
Sclequer said:
So what we conclude here?

She can steal his money. She doesn't has to take care of him.

It seems the OP is in disadvantage.


We can conclude OP has a mother who doesn't want to provide for him out of the goodness of her heart. At least she doesn't threaten to kick him out.
Jun 7, 2014 7:39 PM

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Sclequer said:
ReaperCreeper said:

She can also not steal it.

STATING THE OBVIOUS.
So what we conclude here?

She can steal his money. She doesn't has to take care of him.

It seems the OP is in disadvantage.


It's not about the lodging vs paying for it. OP needs to sit down with his mom and discuss the use of the money. If he agreed to let her take umpteen % of his paycheck to help with household costs, then he has to suck it up. If she said "you're out unless you pay rent" he has to make a decision. What is NOT right, is a grown woman saying "just deposit it into my account so you don't have to make your own" and then just using all the money with no actual consent or previous agreement.

But we don't really know the whole story either... OP could just feel like his money is being stolen because he's not certain of how it's being spent, or maybe there's a misunderstanding. But at 19, he's an adult. Mom needs to treat him like one, and he needs to act like one. It's understandable to seek a bit of advice from a 3rd party, but all he can do is to speak up and clear everything up directly with his mom. If lines aren't drawn, or agreements aren't made 100% clear, then he'll only continue to have these problems.
Jun 7, 2014 9:19 PM

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fuck her ass and slap that bitch
Jun 7, 2014 9:25 PM

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She can use all your money until you get married and have kids. Then you'd tell her the money is to raise your kids.
"The Goddess of victory is waving her underwear in your faces!"
Fritz Josef Bittenfield (Legend of the Galactic Heroes)

Jun 7, 2014 9:25 PM
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lol, lupadim - stealing from your child isn't the same as getting money for board. they should set up a rent agreement if she wants him to pay board, not just blatantly take money he earned himself.

op, move out.
Jun 7, 2014 10:03 PM

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Jan 2012
4769
Close that bank account and open up another one that she doesn't know about or have access to.
Put a pin on your debit card that she doesn't know.
Have your paycheck deposited there.

Alternatively use a service like Simple.
They let you set spending limits or temporarily disable your debit card from your phone whenever you want in real-time.
If she takes your card and demands your pin, just secretly disable it and let her think you're already broke.
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