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WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Welcome back. Last time we defeated yet another evil childhood friend. Now it’s time for a doll user.

: I thought you liked childhood friends, why are you fighting some?

Because they’re evil?

: Ah, okay. That makes sense, I guess.

Yeah, there are bad childhood friends. Just like there are good pink-haired blue-eyed girls such as Lacus and Maria.

: Being assy singers probably helps.

Likely so. But enough nonsense, time for us to talk about…



: Thank you. I was wondering when you’d pay attention to me again…

Sorry, Alice. I tend to meander in these things too much.

: Don’t worry, I understand you want to entertain your audience.

Thanks for understanding. You seem aware of blogs…

: Well, Topaz has been covering us for a decade. We’re well-informed. I’m surprised it took you this long to cover one of us, though…

Yeah, blame me only doing game girls rarely.

: I understand. Still, I hope you will do a good blog on me. Though, why me first? I know you like girls like Yukari and Kokoro more…

You fit the theme, and while not my top girl I still like you.

: I guess that’s fine. Now begin the blog!

Alright!

: She’s oddly cooperative…

Body

Hair
Alice has blonde hair. While Touhou definitely likes blondes, they aren’t common enough to be a problem, so this is fine. The main issue is her hair is only shoulder long (tops), but it usually looks good otherwise. Her red hairband helps. Note back in PC-98 times she had a blue ribbon instead and slightly shorter hair. Good of her to grow it out, unlike Uzaki. But let’s not talk about the devil, Alice has overall nice hair and that’s all. Oh, for completeness in fighting games she gets other hair colors, like brown or green. It doesn’t affect her score but it’s cool.
Score: 7.5

Eyes
Alice has blue eyes. I get it’s a typical combination, but it’s also boring and overused. That said, in some modern games she has golden eyes. Those are better and go well with her blonde hair. The games do flip-flop between golden and blue sadly, Touhou canon is fickle, but alas.
Score: 7

: That’s not a good start…

Well, your hair is alright but nothing special. As for your eyes, well, blue eyes are everywhere in Japanese media.

: They need more girls with red eyes, like me.

Agreed.

: I see… You didn’t talk about my face, either!

That’s just Topaz. I cover other things.

: Oh? Fascinating…

: Not really!

Build
Alice does well here. Mostly by default, as ZUN art is… a thing. But she’s consistently portrayed as flat or average, without large breasts or other issues. Canonically she’s pretty tall too, which is cool. She also has high DEX as she controls a lot of dolls and crafts them herself with her own hands. Fanart covers the whole spectrum, but that’s Touhou for you. Still, she does well by default, as said.
Score: 8

Butt
Alice is weird here. She has a lot of good ass art, but that’s mainly because she’s popular. Canon-wise she has nothing, unlike Marisa and her mighty ass, but I don’t feel she deserves to be punished here. This score works.
Score: 5

: Should I send my dolls after you?

Whoa! Hold on a second! This is part of the blog!

: I expected to talk about my chest, not my behind!

: That’s the problem? Also, you can say ass.

: Well, fine. Talking about my ass? How embarrassing!

If only you bared your ass…

: Oh well… Please continue.

Clothes
Alice mostly has one costume, a blue dress with various white and red accessories and dark pantyhose. It’s pretty nice and suits her well, but she could use more variety. Her dolls wear maid costumes with ribbons. Not bad overall.
Score: 6.5

Mind

Personality
Alice is pretty cool. Originally she appeared in the PC-98 games as a little girl and a citizen of Makai. Then she came back in the Windows games as an older girl, now fully formed as a magician youkai (former human) and user of dolls to fight. She then stuck around as a recurring playable character or opponent. Touhou isn’t a very complex series, you know.

Now for personality. Alice lives in a house in the Forest of Magic, not far from Marisa’s. She’s aloof and not very good at dealing with people, but she’s nice and shows hospitality if you drop in. She also avoids fighting but actually enjoys it, though she holds back as she would hate losing at her best. She fights with dolls as said, which she controls. She can control a lot of dolls and fights with strategy, but the fact she’s controlling all the dolls surprisingly is her weak point. There’s other trivia out there, like how her last name comes from Murgatroyd, but I don’t want to make this ultra-long. Overall Alice is a cool girl even if I prefer other Touhou ladies more.
Score: 8

Reception
Alice does best here. She’s one of the most popular Touhou girls and has a lot of fanart and love, and is playable in some manner in a few games even. Sadly, Touhou’s relative downfall over the years costs her a perfect score as sucks people ignore the shooty girls for whatever the PNG gacha of the week is. Boo.
Score: 9

: We’re not THAT forgotten…

Well, you still do better than most shows. But compared to 2010 or something? Yeah.

: I guess. Glad you liked my clothes, but sorry you don’t see me in more costumes.

Yeah, a shame. And did you like my research?

: Yup. Good work!

Libido
Alice does well here. Her couple with Marisa (Called MariAli in Japan or Malice in the West) is good and fairly popular, and even has a little canon support I believe, so more power to it. I assume she has other pairings, but this is by far the biggest one.
Score: 8

Age
Alice lacks a canon age. She’s old enough to drink because ZUN, so she’s probably in her early twenties (or equivalent) so that’s good. I wish we had a clearer age though. Her PC-98 form looks younger and is called Loli Alice by fans for that reason.
Score: 9

Voice
Nichika Oomori sounds cute. Nott hat Alice has a “canon” VA, but better a fan one than nothing. Chiwa Saitou is good too, of course.
Score: 7

Total: 75 - Excellent

: Hey, I did well! I think….

You did! Age and Voice are mostly gimmes though. Even for someone vague there like you.

: But how could you talk about Marisa like that! I’m not… Err… GO AWAY! *throws Zettai and Raika out of her house Jazz-style*

: Rude.

And surprisingly strong. Or not, Touhou girls are not ordinary.

: Except Marisa. She’s the ordinary magician.

…Yes, you are correct. Anyway, time to move into the second girl this month!

: Who is she?

Another blonde who loves a mage, only said mage is a British shota.

: Ignore the sequel! Even if she’s maybe in it as she lived so long!